Writing Feedback / IELTS - International tourism leads to both - tension and understanding [5]

Therefore, those local residents have to clean the place frequently so that the new batch of tourists will have a tidy and neat environment.

Moreover, tourists may offend the local people due to their different culturecultural background.

For example, Indians don't(avoid contraction)do not eat beef since they worship cows.

Furthermore, the tour guides are willing to help tourists to understand the culture from other countries.

Thus, the possibility of the conflicts is reduced because the understanding between both parties.

Writing Feedback / GRE Argument Essay: 'A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentian .....' [5]


Actually, this is grammatically accepted. "Survey" is a noun that modifies methodologies. Thus, 'survey' is a modifier.


John is also right. However, they're too lengthy, and therefore the most appropriate is 'survey methodologies'. :)

Undergraduate / This is my personal statement prompt 1; My grandfather Lee [5]

Seniors have told us, since the beginning of 1999, that the students in our school began a spontaneous organization to take care of grandfather Lee. No need to put commas.

Elderly man told us that nine years ago, he hasn't feelingwas notlongelylonely because there arewere more than 500 pieces of warm hearts to accompany him.

In fact, for us, his dependence and the like makes us satisfactionsatisfied ,too.


Wrong grammar. Please observe and think what you are trying to say here

But I believe Iwillwould be have more of nine years.

I really hope when iIgo to thestudy college, I can go back to China to visit grandfather Lee.

Scholarship / Nha Trang - Describe your hometown [4]

The first thing anyone who has chance to visit Nha Trang always mentionsis its beach, which anyone who has a chance to visit Nha Trang always leaves the place with spectacle and satisfaction .

At night, you may see some performances concludingincluding traditional and modern one(specify.. is it a dance, etc.?)
Nha Trang is not only famous for places and foods but is also well known for the local people.

Writing Feedback / GRE Argument: Easy Read Speed-Reading Course has greatly improved productivity [2]

The first question that arises is,"whetherWas the inclusion of the course was the only change made?"

Also, it should be noted that an increase in reading speed is not proportional to the speed of understanding and criticallyanalyzinganalysis of important documents.

One needs to read carefully not fast,and not speedily, in order to achieve fair understanding and respond accordinglyrelevant responses .

Also, the other graduate may have roseexcelled because of extreme hard work, an open position or even favoritism!

If the company thinks that the course has made a significant change, they should evaluate the profits earned before and after this period.

Writing Feedback / Story about why the dog 'Jaw' was sold by the owner [4]

Here are other grammatical mistakes I have found in your essay.

As he had no wife nor girlfriend, he felt lonely and depressed at times.

He decided to buy a dog to accompany him and relieve his loneliness . so that he won't felt lonely any more.

He searched the entire pet shop in vain but still, he isn'twas not satisfied about the dog he found there.

He felt wretched as he walkgot out of the shop.

Stanley findfound it adorable when he wagged his tail.

He was determinedreally liked to buy the dog, so he did.

At the same time, he bought the cage, chain, dog food, small ball and dog tag for the doghis new pet .

Note: Be consistent with the tense you're using. If you use past tense of verb, use it til the end of your essay. You may also use transitional devices to smoothly connect your ideas.

Writing Feedback / Parents - the main factor effect personality on person; Fatherhood vs motherhood [4]

Parents werearethe main factorsthat greatlya ffect the personality of a persontheir children.

"Bringing the children up" phrasesmean thatP arents, as their prime responsibility, have to bring their children up as they undergo the developmental life stages. Parents have to teach their children morally and support them financially as they go along the right way.for children money or assert, but also can be understand that parents have responsibilities and duties to support for their children motion and teaching them to be successful in the future.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: keep your old friends or make new friends? I've ever had just few friends [3]

First, I am convincedbeliev e that making new friends is more difficult than before.
Nowadays we know many people by using social networks.

