Undergraduate / a "Rice Alum" shirt -Why Rice: its name, resemblance to Harry Potter, research [2]

hi guys
i know the deadline has already been passed and i did submit this essay..i just wanted to know what you guys thought of it..my parents liked it so i simply turned it in..what do you think?

What motivated you to apply to Rice University? Please be specific and limit your response to 200 words.

The fact that Rice University shares its name with the most common staple food in the world, and the thought of wearing a "Rice Alum" shirt in the future only to see people bewildered at my craziness are two of the many exciting reasons that motivated me to apply! Besides its name, what truly drew me closer to Rice University were the amazing research facilities. Its multi-billion dollar endowment will surely contain the gargantuan research ambitions I will carry with me from my high school career to college. In addition to that, the location of Rice University makes it a perfect destination for my future studies. With my relatives living just minutes away from the campus, I can easily drop by their houses on weekends for laundry and homemade food. I have met people from various cultures in the last three years, something that overwhelmed me after coming from a monotonous Indian society. However gradually as I started to enjoy the variety in the society, I was more encouraged than ever to desire the diversity offered by a university like Rice. Finally, I am an avid Harry Potter fan. And the fact that Rice has the amazing system of Residential College reminds me of the four houses that students at Hogwarts are divided into. In addition to that, Rice University's Owl mascot only helps its resemblance to Harry Potter!

Undergraduate / NYU essays: biology + connections + Dr. House from House, MD. [4]

Please tell us what led you to select both your anticipated academic area(s) of study and the NYU school / college / program or the Abu Dhabi campus. What interests you most about your intended discipline? Mention any extracurricular or non-school-related activities or experiences that demonstrate your interest.

Growing up in India, I had seen the most earnest acts of gratitude being bestowed on my parents by their patients upon successful knee replacements. In order to emulate their achievements, I embarked on a journey to volunteer at various hospitals, both in India and in America, and gain the generosity gifted to my parents. Hence, at the NYU College of Arts and Science I plan to major in Biology and be extensively involved in research so as to create a strong base for my future in Medicine.

NYU is 'In and of the City' and 'In and of the World.' What does the concept of a global network university mean to you? How do you think studying in New York City, Abu Dhabi, or one of NYU's global sites would change you as a person and equip you to build cross-cultural relationships at NYU and beyond?

I was sent to America in order to be exposed to the cultural variety that was missing in the Indian society. NYU being the multicultural epitome of the United States will perfectly suit such needs. According to my parents, their contacts with people of such a wide variety of nationalities and cultures allowed them to be as successful. Hence, studying in a global university will allow me to gain different perspectives on issues, befriend a multitude of people and prepare me for the real world.

If you had the opportunity to bring any person -- past or present, fictional or nonfictional -- to a place that is special to you (your hometown or country, a favorite location, etc), who would you bring and why? Tell us what you would share with that person.

Ever since I was used to being shunned out of my father's surgical room due to the lack of sterilized scrubs, I have denied such rigidness in a physician's profession. Dr. House, the protagonist in the TV series House, M.D., on the other hand enters the operation theater without adequate sterilization and is still a reputed doctor. Hence, I wish to invite Dr. House to my father's operation theater, and have him convince my father in order to remove any grudge I hold against this situation.

what do you guys think about the answers overall?
are they adequate?

Undergraduate / "A research assistant at my lab" - App Extracurricular activity [6]

Hey guys,
so here is my common app extracurricular essay. The exact wording of the prompt is:
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer, 1000 character maximum).

Here is my response:

This summer I was a newly hired research and lab assistant, accruing a massive $10 per hour. I took pride in the fact that two years of lab experience was finally paying me more money than the tedious task of tutoring algebra two to unmotivated teenagers. However, besides the financial aspect, the work was much more rewarding that any other experience. I was considered as an important contributor to my lab, and was allowed to device experiments and co-author a research paper. In addition, the lab technician in training would often ask me for the type of primers and buffers to be used in a specific PCR reaction. In my time as a hired assistant and a volunteer for two years, I was shocked to see how much respect a high school student can receive in midst of PhDs and post-doctoral students. The experience allowed me to build my self-esteem and exposed me to the intellectual grounds that I had always wanted to reach, all the while letting me contribute to the research community.

does this fit in the context of the prompt?
are there any major modification i need to make?
any other comments are always welcomed...

