Undergraduate /
COMMON APP ESSAY FOR DARTMOUTH, UPENN, NORTHWESTERN AND OTHER SCHOOLS [37]
i dont know if i felt a sense of power in step 3, more i just realized what i truely had and what science was and that helped me get significant findings? Make sense, or is that part of what power is? Any ideas for suggesting how science doesn't have light, i was thinking in my intro just being like; i always saw light in all my subjects, so i started to look for it in science when i did my research, and not make it seem like a mystery as to why it wasn't there, rather finding out where it was. Sound like a good plan? I think that might simplify things.
so im sensing that the idea of how this changes me and how i felt power really needs to be hammered out. The only problem as i mentioned above it is its hard to describe concretely, thats prob why i used so much abstract and empty langague. Tranquilty itself isnt some like measurable thing, you kind of have to describe it and when you do that you tend to come up w/ empty statements. so is there a way of getting around this, showing this tranquility more concretely? know what i mean?
Also i want to clarify this; do you understand what my idea of light was in the last sentence in para 7 which you highlighted, the one about prosperity and staring at it and seeing it? Or is that just too vague and do you have any ideas how i can use that in my essay for this development we want?
i do see what you said, i didn't really go too hard in checking hte strucutre vocab and grammar type stuff, so thats part of the reason why the word choice here is awful and really makes it harder for you to understand what im saying. sorry about that.
zenith vs. apex: i basically trying to say the same thing, that your reaching science at its peak, your subject or whatever your studying and doing at its peak. subject just means science or what im investigating in the lab, usually the later but it depends on the context in this essay.
one more thing when you say you like my evolution and thought does that just mean the idea that being passive and paralyzed is what i gained from this ex after trying to seek relationships? Because my development obviously needs work, so im just a little confused, whats good, what can we work w/ here because i dont want to complelely scratch whats good and what makes this essay when i redevelop things.
ps; never worry about being too harsh, after all your probably never going to meet me, we're just two people talking on the internet so i really dont take any of this personally. Even if somebody says your being too hard, that should just want you to be even harder, a person like me gains nothing from somebody just padding hteir essay with complements. that's what happened for my early decision essay and it was just god awful, probably the reason i got rejected. It was a hundred times worse than this one if thats even possible. so thats why i really appreciate this kind of insight, thanks a lot