Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by bmachado
Joined: Oct 28, 2009
Last Post: Jun 5, 2010
Threads: 5
Posts: 23  

From: United States

Displayed posts: 28
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
bmachado   
May 31, 2010
Speeches / Graduation Speech: "Congratulations everyone - very much appreciated" [7]

I made a few more changes to the second paragraph:

... I have really grown to appreciate this town. Now, I know what some of you might be thinking: "How can anyone like Lompoc? ...

... so I challenge all of you to start looking for the positive aspects of this town and I guarantee that it won't take you long to find something good about Lompoc .
bmachado   
May 30, 2010
Poetry / Letter to a girl (need help with articulation) [6]

I think that works just fine. I tend to not use the word "notwithstanding" much, but that is just a personal choice. If you want to use it, then there is nothing wrong with that. As far as the "fervent emotion and affection" phrase, I think that is fine, but I wouldn't add in benevolence. You don't want to make it too wordy.
bmachado   
May 29, 2010
Speeches / Speaking Topic: Transformers, a movie that has made a strong impression on you [4]

you should never say: this is the question that I am going to answer. You do that several times throughout this speech. instead, you should give enough information for the audience to know what question you are answering without actually stating the question.

I have never actually seen this movie (gasp!), so I can't help you too much with the "meat" of your speech, but I will try to help you with your transitions.

here is how I would start it out:

The movie I chose to talk to you about today is Transformers. The blockbuster picture by Dreamworks features tremendous fighting performances and stars Shia LaBeouf alongside Megan Fox.

Lebeouf plays... while Fox plays...

The movie depicts an ancient struggle...

This film, which was an adaptation of an early cartoon movie, had great special effects... which really had the most impact on me.

hope this helps :)
bmachado   
May 29, 2010
Poetry / Letter to a girl (need help with articulation) [6]

I don't think that you necessarily have to use "all in all" at all.
If I were to rewrite this I think I would put it this way:

Jessica,

With you, I felt for the first time that I had found someone that I could express my fervent emotion and affection to more than just verbally. I would like to eventually overcome any obstacles preventing us from having a more physical relationship, but I also want you to know that I have the utmost respect for you and your choices. No matter what happens, you will always be one of my best friends.
bmachado   
May 29, 2010
Speeches / Graduation Speech: "Congratulations everyone - very much appreciated" [7]

I tried to make some of the changes you suggested, but I did not get what you meant by some of the others. As far as the sentence you said contradicts the previous one, that is because not many of my peers share my same views about the town, so their views are contradictory to mine. Is that what you meant by that?

Thank you for looking it over. Here it is with the corrections I made...
bmachado   
May 28, 2010
Speeches / Graduation Speech: "Congratulations everyone - very much appreciated" [7]

I have to give a speech at my graduation next week, and I was wondering if I could get some thoughts on my speech. If anyone has any ideas to make it smoother or anything, that would be great! Thanks!

Four years ago, when I walked on this campus, there were three things that I was certain of. I wasn't going to wear any dresses, I wasn't going to go to any dances, and I was definitely not going to speak at graduation. Well, six dresses, three dances, one spot on prom court, and four years later, here I am giving a speech at graduation.

Maybe it is because this was my senior year and the thought of going to college and moving away made me get sentimental, but over this past year, I have really grown to appreciate this town. Now, I know what you all are thinking: "How can anyone like Lompoc? We don't even have a bowling alley!" And I know that since all of you were avid bowlers, the closing of that bowling alley really hurt you, but there is so much more to Lompoc than having or not having a bowling alley, you just have to open your eyes and look around. Our town may not be perfect, but if you are only looking for bad things, then you will only find bad things, so I challenge all of you to start looking for the positive aspects of this town and I guarantee that eventually you will be able to find something good about Lompoc. Then, once you have found something, maybe you can also learn to appreciate this town as much as I do and when someone asks you where you are from, you can proudly say "I am from Lompoc, CA" and you will take the time to explain where exactly that is, even if that means you have to carry around a small map of California in your pocket. But the main thing is that we should stop thinking of Lompoc as a place we need to get away from as soon as possible and start thinking of it, instead, as a good place to start from.