Undergraduate / Cornell CAS essay..interests, their evolution, and How Cornell.."Med Research Mecca" [6]

College of Arts and Sciences: Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.

A Student's Goal

"It is not simply an obsession with medicine" I said to my friend . In medicine, I am deeply interested. I have been motivated to pursue this field of study, not by some mundane life changing experience of watching a young child suffer from an unknown disease, but by a prolonged exposure to this profession. Growing...

after edits:

My story with medicine does not initiate with a life changing experience of watching a young child suffer from an unknown disease. Instead, it begins with an utter hatred towards this profession and towards the turbulent atmosphere at our house packed with two doctors. My parents were engrossed in their hospitals to such an extent that unlike other children of my age, I had never been taken to amusement parks by elders. Unlike my neighbor Amit's dad, my father did not play cricket with me on weekends as he was often on call. Thus, in my early childhood, I was extremely opposed to the life of a doctor.

However, my feelings changed upon maturation. Watching sixty year old patients walk, under the care of my father, with their newly replaced knee joints showed me a new side of this profession. I understood that the earnest acts of gratitude displayed by the patients towards our family were missing in Amit's life. Gradually, therefore, I was drawn closer to the profession of my parents. In order to emulate the kind of feelings that my father received upon rejuvenating the lives of his patients, I was motivated to knock the doors of various hospitals in search of volunteering. I desired the type of intellectual talks of my parents. Such a desire to obtain the intellect kept me going back and forth to the various research labs to try to achieve the mindset of the educated.

Hence, it had been decided long ago that I would work very hard throughout my career as a student to receive the lifelong generosity gifted to physicians. In order to bring tangibility to such a dream, I plan to be extremely focused in this field that interests me the most. Therefore, as an undergraduate student, I wish to pass through the tunnel that will be contiguous to the field of medicine, a goal that can be achieved by no major other than biological sciences. With biology as my focus of education, I can solidify my base for future educational aspirations, and explore various facets of this field that my young seventeen year old life could not expose.

While studying biological sciences at Cornell, I plan to continue being heavily involved in research since I believe that research the most important component that provides a base for any medicinal advancement. At the College of Arts and Sciences, I can readily find a lab of my academic interest given one of the most powerful research programs in the nation established by Cornell. However, the one aspect that I am truly looking forward to is the interactions that I will have with equally motivated students and professors. The company of the smartest people in the nation will allow me and many others to stray from the shallow aspect of learning for the sake of it and encourage us to truly dig deeper into every topic, thus allowing us to further explore the secrets of our fields of study. With such high goals, I am sure to utilize all the resources that the College of Arts and Science provides me.

what do you guys think?
where can i improve?

Undergraduate / Rice: what perspective will you bring..."ordinary person working hard for big dreams" [7]

hello...yet another essay from my end...i would appreciate any input
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The quality of Rice's academic life and the Residential College System are heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. What perspective do you feel that you will contribute to life at Rice? (Most applicants are able to respond successfully in two to three double-spaced pages.)

"Right arm over the wicket", I said to the umpire, drenched in sweat while bowling the last over in Bharuch vs. Surat under-sixteen cricket tournament. The ball was old and to generate a swing on it was impossible. However, I had to restrict the opponents to a maximum of two runs in order to advance to the finals. The pressure was on. I set the fielders in the position that suited my bowling style and to the batsman's weakest area: the off stump. I counted my twenty step run-up and marked the area. I glanced at the field setup once more to be certain that we did not have any weak fielding spots. When everything was set correctly, I was ready to bowl the first ball of the last over. I run up to the crease and release the ball with a massive arm motion that carelessly cut through the air, one that produced the woosh-sound as evidence. Unrecovered from the action, I was confident that I had produced a good ball, a ball that would definitely go as a maiden if not enough to dismiss the batsman. However, soon enough, I heard a loud tock sound from the batsman's end and I helplessly watched the ball gliding down the grass field for four runs. We had lost the match and were out in the semifinals.

