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Posts by silkesha
Joined: Jun 11, 2010
Last Post: Jan 25, 2017
Threads: 4
Posts: 24  

From: India

Displayed posts: 28
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silkesha   
Jan 25, 2017
Essays / Tagline for a fitness startup - No more excuses... [2]

No more excuses to fitness...



Hello,

Need help with a tagline for a fitness startup. It solves the following issues:
1) Lack of motivation to workout
2) Lack of interest due to same form of workout everyday
3) Lack of time required to commute to the workout location
4) Lack of personalized and overall approach to fitness (diet + workout)

The tagline that I could think of is "No more excuses to fitness..."
Could this be tweaked in a better way or perhaps any suggestions for a tagline are most welcome.

Thank you in advance.

Regards,
Silkesha

Also, mission statement- "Helps you to get fit at work, home or school with your peers thus eliminating the obstacles between you and a fitter you."

Please suggest if this sounds concise and to the point or needs to be tweaked.

Thank you once again.
silkesha   
Jul 18, 2010
Writing Feedback / Most beneficail discovery in the last 100 yrs; Transportation, Communication [20]

Well, it sounds as if you are talking of the people in general, all around the world. There is nothing specific of your own country. And c'mon!...you are talking of India!...such an interesting and colorful nation!...You could have had tons of topics to talk on, with tons of examples!

Also, a few of the statements that you have provided are false. Please take care of that while you are writing something factual.
silkesha   
Jul 18, 2010
Faq, Help / Thanking moderators and everyone who gave me helpful suggestion [28]

well, the translations are available in English, too!...so, that isn't an issue!
So, frankly speaking, it wouldn't be of much use (or maybe NO use at all!)...learning a language like Sanskrit.
But, anyways, one shouldn't just learn any language for the sake of some benefits...
There should be a desire from within- a liking or maybe just a willingness to do so!
silkesha   
Jul 14, 2010
Faq, Help / Thanking moderators and everyone who gave me helpful suggestion [28]

aah...Sanskrit!...its good to learn an ancient language, but honestly, its not of much use, unless one is studying history or stuff alike(maybe ancient medicine).

and Chinese-(oh, man!)the toughest possible language on Earth(though it actually sounds sweet when u hear 'em speaking)!!!

kewl choices anyways!
silkesha   
Jul 8, 2010
Writing Feedback / If you could disappear for a week, where would you go? check the error [5]

nope..not the last statement...overall...
usually, its like...if there are some assumptions or predictions to be made, then, we make use of the word 'would'...but, if its a sure thing to be done in the future...then we use 'will'...

and I was talking of the whole essay- the tone, basically...
so, is the usage of 'will'(at all the places) correct, in this essay?
(had a huge doubt about that...thats y I asked)
Thanks, Kevin!
silkesha   
Jul 7, 2010
Writing Feedback / Television- A Boon or a Bane? [6]

Thank you very much...Kevin!
I'd surely follow your advice! :D
Thanks!
silkesha   
Jul 4, 2010
Writing Feedback / Descriptive Essay on making an important decision - test prep, CBEST. [5]

We are all making choices and decisions in everyday life; however, good ones lead us on the right path while bad ones bring us in the middle of nowhere. Throughout my entire life, the hardest decision that I've ever made would definitely be getting into college. In my country, our educational system is a bit different from that of the United States. First, we are required to choose our major before getting into college. Second, we have two means to be admitted to a college. We take the first test in May, and apply to schools in which we want to get into , its similar to the SAT. However , if we fail to get into any colleges, we could still take the second round in July, which will be allocated to us based on the test results. These are some of the reasons that give rise to the hesitant decision.(what decision?)