The same goes for our high school. Lompoc High doesn't always get the best rap, but our school is not as bad as some make it out to be. And I have to say it is definitely the best high school in town. The students here can be just as great, or even better, than the students anywhere else. But the task of achieving greatness lies in the hands of the students and so it is up to us to show everyone just what can come out of Lompoc High School. I feel that this graduating class has already started to live up to this task and will continue to show the world what we can do as photographers, physical trainers, sports marketers, musicians, and, who knows, maybe even a future president. But we couldn't have done it all on our own so now I would like to take the time to thank the people who have helped me out along the way.

I would first like to thank my mom for giving me the strength to overcome anything, and I only wish she could be here today to see this. To the rest of my family, my dad and Joanne, my brother Jojo, who is also graduating today, as well as my grandma, aunts, uncles, cousins and the rest of my family, I cannot thank you guys enough for all of your love and support. I would also like to thank all of my friends; I am assuming you know who you are. And I would like to thank their families because I have eaten a lot of their food over the past four years. I would like to thank the cast of "Scrubs" for frequently distracting me from my studies and for always putting a smile on my face and I would also like to thank Geena Davis and Betty White for being awesome. I would, of course, like to thank all of my teachers going all the way back to pre-school because you can only learn so much on your own and because you guys created an environment that made me excited to come to school. You guys are amazing and I cannot put into words how grateful I am for what you have done for me and for what you guys do every day for all of your students. After all of the craziness of this year, I would especially like to thank Ms. Michel and Mrs. Rios for helping me with college and scholarship applications and for assuring me that writing all those essays was going to be worth it in the end. Well, now that the end is here, I would definitely have to say that it was all worth it.

To the underclassmen, I would like to tell you to get involved in as many activities as you can while in high school and to stick with everything, even when it gets extremely stressful, because when you are standing on this stage receiving your diploma, you will not regret any of it. And to my fellow graduating seniors, I would like to wish you all the best of luck and leave you with my twist on a famous Dr. Seuss quote. It goes something like this, "I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like them Sam I am"- Wait, that's the wrong quote. What I meant to say was this, "Don't cry because it's over, Smile because high school is finally over!!!" Congratulations everyone and thank you very much.
bmachado   
Mar 19, 2010
Writing Feedback / Introduction/Thesis Help (good family = good future, bad family = bad future) [9]

I tend to overuse commas, so I wouldn't doubt that some may not be necessary (or grammatically incorrect), and you are supposed to stay away from "like" as much as possible. I am sure that you can support either argument just fine, so choose the one you are most comfortable with. Good luck. :)
bmachado   
Mar 19, 2010
Writing Feedback / Introduction/Thesis Help (good family = good future, bad family = bad future) [9]

In a world filled with wars, environmental disasters, and indiscriminate crime, it is a wonder how anyone can laugh, fall in love, and live life to its fullest. It seems as though at every turn, there is one obstacle after another. How then is it possible to navigate through all of these horrors and still love life? The key is a strong family. The family must be supportive, caring and understanding. It is families like that that allow us to successfully navigate through the horrors of life. However, not everyone is fortunate enough to be born into this kind of family. Instead, they must search for an alternative to an ideal family. In the novels book 1 and book 2, both antagonists share the same fate-- being born into corrupt families. Eventually , the two boys turned into rotten apples that did not fall too far from the family tree. This is why We, as social beings, need a strong family so that we do not fall into the depths of despair by repeating the wrongs of those who came before us, but, instead, to flourish and develop ourselves into exemplary figures of society, thereby providing our children with a more solid foundation to build their lives upon.who may one day support the path our child choose to walk on.

I think you are off to a pretty good start, just be careful of using too many unnecessary words. Sometimes, less IS more, so choose your words carefully. If you wanted to go a different way, it might be interesting to challenge the idea that having a bad family makes you a bad person. You could then go into how the flaws of the characters led them to stray away from the high road and you could site examples from the real world about people who have successfully become better then what they came from. English teachers love it when you put things into the context outside of just the book. :)
bmachado   
Dec 1, 2009
Undergraduate / Princeton Summer Essay- "I like being busy" [3]

Thank you! ...for the corrections and the complements. Anyone else? If not then I am going to submit my application later today.
bmachado   
Nov 30, 2009
Undergraduate / Princeton Summer Essay- "I like being busy" [3]

This is my first draft so I want to know what people think about it. Thank you.

Prompt: Please tell us how you have spent the last two summers (or vacations between school years), including any jobs you have held, if not already detailed on the Common Application.

