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Posts by turntablespp
Joined: Oct 29, 2010
Last Post: Jan 3, 2011
Threads: 6
Posts: 41  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 47 / page 1 of 2
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turntablespp   
Jan 3, 2011
Undergraduate / UChicago's Find x: The Missing Ingredient [2]

wow! nicely done! I enjoyed reading this, and I do like this idea for this prompt. I can tell you that you are on the right track of answering the prompt, but I can't be too sure until it is finished. So post up the rest and i'll give it a read. But, this is definitely not a cliche topic to write about. I think it is rather fascinating! :)
turntablespp   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / "returning to my life of academia" - Rochester curriculum 150 words [26]

A Rochester education would allow me to explore my passion in these subjects, as well as grant me access to renowned educators, the latest technological advances, and a plethora of research opportunities.

I look forward to learning, envisioning and exploring all subjects of the academia.

NICEEE! can you read my u penn essay in return its due in an hour for me!!!!!!
turntablespp   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / UC prompt 1: How band helped me realize how change can be good [13]

... but my parents were forcing me to leave my home of 14 yearsthe house I spent 14 years in on Long Island, New York, to find ...
... teammates, and family who were still in New York.

b But I will always remember that even when things do not go as planned;(change to comma) something great will still come in the end.

good job! can you read my upenn essay in return :)
turntablespp   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / "to ignite my aspirations" - My passion to become an engineer at U penn [7]

I'll edit yours if you edit mine :)
Thanks!! that really helped! Its down to 489 words wohoo!
Edited version: I feel that there is not a coherence between the acknowledgement for women's engineering abilities and your development for space suits. How can I incorporate my work with NASA to say that in order for ideas to become real your need opportunities. At Penn that opportunity would be from the research and AWE program... any suggestions?
turntablespp   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / free afternoon + physics teacher compliment + the bing bang + questions - Yale [12]

My physics teacher once called me a "freak"; a distinction earned by only a select few. This made me realize I didn't just enjoy physics, but have a chance to be good at it. LOL i love this, especially since you can call me one of those physics "freaks"

well done statements ! The only problem is the last question, it seems a bit cliche.

can you read my u penn essay ?
turntablespp   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / Disabled Daughter + Jewel + Roommate (beautiful scenery) - 3 Stanfords [3]

WOW your an amazing writer!
My work on Jewel has instilled in me not only a love for the personality, but also an understanding of the fact that each one of us has unique qualities that make us all jewels. loved this line !

"Sincerely,
Your Amazing Roommate"you kind of sound cocky here, maybe you should delete that)

rom the moment I laid my eyes on the lush campus while arriving for my first college tour, I knew that Stanford was my dream school.(cliche, don't you think?)

What stood out to me the most about Stanford, however, was the Haas Center for Public Service.

At Stanford, I know I will find this and much more...

Well done with all your essays!
Can you please read my upenn essay in return :)

turntablespp   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / "to ignite my aspirations" - My passion to become an engineer at U penn [7]

Prompt: Considering both the specific undergraduate school or program to which you are applying and the broader University of Pennsylvania community, what academic, research, and/or extracurricular paths do you see yourself exploring at Penn? (500 words)

The canopy of the evergreen trees failed to block the sight of the infinite sky. That's when I knew I had found the perfect place. I secured my 13-inch rocket to its fastener. I took a step back, held my breath, lit the wire extended to the combustion tank, and ran as fast as I could. It was like a dream, watching my creation skyrocket about 65 feet into the sky, only to be heart broken as it fell back into the welcoming arms of the Earth. Engineers create ideas that fail. My juvenile idea to get a rocket to Mars was my first failure, but I pursued research and focused on finding other ways to finally get there. All I needed was an opportunity.

