Posts by roswita116

roswita116

Nov 24, 2019

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1: the changes of West Park secondary school from 1950 to 2010 [2]

@emme4665

Hi, there. I would like to give you some feedbacks about your writing.🤗🤗

The structures of your IELTS writing task 1 are clear, which contain introduction, overall and 2 paragraphs.
However, some IELTS textbooks or teachers may advise that in writing task 1 it would be better to write 4 paragraphs, taking a closer look at your writing, it seems a little bit awkward for your paragraph 4. Frankly to say, this one sentence cannot be a paragraph. I would suggest you that you can either combine this sentence to paragraph 3 or seperate paragraph 3 into 2 paragraphs so that you can have 4 paragraphs.

I would like to advise that if you do not have sufficient time to write the total 4 paragraphs, the best way is focusing on your paragraph 3 and overview. Without overview, the band score will below 5, and it's better to write a good paragraph 3 than just rush to finish 4 paragraphs.

Hope my feedbacks would help your future writing!🤗🤗

roswita116

Nov 24, 2019

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay about the topic work [3]

@Huu Nghia
Hi, there. I would like to give you some feedbacks about your writing.🤗🤗

* Taking a closer look at your paragraph 2. The idea you mentioned about so many jobs opportunities posted on internet so it causes people don't have chance to improve their living standards?? From my perspective, I completely don't understand what is the relevant between them. As a reader, I would say that this point of view is lack of detail explanations, unclear, irrelevant and illogical.

*In your paragraph 3, you were talking about there are "a number of ways" to solve this problem. However, you just mentioned about "one" way in your paragraph 3.

* in your writing, some ideas are too general and not developed properly.

Your writing task 2 structures meet the requirements. However, I would like to suggest you that spending some time on specific your ideas if you want to get a higher band score on your IELTS writing.

Hope my feedbacks may help your future writing.🤗🤗

roswita116

Nov 24, 2019

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - Discuss of improving public health is by increasing the numbers of sports facilities [2]

the best policy to gain public health

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Question: if I cannot finish my writing in a timely manner (40 minutes), what would you suggest me to do ? (For example, jump into conclusion directly or still need to finish at least one point of views ? Giving up to think synonyms ?)

I ran out of my time to finish this writing task 2. Some of ideas I really want to go through details but I did not have enough time to do so....

Nowadays, the issue of whether the best policy to gain public health is by establishing some of fitness or not is certainly a controversial topic to discuss. Some people believe that by doing so it must work efficiently. However, others,including me, believe that this may have few feedbacks on public health and that other means are essential to achieve. The following essay will illustrate my both point of views and give the reason why I support the latter one.

Building the numerous sports facilities will make citizens have more intentions to do the exercise. By doing so, some people may acquire not only healthy bodies but also fresh minds. However, from my perspective, without other ways to encourage people to do the exercise, some people may feel lazy after two or three months. Because nothing can motivate them to use the sports facilities, three or four years later, the public sports' space will become empty houses and no one use them anymore.

Therefore, if the government establishes some more benefits to encourage people to utilize the facilities, then rising the health of public is easy to achieve. For example, publishing the details of rewards that if citizens have visited public fitness more than six times a month, they can have 15% reduction of tax. In my own opinion, it is an active way to promote people to do the sport rather than just increasing the amount of sports facilities and do nothing.

In summary , I would therefore reaffirm my position that even though some people claimed that adding some of public sports facilities may improve public health ; Nevertheless, I still believe that they should have some other ways to motivate them to use facilities such as the tax reduction.

roswita116

Nov 24, 2019

Writing Feedback / IELTS1 Comparison of population and projection in Yemen and Italy; the differentiation of percentage [4]

@Maria
Thank you so much for your valuable feedback.🤗🤗 it really helps !

roswita116

Dec 4, 2019

Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 2: Colours impact on people [3]

@thaithu
Hi, there. I would like to give you some feedback about your writing.😁😁

Your writing task 2 is well-structured, (including introduction, 2 body paragraphs and summary) and you used plenty of academic vocabularies which may help you to get a better score.