Considering my hectic schedule during the school year, some people might believe that I would use my summers to take a break and rest before plunging back into another busy year of high school. I would consider that to be a waste. To me, summer is a time that I can do all of the things that I could not fit into the school year.

The summer after my sophomore year in high school was horrible. I was without a license which meant that I, living on a ranch outside of town, was basically stuck at home. I tried to make the best of it by keeping the house clean and earning some brownie points with my parents. Half way through the summer I got a job with the local Parks and Recreation department, which earned me a bit of money and forced my dad to give me rides into town. Still, as a person who is not satisfied unless I have absolutely no free time, I felt the need to be doing so much more and I vowed to never let a summer be wasted like that again.

This past summer, I stuck to my promise. I had my driver's license, I had my car, and I felt free as a bird. Being a firm believer in the phrase "work hard, play hard", I took two public speaking classes at the local community college and I continued to work with the Parks and Recreation department, but I made sure I was still able to go to the beach and hang out with my friends. I drove all over California, from Los Angeles to visit family, to Kernville to visit friends, to Tehachapi where I washed dishes at Woodward West skateboard camp in order to earn my stay. I even got out of California for the first time in eight years and visited my sister in Austin, Texas where I went to museums and famous dance halls and learned a lot more about what this country has to offer. I made sure that my summer "break" was extremely well spent. I visited colleges, saved up money and bought a bike, floated down rivers, played volleyball, met new people, saw new places, and created many great memories that I will not soon forget. Next summer my goal is to do even more.
bmachado   
Nov 29, 2009
Undergraduate / Princeton Quote Essay- If not us, who? If not now, when? [4]

any suggestions for how I can start other than "those eight simple word combine to.." I am so burnt out from writing personal statements that my brain is completely fried and I can no longer think... urgh... I will be so happy when I am done with these...
bmachado   
Nov 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Pg.217 UPenn Essay (Optional) [5]

I liked the opening, it really draws you in, though I think I would start with It had arrived. rather than starting with ...and it had arrived.

What exactly is the prompt? Or at least what are you trying to address? I got that you really want to go to Penn, but if you are trying to say why Penn is right for you, then I would suggest talking about your educational interests and how Penn is right for them.

Also I got kind of confused with the whole flash-forward, flash-backward thing, I like it, but maybe make the transitions better so it isn't as confusing. Good job overall.
bmachado   
Nov 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Princeton Quote Essay- If not us, who? If not now, when? [4]

I have started writing an introduction for this essay but now I am stuck... any suggestions that anyone has that might get me unstuck would be great as well as any comments on what I have written so far. Thanks!

Prompt (about 500 words): Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a jumping off point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation at the beginning of your essay.

If not us, who? If not now, when?

Those eight simple words combine to ask two very simple questions, but the message behind those words makes the questions very profound. They are an outright call to action, an impetus to do something great, to become a part of something bigger than yourself, to change the world. Those words have become my credo; they have inspired me to become more proactive and think not only about what I can accomplish, but what we as people can accomplish, together, if we just try.
bmachado   
Oct 30, 2009
Undergraduate / UF Application Essay-8th gradefailure turns into high school academic excellence [8]

there are a few awkward sounding sentences in there. I would recommend reading the essay aloud to yourself and you should be able to pick up most of them. I agree with the other commenters, you shouldn't re-list all of your activities and things. The purpose of the essay section of applications is to tell them things that your application might not say about you. If you really want to talk about your activities in your essay, then I would pick one or two and elaborate a bit more. you want quality over quantity. Other than that, it is a very good essay. I definitely liked the beginning of it.
bmachado   
Oct 30, 2009
Undergraduate / "I plan to excel in the field of nursing" - My response to the UCLA prompt 1 [14]

there are a few typos/misspellings

overally- overall
tragi- tragic
stil- still
no- not
throught- through
families- family's
excell- excel

I also don't think that saying you come from a great area and a good family as your main argument for the person you are. It is alright to include those things, maybe in a "I recognize that I am very fortunate..." section. You might want to elaborate on your mom's struggle to rise up through the ranks and then maybe say that her example has given you a strong work ethic or something.

just a few tips and things, I hope they help a bit.
bmachado   
Oct 30, 2009
Undergraduate / "My mother's drug use" - determination and knowledge [9]

Personal Statement- Mother's Drug Abuse, and Stanford/Common App. Short answers

So I showed my essays to my counselor and after some minor revisions, this is what we came up with. I want to submit my application by tomorrow and I was wondering if there were any last minute suggestions from anybody. I realize that it is a lot of reading, but if you are willing to comment on at least one of my essays, I would greatly appreciate it.