In addition, it is possible to know people,(remove comma) who live in our country with our same hobbies,orpeople who look attractive in their photos and we can easily add to our "friends" people who look attractive in their photos because we hope in something more than a friendly approach.


This will be useless if there's no relevant supporting detail/s. Support your opinion.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: increased sport facilities vs other measures. Discuss both views. [3]

Sweden offers to its dwellers a rich variety of sports facilities and gyms in every region of the country.
As a result, the developmental level of public health in this country is very high.


Complete the idea. This is not a sentence.

In my opinion, focusing on sports excessively can excessively be considered as a shortsighted view, because there are many other factors that contribute to our health and make even greater impact.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL integrated task, personality called universal risk taking [3]

First, the reading passage suggests that people with the tendency of who endangering themselves and others can be related to a suicide willinghave suicidal tendency .

In contrast, the lecturer provides information that people who act in a risky way, truly believe that they have adequate skills and experience and they will surelyto succeed.

For example, racing drivers are self-confident and are convinced that they will not havecan prevent accident to happen .

Scholarship / Journalism: facts, events, truths - why I should be considered for scholarship [5]

To me, Journalism is a pursuit of facts, events, truths.

I care about finding stories, ensuring they'rethey are true and fairimpartial( more stronger) , and telling them in the most interesting and compelling way-whether that'sit is an essay, a video, an infographic, or a tweet.

My purpose of picking this program is simple. It is t o be an effective &and competent Journalist.

I want to be able to be a better writer, learn to shoot betterphotographer , be a better editor, and reporterbetter &so that I can equip myself more with skills, expertise that is necessary to survive & thrive in themy chosen profession.

Graduate / SOP - MS in Software Engineering - Spring 2015 [3]

As he explained to me how to browse through the folders and use internet, I became extremel y curious to know how these applications worked. Sometimes,it's good to insert intensifier to make your emotion realistic :)

In 10th STD my computer Science teacher introduced me to the C programming language to me and said that it could be used for developing dos applications.

I and two othersI and the two others were actively involved in designing, documentation and development of the application.

I dedicated my time to learn ASP(dot)NET on my own and developed several ASP pages in various modules of the application.

I made use of the college vacations by steppingto step into the industry by applying for various internship opportunities.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : government involvement in people life syle [4]

Sticking "No Smoking" campaign in public area, for instance, is one of the accepted regulations made by government which has already reachedgained positive feedback from its civilization.

This is particularly beneficial to eradicate the high rate of victimsbecause ofwith smoking related-diseases .

In terms of dressing ethic code...

Undergraduate / To Stay Sane, Stay Busy (COMMON APP ESSAY- CONTENT) [2]

For myselfme , the shouting and constant challenges that arise are what make working at the[BUSINESS] the most blissful and content place that can be-business .

At a very young age, I was taught to embrace challenges and to not let them faze you as an individual.

I wholeheartedly followed that mentality, however, I became over joyous when embarking on these challenges, for they offered me a chance to improve my skill on a particular activity while learning more about myself and my limits, which the [BUSINESS]business embodied brilliantly.

I want to leave as soon as possible as the crowd dies down around 1pm.

To be able to leave, you have to dedicate and push yourself and push yourself to work quickly, efficiently and unitedly . in unison with those around you .

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Problems and solutions for regional unbalance? [14]

While the commercial dynamism in urban areas contributes largely to the domestic budget...
the country may also suffer from chaotic situations,
It is the responsibility of the government to assure money-making centres are( no need to put "are") distributed equally everywhere, if they want to reduce these problems.

Other than those corrections above, you have presented your essay very well :)

Writing Feedback / Topic: If i had 3 days to live; 'hypnosis for memory' [5]

I would run along the boulevard on my bare feetbarefooted just to chase a white butterfly and at the same time to enjoying the decoration of dirt and mud on my soles.