The match was out of our hands and we were all partly devastated. But, to my surprise, some of our players were still enthusiastic. "Never mind guys", said those wise people, "it's just a game." For some strange reason, I agreed with them. Why were we beating ourselves over a match of cricket? We still had plenty of chances to win and bring our small town of Bharuch into spotlight. And surely enough, the next year we won the states. Such a win prompted recruitment to the Mumbai Academy of cricket. Our parents, however, did not allow us to go to Mumbai for further practice, since to them, and to most Indians, a pursuit of a career in sports in a country like India was like diving into a pool whose depth was unknown. Therefore, we readily gave up any aspirations to become part of the Indian national cricket team and returned to our monotonous lives as ordinary Indian students. However, I felt a special euphoria since I was able to conquer the barrier that separated me from achieving the title of a respected cricket player in my town, no matter how short-lived it was. We were a group of players who won the state championship without any direct professional help, without any coaching. To me, it was a personal achievement.

A year later, I moved to America, a country where neither cricket nor badminton, another sport that interested me, was popular. However, tennis seemed to closely resemble badminton. So I went to our nearby Walmart and bought a beginners racquet. Finding ample free-to-play courts in the local middle schools, I started a daily routine of simply serving balls to the next court. Having no one to play tennis with, this is all I could expect. Gradually, however, the form kicked in and I was quite acquainted with the game of tennis. After a few months in the new school, I made some friends who, coincidentally, shared my newfound interest in tennis. We often played on our school courts after school, all the while improving my game, despite several clumsy errors. And then it was February when I faced the challenge of tennis tryouts for the school's varsity team. After a few days, I was a part of the team, playing in the top six. Cousins were startled and parents were proud on this achievement of mine. Five months in this country had shown to them an entirely new side of mine, the side that any parent would want to be proud of. I found my way into the varsity team without any prior experience or coaching in tennis and without any considerable money spent on this activity.

Hence, I am, at the very least, a person who knows how to rise from dirt. I often defy conventional wisdom to achieve, what to me is, greatness. When I moved to this country three years ago, I was bereft of fluency in English; however, every night I would stand in front of the mirror and recite to myself paragraphs from various books and magazines. I have been a person of limited means since my childhood, and I find ways to bring tangibility to my dreams and goals. Sports have been just one aspect of this story, but in my life on the whole, I choose to depend on my own hard work to succeed.

I do not succumb to the strong opposing forces. I hold my grounds to claim any amount of success that might arrive on my shores as a result. To Rice, I bring the perspective of an ordinary child working hard to find an image for himself. I bring to the college the perspective eager to embrace life's downfalls and to make the most out of a person's resources.

Also, I strive to bring the real experience and enthusiasm of playing cricket to the current cricket club at Rice, one of the very few in the country!

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is my essay convincing?
any other errors?
grammar?

thanks for the feedback..i will critique yours if you want :)

Undergraduate / First day at new school/country: what makes you unique and colorful..william and mary [9]

hey guys..heres my attempt at the william and mary essay...criticisms will be taken well at my end..thanks in advance
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Beyond your impressive academic credentials and extracurricular accomplishments, what else makes you unique and colorful? We know that nobody fits neatly into 500 words or less, but you can provide us with some suggestion of the type of person you are. Anything goes! Inspire us, impress us or just make us laugh. Think of this optional opportunity as show and tell by proxy and with an attitude.

I am...

A multilingual. Besides being fluent in English, Gujarati, and Hindi, I can also comprehend Urdu. I love reading Gujarati and Hindi just as much as I enjoy English. Sometimes at school, I am called a "language freak"; however, I choose to refrain from that title until I achieve the level of linguistic command that my father possesses on these four languages. I strive to learn Spanish before my fluid memory vanishes; therefore, I plan to continue studying this language in college, adding on to the three years of Spanish I have already conquered.

A food lover. From breakfast to dinner, I carefully choose the food that might suit my palette. Throughout these seventeen years, food has presented me with the joy that video games and television could not. I enjoy food of every sort and nationality. My options are limited, some say, being a vegetarian. But I disagree with them for to me, they only exemplify a lack of knowledge. There are countless vegetarian delicacies that can suffice a normal diet in both nutritional and gustatory values. I am close to food and I often joke to my parents saying that one day in my later life, I will surely work as a food critic for The New York Times.

