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Posts by cao1km
Name: Hang Vu
Joined: Apr 12, 2018
Last Post: Apr 12, 2019
Threads: 8
Posts: 16  
Likes: 5
From: Viet Nam
School: Hanoi University of Pharmacy

Displayed posts: 24
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cao1km   
Apr 12, 2019
Graduate / Personal Statement for Medical School - My Scribing Experience [2]

Hello,
I've read your writing and I find it quite interesting. You have mentioned some anecdotes to show how you could observe the surrounding environment and people around you and how it has helped you establish and deepen your interest in this studying field. However, I have some wonders why reading:

Should you mention more about yourself, some more information about your background and show how you fit into this curriculum?
Is that the good way to write the opening of your statement? I feel that your opening story is quite far away from your problem?

And I think in your conclusion, you should give reasons why medical knowledge and career is good choice to help these people?
cao1km   
Sep 29, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTs Task1: The bar chart shows University subjects chosen [5]

statistics about the numbers of students choosing some university subjects



Task 1: The bar chart below shows the number of students who chose certain university subjects in 2005. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

My writing:
This analytical report will deal with the statistics about the numbers of students choosing some university subjects in 2005 mentioned in the given bar chart. Each subject was considered as a group to be described, and they were also divided by gender. It can be read from the chart how many thousands of male and female students choose a particular subject.

The interests of students in mentioned subjects were not the same. Each subject received the different number of choosing students in the two genders.
As for male students, their levels of interest in different subjects were different. The subjects which had the least numbers of male participants were Languages and the Arts, with the number were about two thousands and three thousands, respectively. The subjects received the greatest interest of males are sciences and mathematics, each of them would be attended by about twenty thousand males. The four remain subjects, which were Humanities, Social Sciences, Literature and Law, seemed to bring quite good enjoyments to male students; from more than ten thousand to more than fifteen thousand of men would take part in classes of each of those subjects.

The levels of interest of female students in the subjects were diverse but different from the male students. Being opposite to the very small of males choosing to study Languages, it was the second most popular subject to be chosen by females, with about eighteen thousand attendants, that was about nine-time larger than the one of males. Social sciences seemed to be the most interesting subject for females, with nearly 25 thousand females studying. While Mathematics ranked the second in the top of interested subjects by males, this subject received the least interest by females when only less than five thousand of them choosing it.

There was one subject having the similar number of male and female attendants, which is Humanities. There were more than ten thousand of students in each gender choosing to study it.

P/S: This is my writing for IELTs Task 1. I hope you can give me some comments and help me to estimate my score. Thank you very much.




cao1km   
Sep 29, 2018
Undergraduate / Request to review my AIF for University of Waterloo on Programming Knowledge [4]

In my opinion, you can give more information about:
Where did you learnt those programming language? What language do you master most and how long have you been practicing it?
With the programs you have named, is there something with which you are satisfied, is there something you want to improve?
Is there anything you want to do to sharpen your skills?
cao1km   
Sep 29, 2018
Undergraduate / Passion for music and computer science. While playing the piano I'm also practicing programming. [3]

... are not all that different --> do you think that "that" is necessary here.
... I remembered buying all ... would allowed me to.

I was interested in software. ... in programming, I neglected ...
was only going to get in the way of me ... --> I found this sentence a bit confusing.

... for the first time? I hear many errors.

This is really an interesting story. Hope you have fun and study well.
cao1km   
Sep 29, 2018
Writing Feedback / Some think that students should study mainly science and math in order to prepare them to job market [6]

Although there are many people think --> who think/ thinking

i think writing "Firstly, Secondly", is more convenient. You should only use "the ... reason is that" once.