As a mechanical engineering major at the University of Pennsylvania: School of Engineering, I hope to ignite my aspirations, just as I ignited my rocket. Penn offers programs such as, Advancing Women in Engineering because they understand the lack of women in the engineering field. It is so often that women are subjected to discrimination due to their gender, but more importantly how women are overlooked in this field, yet they have the power to engineer ideas. My opportunity came over the summer when I was selected to work with NASA in order to formulate the concept for a future Mars spacesuit. I thought of creating an exoskeleton framework around the structure of the spacesuit that would maintain the center of mass of the suit due to the planet's lower gravitational field. This simple, yet revolutionary idea caught the interest of NASA officials, and currently NASA is evaluating my ideas in order to create potential patents. Just as NASA gave me an opportunity to shine in my field, I hope to take advantage of the opportunity that AWE provides, to not only advance women in the field of engineering but also allocate my ideas in order to be recognized in this field. Although my rockets still lay buried in the ground they were first set off on, my ideas have landed on Mars.

Engineers learn from the works of others. By participating in research opportunities such as the Laboratory for Research on the Structure of Matter, I would be able to work with K.I. Winey whose research I follow closely, especially in her latest publications on the use of nanotechnology and electrospinning on its impact on fuel cells. The idea of using nanofibers sparks my interest because this new technology can further not only the field of engineering, but also the field of medicine. I noted that LRSM is a jointed program between three schools and 4 departments. I am ecstatic to know that Penn, just as I do, has a holistic view in academics. I believe that academics is not a study of individual curriculum, but of an integrated study that could further knowledge in every field of study.
turntablespp   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / My journey to Northwestern (Psychology and Law and Psychology and Health) [12]

Eventually, I reached Evanston-Wildcat territory. As a high school junior, one individual among a mass of prospective students, I only hoped to learn about the curriculum offered at Northwestern; however, I found so much more.

I read through your essay, I just found a tiny grammar mistake! But I think it flows fine! I really enjoyed reading this essay and you show your passion really well!
turntablespp   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / "perfect matches are hard to come by" - Why Vassar? [4]

On a cold Sunday visit to Vassar, freezing in Rocky, I could still feel that free;(delete semicolon) barefoot on the grass feeling.

They are trying to multiply thier knowledge and then circulate it so that the cycle continues. (nicely put!)

Excellent ending statement! Well done! I absolutely loved reading it :)

can you read my duke research essay in return ?

turntablespp   
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / DUKE-further research in the field of microbiology [NEW]

Over the summer, I was accepted into the Hofstra University Research Program to work along side with my mentor, Dr. JW. I investigated why Streptomyces venezuelae, a soil bacterium, could not be able to grow in a liquid environment. Normally, when Streptomyces venezuelae is plated in liquid, it is currently known to produce over two-thirds of the antibiotics in use today. However, there is a disadvantage of growing such bacteria in a solid substrate: the growth kinetics, or the association between the growth rate and producing a certain antibiotic, is hindered due to the vegetative hyphae formation that grows in a non-dispersed manner. A solution to this problem could be to grow the bacterium in a liquid environment in which the hyphae can be fully dispersed in the liquid, so that spectrophotometic assays could be taken to measure the growth kinetics. As the bacteria, both liquid grown and solid grown, were viewed under the microscope, I observed a pattern in the spores of the solid grown bacteria but failed to view that pattern in the liquid grown spores. To understand the mechanism behind it, I used a program called ImageJ to measure the spore lengths of the two cultures of bacterium and created a histogram to calculate the standard error of the two plates. Eventually, the result proved that Streptomyces venezuelae could not grow in a liquid environment because the spores were abnormal in the liquid cultures. This technique can be implemented in Biophysics and microbiology research.