I've dreamed of getting into the National Taiwan University since middle school, which is the best university in my country. Due to a Since, I have a great passion in learning languages , I aspire to take up foreign language as for my future major. However, things didn't turn out as what I've been expecting I had expected, when I got the admission letter from my current department office.(I think, you should rearrange this statement) I was admitted to National Taiwan Normal University, a school for teachers; meanwhile, I have been teaching Chinese as a second language. Everyone else in my life seemed delighted upon hearing the news, but not me. The aforementioned reasons are not the only ones that block me from the joy. I wasn't satisfied with the location of my school, to be more precise, I made up my mind that I'm definitely going to my school when I was on my way to the interview. (your school?..this is confusing...and which interview?)Besides, I never thought of being a teacher in the future.

I considered taking the second round in July; however, after several long consultations with my teachers, I decided to face this ironic result. Based on the previous simulated tests, my grades were not good enough that they could to guarantee me admission into my dream college. Also, chances are that I might even end up on going to private schools, which cost more and the reputations are not as good as the school that offers me the opportunity now. (Take care of the tense) In terms of the location, its relatively closer to the capital city of my country than most of the schools I might end up going if I took the second round test.(Tense!)

From dissatisfaction to great content, I am truly grateful for my teachers' and parents' advice. Not only do I enjoy my current major, but I am also pursuingget a double major in English, just as what I've been dreaming of since childhood. I learned a lot throughout the whole process, especially with consulting to the elders, making decisions inon my own, and taking responsibility. I didn't realize how experienced those elders are until then. I am fortunate to have their support all the way on making this once-in-a-lifetime decision. Moreover, it's time for me to grow up and get out of the comfort zone that I've been in for long . This is a decision that affects my future in certain degree for I have to be responsible for the result.(I didnt get this statement)

At last, the problem was solved. Furthermore, I am going to be a sophomore in the field of teaching Chinese as a second language as well as English Literature. As with the everyday saying, "You will never know unless you go for it." Although being a teacher wasn't part of my plan initially, I've gained a lot throughout helping foreign friends with better understanding in Chinese. Therefore, I am not regretted regretting for the road that I did not take. "It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are." In short, I know where I am now, and I believe I'll succeed as long as I set my mind on it.

I really liked this example, that you have provided! Many of us have faced such circumstances...and I really liked what happened with you, in the end.

Well, according to me...you should take care of the tenses!...at times, they could change the meaning of the sentences, literally. Also, I think, you should take care of the continuation of sentences. If you cannot fit in your ideas into a single statement, break it into two...rather than using commas. Thanks!
silkesha   
Jul 1, 2010
Undergraduate / admissions essay--WHY DO YOU WANT TO ATTEND NYUAD? [10]

hey, thanks a lot!...i feel so gooood to have received a reply from u (a student at NYUAD)!!!...
thanks a lotttt!!!...
and yes, I am going to apply to NYUAD this year...(as an RD applicant)

this was my first submission, here at essayforum...it was kinda very quick...so, kindly excuse me, pls... :S

I will submit my original essays in the next few months...hope to receive feedbacks from u...

well, one more thing..I've just added u on fb...hope u dont mind..

and once again, thanks a lotttttt!!!...

I was actually searching for someone from NYUAD, here! :D

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
silkesha   
Jun 29, 2010
Writing Feedback / Write about anything we feel effects our world [6]

thats such a lovely essay!.. :D
however, there is something that I did not like--u misspelled the name of a great personality..its 'Gandhi' and not what you wrote.
Thanks...
silkesha   
Jun 29, 2010
Writing Feedback / people visit museums when they travel to new places; 'curiosity about ancestors' [4]

I've done some minimal corrections...this one is really good!..much better than your previous essays!...
one advice...don't use the word 'ancestor' so many times...use some other word instead of it...also, at a few places, it doesn't fit well...try plugging in some other word...

anyways, I liked it!...keep writing!...
silkesha   
Jun 22, 2010
Writing Feedback / I will live in small village. There are many reasons. [10]

Try not repeating the same words over and over again. Also, try completing your statements...many of the statements that you use in your essays are incomplete...try avoiding that, as far as possible. Also, remember one thing...spoken English is pretty much different than written English!

