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Posts by Icecreamquest
Joined: Aug 24, 2011
Last Post: Sep 16, 2011
Threads: 6
Posts: 15  

From: China

Displayed posts: 21
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Sep 16, 2011
Writing Feedback / Space travel is important or not -----IELTS [4]

Thank you for your great advice. And I hope to make my essay more diversely with some wonderful words and expressions, but for this type of topic I realy find it difficult to do that.
Sep 16, 2011
Writing Feedback / Space travel is important or not -----IELTS [4]

Space travel to the moon is considered as "a step of mankind." But some people think that space travel has made little difference on people's lives today. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Presently there is a prevalent viewpoint that space traveling as a significant project costing the state considerable amount of resources every year, does not play a vital role in improvement for ordinary citizens' lives. Unfortunately I do not find my agreement in this regard.

First of all, one of the primary missions of exploring space is discovering various methods to enhance our living standard and help us coordinate our life, something which could not be achieved and implemented just on the earth. Without the work of artificial satellites in space, it can be assumed that weather forecast could not be played on TV every day as a kind of data support for residents to make their daily schedules; and we even could neither make purchase online instead of wasting time to go shopping outside nor communicate with others who are far from miles away through the Internet..

Further, exploration in space would also serve as a precious gift to our descendents. Landing the moon, in short term may be not an obvious practice, however, for our next generations in long run it would be an invaluable step since one day they could live or travel out of the earth developing new patterns of living. That does mean that in the future human beings are able to have much more choices to produce lots of opportunities for the development of mankind.

All in all, it is definitely imaginable that there might be a lot of different lives living in other planets or dozens of attractive stars extinct in the space. But as one of the space's members, we ---human yet acquaint little with our surroundings, thus travelling out of our own planet is not only conducive to ourselves, but also benefits human beings' future.

I've try to enrich my words, but this kind of topic is extremely unfamilar to me. So your revision will be absolutely appreciated and welcomed.

Thank you in advance.It should have been classified as "Writing feedback", but I made a mistake.
Sep 16, 2011
Undergraduate / "Father and Daughter" - My personal narrative [2]

My father would always go to work and I never saw him around, except for when I got into trouble at school.

At the beginning of your writing , I am told that you knew how much your dad loved you when opening his letter. However in the story , I could not find any sentences about this letter, but just about sth why the relationship between the girl and her father became so bad. Disppointed at the end of the story, only some details were described,without any description about the letter.So I am still confused why the girl changed her viewpoint .
Sep 16, 2011
Writing Feedback / Punishment should be fixed or circumstantial ? [2]

Given that the criminal rate increasing considerably in the recent years,

Firstly, along with the disappearence of vegue border between crime and self-defence rights,

Further more, the potential criminals would think twice as the clear regulance and stringent punishment could be neglected and escape from impossiblely.

On the other hand and more importantly, the law and crime are not as simple as some kinds of idio questions,

Nevertheless ,the noble and loyal law should be based on the respect of humanal rights and lives. In other words, no matter how tought (I don't quite understand why you used this word) it may be ,every crimial case deserves deeper obervation in which taking account of commited motivation offers great help.

a flexible and humanal penalty far overweighs the fixed one.
Sep 10, 2011
Writing Feedback / make comments or even criticism on teachers or not ----IELTS [4]

So they are unable to communication with their families and friends.

But, we have to consider the other things while we watching the television.

For example, one of my friends has television and has connected a local dish antenna in their television.

She has been watching soccer match in game channel.

But she didn't realize her daughter's crying sound

Abruptly, her daughter fell down on the steps while trying to come to her mother.

Something like that is too much.You need to revise before uploading and pay more attention to your grammar.

Notice: If you need feedback for you essay, pls start with your own new thread ,it will be more appreciated.And do not present your essay in others' thread any more, pls kindly read the IMPORTANT sentence below especially the one in red.

Sep 9, 2011
Writing Feedback / make comments or even criticism on teachers or not ----IELTS [4]

Many people argue that in order to improve educational quality continuously, students are encouraged to make comments or even criticism on teachers. Others think the respect and discipline in the classroom will disappear. Which opinion do you prefer?

There is no denying that whether comments or criticism from students should be made on teachers have become controversial not only for professional but also for the public as a whole. Some say that it will be helpful to promote the educational quality, while others maintain that it might lead respect for teachers lost and discipline for courses destroyed. I would like to discuss this issue from both perspectives.

For the people who lend their support to avoid presenting comments or even criticism, progress of a course is a vital contributing factor for educational quality, and it would probably be interrupted when students voice their opinion unexpectedly. Moreover, some naughty pupils, in fact, criticize their teachers just for having fun or showing off their so-called "heroism" to other children .This will definitely lead to teachers' reputation damaged.

For the people who wish to see an open-minded teaching way with some excellent advices or even well-meaning criticism to teachers,is always top of their list of arguments. Furthermore, thanks to the advancement of technology, students nowadays can acquire knowledge and accumulate information from various mediums such as Internet, that' s why what they know sometime may be even more innovative and appropriate than teachers'. What's more, students' ability of studying is dissimilar. But many teachers tend to offer general courses without particular concentration to some special kids. Thus, teachers must imbibe recommendation from students due to making progress in some domains can not only depend on their own efforts, actually students should be the most suitable remonstrators for this regard.

