PaulthePhoenix
Aug 14, 2018
Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 2: why many people still go hungry although the advance made in agriculture [5]
@oanhkieu208 Hi Oanh, here are some of my comments, hope that helps
1) Task response: this essay has clear structure and address the question well. But try to use punctuation better (e.g. Although, agriculture, in this age, have been developed considerably, there are still a worrying number of people who are hungry). In the conclusion, you also need to summarise it precisely and better using complex sentences. Do that and your band will increase
2) Cohesion: I can see that you use a lot of linking words so that's the good thing.
3 & 4) GRA & Lexical resource: I think that's where you need to improve on. There are quite a number of phrases and words that are inaccurate and inappropriate.
@oanhkieu208 Hi Oanh, here are some of my comments, hope that helps
1) Task response: this essay has clear structure and address the question well. But try to use punctuation better (e.g. Although, agriculture, in this age, have been developed considerably, there are still a worrying number of people who are hungry). In the conclusion, you also need to summarise it precisely and better using complex sentences. Do that and your band will increase
2) Cohesion: I can see that you use a lot of linking words so that's the good thing.
3 & 4) GRA & Lexical resource: I think that's where you need to improve on. There are quite a number of phrases and words that are inaccurate and inappropriate.