Many finding says that
"people who listen more to music ..." --> I think you should write "Listening to music or living ... helps them ..." or "People who listen ... will live longer".

it will also help
focus + on

I think you have some grammar and vocabulary mistakes. And you should learn vocabulary more and write more to help your writing more coherent.
cao1km   
Sep 27, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: How the greenhouse effect on the temperature of the earth [3]

greenhouse gases impact on earth



The diagrams show the impact of greenhouse effect on the Earth's temperature. The first image mentions how the sun's heat radiation are distributed after they are generated. Not all of them can reach and warm the Earth. Nineteen per cent of the radiation are absorbed by atmosphere and clouds. Six per cent of them are scattered from the atmosphere and twenty per cent are scattered and reflected by clouds. The rest of the radiation (51 per cent) are absorbed by the Earth, which is the main factor warming the Earth. The next diagram show that how greenhouse gases effect the Earth. Heat is lost at night. Thank to the existence of the green house gases in atmosphere, the warmth of the earth is stable and heat makes Earth suitable for life. Its mechanism is that those gases trap the sun's heat. However, when more factories are built, they emit more greenhouse gases. The impact of this change is described in the third diagram. More greenhouse gases trap more heat. It increases the Earth's temperature.

P/s: this is my first writing for describing a process in IELTs Writing Task 1. I don't know exactly how to deal with it. Hope to receive any of your comment and suggestion to make my writing become better. How much score do you think that this writing could get?






cao1km   
Sep 27, 2018
Scholarship / Starting my own clothing business - Leadership and Influence essay [5]

my friends that I know knew possessed to possess the required skills to get ...
whom I know knew had to have an ...
After Iconvincing him ... (Only use V-ing after "after" when the two clauses have the same subject)

go with my very own best friend (I think "very" is unnecessary here)
Ardi, which who at that time, were was
Once I have managed ... and have assigned them ... --> I think that the past perfect tense is more suitable

each of my teammate -> repeating the word "of" twice is unnecessary here
cao1km   
Sep 25, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Pie charts about Oscar winners by genre in 2003 and 2008 [2]

Oscar prize for movies in 2003 and 2008



Task: The pie charts below show the share of Oscar winners by film genre for 2003 and 20008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

My writing:
It can be seen from the pie charts the proportions of Oscar winners by genre in 2003 and 2008. There were seven genres mentioned which included: Thriller, Documentary, Romance, Science Fiction, Action, Comedy and Horror.

According two these charts, in both 2003 and 2008, most winners received Oscar prizes for their work in thriller films. However, the proportions of Oscar winners for thriller films in 2003 was quite higher than the one in 2008. In 2003, thriller films accounted for nearly fifty per cent of Oscar winner, the number decreased to about a third in 2008. This meant that there were more winners who won Oscar for projects in other genres in 2008. Action films ranked the second in the top of genres with highest proportions in Oscar winners in 2003 and 2008. Comparing to the data in 2003, in 2008 more films in action genres received Oscar prizes - during the period, the proportion sightly increased from nearly a quarter to nearly a third.

In the both two years, the genre having the least number of Oscar winners was comedy, whose proportion was only less than ten per cent.

There was a quite large decline in the rate of horror genre's Oscar winners from 2003 to 2008, which dropped from about fifteen per cent to about ten per cent. The three other mentioned genres had increased in 2008, in comparison to 2003. They were documentary, science fiction and romance.

To sum up, there was a change in proportion of Oscar winners in the two years 2003 and 2008.

P/S: This is my writing for IELTS Writing Task 1. Hope you can give me some comments and tell me the score I may received. Thank you for any help.




cao1km   
Sep 25, 2018
Undergraduate / My tours - review my Personal Profile (about myself) for UBC [3]

With a length of about 100 words, I think this is a pretty complete writing.
My love for of mathematics
My teachers complained that I ... -> I think that we should use abverbial clauses of concession here.
cao1km   
Sep 25, 2018
Undergraduate / What shaped you into the person you are today? 2019 college application essay [4]

Hello,
I like your essay very much. I feel it sincere and it has really touched my soul.
Here are some of my opinions:
"The lessons I learned began to show me": --> I don't know what "began" means here. I prefer to use "From that time, I learnt that..." or something else.