However, here I would like to point out that from your writing, I could not see any ideas which talking about "how far color influence people's health and capacity for work", from your paragraph, you just mentioned about color scheme when decorating places such as hospital or school.

Be aware of that in writing task 2, you should "answer" all the questions from the task and give your ideas and any further explanations. Otherwise, you may lose your band score cause of some parts of the task are not fully covered.

Hope my advice would help your future writing.😁😁

roswita116

Dec 4, 2019

Writing Feedback / Decisions of children - parents? - IELTS TASK 2 essay, review [2]

@prachirai
Hi, there. I would like to give you some feedback about your writing.😁😁

Your writing is well-structured which including introduction, 2 body paragraphs and conclusion.
And you talked about both views and gave your own opinion in the end which fully answered the task.

However, I would like to point out that some words are not appropriate for the academic writing. For example, you should not write "etc", instead, you should write " and so on" in academic writing.

Furthermore, I found out that in your writing, you rarely use linking words between sentences. I just found out that you used "However" twice and "Nevertheless" once in total 4 paragraphs. If you can utilize linking words properly, your writing will be more coherent.

Hope my advice could help.😁😁

roswita116

Dec 4, 2019

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2- Benefits and Risks of people living to 150 [3]

The Problem with Longevity

In the future, it may be scientifically possible to live for 150 years. This could good for individuals but it may have negative consequences for society.

What are the benefits and risks of people living to 150 ?

Nowadays, the issue about whether people could live until 150 years old or not is definitely a controversial topic. Some people believe that this could be perfect for them. However, some people feel that it may cause repercussions for society. The following essay will illustrate the advantages and drawbacks of people living beyond 100 years old.

The first benefit of living longer is that people enable to enjoy their life more. A research showed that 68% of people before dying wish to obtain more time to achieve their life goal or spend more time with their families. Second benefit of it is that people may see the change of the world. For example, when people were 80 years old, a robot may not be invented yet. Nevertheless, if he or she could live until age of 50, they might directly see a real robot stand in front of them instead of dying in 80 years old and even can not have a glance of it.

While some people acclaim numerous pros of living longer, some vital cons are playing significant roles which can not be ignored. Elderly allowance is one of the impact factors. If everyone could live such a long age, the government absolutely will face the financial problem which needs to require heavier tax from citizens to pay for elderly than before. Moreover, more elderly means they need more medical assistance, it might cause a person in need of medical assistance which can not obtain it in a timely manner.

In summary, living until 150 years old may be a good accomplishment for human beings. However, it still has many challenges which need to conquer in the future. Not only the financial concerns but also the medical affections.

roswita116

Dec 6, 2019

Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 2: TRUTH AND LIE [2]

@thanhtu98
Hi there. I would like to give you some feedbacks about your writing.😁😁

As I can see your introduction, it might not meet the IELTS task 2 writing structure. Introduction of IELTS writing task 2 should include 3 parts which are general statement, rephrase viewpoint and state your specific question. From your introduction I only can see that you stated your opinion without rest of 2 parts.

And your conclusion is too general. You should at least restate 2 reasons to support your opinion instead of just telling people we should try our best to tell a truth.

Hope my feedback would help.😁😁

roswita116

Dec 6, 2019

Writing Feedback / Solving the pollution caused by plastic bag [2]

@Nguyenvananh
Hi there. I would like to give you some feedbacks about your writing.😁😁

First of all, I want to advise that you should put your sentences into paragraph instead of put them all together. It might cause readers not easy to read and feel messy about your writing.

Secondly, Commas, fullstops and capital letters are misused throughout and punctuation is faulty.

Third, lack of linking words. There are so many sentences can be linked by linking words. However, you just wrote it one by one.

Last but not least, your conclusion is too general. You should at least restate 2 points to support your ideas.

