Graduate / "Entering to TUS School, Thailand" - my letter of motivation. [2]

Hi, guys
I'm some problem in my letter of motivation and want your suggestion to some of my paragraph that look simple and find something more interesting word than the words in bold.

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Entering to TUS School, the best high school in Thailand is my first substantial accomplishment. That was one of the most important moments in my life, once I had made a promise to my family that I would get into this school by myself. This promise put a lot of pressure on me and kept my family a lot of hope. Then after a long period of hard work and great support from my family, I passed the exam and became one of several students in my prestige school.

I took a principal role in developing the 2005 faculty's memorial book project and according to impressive work in 2005's project; I was selected to be chief editor of the 2007 book. This is my second significant accomplishment. I have set a new standard in doing faculty's memorial book and my juniors continued using my standard to create their books.

In SYS, I achieved my third accomplishment - I was responsible for the development of a production planner program which was operating on the old-manual system to a more accurate and a more convenient system. The program created a significantly reduction in time consumed, paper work and a lot of other working processes. This program was very successful and I was promoted to a main production planner for marketing division by my manager.

In the next 10 years, I aim to position myself as CEO of my own trading company, using my knowledge in planning the company's growth in global market. As Thailand is small country, depending on the export sector and having limited of resource and consuming ability, in the future moving to larger market is essential for the developing country.

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Need a lot of help from your guys. Thank you so much in advance. I'm really appreciate your suggestion.

Writing Feedback / Toefl Essay : Distance learning and online computer classes should replace classroom [2]

Please help me again. Thank a lot. :)

Toefl Essay : Distance learning and online computer classes should replace classroom learning.

During these digital age, the online classes has become more interest and more common in the society. Almost every school develops their online class systems. One question I always thought about is whether online computer classes should replace classroom learning. Although, online classes have many advantages, for me, I prefer traditional learning classes for several reasons.

First, the participant with the others like classmates or professors is still an important factor in studying. Working in group leads to more discussion and more opinion among the class. Consequently, the discussion class results in expanded children vision and their respect to others roommate's ideas. Unlike the distance learning that children have few opportunities to discuss with their friends.

Second, classroom learning provides other activities than studying. During student's free time, they have a number of activities that they can join, such as playing sports, going to lab, or going to library. These activities lead to more interact with their friends. Connection with friends improves their EQ abilities, furthermore, they have a chance to learn about their societies. While the online course keeps the children at their home only.

Lastly, in school, there are professors that guided you during you had a problem or needed an advice. The professor provides good answers to you. They do not mind helping you ,and they never leave you alone when you got a problem. In contrast, in distance learning, these aspects of the professor had reduced their important. The professor has been assigned to teach only. Moreover, there will be a long response from the teachers when children ask them a question.

In conclusion, traditional learning still has many benefits to the students. But in the future, it seems that the distance learning become more popular and ordinary in schools.

Writing Feedback / Toefl essay: the contents of TV, movies, games influence young people's behavior. [2]

Nowadays, TV programs, movies, and video games become more important parts of our children. These media contain both good and bad contents. One question I often thought about whether the contents of these media influence young people's behavior. Although, many researches claimed that there are no relation between these two, in my opinion, I agree that our children are influenced by these devices for many examples.

Adverstisment during TV programs and before movies are the vital examples to answer this question. An overstated advertisement have effected the young people in demanding the luxury things such as gadgets or toys. They persuade children by using the overstated function, popular celebrities. Teens was persuaded by this affection. They copy the beharvior.

Another example is the violence content. This violence contents found in commom video games like killing zombies, using guns even raping the woman. Some children can not seperate between the reality and the games leads to the violent crime in the school. They fired their teachers and friends without notice the consequent.

Last example is the bad influenced. Smoking , drinking achol seem to be the ordinary scene in many movies. Moreover, they make the smoker or drinker to become the smart guy like James Bond.

The effected to the young people who want to be like thier heroes or heroins, they copy this bad manners.

In conclusion, there are both good and bad contents in these midiem, the parent is the important persons that choose which one is appropriate with thier children.

Writing Feedback / Toefl essay : The most important leader in your country. [5]

Leaders have many important aspects that contribute to their people. They are the role model of their people. In my opinion ,one of the most important leader is King Rama 9,the father of Thai people. There are several qualities that make him as an important leader.

Firstly, his roles as developed Thailand, many important projects to improve the country are mainly initiated by him. For example, he is the beginner of the artificial rain project ,and this important project assists directly to the farmer that faced the scarcity of water problem. Another example is the sustainable economics theory, he introduced this theory as the most suitable economics theory for Thailand culture. Many people that followed this theory, have successful in their lives thought this perfect way of life.

Another quality is that he is the important middle man to solve social conflict. Because almost every Thai people respected him and put their faith on him, when Thailland have conflict in interests or political problems, he make himself as the middle man. The middle man looks at the whole problem and tries his best to solve the problem with the most beneficial ways to the country.

Finally, King Rama 9 is the great role model of the Thai people. During his life, he got many achievements in sport, education and successful in life. Furthermore, his good behaviors like loyalty, courage, kindness and etc. Due to many good aspects in his life Thai people use him as the role model of their way of life. Some people use his quote to lead their lives, some use his characteristic , and some used his past to be an example of theirs.

In conclusion, King Rama 9 is the most important leader for me and also for Thailand. There are much more interesting aspect that I can not provide in this paper but it is easy to search or find for more information. May be he wil be your Role model too.

Writing Feedback / Toefl essay : "Good teachers set challenging tasks for their students?" [2]

Please check my toefl essay.

Topic : Do you agree or disagree with this statement "Good teachers set challenging tasks for their students?"