After conducting this project, I realized that antibiotic research could be the lifelong endeavor of scientists. For example, I have spent two months collecting data, one month refining my theory, and two months to organize a formal science report. However difficult and time-consuming the project was, I am glad to have such a remarkable experience. In the future, I aspire to participate in interdisciplinary research to address problems that humanity faces.
turntablespp   
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / Cornell UG Mech Eng - "what is your eng idea and how can Cornell help you?" [7]

OH okay, well you didn't mention that in your essay! I think that's fine, but you should really focus on your idea more than the facts about the energy crisis. And don't forget to include why Cornell. Put up a new draft and i'll be happy to look over it
turntablespp   
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "it's easy to fall in love" - Why Columbia? [10]

Stepping onto the campus for the first time last summer, it was easy to fall in love.

Great essay!

can you answer my cornell/ duke question in return :)
turntablespp   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "COWBOY BOOTS" - STANFORD - ROOMMATE LETTER [14]

At first, I may seem like an average person, a boring boot unfit for the "diversity" Stanford strives to obtain ( hmm you talk about the boot being unfit for stanford. I suggest comparing a boot to something that relates to the boot, you know? ) , but I believe diversity goes beyond the components of upbringing and appearance, and into the way a person thinks.

I am excited to learn about your culture-and hopefully become your friend( you go from talking about boots to learning about culture, try to make it flow better)-while we enjoy our "college experience" together.

Sincerely, Alexis

Overall I think your comparison to the boot was very interesting and well-written. I just feel that you didn't talk about the boot's symbolism as much. Just what I think :)

Can you read my Cornell essay?
turntablespp   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "I am an oddball." - Stanford to Future Roommate [7]

... home to many a conservative Republican and a barbeque-loving football fan, I am a liberal and a vegetarian ballet dancer.

... being a staunch optimist which , I must admit, is an accurate description.

However, I must admit ( use a different word) that I will also drag you ...

Good essay, fixed most the grammar issues!

Read mine in return please :)
turntablespp   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / There's no place like homelessness--Yale Supplement [29]

your definitely a perfectionist! I think this is so incredibly and emotionally written, I don't see ANY errors! I think it's time to press that submit button :)
turntablespp   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / NASA spacesuit Cornell Engineering Supplemental [15]

Oh whoops that was a typo, it was meant to be the conclusion.
Hmm, maybe I should include a class. Should I also include another possible researcher to work with at Cornell?

Thanks!
turntablespp   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / The 'homo sapien' is a very interesting, yet complex - Cornell Supplement [CAS] [4]

Thanks for your advice! I'll try to cut your essay down a bit more, but I learned its fine if your essay is 600 words :)

Hope this helps!

Delete:

Anthropologists study a wide variety of aspects of human behavior that can be polarized into cultural anthropology and social anthropology. (I don't think a definition of you major is needed)

I learned that with all the differences between the cultures, the people in Japan shared a spate of similarities to not only Americans, but also my Nigerian/American family. People are all the same, despite the external distinctions in culture. (unnecessary)

As high school progressed, I improved my reading and writing skills, and became more articulate in the linguistics, and natural sciences.

Oh, if you can I posted another draft of my essay. Can you read it and tell me if its better?
Thanks
turntablespp   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / obtaining a higher degree - "Why do you want to transfer" smith & others [15]

My direct and simplistic reasoning's for transferring to ...
... I desire to procur e (?) scholarly independence from ...

I feel that your language gets in the way of reading the essay, I can tell that these words are "synonyms" of the words you had originally. Maybe cut down on that. But over all well done.

and thanks for reading my essay!

turntablespp   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "Living the everyday" - Common app essay [12]

You can choose to stay the same or to change into a governing body that does what it says it will do. (redundant, i feel)

I really enjoyed this essay, and I think your corrections do help!

Can you read my cornell essay?
turntablespp   
Dec 28, 2010
Undergraduate / Why Swarthmore? - An Over the Top / Cliche essay? [6]

Take the first paragraph out, it seems too cliche

For some reason, there is something immensely enjoyable about simply sitting and talking - the knowledge that is shared, the bonds we make, the games we play (huh?).

okay, as for you essay, I feel that this isn't swarthmore specific. I mean face it, you can strike up a conversation anywhere. I think you should focus on specific programs in the school and how you will take advantage of those opportunities.