Writing Feedback / International aid is a must but also it is required to operate in the right way [4]

So it cannot be denied that the assistance to the poor nation is good for them too and furthermore, when the people of poor nations would be capable and perfect then, they could move on the way of development, of course, whole the universe could be benefited. Let's revise this:

So, it is evident that good assistance for the poor nation like helping its people would be of great way to achieve favorable development responsive to the global demands.

Writing Feedback / Topic: If i had 3 days to live; 'hypnosis for memory' [5]


I changed it to achieve conciseness (on my bare feet--barefooted) and parallelism (to chase -- to enjoy).

Writing Feedback / CAUSES OF LOW PASS RATE OF PROFICIENCY EXAM [4]

Passing proficiency is too difficult for those starting as beginners .
The n umber of native teachers isn't enough for a university whose education language is English.


Alth ough

I just suggest you to mention the main causes in the intro, and then expound them in the next paras by giving examples. It is very important to point out what your topic is all about in the very start,so we will know what we will expect from it.

Good luck:)

Writing Feedback / Schools should teach skills? What about values? The purpose of education. [4]

Write first the main TOPIC.
I think you better change the structure of your essay. Remove the use of "numbers" to enumerate your ideas.Although they somehow are used to show chronology, the use of "firstly, "secondly", etc are enough for that.


Don't introduce your topic through this way.

Essays / BTEC Engineering Essay (My idol my Inspiration) [6]

Almost everyone has thatan inspirational person involved in their life. I am no different, I too have that one person who really inspired me to be the best I can,thereas if his career choice had a massive effect on what I wanted to do when I came of age.

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: CONSIDERING DISADVANTAGES OF TOURISM [6]

Developing places as a getaway for tourists

Natural resources isare being depleted in expense to building accommodations for the tourists.

Investors have learned that such kind of place attracts not only the locals but the foreignspeople as well. A s a result, they start developing islands with white sand by cutting trees to pave way for establishments that will entertain visitors.

In addition, the increasing rate of pollution is also a disadvantage of tourism.

In my country, there was once a secluded place that was known for having an abundance of sea creaturesaquatic species( more appropriate)

In my own country, places that hashave been developed as a tourist spot hashave increased prices for gasoline and other basic needs.

Some of the locals are not happy about the increased cost of living, which they say, only adds burden to their simple way of life.

Good luck :)

Essays / BTEC Engineering Essay (My idol my Inspiration) [6]

When it comes to the telecoms industry he isseems like a god, the all mighty , the one personwhom you can go to when you need immediate solution for your problem .and ask that question that no one can figure out or explain, that problem that you just cant get your head around and know that you can rely on him for a solution.

It is the time and dedication he has given the industry that allows him to take thisa good position withinin thea company and affords him a lot of tea breaks.

Writing Feedback / "Another First Date" - my narrative essay [2]

I am in the bathroom getting ready for, yet another "first date."
At this point, I do not have first date jitters. If online dating has given me anything, it is more on confidence.
Online dating has become a sort (-)(delete the dash) of adventure to me.
Logging on to see my new "matches" adds a little fun to themy day.
When I initially started online dating, I did online datingso because I believed that it may be better than traditional dating in terms of getting to know someone better.

He was one of the first men that I met online and one of the men that(redundant) changed my enthusiasm for dating.
We first started talking online and we got to get to know each other online through e-mails and phone calls.

Undergraduate / automobile enthusiast from childhood; SOP for masters in motorsports engineering [2]

My college life was a mix of different experiences .

Automobile as my specialization was added to my pleasure

And,(Don't start you sentence by writing "and") . In addition,(you better use a transitional device to add ideas) my participation in projects like BAJA SAEINDIA , a group competition where teams of undergraduate students are asked to design and build a single-seater off-road vehicle and then test the endurance of the vehicle through various performance metrics ( you don't have to use parentheses to describe what BAJA SAEINDIA is) . The experience of beingas in-charge of Transmission and Manufacturing sub-teams had provided me an excellent opportunity to apply my classroom knowledge in practical, like for example, how to determine the performance parameters of a vehicle by using vehicle dynamics concepts.