Well, anyways, this one is certainly better than the previous one! Good progress! :D

CIAO!
silkesha   
Jun 21, 2010
Writing Feedback / IELTS immigrants should adopt to local culture or establish a minority community [3]

--However, f requent interactions with the local residents help newcomers learn more about the local values and thinking patterns, thus, expanding the social network and increasing the likelihood of being employed.

--Blending into local society is not only conducive to maintain the competitive edge of immigrants, but also to preserve the psychological wellbeing of them.
--Through contacts with compatriots, those new comers could alleviate the depression that caused by cultural shock.
--Living in those ghettos, those immigrants feel at ease and (add some word here like 'experience')a sense of belonging instead of being repelled.
--Meanwhile, establishing...these two approached are advisable.(approached?..I didn't quite get this)

Hey! I quite liked your points! I'd say...its kool !
silkesha   
Jun 18, 2010
Writing Feedback / TV & Movies have many good influences on peoples' behavior [4]

Hey!
Since you are a beginner, I quite appreciate your effort! But, I've got a few suggestions, if you don't mind...
First of all, try to keep the language as simple as possible...don't opt for the words that you are not comfortable with.
Secondly, (since I belong to the same country that you come from) I've quite realized one thing and thats (if I am not wrong)...the fact that you are trying to incorporate your sentences in English language with those in your native language...I dunno if this assumption of mine is right or wrong...but, if you are doing it...I'd suggest you to discontinue.

anyways, PRACTICE MAKES A MAN PERFECT!...so, keep practicing!.. :D
CIAO!
silkesha   
Jun 16, 2010
Essays / Is anger ever beneficial? outline/essay [6]

Following are just a few benefits of anger:
--It can sometimes lead to achieving higher level goals which are fueled by the strong will or desire to prove others wrong.
--It prevents us from passively accepting the wrongdoings in the society and illuminates us to take action against them.
--Also, anger has led to the formation of many groups and organizations which are great examples of channeling anger in a positive or constructive manner.

--At times, due to some kinds of mistreatments, people have gone to the extent of pushing new laws which have been very beneficial to the society including those to protect the mentally challenged, support the disabled, support some good religious beliefs or put an end to the wrong beliefs.

--Anger provides a very strong sense of motivation.
--People see themselves as the strongest and most assertive, when angry.
silkesha   
Jun 14, 2010
Student Talk / How can I contribute to this awesome website? [40]

It is indeed an 'awesome website'! This is the exact place I was searching for since the past few weeks, and finally...found it! (Its actually, more than 'awesome'!) Thanks again for your comments and feedbacks! (I, especially like that trademark of your's at the bottom, which you never forget!)

:-)
silkesha   
Jun 14, 2010
Writing Feedback / Television- A Boon or a Bane? [6]

---I think I need to correct this statement...

Maybe, this example sounds a bit too graphical, but, it is true indeed!

Maybe, this example sounds a bit too graphical, but, is true indeed!
(I am still concerned with the commas.)

and yes, thanks Zainab !..I would consider your points. Thanks for reading! :D

---In the following,

Well, those were just the 'WOW' factors of Television.

Is it ok if I capitalize all the letters in the word 'Wow' or do I need to make changes?

---Also, I am not quite sure for the following:
Its just at that point of time that they looked at each other for the first time ever and exchanged some warm 'Hello's and 'How do you do's . However, just minutes later, the screen was back in motion and so was the couple back again glued to their precious TV set. Hence, they were never ever able to figure out what they were for each other as their so-called precious TV set never let them exchange any 'Who are you's !

Hey, Arun , thanks a lot for those points! I think, I missed onto those points! Thanks, once again, for your kind help! :D
silkesha   
Jun 13, 2010
Writing Feedback / Television- A Boon or a Bane? [6]

---------------------------------------------------------

Teacher, Mother, Secret lover! What else can it be, than our very own Television?



