bro u think its easier being a jew or a muslim in america? focus on substance of status by act not by what u are given. you could just as easily say nigger but that would be someone else's use.
i like it (the style) but its too long. i dont really believe it directly or in fact, indirectly answers the prompt effectively, i would focus more on the singing aspect and how that would contribute to the campus. i don't think it does that very well, but i may be wrong.
where is this for? if its for a ivy league i would change dramatically it if not for a top school i would improve it slightly.
i like it what is it for there are some unnecessary sentences, reread it and take out the excess and use better words (look up synonyms at such words as: refining_).
Mr. Lee, my friend is an admissions essay reader at nyu. here's what he suggested and my input as well. i hope this helps.
1. I would advise you to not pick Calvin Klein (there are many others who are picking him) that are interested in Gallatin.
2. "you are eager to throw yourself into the maze". buddy, u are already in the maze, u just feel a college education will help u further ur pursuits and make more money. just be honest. SAY "I want to make MORE MONEY" and show passion not a quote that doesnt justify your reasoning.
3. ur poem is too long and not very precise in represeting you. its a bunch of jumble mixed up.
i like it but cut it down a bit more use (; to combine some). also, u might want to show passion directly and not just saying it in words based on how u would talk to paper (talk to a human in the essay) but i like the idea. thanks for ur service. don't lie . tell how the others with u felt and all about the setting &* energy!
I know someone else who picked calvin klein, pick someone interesting like yoko ono. also, all ur thing new yorker, poem, reason shows the same reason learn from your past. i got bored as **** reading it. you might want to change it. sorry make it 3 others picking calvin klein from a diff. site.
this shit is not going to work for them. that's how one person i know started their essay. its telling them u are interested in making a lot of money 1st and nothing else and have little practacilaty. this is as general as any other essay. wow, they are going to read the first 2 paragraphs and throw this shit away.
THIS is perhaps the worst thing u can do on an essay. Please PLEASE pLEASE change the way you wrote this. talk to ur roommate as if he/she was here like a normal human being.
i think u are on the right route but i am sure i read something similar to ur poem for nyu. u might want to make it shorter and provide more details that just getting back up. it's what everyone is writing.
one class such as biology isn't enough to persuade them when there is little to no energy. everyone thinks they are better than everyone else or they are different, show that, with energy and passion about why u really want to be a doctor, not for some class where u learned a bunch of vocab and then went home read 20 pgs and got an A. they dont care about that, be different. talk about passion, such as the lives of a friend, experience with patients, and be someone who becomes a doctor not for money but as a way to express the patient's best interests. it's not that hard if u love it.
1st, don't lie on there, they will check if u are a chess champion and if ur name doesn't show up on a google search they will think u r lying (i know someone with experience)
also, dont put that your values will be spread, it's like saying u are out there to change the world when really all u want is to get the best degree to make more money.
and the ending paragragh needs severe help, its like what 99% will write on there. that's not the qualities of a chess champion.
this is well written but u should make it so long, just get to the direct point. i think u r bengali by ur name. what institution are u trying to get into?
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
✖
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:
