Unanswered [57] | Urgent [1]

Posts by DMA17
Joined: Dec 10, 2010
Last Post: Dec 29, 2011
Threads: 8
Posts: 31  

From: Jamaica

Displayed posts: 39
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Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'students who share the same passions as mine' - Why NYU [5]

This is great writing and I didn't find any errors, but I have to agree with the above poster. This type of essay is very common to NYU. There is nothing wrong with talking about the schools location, but because these types of essays are so common you have to find some way to make your essay stand out.

You said that you visited NYU, was there anything you saw that you really liked? Did you hear about a specific club or student organization that you really want to join? is there a country that NYU has ties with that you really want to study in? these are stuff you should be writing about. Find something about NYU that you really intrigued you.
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / Columbia Supplement - "Why this Major" + "Meaningful Book" [8]

Hey can you please read my essays and give me your feedback. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you in advance for your help.

Please tell us what you found meaningful about one of the above mentioned books, publications or cultural events.

Through the power of some of my favorite books, I have travelled through time, lived in the wild, and saved the world. However, out of all the books I have immersed myself in, few stick out in my mind more so than Markus Zusak's The Book Thief. Since reading it cover to cover for the third time, it has remained on my desk. I have reopened it and read random passages to enjoy the plot, to think of the deeper story it tells, and to luxuriate in the richness of the language. I am haunted by this book.

What makes the book stimulating is not its feisty young heroine who has a Potterish appeal, nor its Vonnegut whimsy to the caustic turns of fate, but its oddly relatable narrator- Death. Zusak's portrayal of Death, is not the avenging angel who comes to rip Man away from his loved ones, but one who cares for the human soul; one who is heavy with the burdens of the job. As such his only respite is when he stops to notice the color of the sky, "In my line of work, I make it a point to notice them." he confides.

As young adults, we sometime feel like time is something that moves at a snail-like pace and at a rapid speed. If you make yourself aware of it, you can almost hear the clocks tick. If you choose to ignore it, you go from age eight to eighteen in the blink of an eye. This book has reminded me of the fundamental fact of enjoying the simple things in life, even in my most stressful times.

1408/1500 characters

For applicants to Columbia College, please tell us what attracts you specifically to the field or fields of study that you noted in the Application Data section. If you are currently undecided, please write about any field or fields in which you may have interest at this time, but have not yet selected as a major interest.

I am something of a creature of two worlds, or at least of two great interests. I am at first glance, an aspiring physician. My passion to expand my understanding of the natural world, specifically the human body, has led me to Biochemistry. Through the versatility and broad applicability of Biochemistry in the field of medicine, I hope to sate this passion.

In all but this, I am an aspiring researcher. My zest to study medicine led to my interest in the Biochemistry, but that same ambition revealed to me a new world of neurons and synapses, a world I am fervently interested in exploring. The mystery of brain and the magnitude of its capabilities never cease to amaze me, such as human memory. How am I able to remember complex song lyrics and megabytes of basketball statistics while struggling to remember math formulas? These and many more questions I hope to have answered through studying Neuroscience.

I used to wonder which would be the greater mastery and how I could better serve the world: as a researcher or a physician? I have slowly come to realize that the best answer to that question is simply that the question is irrelevant as the two are so inextricably intertwined that neither exists meaningfully alone.

1232/1500 characters
Dec 26, 2011
Undergraduate / Why Columbia - "Research + Civic Engagement" [5]

Yea, I 86'd the last paragraph, and I'm currently working on a new ending. I'll post it here when I'm finished. Thanks djpralex and deremifri
Dec 26, 2011
Undergraduate / "Diversity in kids" -Describe the world you come from MIT [7]

Wow! this is really well written. Besides the comment given above, I cannot seem to find anything else wrong with it.

Well maybe here: We boys would sit next to each other on a bench and play game boy, united by our love for the little creatures. I don't know if you meant to say game boy, but I think it would make more sense if you had Pokemon.

Again, well-written essay!
Dec 26, 2011
Undergraduate / 'minutes until show-time...' - Rice Supplement [6]

I- LOVE- IT!!! you have done what is known as the stream of consciousness narrative and you did it perfectly!!! You related all your rational and irrational thoughts (What if I forgot my pants?) seamlessly (you see what I did there lol). I could not find anything wrong with it grammatically. At first I thought it was a bit histrionic but then again we are teenagers and that is how we think, well at least how i think.

Dear god, please let there be no word limit because I wouldn't want to cut this down at all...it is absolute amazing. This is amazing writing, you should be proud.

Now, with that out of the way, like the above poster said, I'm not quite sure what you'll bring to the Rice community.
Dec 25, 2011
Undergraduate / 'I seek change' - Why Rice? [6]

hmmm, for some reason I'm left feeling unimpressed by your response and I think its because I have seen it time and time again from other applicants. There is nothing wrong with describing the aesthetic appeal of Rice or the surrounding city, but if you are going to do it find some way to make it stand out.

It doesn't have to be heavily stylistic or anything like that, but talk about something that is either unique to Rice or about something you saw while on a tour that caught your interest. As it is now, its bordering a "brochure" response. Find a way to personalize it.

So in closing let me say, I'm sorry if I came off as harsh :/ and Good Luck! I'm looking forward to seeing what you come up with.
Dec 25, 2011
Undergraduate / NYC, Ms. Clark, High-Five, HEOP Scholars - Barnard replies [7]

Wow, I liked it. It is well-written response which answers the prompt nicely.

The only problem I have with it is the beginning I "majored in unafraid" when I overcame my fear of public speaking. I believe, as prospective college students, we have reached a level where that style of writing (I majored in the unafraid when...., I am applying because..., etc) is unnecessary. I think for stylistic purposes, I'd start the response at "My heart was racing...."

everything but the speech itself ran through my mind. <----- I like this and I don't want you to cut it out so I suggest

My heart was racing and everything but the speech itself ran through my mind;I kept thinking "There are too many people here. What if they don't listen?"....

How's that?
Dec 23, 2011
Undergraduate / Why Columbia - "Research + Civic Engagement" [5]

In retrospect, I guess you're right. I knew I was over the limit so I wanted to end the essay quickly.

Also, I decided to add the last paragraph, because I didn't want to seem like a one hit wonder, like all I found interesting about the school was the research. So I talked about my other interest civic engagement. Nevertheless, It does end abruptly.

Do you, or anyone else, have any ideas for ways o improve the last paragraph?
Dec 23, 2011
Undergraduate / Why Columbia - "Research + Civic Engagement" [5]

Hey guys, I'm having a little trouble cutting down my Why Columbia essay from 1590 characters to 1500 characters. Yea I know you're prob saying, "Its only 90 characters over so it shouldn't be so hard" but I can't seem to cut it down. So if you don't mind would you please help me.

Annually, large numbers of intellectuals apply to Columbia University. Applying to Columbia may be aiming high, but I chase the dream, not the competition. Currently, my dream is to see the fruition of a research project I have been designing.

With my future research, I plan to take a genetic approach to aging to determine if certain age-related illnesses, such as Alzheimer's, can be counteracted. More specifically, I intend to develop a method of regulating the genes that cause the expression of certain neurological diseases, which can hopefully lead to the development of a cure. This research concept is currently only an idea that has transformed into a drive, but at Columbia, I find inspiration in Professor Brent Stockwell's work in defining the interconnected signaling networks underlying neurodegeneration. Through his research he has made considerable strides in the field of neurodegeneration, and through the plethora of research opportunities available at Columbia, I hope to someday work with Professor Stockwell.

Although first enticed by the availability of leading researchers, my interest in Columbia has grown. Through further research, I have found Columbia's dedication to producing socially-engaged leaders highly appealing. The last years of high school have given me a unique view on how service enriches the lives of others, while enriching my high school experience in ways the classroom could not. Thus it was imperative to find a school that fosters this, and at Columbia I find programs like the Kenneth Cole Community Engagement Program, truly alluring.

Feel free to comment on it as well, in terms of grammar, idea, flow, etc. I was planning on uploading all my Columbia essay at once but this one has got me frustrated.

Thank you in advance for any help provided and HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Dec 6, 2011
Undergraduate / " life is full obstcacles" - Gap Year essay [6]

Life is unpredictable; it's hard to tell what the next moment will bring, but amid all of that uncertainty I have found comfort in knowing that I will make the most of my year. The reason for my gap year is less than ideal, but I have learned about resilience and about being steadfast in the face of adversity. I know these qualities will help me excel in college as they have helped me arise triumphantly this year.

Hey guys I've tried to tweak the ending so tell me what you think.
Dec 1, 2011
Undergraduate / " life is full obstcacles" - Gap Year essay [6]

I'm extremely sorry if it seems i'm being pushy, but does the conclusion seem rushed? I was looking over the essay and I'm wondering if the conclusion seems rushed or should i add little more.

Thank You for your input!
Nov 27, 2011
Undergraduate / " life is full obstcacles" - Gap Year essay [6]

You really like it! :D. I went through many drafts before I came up with this one. I'll omit this line This is what makes us distinctive and unique. The obstacles that I have faced and overcome helped shape me into who I am today.

Wow! this was the only thing stopping me from submitting my Common App. Thanks blueshore! It feels so good to be finished with it.

Anyone else wants to chime your input will be greatly appreciated.
Nov 27, 2011
Undergraduate / " life is full obstcacles" - Gap Year essay [6]

Hey guys thanks for clicking my link. I've written the following essay to explain why I took a gap year for the Common App Education Interruption Section. My only worry is that it is too long. Can you tell me what you think and what I should cut out to shorten it. There is no word limit but I just didn't want to write something too long. Currently its 574 words

Life can be full of many obstacle and surprises. It is not always the obstacle that we have been faced with that defines us, but rather how we overcome it and what we become from it as a result. This is what makes us distinctive and unique. The obstacles that I have faced and overcome helped shape me into who I am today.

Before my extensive college marathon began, I thought there was only one barrier - an academic one, consisting of standardized tests and rigorous coursework - standing as an obstacle between me and going to college. Unfortunately, I was wrong, because there was definitely another hurdle. The second one doesn't require any scholarly attributes at all to leap over, just the money in my family's pocket. In April, my dad had lost his job due to the collapsing economy. This was around the time when students were to begin notifying schools about their intention to enroll or not for the coming fall. Given my father's situation, I was faced with the inevitable realization that I won't be able to begin college this fall, and I that had to take a gap year.

Nevertheless, I didn't allow what I missed out on affect the opportunities I did have at my disposal. Determined not to waste my year off, I decided to use this time to pursue all the activities my high school schedule would not permit. In high school, French was one of my favorite subjects however I had to drop it because it clashed with two of my other classes. So now that I have the time, I have enrolled in an intermediate French program hosted by the French Embassy, where my interest in the French can grow. This 4-month class has been truly enriching because as I was learning French, French was teaching me life lessons and the importance of self-motivation, listening, humility, humor, responsibility and passion. Through French, I have become a completely independent student, which has enabled me to teach myself and retain information whenever I came across something undiscovered. I was and still am in my own world of this language, which is especially beneficial for learning any subject. Subsequently, I am now fervently interested in pursing a double major in French and Biochemistry, something that I would not have done if I had not been on my gap year.

Moreover, as a responsible and self-motivated student, I wish to take an active role in my medical education and learn for my future to become the best Internist I can be. My high school science education has done an excellent job of equipping me with the knowledge I need to begin pursuing my goal. Thus, through the six-month Congestive Heart Failure Volunteer Program at New York Methodist Hospital, I hope to bridge theory and practice as I apply my knowledge and skills in a clinical setting. As a volunteer I will work alongside physicians to enhance patients' understanding of chronic heart failure and to teach them practical techniques and skills to help manage their disease. Again, this is an opportunity that I feel would not have been available if not for my gap year.

The reason for my gap year is less than ideal, but I have learned about resilience and about being steadfast in the face of adversity. I know these qualities will help me excel in college as they have helped me arise triumphantly in my turbulent years.

Thank you in advance for your help!
Nov 26, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Art has no normality' - UC Prompt #2 [12]

Superb!!! this was absolutely amazing. You obviously have a knack for writing as well, and it is evidenced by this essay. I could not find anything wrong with it really. The imagery int he first paragraph was spot on!

You sound like a great and passionate artist and any school would be lucky to have you. Good Luck!
Nov 26, 2011
Undergraduate / 'music being transmitted through me' - UVA favorite place to get lost [2]

funny enough I was listening to music while i read your essay. My first impression: its really good. I'm no expert but I really liked your essay. I don't know why, maybe its because I wrote something similar to it for one of my colleges lol .

This is my suggestion, for your intro:
Vibrations pump throughoutSounds reverberate in my head, melodies trigger emotions, and I become lost between my headphones.

This line "The music screams so loud to me, yet the world is quiet" sounds weird to me. I don't know if you were trying to sound poetic or not but it comes off a bit weird. I get what you are trying to say, its just that the phrasing is a bit off.

I'm not sure how i feel about the word ecstasy in the essay especially since you go on to say that's exactly where you want to be in. Try substituting it with thrill.

I like the last paragraph, however I would omit Whether the music is slow or fast, loud or soft, I am lost exactly where I want to be.

again these are only my suggestions. I hope I was of some help.

Good Luck!
Nov 25, 2011
Undergraduate / Why Vassar-intellectual freedom [6]

This is actually really good. I especially liked when you talked about Dr Elmegreen it shows that you have researched the school and have clearly defined goals for your time at Vassar.

So the environment of Vassar, where all views and ideas are discussed and respected, appeals to me immensely. Physics is my favourite subject.I don't like the transition between these two sentences. I think it would be better if you wrote:

So the environment of Vassar, where all views and ideas are discussed and respected, appeals to me immensely.Moreover,I am very fascinated by Dr Debra Elmegreen's research on distant galaxies which gives us a peek at the past of our universe.

Saying physics is your favorite subject, doesn't add anything to the essay. You would be better off if related your love of physics to her astronomy research. Does she use certain physics principles in her exploration of the universe? Does she specialize in astrophysics? show the link between the two so that your essay makes more sense.

At the end you say Since its intellectual atmosphere..., whose intellectual atmosphere is made for you? astronomy? because that's the idea I'm getting from the sentence. You could say: Vassar's intellectual atmosphere seems tailor made for me and I plan to flourish as student here.

Good Luck!!
Nov 22, 2011
Undergraduate / 'a scholar since I was young - Topic of your Chocie [4]

hahaha, I assure you I'm not crazy, well at least by my definition of the word.

Thank you so much for your comments, but as a whole, what do you think about it? is it good enough to be my common app essay, provided I tweak it?
Nov 21, 2011
Undergraduate / 'a scholar since I was young - Topic of your Chocie [4]

Thank you for clicking on my link! Below is my Common App essay for the Topic of your Choice prompt. Please evaluate it, tear it to shreds and tell me how it made you feel after reading it. Thank you in advance for any help you provided.

Becoming the first member to graduate high school and attend college in my family is a gift. I have always been a scholar since I was young; I always had an insatiable hunger for learning and engrossing myself in various subjects. As a result, I have always excelled in the world of academics and this was the greatest pride and joy for my parents. I brought honor to my family name, my sole purpose to propel myself further. My parents shared the same sentiment and assisted me in any way possible. Completing high school and attending a university is a must.

As each school year passed, it became increasingly difficult to keep an academic foothold. I felt like I was no longer on flat land, but on the edge of a cliff. I found myself in a precarious state. By the end of my 4th year and beginning of my 5th year I have given up nights to study vigorously for the trials that will eventually become my future. In my attempts to successfully score high on those exams, I have failed. I have failed to meet my parents' standard; those terrifying glares that penetrated my core. Those fixed stares of my infuriated parents slowly and brutally attacked my confidence. They did not help to alleviate my shame. They tried to help me by adding supplementary and weekend classes to my schedule, scrounging up every penny to provide for my education. I understood their cause, but my dignity could not stand more. Those scores snickered and mocked at my every conceivable weakness and I gave in. My forte was no longer supporting me. My A's became B's and mistakes ran ludicrously over my assignments. I became so frightened that I would no longer try. This deep abyss of depression grasped onto my life, and it was time for me to erase its existence.

I reflected on how and why I was in this state to begin with. I could not believe I had even considered giving up in my academics. Then I realized that there were two types of people in this world, those who realize and do nothing and those who confront and fix their mistakes. Some people do not resign themselves to what is handed to them and in an effort, correct their faults. That was me. I realize that if my grades did not meet my standards, I did not try hard enough, if my nights studying were not enough, I did not study hard enough. I was the protagonist in my own life instead of being an antagonist. My ambitions for college have been cultivated in this vision of always studying and advancing and any obstacle obstructing me must be defeated. I learned about resilience and about being steadfast in the face of adversity. I learned to be more diligent and now when I want something, I charge forward like an enraged ram, dashing until my ambitions are met. I know these qualities will help me excel in college as they have helped me arise triumphantly in my turbulent years.
Oct 13, 2011
Undergraduate / Why am I taking a Gap Year- Common App [8]

to clear up any confusion, I'm currently not in high school I graduated in June. I'm currently doing my gap year and I'm preparing to go to Haiti for 4 months to volunteer in with the United Nations. I'm applying to school for fall 2012.

So what I'm understanding is that Common App apparently doesn't have a section where I can indicate that I'm taking a gap year after having graduated high school.

@Wraithseeker, thanks for the advice man. What did you, or anyone else, think of it grammar wise and the idea?
Oct 13, 2011
Undergraduate / Why am I taking a Gap Year- Common App [8]

yea I was wondering about that, but because Common app asked if my progression was or will be delayed, I thought they were referring to those persons taking gap years.

If not do you, or anyone else, know where on the application I should indicate this?
Oct 12, 2011
Undergraduate / Why am I taking a Gap Year- Common App [8]

Common App had a section where I could select any interruptions in my education and I selected:
did/will take gap year
Provide details on the item(s) checked above.

The chase for the coveted white coat and stethoscope began early. Anecdotes abound of me and my numerous computer and "educational" toys that sought to enhance my mental prowess. Even my "play-time" was often structured and enriched with just the right mix of appropriate playmates and educational activities. The pace of the days and the years allowed little time simply "to be a kid" - or, it seemed, to develop into a complete human being. But that didn't matter to my parents, as long as I was performing well, and I did. I have always been a scholar since I was young; I always had an insatiable hunger for learning and engrossing myself in various subjects. As a result, I have always excelled in the world of academics and this was the greatest pride and joy for my parents. However, I have not been able to find the time during the constant brigade of hard work to look at myself. Too many times I have seen a person that has fallen into the machine of persevering monotony. I work hard for this, I train hard for that, I achieve it, smile, and move on, setting newer, higher goals for myself. But where would that lead me? I would probably end up being a doctor who saw his patients as puzzles to solve rather than people to help.

In order to see who I really am, I have to look deeper than what the dictionary has to offer. Therefore, before I start my next four to ten years of education beyond high school, I want to take this time to step back and reflect my values.

This is what I have so far and I would like any additional feedback.

P.S. Should I include what I'm doing/hoping to do or should I just leave it as an explanation of why I chose a gap year?