Although the essay is well written, but not for this occasion!

sorry if I was harsh!
can you read my cornell essay please?
turntablespp   
Dec 28, 2010
Undergraduate / Common App "Dear Identity..." [14]

one word: AMAZING, i've never read something like this before! so creative, i can honestly say one of the best essays i've ever read :) its perfect, i can't find any additional grammar mistakes!

can you read my cornell essay?
turntablespp   
Dec 28, 2010
Undergraduate / "Whenever someone shuts the door..." - Common App Essay Help [6]

I could not help but think of how arrogant he was being , intruding upon another teacher's class time to speak with me.

He was wrong, however, in the assumption that I did not know it

Mr. Garrick and I certainly have a colorful relationship (i loved this line!)

Overall, this was an amazing essay! Not a lot of grammar mistakes, and shows a lot about your character :)

p.s. thanks for reading my essay!
turntablespp   
Dec 28, 2010
Undergraduate / NASA spacesuit Cornell Engineering Supplemental [15]

Okay thanks! Would this be better?

[...] Many call it the red planet; I call it a beckon of life. Mars, unlike any other planet, has frozen ice caps. The mere presence of water could indicate the possibility of life.
turntablespp   
Dec 28, 2010
Undergraduate / "War Against English" - Amherst Supplement, difficulty and achievement [5]

hmm, i feel this essay is cliche. Everyone fails, but what they individually make out of it is what makes them different from everyone. You have failed, but what specifically did you achieve. Just saying you achieved something is different that actually achieving...

I honestly did not understand what clearly was your achievement. I think if you focus on giving details then this essay will shine.

Sorry to be harsh, but I can see this essay go far ONLY if you be MORE SPECIFIC.

can you read my cornell essay?
turntablespp   
Dec 28, 2010
Undergraduate / NASA spacesuit Cornell Engineering Supplemental [15]

Engineers turn ideas (technical, scientific, mathematical) into reality. Tell us about an engineering idea you have or your interest in engineering. Explain how Cornell Engineering can help you further explore this idea or interest. (500 words)

Sometimes I look up at the sky, only to realize the bittersweet truth that I am alone. It is ironic that there are approximately seven billion people swarming the earth, yet, when I look into space, it is lifeless.

Looking though my telescope at night, I could see craters on the moon, and behind the moon, I could see Mars, crimson like the setting sun. Many call it the red planet; I call it a beckon of life. Maybe space wasn't so lifeless after all: Mars, unlike any other planet, has frozen ice caps. The mere presence of water could indicate the possibility of life.

As an avid inventor, I have created rockets from scraps metal and tools after being inspired by Homer Hickam in October Sky, hoping to find that one could cross Earth's atmosphere and traverse into the barren space system. But those were mere baby steps compared to the opportunity that would allow me to truly expand my interest in Mars.

NASA wanted young engineers, myself and 42 other students selected from a national pool of applicants, to come up with ideas for a future spacesuit. This was the perfect opportunity to express my desire to create a meaningful contraption, or at least a machine bigger than my 13-inch stainless steel rockets, that would one day reach mars and explore the possibility of life. I was invited to attend MIT to talk to various engineers on their latest spacesuit prototypes. Dr. Larry Kruzntez, a senior scientist at NASA, and Charles Camrada, a former astronaut, taught me the basic principles regarding Mars. Its atmosphere is entirely different and complex than the Earth, with its most abundant gas being carbon dioxide. But more importantly, its gravitational forces are weaker than earth's, creating an essential problem when developing a maneuverable spacesuit. This difference in gravitational forces creates an imbalance in the center of gravity, making the astronaut unable to perform simple actions such as walking.