A cricket player. With Donald Bradman as my idol, I had broken several records back in India at the under-thirteen district tournaments. I play as an all rounder in a cricket team, which allows me to hold important positions in both the batting and bowling innings. Besides cricket, badminton is another sport that I excel in. However, in America neither of the two sports is much popular. Therefore, upon moving to this country, I adopted the game of tennis. I consider tennis to be an amalgam of cricket and badminton: from a sport like cricket comes the much needed footwork for tennis and from badminton comes the basics of several shots such as the backhand. As a result, even without professional coaching, I am glad to be among the top six players on our school's varsity tennis team.

A bathroom singer. Every morning, I think, my guardians wake up to my sweet voice, sometimes getting a chance to listen to the melodies set by The Beatles or, if they are lucky enough, getting a pleasant dose of my all time favorite romantic Bollywood songs. I have been warned against disturbing them so early in the morning; however, as soon as I enter my bathroom, the singer within me rises. To not sing while showering is one of my nemeses since I am aware of the fact that it can be a breach of etiquette, in some cases.

A Colorful person. God has gifted me a beautiful brown colored skin, one that prevents me from employing elaborate tanning services and allows me go out and play in the sun without the fear of sunburns. Among the shades of white and black, I present a color that brings a new dimension to the seemingly monotonous zebra striped society.

Undergraduate / Living in America taught me to value my Indian heritage - significant event [12]

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

It was gloomy at first, the daunting idea of separating from my parents. However, hoping that there actually exists a "light at the end of the tunnel", I mournfully decided to stay in this country of English speakers in order to continue my studies. Gradually, the culture brought me closer to being an actual American: drinking large quantities of soda and surviving on fast-food. As a result, I feared my standing out in a stark contrast among my pals in India. I realized that I have been baptized into the American way of life, something my friends and family back in the old country despised.

However, gradually I found myself to be reconciling the two cultures; I was starting to imbibe the "best of the two countries". At the very core, I was an Indian; nevertheless, I could not reject the American values that laid so close to my heart. Living in America taught me to value my heritage and as well as to stay connected to the present situations. It has taught me to lead a dual life: to live as an American in this country, and to act as an Indian when among Indians.

Therefore, over the years, I have learned to compromise. A conversation with close family relatives from the old country always starts with the question "You haven't been eating any meat, have you?" Time and again when I go to the mall, this question keeps me from eating the succulent hardy beef burgers. A hangout at my friend's house forces me to eat my vegetarian dinner at home, a custom that I dare not to break. In this new country, I go against every force to keep myself from indulging into the "devil's food", as the wise say in India. Yet, despite such moral limitations, I am content. I find myself unique: in a pool of hot dog eaters, I am the only vegetarian. And it was only after moving to America that I was able to appreciate my uniqueness.

Even today, as our family gets-together, I feel compelled to bow down to the elders and touch their feet in order to show my utmost respect. Every decision of my life initiates with a phone call to my grandmother asking for her most earnest blessings. Ever engaged into the Indian traditions, I only begin talking to my family with a friendly Hindu greeting of "Jai Shree Krishna". Hence, growth has been pushed on me as a result of migration. It has enabled me to learn lessons much faster than others. While in America, I have learned the importance of my heritage, my family, and my customs at a very young age, something my cousins in the old country have not yet been able to notice.

Despite honoring my heritage, I have not disregarded the present. I live the life of an American teenager: I like to spend countless hours on social networking websites and I prefer to eat an overabundance of Americanized Mexican food. I like watch fire crackers on the eve of Fourth of July celebration and I force my guardians to cook a thanksgiving dinner, whether it consist of a just one delicacy or many. Basketball might not be the sport for me on the courts, but I certainly enjoy watching it on my television set. I am proud to say the pledge of allegiance every morning in the school. I believe that I have established a strong foothold in this country and I can only see it strengthening in the future.

Only after coming to this country was I able to see the greatness of these two distinct cultures. The archaisms of the Indian culture and the modernity of America seemed to blend together to give me my identity. I am aware of my origins and my foundations, but I rest solid in the present, ever-engaged in today's world. My migration helped me to create an appreciation towards the customs, the cultures and the people that surround me and I am proud to say that I am comprised of two countries.

I was wondering if this answered the prompt and if this one would "bore" the admissions committee because i am a fun loving guy and i wouldn't want the admissions people to suffer

this is around 700 words..do i need to add/remove more