Prompt: Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

[I am fascinated with government and politics. More specifically, I am fascinated with the unfortunate reality that many people do not trust their government leaders-- even if they voted for them! It seems outrageous to me that the people with whom we bestow power are not people with whom we bestow our trust. But really, do our elected officials deserve our trust? With all of the scandals floating around these days, it seems almost as if they are actually trying to lose our confidence. A person is supposed to enter into government because they want to serve the people, but many people feel that those in government merely want to serve themselves. I am not that cynical. I do not believe that all government leaders are corrupt, but it only takes one big scandal to ruin it for everyone-- and there has been more than just one big scandal. On the other hand, if one scandal can make that big of a difference, is it possible that one positive voice in politics can make just as big of a difference? That notion is a driving force in my decision to enter into politics. I want to enter into politics to actually help the people of this great nation live better lives, and I want to leave politics knowing that I did just that. I want to be a leader that the people can trust, that people can rely on to make the right decisions and not get caught up in partisan politics or money swindling operations. I want to be a leader of the people, by the people, and for the people. I feel this nation does not deserve any less.]

Prompt:Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your future roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your future roommate -- and us -- know you better.

[Dear Future Roommate,
Like most people, I do not fit into any one specific stereotype. Even if I did, I would hope not to be defined by it because I feel that stereotypes mask the true identity of a person. I believe that you can get a much better idea of a person by looking at their interests, beliefs, family, etc., so I will try my best to paint you the fullest picture of myself that I can using fewer than 1800 characters.

In order to avoid any future awkwardness resulting from questions such as "What does your mom do?", I will tell you right off the bat that my mother passed away in 2004 after overdosing on heroin. I loved my mother very much, still do, and I do not mind talking about her, so do not be afraid to ask me questions on that subject if you ever want to know more.

Onto a lighter subject, I enjoy skateboarding (I actually do tricks), soccer, volleyball, reading, and politics. I can talk about Harry Potter for hours and I will admit that I enjoy playing Pokemon. As far as music is concerned, I would choose listening to The Beatles over many of the songs on the radio today and though my tastes have mellowed out a bit, I still enjoy going back to my punk rock roots every once in a while. I am both strong willed and open minded. I am Catholic, but if you are not, I will not try to convert you. I do not believe in forcing religion or ideas onto people. I am fairly competitive, but it is mainly with myself. My dream is to become President of the United States. Someday, if I am ever able to put my thoughts into words, you might hear why. I generally get along with everybody, so as long as you refrain from "your mom" jokes ("yo mama" jokes are usually okay), I do not foresee any problems and I look forward to meeting you.

Your Future Roommate,
Brandy Machado]

If you made it all the way to the end, I thank you. Tell me if there is anything you think that I can improve on or if you catch any grammatical errors or anything. Once again, thank you.
bmachado   
Oct 30, 2009
Undergraduate / UF admissions essay my dads death and the experience [3]

Tears ran down my somber, cold face, as my mom spoke the words that her face already told me . My dad's health at the time had been deteriorating. I knew the path he was traveling down, and I knew the outcome. I thought I had already faced what was next; how wrong I was. The day was June nineteenth, a mere four days before my birthday and only one day after father's. I cannot lie and say that I looked death in the face and laughed, nor can I say I handled this tragedy like a man. What I can say is that I made it through . The following days were the hardest. I felt more alone than ever. It's in my dad's final wishes that gave me the most prolific and profound meaning of life. He told me, "B e happy, happy that my time is finally up and I no longer have to suffer, happy that I enjoyed the life I lived", and with that final incantation asked me "be happy with the life you live". He told me to go out and every day, make it my goal to do something new, make new friends, and do new activities, just live.

This tragic event has helped me learn the importance of taking every opportunity presented to me and trying everything. I know that this experience guided me through my last two years in high school, joining the track team, becoming a varsity cheerleader, joining the various clubs I am in, also it was my initiative to found the environmental club at my school. I know I would bring the same the attitude to anything I decide to do. I know that if I was a student at University of Florida I would bring the same motives and attitude that will benefit the campus by getting involved in social activities, being a member of various clubs, and taking every opportunity to contribute back to the school.