Hope my feedbacks would help.😁😁

roswita116

Dec 6, 2019

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - coffee and bananas sales statistics in five countries [2]

information about coffee and bananas consumption

The table below give information about sales of Fairtrade-labelled coffee and bananas in 1998 and 2004 in five European countries.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two tables illustrate how much euro to be sold in Fairtrade-labelled coffee and bananas in 1999 and 2004 in UK, Switzerland, Denmark, Belgium and Sweden.

Overall, it is exceedingly obvious that coffee was sold the largest amount in Denmark in the year of 1999 and UK sold the most quantity of coffee in 2004. Meanwhile, bananas were sold the most quantity not only in the year of 1999 but also in 2000 in Switzerland. Furthermore, the consumption of coffee and bananas in most of five European countries was increased from 1999 to 2004. Only Sweden and Denmark had deduction of bananas sales from 1999 to 2004.

Taking a closer look, the largest increase of coffee consumption was in UK, roughly 15 times growth from 1999 to 2004. Meanwhile, the quantity of bananas rose 3 times more in Switzerland from 1999 to 2004 while in Denmark it decreased 3 times from 1999 to 2004.

roswita116

Dec 6, 2019

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2: The freedom of the media [5]

@skeptical
Hi, there. I would like to give you some feedbacks about your writing. 😁😁

As I read through your writing, your writing structure is good which includes introduction, 2 body paragraphs and conclusion. And your essay provided good ideas and reasons.

However, if you want to rise your band score into 6.5 or above, you should work hard on your grammatical range which utilizes passive tense, gerund, modal auxiliary verbs, conditional clause, present perfect on your writing. And pay attention to your word order in your sentence.

Last but not least, use correct punctuation is essential to your writing. You do not want to lose your band score cause of faulty punctuation.

Hope my feedbacks would help.😁😁

roswita116

Dec 6, 2019

Writing Feedback / IELTS GT 2 worldwide trend of vegetarianism which supposed to be beneficial to our health [6]

@plforielts
Hi there. I would like to give you some feedbacks about your writing.😁😁

First of all, for IELTS writing task 2, you must write a conclusion in the end of your essay, otherwise, you will not get a good band score if you do not write a conclusion.

Secondly, as you rise a question that if candidates encounter a topic which they have never thought of, I would like to suggest that just write it base on your knowledge and experience. No matter how silly of the reasons or examples, you can just write these ideas down cause on the task, they already indicated that "Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples..." For example, I have encountered a task which asked me why printed media is getting vanish, at that moment I totally did not have any idea of it, so I just wrote down that cause printed media such as newspaper was made by wood and have ink on it, it may cause people to make their finger dirty due to the action of flipping pages and unfriendly to the environment.

It is more important that how you to "expand" your idea and make your idea "logical"rather than thinking a best reason or idea.

Hope my feedback would help.😁😁

roswita116

Dec 6, 2019

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK2 - Free Subjects Decisions? [2]

should people learn whatever they prefer or not?

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

Nowadays, it is a controversial topic to discuss whether people should learn whatever they prefer or not. Some people acclaim that it is more flexible on study. However, some people claim that they should study subjects which will be useful in the future. I strongly believe that people should learn subjects that may utilize for their future's occupation which should put into first priority to study. The following essay will depict my point of view.

Studying whatever students want may be good news for most of them. They can abandon some subjects they are not good at or do not have any interest in. However, some subjects are essential in our daily life. For example, if a student just focuses on learning geology and ignores English subject, how can he read a text book which written in English? Furthermore, it may cause imbalance of student's ability which he/she has a great deal of geology information yet they cannot illustrate the information properly by words.

On the contrary, if students choose subjects which may assist in their future job, they may have a numerous opportunities to obtain a better position. For example, a well-known and affluent salary company is hiring an assistant who can speak English fluently. If a student studies subjects which related to language, it might help him to obtain this job offer more easily. This can reveal how important to study subjects that are useful for your future.

In summary, I would like to reaffirm my own opinion that students should be permitted to study subjects that will be helpful in the future rather than study whatever they like because it is easy to obtain a job and study whatever they prefer might cause imbalance of their ability.