My involvement in such projects had also helped to me grab accolades like Technology Innovation Award for successful implementation of "Variable Ratio Brake Pedal" in our baja vehicle.

The advantage of which is that our vehicle gets an improved braking efficiency as well as driver gets less aggressive feeling during panic braking

The pleasure of myMy passion to learningresearch was augmented by the continuous support and special encouragement fromof my professors for my interest in learning and research, which helped me to execute my Final year project on "Self Inflating Tire System" under the guidance of Prof. Gaurav Saxena.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: An effective leader tries to make others feel they are part of the decision-making process. [4]


Great sentences!


What do you mean by the bold part. It seems that the idea is inappropriate in the context.

However, if employees think the task is none of their businesses, or even against their will basically, their efforts will deceasebe wasted undoubtedly.

Undergraduate / What happens in Hardee's: CommonApp Essay [2]


From school, my twin brother and I stopped at a fast food restaurant. Suddenly, an elderly gentleman with a bewildered look on his face approached us. That man got marveled not only because of our identical appearances but our awe-inspiring heights. We are both 6'4" frankly.

As someone with characteristics that make it easy for society to use stereotypes to assume what his other qualities are , I have a tremendous desire to defy societal labels that burns within me.

Although it seems like these experiences might lead to a self-destructive identity crisis, they have done nothing but strengthen myselfresolve to be the person I wish to be and not who anyone thinks I should be because of the way I look.

:)

Essays / Exploring the world - part of a whole article [2]

Sometimes, you learn not by academically but by taking risks(not parallel; I want to add some ideas to rectify this sentence grammatically but I do not have any idea what your topic is all about.)

So, there is a lot to learn outside the campus if only you venture new and totally different things. (Why did you use "so"? It seems inappropriate considering the idea in your preceding sentence.)

There are valuable things to be learned outside the campus, so all you have to do is to venture and get involved.

Undergraduate / "What do I want to do when I grow up?" - Peace Corps Volunteer App [2]

This was the one question I could never fullygot difficulty to answer. The best answerresponse I have ever come up with was a simple one: I want to help people.

One of the defining characteristics of my life when I was a child is that as a child, I grew up in a poor family.

As I grew older,andBut when my parents finished their schooling , that lifestyle gradually faded away as I grew older , and I found myself living with a very comfortable life.

I realized that my memories of my childhood keep me ever mindful of just how fortunate I really am, and this realization has led me to the desire to help others who werearenot asun fortunate .

Writing Feedback / IELTS : Everyone possess a talent - we should recognize it and improve [4]


This opposes your main topic which talks about talents. Talents are natural in us. But the job of an auditor is a skill, not a talent. A skill is a practice of what we have learned or specialized, thus before it will be developed, we need to undergo a thorough training at a certain time.

Undergraduate / What I Want - a lot of things from life; Penn Supp. Essay [2]

I want the usual - to have a nice car, theand perfect wardrobe and an ability to eat anythingmy favorite foods without ever getting fat.

But I also want other things - happiness, success, stability - things that are harder to define and harder to obtain.

Group your ideas by paragraph: introduction, body, and conclusion. To have more meaningful feedback, master first the structure of an essay. So, we, the readers, can assess your essay in terms of transition and organization of ideas.

Undergraduate / 'My father introduced me to the C programming language' - SOP UT Austin computer science [2]

When I was a little boy, I spent a lot of time on the computer, and was curious about how theyit worked.

My father noticed my keen interest and,so he introduced me to the C programming language (A programming language is used by humans to give instructions to a computer; C is one example of a programming language) to me in 8th grade.

I will exemplify excellence, diligence, and perseverance, and be a testament totestify how UT Austin students are among the brightest in the nation.

real- world situations

The resources, research opportunities, professional networking, and faculty thatat UT Austin provides leaves no doubt in my mind that it is the best place for me to continue my education.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: 'new building construction hold the right to gain more money from government' [2]

If the price of housing growsincreases(more appropriate in the context) continuously, a comfortable place to live in will be a luxury to the middle class and the low class.