Thank you in advance for your help!!!!!
Oct 10, 2011
Essays / Help start an essay about what experiences contributed to my academic development [2]

I take it the reason you're asking for help is because you want help n creating an opening hook.

Well life experiences are always the best opening hooks. You see, people want to read about interesting people doing something interesting, not wade through a boring description or explanation of a back story.

So sit down and reflect on all the experiences in your life, are any of them exciting, if so use it. If the opening introduces something unique happening, or about to happen, chances are you have an appealing hook.

If you saw that you had no really interesting experiences, don't be disheartened. You can turn that negative into a positive. Use it to your advantage by capitalizing on how your life has been boring

Good Luck!! Hope this helped
Oct 9, 2011
Undergraduate / Extracurricular Activity Common App Essay - Debate Team (1000 words) [3]

Phew! Made it by the skin of your teeth!! hahaha a little humor for the night


I liked it alot! I don't know, if you'll understand what I mean when I say this, but you write with purpose. I don't know if its because of the word limit but I think you used each sentence well; they all worked together to bring across your point clearly.

As for errors I see none.

Great job again!
Oct 9, 2011
Undergraduate / computers and my future - college entrance essay. [3]

what's the prompt??? I can't say if your essay relates to the prompt given or not. Notwithstanding I'll try and edit it to the best of my abilities.

Over my lifetime I have learned many things and have had a few different hobbies, but there is one that I have always stuck with: computers.

Since age 10 I have tinkered around with all sorts of technologiestechnology, whether it was through salvaging old computers or rebuilding them. More recently I built a very high end computer from scratch, eventually building a mini-network in my bedroom.

After deciding what exactly I wanted to do in the field of technology I decided on computer science. Not just in general, specifically in the field of computer networking and network security. this needs to be restructured.

Good essay all around, just a few structuring issues. Again I don't know he prompt so I can't say if it was on point or not.

Good Luck!!!!!
Oct 9, 2011
Undergraduate / 'opportunity to head overseas' - FSU essay, I have a start [7]

As the above poster said, try not talking about the college, they know all there is to know about it already. Its not your job to tell them about the college, its your job to tell them why YOU are right for the school or what YOU can offer.

I remember when I used to do that, my teacher would say that its not my job to write a college brochure.

At the beginning of the second paragraph you mentioned how you "connected learning with strictly school related things", I would suggest elaborating on it, if you can. Take the reader on an experience where you were learning something outside of school that wasn't school related.

As it pertains to global awareness, can you cite an example where FSU students displaying this characteristic, eg. from an college newspaper article or alumni newsletter. Add that to what you have already and i think it will help.

Good luck!!!!!!! hope I was helpful
Sep 24, 2011
Undergraduate / Finding the one through a match maker- How did you first learn about St. Bona [6]

St. Bonaventure Supplement- Why St.Bona?

Please tell us how you first learned of St. Bonaventure University. Please be specific, i. e. newspaper, radio, web, friends, relatives, college fairs, etc. Include why you decided to apply. You may use an additional page if you desire:

To most, myself included, the internet is usually the hub of useless activities and the biggest cause of procrastination, but not today. Today I have stumbled upon a quaint match-making service that has caught my interest. Usually, I'm not one to partake in such frivolous services because they, more often than not, produce terrible results. Notwithstanding, I was in need of some help finding "the one", as my past experiences have been anything but fortunate.

With eyes wide and hopeful I moved onto the initial questionnaire. Question after question I answered to the best of my ability and slowly I saw the number of possible matches diminish, whether this was good or not I was unable to determine. One would think that the more choices one had the better, but page after page that number kept dropping until I reached on the final page of the questionnaire. Thirty-five, that's how many possible matches I had. Anxiety filled me as I was about to click "See Results". "Had I been too fastidious?", "Should I go back and change a couple answers?", "Maybe a swimming team isn't necessary" were only a few of the questions running through my mind, nevertheless I pressed on. Name after name appeared before me, some I've heard of and some unknown to me, and I made a commitment to go through every one of the colleges listed on the Collegeboard's Match Maker site, so that I could find the right one. Without a doubt, I can say that St. Bonaventure matched every one of my criterion.