Over the years, the popularity of television has grown to such an extent that today, at least one Television set can be found in almost every home in the world. Its the menace that everyone loves to hate but can't seem to live without.

Nowadays, there are hundreds of television channels. For those who are ill or housebound, television provides them with a company while they are alone, whereas others just enjoy the entertainment factor. Entertainment in the home can be very challenging for the most loving families; therefore television can be a good thing as it can provide parents with a "babysitter"! For those older folk who can no longer cope with going out for shopping, TV is the answer! Not to forget the teens who simply can't seem to have enough of Hannah Montana or the lovely middle-aged ladies who love watching their favorite series of either 'Desperate Housewives' or 'Sex and The City'! Though, actually going to a concert has a better atmosphere than just watching it on television, some people praise this as it is much cheaper than buying a ticket to go to the venue itself. TV has brought the education at viewers' door-steps. It has encouraged formal and open education in a big way.

Well, those were just the 'WOW' factors of Television. However, its not all good! For instance, while I was in middle-school, I had this unforgettable poem on a couple who was highly addicted to TV. They watched Television for days and nights together; never did they make a single movement! It seemed as if Television was the one and only sole reason for them to stay alive. Suddenly, after a few days, the electricity went off making the screen go blank. Its just at that point of time that they looked at each other for the first time ever and exchanged some warm 'Hello's and 'How do you do's. However, just minutes later, the screen was back in motion and so was the couple back again glued to their precious TV set. Hence, they were never ever able to figure out what they were for each other as their so-called precious TV set never let them exchange any 'Who are you's!

Maybe, this example sounds a bit too graphical, but, it is true indeed! Therefore, someone had rightly said, "When Television is good, nothing is better, but remember, when it is bad, nothing is worse!" It is, indeed, an anesthetic pain of the modern world. It has been successful in destroying the peace and harmony in many homes. Also, its influence on children has been very bad. It has made a child from an irresistible force to an immovable object. Not to forget, how it takes away the privacy out of the lives of some. The sex, violence, rapes, murders, cheap dances and obscene scenes shown in TV series and films simply pollute the minds of the youth. These are just a few evils because of which the TV has gained a new nick- 'The Idiot Box'!

Thus, Television is a mixed blessing. All Television is educational Television. The question is: what is it teaching? It was certainly not intended to make humans vacuous, but, it is an emanation of their vacuity. The advantages and disadvantages of TV viewing are there. It is need of the hour that only good, healthy, educative, and moral programs are telecast on TV. After all, Entertainment is a must, but, it should be with a purpose!

---------------------------------------------------

Besides providing a feedback for the essay, I would love to receive some help on the following too:

Its probably the social networking sites because of which I have lost a bit of my ability to write continuous statements while writing an essay(without using those "..." which I usually have to use for expressing myself). Also, the language that I use these days, sounds so laid-back which is a sure no-no for essays and stuff...I mean, using formal statements and all has become a li'll difficult for me these days(though, I am trying hard, that it doesn't show in my essays, while I write). Thanks to the spell-check that helped me in avoiding the short-forms! I am a Science student and haven't written any essays since the past 2 years. I am doing it now, as I have to appear for my SAT and TOEFL tests...and also write a couple of admissions essays. Any suggestions or tips on how I could re-gain that ability back again or simply improve my language skills?
silkesha   
Jun 13, 2010
Undergraduate / SOP for undergrad mechanical engineering "How Things Work" [4]

--In school and college, practicals seemed..
--Capitalize 'I' wherever you use it...
--Open toys...use some word like dismantle or disassemble and not OPEN.
--in college i learned basics of c++ and assembly language..Since, you are applying to UK, I'd suggest you use the word 'learnt '(British Eng), instead of 'learned'(American Eng).

--Also, 'the' is missing- in college, I learnt the basics...
--I have come to a stage where I want to learn more about M echanics and would love to pursueM echanical E ngineering...
--the reason to choose UK for this (for what?..elaborate) is because it focuses...
silkesha   
Jun 12, 2010
Essays / Essay About Introducing my Self - 'Reflections' [9]

Heres just a sample outline...