From the above discussion, we can easily conclude that both proponents and opponents of the necessity of suggestion and judgement to teachers have the respective reasons and justifications. However, as a supporter of cooperation between teachers and students for improvement of educational level, I would like to apply myself to encouraging students to provide reasonable comments or even criticism to teachers.

Your suggestion will be welcomed.Thanks in advance.
Sep 9, 2011
Writing Feedback / Children burden the hope of families and countries - be a good member of society [5]

From my perspective, I believe that only when do parents and schools cooperate, children are able to become excellent members.

First of all, from the birth of one person, his or her parents become the first teachers of him or her.

On the contrary, if parents are accustomed to read books or take regular sport, ----I would like to use "be accustomed to", because "be addicted to" implicate a bit derogatory sence. But it also means "informal enthusiastically devoted to a particular thing or activity", so if you are an ambitious adventurer, you shoule try.

Further, when these children grow up, they will come into kindergardens or schools.

Nice esaay!

Happy weekend!
Sep 4, 2011
Writing Feedback / Improving the quality of education by not increasing teacher's salary. [2]

Higher salary does not necessarily mean teaching improvement. Whether a teacher is willing to or has the ability to promote teaching quality depends on various factors including one's attitude toward students, store of knowledge and whether he or she really loves teaching carrier.

A survey conducted on the internet shows that many students find education a trying and difficult process.---"show" is the true predicate of "survey".

Form his experience, if we want Henry to accept higher quality of education, his family environment is the first thing we should improve.【his family environment is the first thing should be improved.】 -----may be more objective

Great essay !

Happy Sunday!
Sep 3, 2011
Writing Feedback / the proportion of older people,postive and negative effects.-----IELTS [3]

In many countries,the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend make positive or negative effects to society?

A prevailing phenomenon nowadays is that in many countries ageing population has become a general trend. It has both merits and demerits. As for me, the former prevails over the latter.

The drawbacks of increasing proportion of elderly are multifarious. Some people feel upset at the prospect that it will increase stress of feeding the whole population, the old in particular, on youngsters' shoulders, who in fact have enough trouble paying for their own daily life. Others are concerned about the costs of supporting this huge amount of aged groups in pension system may be a financial problem for government, especially when economy recession occurs. Further, when financial crisis comes up, economy will not easily resuscitate with its domestic consumption reliant on an ageing population, which is more worried about its health and security in its dotage.

On the contrary, optimists come up with some novel ideas countering opinions mentioned above. They feel that a mature population spells more opportunities for the country. Harmony and mercy would be civilized and developed symbols of a society where more care is taken to elderly who made great efforts and devoted their golden time for the advancement of the society. It is also helpful to establish an environment in which young children can learn how to respect and take care their elder generations. Creativity and innovation in certain new industries such as nursing care centers, senior university programs, eco-tourism and specific products for old people only, have proved that they still a large consumer group .This is another aspect show how it benefits the society.

All in all, the fact that throughout the world ageing population is an unchangeable trend. It has both upsides and downsides. But it is my firm belief that its benefits outweigh the negatives.

Your recommendation will be appreciated. Thanks in advance.
Sep 3, 2011
Writing Feedback / All university students should take at least one class that teaches the other culture [3]

Many university students are not required to take lecture that covers the culture of a country other than their own. But, in the age of globalization, it is necessary for people to know the culture of various other countries.

Many university students not are required to take lecture that covers the culture of a country other than their own ....So, in my opinion, all university students should be required to take at least one class that teaches the culture of a country other than their own . -----Maybe a bit diversity will make your essay more attractive.

Second, it can comprehend our own cultures well through taking other country cultures.

This is due to the fact that information about various cultures can compare own culture and other cultures.

I can make a comparison between Japanese culture and Korean,that and easily embrace advantage of many country cultures.

Also, I am able to criticize our own culture as well as othersthat without a prejudice.

Have a funny weekend!
Sep 3, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS Topic: Should Smoking and tobacco products be banned? [4]

Furthermore, smoking runs a high risk of miscarriage for pregnant women. And there are plenty evidences indicate that nicotine addict mothers prone to have smaller babies, or worse, putting babies in high risk of disease and death.

Have a wonderful weekend!
Aug 30, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS CAM 7 T4 TASK 1-----electricity production indicated in pie chart [3]

The pie charts below show units of electricity production by fuel source in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts indicate units of electricity produced by fuel source between the time period of 1980 and 2000 both in Australia and France.

It can be seen that units of electricity by coal was the majority of total production in Australia and grew amazingly, from 50 units in 1980 to 130 units in 2000.While the figure of hydro power saw a increase, rising to 36 units by 2000, those of nature gas and oil in contrast experienced a dramatic drop, reducing by 90% and 80% in 2000 respectively.