"... never do is forget my ..." --> forgetting/ to forget, beginning
In the last paragraph, you use clauses with "if" and "would" consecutively. When I read it, I could understand or feel something artistic, however, I do not think it is effective in grammar view.

In my opinion, if you want to lengthen that writing, you could include some details that you think they can make your essay different from others', such as the scene you are most impressed with, what you remember and what you feel.

That is my opinion. Hope you success and have fun.
cao1km   
Sep 17, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Occupied and available types of living accomodation in London [4]

London's accommodation used by 25-year-olds



Task: The pie charts and the table show the types of living accommodation occupied by 25-year-olds in London during the 1990s and the 2010s, and the availability of different types of accommodation in London during the same two periods.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.


My writing:

Looking at the chart and the table mentioned, it's can be obviously seen London's accomodation types used by 25-year-olds and available during the periods 1990s and 2010s.

As for the occupied accommodation types of 25-year-old Londoners, the rate of shared house and shared flat in the 2010s was higher than the one in 1990s. Young residents have trended to move out of parents' houses and together with other people rent and share an accomodation but chose less to live alone.

There was also changes in the available housing in London in 1990s and 2010 onwards. In the both two mentioned periods, 3-(or-4)-bedroom accommodations were more available than 1-(or-2)-bedroom houses or flats. Flats and houses had the similar number of usable ones in both periods. However, since 2010, the number of available 1-(or-2)-bedroom housing has been much smaller than the larger accommodations. The number has been also less than the number in 1990s. The reason for this can be the trend to live in smaller accommodations instead of the larger ones.

According those information, the data about available and occupied housing has some changes. Understanding those changes and finding out the rules can have benefits for the parties involved.

P/S: This is my writing for IELTS Writing Task 1. For me, this is always the hard part because of the time limit and the difficulty in selecting information to describe.

Hope you can give me some comments and tell me the score I may received. Thank you for any help.




cao1km   
Sep 17, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2, topic is about technology and the relationship between people [2]

which automatically impacts
through in many distinct ways

The technology innovations have significant influences
were it not for meeting --> I'm not sure what this phase means

helps people save time

You have a fairly concise and quite comprehensive essay. I have found some grammatical errors as indicated above. I like your third paragraph. Hope you'll have fun.
cao1km   
Jul 22, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Prevention is better than treatment? [3]

Topic:

"Governments should introduce healthcare which prevents illness rather than cures it."


How far do you agree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


In all countries, the government always plays an important role in medical development. However, it can be seen that governments' resources are not unlimited, so their investigation in healthcare should not be wasteful. As a result, some people argue that inspite of making a great effort to cure illness, governments should focus more on introducing disease-preventing solutions. In my opinion, this statement could be partially agreed because of the following reasons.

Firstly, if people could be prevented from catching a disease, the treatment for that disease would not need using. Some illnesses can be easily prevented thanks to changing living condition or lifestyle. For example, myopia can be prevented by providing enough light for work and having a proper sitting posture. Governments can encourage this by raising public awareness. Many diseases have had useful and specific prevention such as vaccines. Treatment cost usually higher than the cost of prevention. Trying more to introduce that prevention to community helps to reduce the number of sick people, thereby reducing the cost of treatment. As a result, money can be saved. Through disease prevention, people's health can be improved in an economical and effective way, that is why governments should spend more resources developing healthcare resolutions which can prevent illness.

On the other hand, there is no way to prevent all health failures. It is difficult to find the causes as well as prevention of many diseases. If their treatments are not paid enough attention, there may be more treatment failure, more incurable diseases and more patients who might become weaker and even die due to illness. In order to gain the best achievement in medical care, governments should also invest enough to develop and introduce therapeutical cures.