I. Introduction
--Explain some quote that you believe you follow and also how it correlates with your life.
--Recalling some past challenges or experiences that have made you aware of what you wish to do in your life and how you would accomplish a particular goal that you have set for yourself.

--What/where do you see yourself 10 years down the lane?

II. Personal Life
--Beginnings.
--Some person who has highly inspired you.
--Background(Family and School).
--Describe your academic life(rising from the ranks or something alike).

III. Social Life/Extras
--Your hobbies and extra-curricular activities.
--Something extra-ordinary that you've done.

IV. Your dreams/Motivations.
--Your ability to make a mark of yourself on this world.
--What you wish to be known as/ known for after you leave this world.

You could do that by avoiding overtly subjective and uncritical statements. For instance, "I love the chirping of birds because..." can be written as "For me, the chirping of birds is..." or something like that...
silkesha   
Jun 11, 2010
Writing Feedback / History -- A waste of time? 'meaning of a Microprocessor' [2]

THE STUDY OF HISTORY IS A WASTE OF TIME SINCE IT DRIFTS US AWAY FROM ADDRESSING THE CHALLENGES OF PRESENT TIMES.
Write an essay supporting, disputing, or qualifying the statement. You may use examples from history, popular culture, current events, or personal experiences to support your position.

(The following are just the first two paragraphs...Kindly post your suggestions. I am quite concerned with the second para..it doesn't sound good)

History teaches us what we have evolved from and the evolution of all the things around us. Hence, I quite disagree with the statement that, "The study of history is a waste of time".

Studying history would not just get us acquainted with the beginnings, but, also make us realize the basics. After all, only the knowledge of basics would help us go further. For instance, I had this subject called Microprocessors which I would really find boring. The first few chapters were based on the history of Microprocessors and the knowledge of the first of their kinds that were discovered. I would always wonder whether, why on Earth would they want us to memorize the stuff based on chips that were discovered ages ago! Why not just the knowledge of the latest and the newest ones that are actually in use today? Its just towards the end of the book, that i realized how important were the first few chapters! If only the present-day chips were mentioned, it would have taken me ages to figure out the function of each part on the chip. Probably, I would have never been able to understand the actual meaning of a Microprocessor, either. All the related terms would have been aliens for me, then!
silkesha   
Jun 11, 2010
Writing Feedback / Ungraded classrooms, which consist of students grouped by level of achievement [2]

In the second paragraph,
the following statement doesn't go well...
Although age matter for the development of the brain, but for these exceptions age doesn't matter they are born intelligent.
you could get rid of these errors or better...separate them into two different statements:
Age does matter for development of the brain. However, for these exceptions, it doesn't as they are born intelligent.
silkesha   
Jun 11, 2010
Undergraduate / admissions essay--WHY DO YOU WANT TO ATTEND NYUAD? [10]

Since the time i started making plans or began setting goals for my future, the one thing that I had in my mind was to acquire high levels of education which would help me to achieve those great heights and those great dreams that I have always dreamed of! In high school, while I was still initiating my future plans, I had one firm or strong thought in my mind: to be in a university where my dreams would acquire a real form, where education would not just be confined to any cultural limits or boundaries, where only those bright minds and faces would be accepted who truly posses the ability of being able to understand, that education is not a tool that makes a straight-cut ditch of a free meandering brook, but, it is a kind of continuing dialog that assumes different points of views. I wish to be surrounded by a faculty who would not just educate me with the wisdom of the world, but, also guide me transforming myself right from head to toe into a responsible citizen, not just of my city, state, or country, but the globe as a whole. I aspire to make a mark for myself on this planet. What better place would there be for engaging my ambitions, than NYUAD? I believe that NYUAD would be the first and the most important step of my career and a place where I could pursue my goals and aspirations in the true sense!
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