Today's world education become more and more competitive. Many of school or universities compete to be leader. One major part of being top school is the good teacher.Many people think that good professors leads to good tasks or researches for their students. There are one question that I always thought about is whether the good teachers can set challenging tasks for their students. In my opinion, I agree that good teachers bring good tasks for their students. for several reasons.

Creative thinking is one of the most part of good teachers and this ability leads to innovative tasks. For example, my math teacher who is very creative person, He integrated his math course with the art which he is interesting and the result was great. Students seem to like it. It is easy to understand and great challenged of them.

Another reasons is good teachers understand their students constraint. As a result of that ,they try to find the suitable tasks for improving their children. They know the children strength and weakpoint. So they help their student to develop their strength and eliminate their weakpoint.

Lastly, good teachers also contains a lot of knowledge and more expert in their subject, so they understand the problem that their student faced and can find the best ways to solve it. Moreover, good teachers are also good learner too. They always update their class and subject with the new information or advance technology such as the internet or new relevant research papers. And that is avery good benefits for their students. They will be got good tasks that provide via internet or challenging tasks from the advance research papers.

In conclusion, there are many good aspects that good teachers will provide the challenging and creative tasks for their students. This is why the top university always want to get a genious professors.

Writing Feedback / Toefl essay : There is nothing that an uneducated person can teach educated person. [2]

Please Check my recent essay.
Thank you very much in advance.

Topic : There is nothing that an uneducated person can teach educated person.

In today's world an education becomes more important for our lives. An educated person always have superior status than an uneducated person. One question that I often thought about is whether there is nothing that an uneducated person can teach educated person. Although education provides many benefits, in my opinion, I disagree that an uneducated person person can't teach an educated person.

Firstly, the local knowledge or the rural knowledge such as how to survive in the forest without food, how to farming in the rainy seasons and how to cook the simple medicine by herb in the mountain, these specific knowledge are not contain in the general subjects that provided by school. Most of these local things came from their great grandfather. They shared this information by generation. Furthermore, most of these people are uneducated and it seem to be benefits when you go to their area.

Second example came from my experience, I have study about business. Once they invited guest lecturer to the class. He is the successful business man and he don't even have his high school life. He studies till he was 8 years old because of his family financial problem. But by his courage and his vision make him to success in his business. This is the the real life experience that also hard to find in the university course.

Lastly, The kind of specific knowledge that involved in religion or spiritual. This kind of subject is not even put in the class lesson because each students has their own believes. They have to study by themselves. Most of experts of this kind of subject are an uneducated person. They learned this specialize subject by themselves too and this kind of knowledge became more and more important in today's world.

In conclusion, They are many important lesson that provided by an uneducated person. Many of these lesson are unique and valuable to learned. You must not keep yourself only in the university or school subjects. Experience outside classroom is sometimes important than that you learned in class.

Letters / Letter of Recommendation to Master Degree in Marketing [5]

Hi, people please review my LOR. Please advise if there is any area to improve or make this letter better.

Thank you so much in advance.

To Whom It May Concern,

As chief manager of marketing division of xxx company, I would like to take an opportunity to offer a formal recommendation for Mr. Wipu Laosirirat. Wipu and I discussed about his recent decision to pursue master studies through your university. I acclaim his decision and strong desire to take his dedication and skill to the next level.

During his two years in marketing officer position, Wipu has a great logical reasoning ability and an effective team member skill. He had to coordinate with many teams mainly sales and logistic teams to resolve problem, minimize risk, maximize profit and negotiate best outcome for the organization. He was also a key team member that collaborated with both production and marketing team in developing monthly and yearly production plan to achieve its target under tight demand and supply constraint.

On the interpersonal side, Wipu has superior written and verbal communication skills. He gets along extremely well with his colleagues also his superior. He is highly respected, as both a person and as a professional, by colleagues and employees.

I believe Wipu exhibits many of the qualities that are essential to business students. An stronger education will help him to truly succeed in his further career. By diminishing his shortcomings and improving his talents. Since the curriculum offered by your esteemed university is designed to build on each student's capabilities, I highly recommend Wipu Laosirirat for your program and hope that you will carefully consider admission application.

Sincerely,
xxxx

Writing Feedback / Building a large shopping center in your neighborhood - 'hanging out place' [4]

Hi people! I'm from Thailand and preparing to toefl test. Want you guys to check my simple essay and comment about it. Thank you for your help in advance. This is my first essay that very simple and there may be some errors. Need your help to improving my writing skill. Kobkhun kab.

Would you support building a large shopping center in your neighborhood?
In the developing world, the most important hanging out place is shopping center, and it seems to be more effect in today's life. One question that I often thought about is "What is the effect of building a large shopping center in your neighborhood". Although traffic jam is going to be one major problem, in my opinion, having the shopping center around your place bring more convenient to your life and cheaper products you can get.

It is very easy for you if you have shopping center in your community. When you need something in urgent, it won't be any problem. You can go whenever you want to because it is just few minutes from home. In contrast, the store that far from your house make you plan so hard when you go there or what I have to buy. It is very convenient when the shopping mall is around your conner.

The shopping center is also selling the cheaper goods than the small convenient store because of the lower cost in selling large qualtity products. Another thing is that the shopping mall always decreases its price in order to reduce its stock and buy new one in. These advantage of malls is benefits for us, consumers.

On the other hand traffic jams around your place is unavoidable if shopping centers is at your place. There are many hanging out place such as movie theatre, famous restaurant and even game center in the large shopping building. Consequently many peoples come to the mall, and then you have to face traffic problems. So we can see the negative effect of the shopping mall to your community.

In conclusion, we call see positive effects in having shopping centers around your house, but it also have negative effects to be concerned. Any large project that built has both advantages and disadvantages, and the shopping center is no exception.