AndAdditonally , the government should spend money on people to rescue them from this...

Otherwise, another vital reason why new building construction deserves more governmental investment lies in the factis that it requires far more resource compare to old building preservation.

To b uild a new building has following prerequisites: land that has been sold by the government via formal procedures, a reliable construction company and tremendous amount of labor.

Thus, if theonly government can cope with it byutilizingwill utilizeits enormous resource like dollars and effectiveness, they can cope up with it.

Generally, personally speaking,In conclusion, I believe new building construction holds the right to gain more money from government.

Writing Feedback / The wide-spread use of labor-saving devices has only made our life much more hectic. [3]


This does not have a verb to make it a sentence.

For instance, if a corporate,bourgeois employee with a perfunctory vocation, is bestowed a personal laptop fromby his employer, this gesture will be perceived as one ofan approbation.

If this is an entry for an essay competition, I suggest you to minimize using complex words, so your composition will not appear difficult to read. Using complex words is not the best way to achieve great vocabulary; it is how you perfectly use the word in the context which helps the idea of your sentence precise and coherent.

Writing Feedback / SAT ; We place far too much emphasis on experience and achievement in our society [5]

Hitler had thrived to be the Chancellor of the Third Reich, which was also one of his achievements .

Fortunately for him , his philosophy of extreme nationalism and racism perfectly suited the desire of the Germans.

Hitler was pushed to the point of committing his suicide when nothing could stop the Allies' march to Berlin.

I omitted unnecessary words as presented above :)

Graduate / SOP for graduate admission in EEE concentrating in Embedded System [5]

Hi!
I, too, studied in Manila and I know your university. Anyway, below are my edits in terms of your grammar. Hope it helps you :D

I gathered knowledge on digital, Analog and mix-signal testing methodology and ultimately have seen the view point on how an application engineer sees things after the production of Analog IC.

A graduate degree from a reputable university of good reput e is essential for reachingto reach my goal.

Further, and equally importantly , I have the ability to function effectively as a team player, as well as to provide leadership, whenever needed.

But i treated these non engineering experiences as a valuable tools where customer satisfaction with market- oriented work taught me the real world experience of mobile technology which is ultimately an embedded system.

With all these significant experiences , I feel that I am ready to enroll in a graduate program in my areas of interest , Embedded System.

Graduate / SOP for graduate admission in EEE concentrating in Embedded System [5]


In the first paragraph, you should have mentioned your interest. This should be short and direct to the point. In the body, summarize your previous graduate career (important paper or thesis that you accomplished etc.), indicate what you would like to study in the graduate school, and include the area of your interests. Conclude your SOP in an optimistic manner just like expressing your interest/excitement for the things that may come ahead of you.

I studied at the Polytechnic University of the Philippines (PUP). Do you know how to speak in Tagalog? :D

Undergraduate / "Typhoon Haiyan" - significant experience for ADMU Essay [4]

Hi Kabayan! I am from Philippines, too.

Make your introduction in one paragraph.


I was supposed to becompetingcompete in a chess tournament on that day, but 'twasit was post poned due to the typhoon.(Avoid contraction)

Who would have thought that that typhoon would put my town in such detrimentdevastatingly ?

I'm glad to have you on board :D . Break a leg. Sana makapasok ka sa ADMU!

Undergraduate / "Typhoon Haiyan" - significant experience for ADMU Essay [4]

Definitely not. Just combine them in one paragraph. An introduction is typically presented in one paragraph.

Writing Feedback / Internet and TV have a greater influence over people's lives than politicians. Do u agree? [12]


Evidently, Internet and television greatly entertain us in many ways, thus we are fond of using these new technologies everyday. Through usual use, we have become more open to the influences they may bring toward us. For example,...