The last part of the first paragraph might be better if you said something along the lines of "My father taught me to be happy with the life I live, to go out every day and make it my goal to do something new, to make new friends, and participate in new activities. In short, he taught me to just live."

My essay was on the similar topic of the death of my mother. It might help you a bit if you read it. I am going to post it shortly. You have a good start, just some wording and grammar problems, but otherwise, good job.
bmachado   
Oct 30, 2009
Undergraduate / Leadership & Service; UIUC EC Prompt - Student Council/Extracurricular activity [3]

"The move from middle school to high school was rough and I struggled to find my niche-back then"

I don't think you need to include the "back then" part since you already implied that it was at the beginning of high school.

"I also learned" i would change "also" to "have"

"Furthermore, my success in these endeavors has bolstered my confidence..."

Also, it is not as important to list your positions held as it is to say what you actually did in those positions. There seems to be some odd placement of commas, but I do not consider myself a comma expert so I would ask an English teacher to help you with that.

It seems like you have a good start so just make a few changes and you should be fine.
bmachado   
Oct 30, 2009
Undergraduate / "My mother's drug use" - determination and knowledge [9]

This is addressing the "Describe the world you come from and how it has affected your life" prompt that many colleges use. I need this essay done by Nov. 1st so I can apply early action. It is my first draft so it is still very rough. Any suggestions that anyone has to clean it up or make it make it better would be greatly appreciated. It is also fairly long and I wouldn't mind shortening it a bit so any tips on how I can do that would be great also. Thank you very much.

When I was younger, I had to deal with a very serious addiction. The addiction was not my own, but rather my mother's. My mom had struggled with her addiction to various drugs and alcohol since before I was born. Her struggle finally came to an end on November 10, 2004 when she died of a heroin overdose. Despite the immense sadness her addiction has caused in my life, having to deal with it from a very young age has given me the strength I need to overcome any obstacles that I face and wisdom beyond that of many of my peers. Her compassion and love for everything around her serve as lessons for my own life. I was forced to grow up very fast due to my mother's drug use. Often it seemed as if my mother and I had switched roles. I was the one questioning where she had been all night and reprimanding her after I found hidden alcohol stashes. She would come into my bed when she had had a bad dream and I was the one who would wake her up and tell her to get ready because it was time for school. Because of this, I gained a strong sense of responsibility at an early age. That strong sense of responsibility has continued with me all these years and is evident in all aspects of my life. I am grateful for the maturity that I have gained because it has helped me succeed in school, sports, and life in general. My mother was a very smart and talented person. She could have been very successful had she never gotten caught up with drugs and alcohol. Knowing the mistakes she made that led her astray provides me with the knowledge, strength, and courage needed to make the right decisions. I will not let anything deter me from being the best that I can be. I realize that I am blessed with many of my mom's strengths and I am determined to make sure I do not fall victim to any of her weaknesses. Not everything I learned from my mother was a result of the consequences of her drug use. In fact, most of the things I learned from her were not things that she taught me, but rather qualities that I had observed about her character. My mother was an extremely compassionate person. She cared deeply about all people, more so than any other person that I have met. She deeply regretted the fact that her drug use had hurt many people, but she did not realize how much more of a profound effect her overflowing kindness had on them. I believe that seeing my mother's compassion has in turn made me a more compassionate person. Now I can only hope that I will be able to have as profound of an effect on people's lives as she did. My mother loved life. She often danced like nobody was watching, even if everybody was watching. She did not care what people thought about her as long as she was having a good time. During the wonderful periods of time when she was drug free, she was the best mom that anyone could ask for. She would take me to the park, the beach, or wherever we wanted to go. She was never one of those parents that sat around and watched their kids play; she was always out there playing with me. She taught me to live life to the fullest and not let anyone stand in my way. Both the good and bad experiences that I had with her have made me a better, stronger, smarter, and more compassionate person. I would not trade the life I have lived for a "normal" one at any cost because I know that I would be a completely different person than I am now. I am proud of the person that my mother has helped me become, and I can only hope that she would be proud of it also. I try to carry on her zest for life by being involved in everything I can, by not letting anything weigh me down, by pursuing what I love, and most importantly by finding enjoyment in everything that I do.
bmachado   
Oct 30, 2009
Undergraduate / "flight 931!" - UF ESSAY draft can someone revise it [3]

Did your school or fellow students in Nicaragua have a different sense of "student responsibility, academic integrity and campus citizenship"? If so than you can compare it to America where there isn't as much of it.