The situation is extremely different in France: electricity production was mainly produced by nuclear power during the two decades, increasing by 111 units. While the units of electricity by oil saw a slight rising trend (from 20 units to 25 units), the amounts of natural gas and hydro power fell down obviously, reducing by 23 units and 3 units respectively by 2000. Without any great changes, producing electricity by coal remained 25 units during this period.

Overall, total production of the two countries ascended dramatically, adding by 70 units in Australia and 90 units in France in 2000 respectively. Due to the superiority of local natural resources, Australia tends to use coal, and France prefers nuclear power based on its advance technology in this field.

Your correction will be appreciated, thanks a lot in advance.

  • For reference
Aug 29, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS -- Government wants people to move To Big Cities [4]

And certainly, there are more vacant jobs as a great plenty of companies, especially international corporations, which tend to set up their branch offices in big cities.

Have a good day!
Aug 25, 2011
Writing Feedback / Key issues to make city become better! [3]

Diversity in your vocabularies, learn more from your writing.

But could you mind change some "citizens" to "residents" or other words? That would be better.

In conclusion, making city become better is depend not only on the government but also the individual consciousness of each citizen.

I will use "depent" or "based".

Actually , your writing has been quite wonderful. Have a nice day!
Aug 25, 2011
Writing Feedback / Can increasing petrol's price deal with all the problem?---Cam 8 T3 WT2 [NEW]

Topic:Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

What other measures do you think might be effective?

For the increasing traffic and pollution problems, some hold their views that rising price of petrol might be the best solution. But I cannot find my agreement in this regard for the following reasons:

It is true that increasing petrol's price may be the most simple way to balance the market's demand and supply. However, it would lead a possible problem. Costs of delivery would be directly increased due to the price's growth of petrol, as a consequence of accelerating costs of food, public transport and trade. Moreover, this method is based on the assumption of imbalance between demand and supply of petrol, but in fact pushing up its price would make more companies and stockjobbers being keen on purchasing and saving far more this kind of fuel for huge profits once shortage happens. Then wider gap between demand and supply would emerge without successfully solving traffic congestion and pollution.

I am not suggesting that controlling petrol's price is the least effective way. But a more comprehensive method should be used when facing these complicated problems. For solution of traffic problem, firstly the public transport system need to be improved and urban construction should be more reasonable and scientific. Actually most citizens nowadays would like to go out by public transportation rather than by their private cars , if a mature public transport system is completely accessible. For the reduction of pollution, new energies such as solar power, wind force or nuclear fuel have been commonly known but not widely used. Therefore, governments should be responsible for the promotion of using these new energies in order to reduce the use of traditional ones for protection of our environment.

Overall, it is the most urgent moment to save our planet which has being polluted each second, and similarly the traffic congestion has been negatively effecting the advancement of our society. However, we cannot deal with these problems only by oversimplified solution such as rising price of petrol, but through carrying out more efficient, viable and integral ways.

Please help to check up my writing, will very appreciate your help. Thank you so much in advance.
Aug 24, 2011
Writing Feedback / Sharing of wealthy nations and responsibility of poorer nations-ielts task 2 [2]

The governments of poor nations have many difficulties in different fields such as economy developing economies,----only developing economies is ok

"residents average income " replace "The average income of a person " ----may be better

I strongly recommended that the governments of poor nations should take effective actions to guarantee a good life to their citizens. Wealthy nations along with other international organisations should work together and give a hand to poor nations for a peaceful world future.---recommend

Very meaningful article. Have good day! :)
Aug 24, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS; Parents & school are both reasonable for teaching children to be good citizens [NEW]

Topic:Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

Dicuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

There is an increasing dispute of helicopter parents and spoilt children these days, some hold the view that parents should be responsible for teaching their next generation how to become an excellent member of society, other in contrast argue that children need to be taught at school under guidance of teachers without parents' spoiling love for being a useful social person. I would like to discuss the possible models below:

Parents, commonly known as the initial teachers of the young, should take their responsibility for helping children learn the way of being good social members since their behaviors and words have a direct effect on young family members. The advantage of this model seems to be remarkable, if parents themselves are excellent. However, if not , bad influence would emerge in that children frequently and unconsciously imitate parents' improper behaviors such as being impolite and careless to neighbors or burying truths with a lie for avoiding punishment. Further, children satisfied by their parents who purchase what they want regardless of high price as long as they like, tend to become selfish and materialism. Actually, when growing up they will find it difficult to integrate society if without consideration and thoughtfulness.

In the other model, school, as a venue where students can learn not only basic knowledge but also communication skill through cooperating with other young people, should bear its responsibility of teaching next generations how to be an useful members of society. There are wide range of different student types from different backgrounds, by communicating with these peers children are able to learn the skill of living with different people. However, to some degree young students may easily be confused and misled once the circumstance around them is flooded with diverse but maybe incorrect minds and even anti-social behaviors, and many teachers now always are so busy that seldom take care of each pupil all the time.

Overall, I have no definite solution for this problem, because each model I have presented has both advantages and disadvantages. It is reasonable to assume that some combination of the two models may be needed to give help to our next generations for more easily acting as a considerate, thoughtful and social member when they grow up.