To sum up, although disease prevention is an effective solution to improve public health, accessiblity of people to illness treatments is also important. Depending on each country's disease structure, epidemiological characteristics and the situation of national budget as well as other resources, its government should pay attention and make an effective attempt to introduce both illness-preventing healthcare solutions and cures in the most reasonable way.

P/S: Please give me some comments. I appreciate all comments for my essay. If possible, can you help me assess the score of this IELTS essay?
cao1km   
Jul 22, 2018
Writing Feedback / People in Australia who had a physical exercise in 2010 within six various ages group [2]

"which who had a physical ...
"except the first group": It makes me curious, what is "the first group". I think you should mention its name.
"in the old ages both of gender were": Do this sentence need a comma? Both genders?
I think that your writing is clear and detailed. You have also used rich and flexible vocabularies. Good job!
cao1km   
Jul 22, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTSS2- FREE INTERNET ACCESS FOR EVERYONE - BOTH VIEW [4]

In my opinion, your essay is quite concise.
"Some people believe that it is not ..." --> "... that internet should be free for everyone to access."

"while others have the opposite opinions"
"maybe build his own business"
cao1km   
Jul 15, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Young people should spend more time on cultural activities and less time on sport. [2]

Topic: Young people should spend more time on cultural activities and less time on sport.
How far do you agree with this statement. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

balance between cultural activities and sports



My essay:
It can be obviously seen that cultural education are extremely important to young people. Some people believe that the young should decrease their time spent on sports and spend more time taking part in cultural activities. However, I disagree with that opinion. Mentioned in this essay are reasons for young people to balance their cultural and physical activities.

There is no doubt that cultural activities are something that all the young can not miss in their lives. The educational and inspirative values of those activities have been proven since the very first days of human history. Thanks to music, literature and some other cultural heritages which are preserved through generations and exchanged between different countries, young people learn more about morals, love, willpower and creativity. These activities can help the youth relax, have a good attitude towards society and promote their contribution to the culture of mankind. Therefore, young people should spend time discovering and enjoying cultural values.

In the other hand, sports are also essential. Without sports, the youth can not have good mental and physical health to study, work and experience. Moreover, through practising sports, young people learn and develop a variety of skills and qualities such as team-work, communication skill, ingenuity, the will to confront and overcome difficulties ... The young could apply those things to all their activities, including cultural activities.

Youth does not mean that young people have to spend a lot of time on something but less time on something. It must depend on not only how much time a person have but also the physical strength, intelligence, passion and desire to learn of each individual. Young people should understand themselves and keep themselves in balance between cultural activities and sports. By doing that, the youth will have the best experiences and can develop in the most effective and comprehensive way.

It seems easy to say whether the statement mentioned in the topic should be agreed or disagreed with, but it is difficult for me to express the reasons for my opinion coherently and convincingly.

Please give me some comments. I appreciate all comments for my essay. If possible, can you help me assess the score of this IELTS essay?

cao1km   
Jul 15, 2018
Writing Feedback / Some of the celebrities are younger than others, and believe this is a positive development [5]

Hello
Some of the celebrities are younger than others. -> I think this statement is always true. In my opinion, "be younger" does not mean "at young age". People at the age of 30 are younger than 40-year-old people.

I am wondering about the word "development", is that a development?

"as teenagers allows them"

"young generations' voices are powerful". --> I really love this point of view. How meaningful it is! Do you think that "more powerful" is better?. And I think "Voices" should be used in singular form.

"To recapitulate...", I think you should mention once again, that this fact is not a bad thing.
cao1km   
Jul 15, 2018
Essays / How am i able to find majors and minors for those topics? [4]

Hello,
In my opinion, here are some benefits of studying Computer Engineering in the USA that could be mentioned in your essay,
Benefits of studying Computer Engineering
- how its professional knowledge is interesting and useful
- career opportunities
Benefits of studying Computer Engineering in the USA
- World-renowned education system with many leading universities training in Computer Engineering
- recognition of degrees in many places
- Have experiences in a particular culture
cao1km   
Jul 3, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS 1: Table showing the television viewing figures for tennis, golf, motor racing and athletics [3]

The popularity of sports watching



The table shows how many people in some countries watch sport programs on televisions. There are 4 countries mentioned in the table: Australia, UK, USA and Canada. Types of sports includes tennis, golf, motor racing and athletics.