I focused on the robotics of the suit, which would not only help alleviate the atmospheric problems, but also the center of gravity issues. I had an idea to create an exoskeleton framework around the structure of the spacesuit that would maintain the center of mass of the suit. It would essentially be a titanium structure that would be attached to the inner compartments of the suit, where the weight of the life support system and the center of mass would be counter balanced through the titanium frame. This simple, yet, revolutionary idea sparked the interest of the judges as I presented my findings. NASA is currently evaluating my ideas in order to create potential patents.

Just as NASA provided me with an opportunity to make my idea come to life using the help of experienced scientists, Cornell Engineering programs such as Kessler Fellows, and The Cornell Center for Materials Research the would allow me to implement and make them real.
turntablespp   
Dec 28, 2010
Undergraduate / procrastinating, common app, details are important [3]

Very powerfully written essay!
just a mistake
"Ever since I could remember, I had always taken my mother as well as all that she did for me for granted."
overall, i really enjoyed reading this essay. It truly shows that this has impacted your life, and also changed you as a person to become someone better!

awesome!
could u read my NYU essay?
turntablespp   
Dec 26, 2010
Undergraduate / "exposed to an array of leaders" - Cornell ILR Supplement Essay [2]

Very well written, but a few grammer mistakes.
"-As a child, I was constantly exposed to an array of leaders: Harry Potter, Buzz Lightyear, and even Barney the dinosaur was a leader . "

"-It all began in fourth grade when I joined Cub Scouts."
"- This led me to runningrun for student council in 7th grade,and I becamemaking me my middle school's 7th grade representative."

" I plan to exploit these extensive opportunities with hopes of continuously relating to others and furtherfurthering my knowledge in becoming a better leader as a Cornell Bear."

can you read mine?
turntablespp   
Dec 26, 2010
Undergraduate / the Petri Dish + NY City + M. Luther King from the past - NYU supplemental Essays [6]

Okay thanks, is this better?

As I peered into the Petri Dish with the bacterium, I saw the antibiotics being produced in colors of bright violet and crimson red. I never realized that the cure for most of the prevalent diseases could lie within a small organism. I wish to study pre-professional medicine at NYU New York because I hope to, one day, use this knowledge to provide a real benefit for the treatment of diseases.
turntablespp   
Dec 25, 2010
Undergraduate / the Petri Dish + NY City + M. Luther King from the past - NYU supplemental Essays [6]

Hi, all these essays had a limit of 500 characters! :)

Please tell us what led you to select both your anticipated academic area(s) of study and the NYU school / college / program or the Abu Dhabi campus. What interests you most about your intended discipline? Mention any extracurricular or non-school-related activities or experiences that demonstrate your interest.

As I peered into the Petri Dish with the bacterium, I saw the antibiotics being produced in colors of bright violet and crimson red. I never realized that the cure for prevalent diseases could lie within a small organism. I choose to study pre-professional medicine at NYU because I hope using the knowledge of microbiology research and the experiences in the medical field of volunteering at Long Island Jewish Hospital to help save the lives of many people by becoming a doctor.

NYU is 'In and of the City' and 'In and of the World.' What does the concept of a global network university mean to you? How do you think studying in New York City, Abu Dhabi, or one of NYU's global sites would change you as a person and equip you to build cross-cultural relationships at NYU and beyond?

A global network university is one that encompasses culture, and diversity. Studying at NYU, would allow to me fully absorb the blends of the various cultures and the diversity from this campus's atmosphere. Having always lived in an area where diversity is present, I understand the necessity of partaking in a "global network", in which I would be able to challenge my values and beliefs to become a more holistic person.

If you had the opportunity to bring any person -- past or present, fictional or nonfictional -- to a place that is special to you (your hometown or country, a favorite location, etc), who would you bring and why? Tell us what you would share with that person.

I would bring Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. from the past. During his time, he was a freedom figure, whose only goal was to break the forces of segregation and bring about unity. I would bring him to the nation's capital of Washington D.C., the same place where he told his "I have a dream speech" 50 years ago. I want to share with him how his simple, yet powerful words of wisdom rang in the ears of future generations and even though he was not there to see it then, his "dream" did come true.