I like how you start you essay but there are a few wording changes that I might suggest.

Instead of "I felt I was an extraterrestrial lost in Earth", maybe say "I felt as if I were on an alien planet."

hope that helped a bit...
bmachado   
Oct 30, 2009
Undergraduate / "trip to the Gurdwara" - University of Michigan Diversity Essay [10]

so I read both of your essays on kidneys and I think that this version is considerably better than the one in the previous post. One thing that did catch my attention though was when you said "I had no other motive than to indulge my curiosity." in the second paragraph and then in the third you said "The result of this scrutinizing process: abject failure." I figured that the "abject failure" had to do with figuring out the effects of drugs on the BK virus, but in the second paragraph you say that you were driven by your curiosity and want to learn. Because of the relation of those things in this essay it seems as if you are saying that you did not indulge your curiosity or learn anything. I hope that makes a little bit of sense at least. Other than that it is a good essay. Good luck.
bmachado   
Oct 29, 2009
Undergraduate / 'I taught them English and music' - essay about Volunteer work [6]

I agree with EF_Sean. Using a thesaurus is fine just as long as it is not evident that you are using one. You want to have yourself be reflected in your essay and using all kinds of words that you wouldn't normally use kind of masks who you really are. Also a lot of the sentences are kinda awkward sounding. If you have microsoft word then you can check grammar and things too and it might make it flow a bit better.
bmachado   
Oct 29, 2009
Student Talk / Word count limits and restrictions in essays [44]

it doesn't literally mean two lines. it is just saying to format your answers so they are shorter instead of a huge essay. As long as you get what you want to say under the max character count you will be fine, and make note of the fact that it says you don't have to answer in complete sentences, if you run out of room, cut out things that don't really matter or matter as much
bmachado   
Oct 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Stanford/Common App Short Answer; 'I started playing soccer at the age of six' [3]

These are my responses to some of the short answer questions. Last week my counselor told me that I should try and apply EA to Stanford, so I have been rushing to get all of the writing assignments done and I am sure they are not as good as they could be if I had more time. Any help I can get with regard to my essays would be wonderful.

***In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities. (< 150 words)

From the time I started playing soccer at the age of six, it has been a big part of my life-- especially in high school. My high school soccer career began on JV, but as a freshman I was promoted to Varsity goalkeeper just before the start of league play. Adding to the apprehension I already felt about playing my first Varsity game was the fact that the school we were up against had been league champions for the past several years and had demolished our team every time we had played them. After going into four overtimes, our match against them ended scoreless. Though it finished in a tie, that game is one of my proudest moments. I, the little freshman goalie, had shutout the best team in the league. At the end of that season, after much hard work and perseverance, we won our first ever league championship.

***Tell us what makes Stanford a good place for you. (> 250 words)

This past summer I was fortunate enough to participate in the Discover Stanford program. While I was walking around the campus, I realized that it felt very natural to me. I did not feel like I was walking around some nameless, generic college-- I felt like I was walking around my own home. Stanford just felt right to me. I could see myself strolling through the Main Quad, attending services at the Memorial Church, playing soccer for Stanford in the stadium (I can dream can't I?). Though I had only been at Stanford for a few hours, it felt like I had lived there my entire life! As if Stanford's beautiful campus was not reason enough for me to want to attend, learning about the academic opportunities offered at Stanford just sweetened the deal.

I was very impressed when I heard about the dedication Stanford has to making sure their students are successful. It was very comforting to me to know that Stanford would offer me all the help I needed to ensure my academic success. Upon further inquiry, I found that apart from being one of the best schools around, Stanford is very highly regarded in my intended major of political science. The diversity found on the campus and Stanford's dedication to promoting different cultures and beliefs as well as the plethora of clubs and activities were other qualities that I also found very appealing. After learning so much about Stanford and all it has to offer, I am left with only one question: if I want the best educational experience I can receive, why would I not go to Stanford?