Among those four countries, the USA ranks first with the highest number of people watching sports on TV. There are 25.2 millions American people view television for sports. The country with the lowest number is Canada - there are only 14.5 millions Canadian TV viewers who are interested in this kind of program.

In Australia, UK and Canada, the most interested sport is Tennis. The numbers of spectators of this sport program in those countries are respectively 6.2; 6.6 and 6.1 millions people. Meanwhile, American TV viewers like golf the most. There are 11.2 viewers in the USA watch this sport. Tennis is quite popular in this country; so it ranks second with 7 millions viewers. Because of the very high number of American viewers, golf is the sport most watched - It is viewed by 26.9 millions spectators in four countries.

The most uncommon sport TV program in four countries is motor racing - which attracts only 12.7 millions viewers in four countries. It also has the smallest number of viewers in the USA and Canada (respectively 1.5 and 1.1 millions viewers).

To sum up, the popularity of tennis, golf, motor racing and athletics programs is different among those four countries.

P/S: This is the first time I wrote for an IELTs Task 1. I feel very confused and difficult. I have read the instructions in the book but do not understand much about how to apply those instructions. Thanks for any comments for this post.




cao1km   
Jul 3, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 Line Graph: Customer Number Comparison from various restaurants [3]

In my opinion, your writing has included enough details about the main features and necessary comparisons for this diagram.
However, I am wondering about some word you used
"The line graph illustrate" --> illustrates
" the figure plummet dramatically" --> Do it need another verb form?
"it was dropped" -> I think the active voice is more suitable"
I am also impressed the variety of words you use to describe the increase or decrease.
cao1km   
Apr 14, 2018
Writing Feedback / Should children always obey their parents' counsel? [3]

I really appreciate all your comments. Actually, that is an exercise I read from an IELTS Preparation book for beginners. The topic is "Children should always follow their parents' advice. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?" Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience."

I have just started learning English for a short time. It is very valuable for me to receive such constructive comments. Thank you very much!
cao1km   
Apr 12, 2018
Writing Feedback / Should children always obey their parents' counsel? [3]

advices from parents should be respected



In fact, the obedience of children to their parents is usually applauded. However, should children always obey their parents' counsel? I find that "yes" can be the answer in just some situations.

Firstly, the consultation of parents is always worth considering. Parents are grown-ups, who have lots of experiences in life and they usually know what is legal or illegal, ethical or unethical? Parents educate children with love. They give advices because they think that is the best choice for their daughters or sons. Thinking about these advices gives children an opportunity to reevaluate their decisions before action. For example, a child without experiences can find that gamble is so interesting; however, a wise and caring father may give his little boy a persuasive warning to stop the child from doing wrong things.

In another side, parents' advices are not right in all cases. For example, a boy can not obey the arrangement of his father about his love as well as his career. If he has an amazing voice and desires to be a singer, the father should not stop him and force him to be a dentist. Building fence between a person and his passion can make him unfortunate and regret.

Therefore, how could we find a resolution whenever parents and their children have disagreement? The answer is "conservation and persuasion". Parents convince their daughters/sons by sufficient evidence such as laws, the story of their own or their acquaintances. Children persuade their parents by the talent, some small achievements they achieved in contests, some express of sincere love as well as passion, some good characters of their lovers. Then the family together choose the best thing to do.

In conclusion, children and their parents should usually have conversations to find what a child had better do. If the advices of parents are not reasonable, it will be necessary for a child to convince their parents. In other cases, talking the parents' advices is a good choice.
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