As a student looking for opportunities in the medical world, a proper education is essential for a successful future. I wish to pursue a pre-medical program that will allow me to walk in the physician's shoes to explore the roles and responsibilities of a professional healthcare provider. Under the St. Bonaventure pre-medical program, I will be able to gain early exposure to patient care by partaking in clinical medicine opportunities at the Olean General Hospital. I believe this intensive clinical program will help me bridge theory and practice as I apply my knowledge and skills in clinical settings to make a positive difference in people's lives.

Moreover, of the many things unique to St. Bonaventure, it is the commitment of the school to embracing and serving society that solidified my reason to apply. When I was four, it was cracking the eggs and licking the spoon whenever there was a big charity bake sale; as I grew older, I started running marathons and 5k's with my mom in support of cancer; a couple of years ago, I volunteered at a local hospital to help malnourished children. Serving others has, invariably, been a part of my life. In high school, I formed my closest friendships through participation in student groups outside of the classroom. One such group has the motto "Students Helping Students" and I have learned to live that motto throughout high school by giving my time to organizations across my country. The last couple years of high school have given me a unique perspective on how service enriches the lives of others, while enriching my high school experience in ways the classroom could not. So it was imperative that I found a university whose values paralleled mine and I had found that in St. Bonaventure.

Don't be afraid to rip it to shreds, any advice will be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance for your help
Sep 24, 2011
Undergraduate / "I want to help countries like my home country" - Personal Statement [5]

I found this to be a good read. I like it a lot and I could see your voice coming through with this essay.

The only thing that I'd say to change is this:
in the second paragraph you have

"I enveloped myself in Mock Trial," I understand what you're trying to say but I wouldn't use the word envelope, try something like immersed.
Dec 10, 2010
Undergraduate / "to achieve my goal in a timely manner" - Why Boston University? in 5 or 6 sentences. [3]

Prompt: in about five or six sentences, tell us how oyu first became interested in Boston university and what steps have you taken to learn about us?

In my search for a university, my main drive was to find a university that will best able me to achieve my goal of becoming an Internist, and Boston University emerged as a clear fit for me. Ever since I can remember, I have dreamt of a career in medicine, not for some petty reason like money or prestige, but for the satisfaction that I would get from knowing that I made a difference in someone's life. However, the thing that time and time again deterred me was the time it takes to get a degree in medicine, but Boston University's Seven-Year Liberal Arts/Medical Education Program came as the solution to my problem. This program not only allows me to take a combined curriculum that provides outstanding medical education but it also shortens the overall period of study, thus allowing me to achieve my goal in a timely manner, and as such BU is the best school for me.

I'm wondering if this is sufficient enough for the prompt.

Please read and reviesw my essay in way possible, any criticism is greatly appreciated.
Dec 10, 2010
Undergraduate / "The president of the Ardenne High Science Club" - Extra-cuuricular activities [4]

Thanks for the timely response and the advice. I will definitely add something more specific in terms of activities. I'm just wondering how to do that and still stay within the word limit.

I plan to include our recent Halloween special that we hosted , where we made fake blood and slime.
Dec 10, 2010
Undergraduate / "The president of the Ardenne High Science Club" - Extra-cuuricular activities [4]

Please read and evaluate this short essay on my school's science club for CommonApp. Any advice on how to improve on it will be greatly appreciated.

Prompt: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activites or work experience

My school places a large emphasis on test grades and homework, creating a serious mood throughout the school, and as president of the Ardenne High Science Club, I have always promoted creativity and enjoyment. The Ardenne High Science Club is an after school club that offers students the chance to do science-related activities that extend and enhance the science they experience in the classroom.

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