Writing Feedback / IELTS; working and travelling a year before university is a good idea [4]


The topic focuses on people who decide to travel or work after graduating from high school, rather than those who are still high school students.


I don' think this sentence is relevant to the topic.


young people' horizons


It is true that people can acquire valuable knowledge through travel without having to pay a high cost.


form an idea


To be more specific


I would like to reiterate


than disadvantages

Writing Feedback / IELTS The environment problems facing today's world are so great that there is [2]



On the one hand




What do you mean by "we" in this sentence?


driving private cars is the main cause of air pollution


change their habits

Writing Feedback / Change of career and living place has more positive effect on the whole society and the individual [3]

You should have included the prompt of the task with your essay. We could base on this prompt to provide you with more meaningful comments.


It is becoming more popular for people to change job and place to live constantly than previously.


have access to better employment opportunities


You could start a new sentence from this one. Avoid writing too lengthy sentences in your essay.


You could try using various types of sentence, instead of the "and + this" form.
For example: where high quality medical service and education are more accessible.

Writing Feedback / Learning a new language process [4]

You should include the prompt of the task with your essay? Also, is this an IELTS or a TOEFL essay?
As far as I'm concerned, don't use "you" in your academic writing.


from one to two years.



This part is quite confused.


take a course

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: The Face-to-Face communication makes it easy to understand emotion senses. [5]


I think these sentences lack clarity. I'm not sure what you mean by figuring out personality of others in the second sentence and then deceiving others in the next sentence. Also, you should pay attention to your grammar.

Face-to-face communication is the most ideal way for people to express themselves. To be more specific, body language, voice tone or facial impressions through direct conversations can convey people's true emotions and thereby, avoid any possible ambiguities.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Education should be considered as the most important factor in a country's success [10]


linked directly to each other



A high quality of education can guarantee a better quality of next generation of workers.
You are talking about education in general so "the" is not necessary.


This part doesn't clarify how other factors contribute to the growth of a nation.
This


In my opinion, education is the most important factor to assess the success of a country.

Undergraduate / IELTS: Trend of living individually. Why? And its effect on society. [4]



Many people cite the booming economy or immoral perception as the reason for the trend of living individually.


or "are given more priority". The comma after "anything" should be omitted.




sex ratio


126 men to 100 women


This phrase is not appropriate here.



This could form a new sentence.
I think you should shorten some of your sentences. Your vocabulary is great, but lengthy sentences full of big words may make readers feel tired at times.

Hope this helps!

Writing Feedback / According to eg Carl Jung the colors cure mentally illness patients by the art work in psychotherapy [5]



our emotions are greatly affected by colours.


when it comes to the interior design of offices and hospitals.
I don't think "occupants" is the right word used with "hospital".


The relationship between color and feelings has been the focus of many scientists for a long time.


color-emotion association


mentally ill patients



This example adds no value to your conclusion and it has been used in your first paragraph.

You have many interesting examples in your essay; however, your writing style makes me feel like reading a journal article. In each of the paragraph, you should state a reason, give an explanation and then give examples for it rather than listing all examples.

Hope it helps!

Writing Feedback / Dance is very important for the popularity of the country. [3]


crucial


By adding "myself included", you don't need to repeat this idea in the next sentence.


This sentence is not necessary.


You can save these ideas for your body paragraphs.


Dance styles vary immensely by countries and continents.


For example, samba has been universally recognized as a symbol and an icon for the national identity of Brazil.




incredibly


What do you mean by "bring intelligent beings together"?



I don't think "you" should be used in academic writing.

Writing Feedback / Waste Disposal Method, destroying dangerous waste products - Pie charts [4]

The pie charts compare different types of waste management in three countries, the Republic of Korea, Sweden and the United Kingdom.
Small numbers, such as those less than ten, should be spelled out. For example: "three" or "five" instead of 3 or 5.


You should select the most significant features to mention in the overview paragraph. Here is my example:
It is clear that landfill disposal and incineration are used in all three countries. While waste burial accounts for the highest proportion of waste disposal in two European countries, recycling is the main method of dealing with waste in Korea.

Writing Feedback / Initial steps have always been the most difficult and important in achieving something worthwhile. [3]

Could you tell us what the purpose of your essay is, like IELTS or TOEFL?




While the importance of teachers is undeniable, I believe that parents play a more vital role in bringing up children.


Reasons could be saved for body paragraphs. You don't need to state them in the introduction.


Don't use "you" in academic writing. Anyway, I don't think the first two sentences of this paragraph add much value.


What do you mean by this sentence?


A comma should be used instead of a semicolon after "least".

Writing Feedback / Even though the internet is not completely flawless, in general his impact is positive for us [2]






You could start a new sentence from here. Too lengthy sentences are not necessary.


This sentence is not complete.
I think you have very good writing skills. Hope it helps!

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Taxes burden citizens in some countries. [6]





In my opinion, it would be more convincing if you could show readers the figure after paying tax, rather than stating "not enough money to survive" alone.


This sentence lacks clarity, and actually, I don't think paying tax generally could limit people from spending on their basic needs.



In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that...

Writing Feedback / The components of a thermos flask to maintain hot liquid (IELTS 1) [4]


whose function is to maintain the temperature of water in several hours


It is clear that ...


This sentence is not necessary as this idea has already been stated in the first sentence.



Don't use "that" after a comma in a relative clause, you should use "which" instead.


Its purpose is to

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - the relations between nature and training abilities [3]


This does not cover the whole opinions in the topic. In my opinion, it should be:
People have different views towards the role of nature and nurture in determining the talent of a sportsperson or a musician.


This sentence lacks clarity. What do you mean by "equipped and own inborn talents"?


some people were born with a natural talent


You could give an example to strengthen your point.


. "As a result of" is wrongly used in this sentence.
Nevertheless, he has won a variety of honors and achievements.


You should add "However" at the beginning of this sentence. Otherwise, this is not aligned with the rest of the paragraph where you clarify the significance of nurture in arts and sports.


I'm not sure if you did state it clearly in your essay. Actually, this should be the connection between either nature or nurture and a person's abilities.

Hope it helps!

Writing Feedback / The diagram presents the several processes for rainwater recycling [2]


The diagram presents information regarding the rainwater treatment process.


After being treated, water can be used by households while excess water will flow to the river.

Writing Feedback / Summary Article: Travelers Are Embracing Human Travel Agents Again [2]


online travel agencies have become more popular than any other kind of tourism organization ever


Travelers tend to favor using online travel agencies for booking sites nowadays.


What do you mean by "suppliers" here?

Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 - People live in one place and live in many places - which is better? [3]


Many/Some/A number of people...


In my opinion, your essay is a bit off-topic. The question is to clarify the advantages and disadvantages of the both staying in the same place and moving around, while your essay focuses on the reason why people choose to stay or move.

Writing Feedback / The Causes and The Consequences Of Child Labour [2]


Child Labour is no longer an invisible crisis.


deprives children of their childhood and their access to education


In fact, a number of large international organisations are responsible for the exploitation of child workers.


According to the International Labour Organisation (ILO), the number of child labours has declined significantly by a third since 2000...


are having to work in hazardous environment



Poverty is the main reason for child labour


Children have to start working at an early age to support the income of their family

You should avoid using sentences that are too long and full of complex words, as well as pay attention to the punctuation in your essay!