Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by jobymonpj
Joined: Jul 2, 2012
Last Post: Jul 28, 2016
Threads: 8
Posts: 17  
Likes: 1
From: india

Displayed posts: 25
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
jobymonpj   
Jul 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The younger children need some help from their parents to complete their homework efficiently; IELTS [5]

Hai ichanpants,
Thank you very much for your valuable observations.I have been trying to get a 7 band in my writing for years.In my previous attempts,I managed to score 6.5 in writing all the time,while other scores where 7 or above.So hopefully you can understand why I try really hard to impress my examiner.

So there is no surprise that why many parents are of the opinion that helping children in their homework is essential and necessary and .In my view, children, especially the younger ones should be helped in doing their homework, while teenagers and college goers should be allowed to do them by their own.

PLEASE HAVE A LOOK AT THE ABOVE SENTENCE WHETHER IT IS GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT NOW?

In conclusion, both views have their own merits and demerits so it is really important for parents to involve cautiously in their children's homework cautiously ,whereas helping younger ones have immense benefits.

please correct my mistakes by pointing out the exact mistake

i would be grateful if you could specify the mistakes I made so that I can Iimprove
jobymonpj   
Jul 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The younger children need some help from their parents to complete their homework efficiently; IELTS [5]

Q. MANY PARENTS THINK THAT IT IS GOOD TO HELP CHILDREN IN THEIR HOMEWORK,BUT OTHERS THINK THAT PARENTS SHOULD NOT DO IT AND ITS THEIR OWN DUTY.

DISCUSS BOTH AND GIVE YOUR OPINION?


The salad days of third millennium have witnessed the transformation in student's homework. Nowadays, they are supposed to solve complex issues and produce lengthy assignments at home as part of their curriculum. So there is no surprise that why many parents are of the opinion that helping children in their homework is essential and necessary and in my view, children, especially the younger ones should be helped in doing their homework, while teenagers and college goers should be allowed to do them by their own.

On the one hand, there are tangible evidences to assert that the younger children need some help from their parents to complete their homework efficiently and effectively. Firstly, in this modern era, even primary class students have numerous subjects to study and consequently a lot of work to do at home. Most of these so called 'home work' is very often really difficult to execute. For example, in India, students at class four or five are required to write a detailed report about waste management. It seems to me that without some help from parents regarding how to dispose waste, what are harmful to human beings and or environment ,it would be extremely difficult for these students to produce a written report. therefore parental help has paramount importance in younger students' homework.

nevertheless, there are some drawbacks associated to helping offsprings in their homework as argued by many. In their opinion, such help would lead them to depend more on parents. They may not pay much attention at school thinking that parents would do their homework at home .Besides, teenagers are capable of doing their homework or any assignments given to them in school. They know how to use resources such as the internet and newspapers in order to find relevant information for their given task. Any parental involvement may results in damaging self esteem or enthusiasm of these pupils.

In conclusion, both views have their own merits and demerits so it is really important for parents to involve in their children's homework cautiously ,whereas helping younger ones have immense benefits.

I completed this essay in 40minutes and no changes have made then. please help me to find my mistakes.
jobymonpj   
Jul 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / ielts- should we provide children in rural communities with more schools or computers [7]

hai
on the contrary with the view of many commented above, I think you have written a fairly good essay with excellent vocabulary. To make it further better you could have changed your opinion that teachers and school are more beneficial, as I you have presented strong arguments in favor of it.

please make a rough outline before you start writing by brainstorming and take a decision on the points you have what stand you take in your thesis statement. you are expected to present a clear opinion with relevant support arguments to reach a logical conclusion with minimum or no grammatical errors. that's all. you can take any stand as long as it is logical. So my advice is start writing with a clear view of what you are going to write.

having said that, the advice given by others should also be considered to reduce silly grammatical and spelling mistakes.
overall, answer to the question without mistakes and with good vocabulary.

hope it helps. all the best
jobymonpj   
Jul 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS: SHOULD PARENTS HELP CHILDREN WITH THEIR HOMEWORK OR NOT? [5]

hai Daniel,involvement is the right spelling but in your essay you have written involvment ;it could be a typing mistake as well which often happens with me as well. I didn't mean that those things I had pointed out are actually grammar mistakes but can be written in a better way .

And all the best for your exam on 13th august.
jobymonpj   
Jul 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2.Q.INCREASE AIR TICKET PRICE TO REDUCE AIR TRAFFIC [4]

Q. AIR TRAVEL IS RESPONSIBLE FOR A LOT OF POLLUTION IN OUR ENVIRONEMENT.SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT PRICES OF AEROPLANE TICKETS SHOULD BE INCREASED IN ORDER TO REDUCE AIR TRAFFIC

DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?


The salad days of third millennium has seen a prolific increase in people who travel by air. Consequently, there has been a view that air travel increases environmental pollution. Although there are few arguments in favour of hiking the price of airline tickets in order to reduce air traffic, I am of the opinion that there are much better ways to tackle this problem.

To begin, one of the main arguments of the proponents of increase in aero plane tickets is that this may hinder people from flying very often. However, I believe this argument does not stand up to scrutiny as there are clear evidences to suggest that those consider air travel as a favourite means of transportation belong to the upper class of the society and a small hike in air tickets does not make any difference in their choice. At the same time, this might have a huge impact on students and job seekers who resort to air travel out of necessity and which is not fair.

On the other hand, there are many possible ways to reduce the number of air travelers. The most tangible alternative is that the government could improve public transportation for longer distance to encourage frequent air travelers to give up flying. For instance, in Japan, the preferred choice of transportation of people is bullet trains that travel at the speed 350 to 400 kilo meters per hour and the Japanese barely travel by air. In addition to that, these trains run on cleaner energy such as nuclear and therefore do not pollute our air.

To conclude, while some people strongly argue that an increase in the price of flight tickets could result in decreased air traffic, I am unconvinced of the effect of such strategy as it seems to me that there are much better ways to do so.

Pleas help me to identify grammar mistakes and wrong choice of words in this essay and if possible, give me a band. Please tell me that whether I answered the question effectively. Any suggestions and advices are highly appreciated.

Thanks in advance.
jobymonpj   
Jul 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Essay about work/life balance IELTS TASK 2 [4]

Hai timea
I think you didn't spend enough time to analyze and understand the question. The question clearly asks you to describe reasons for the stress associated with modern work style and suggest some solutions for it.

If I were you,I would have written like this
1 para.-intro-
agree with the question that workers are stressed with their job
2.para-causes-
we live in materialistic society,so we aspire to earn more and more money and work hard for it
we are given time limit to reach targets in office(strict deadlines)
competition is extremely high for promotion
2.para-solutions
find time to spend time with family(work from home)
take up a hobby to ease the stress
taking regular exercise and eating a healthy diet
take regular holydays
4.conclusion
paraphrase you intro.

PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS JUST AN OUTLINE TO WRITE THE ESSAY.I PROBABALY WILL GIVE SOME EXAMPLES OR EVIDENCES TO SUPPORT MY OPINION.

I am not an expert in ielts writing so I can be wrong as well,but I belive that it is of pivotal importance to answer the question.
jobymonpj   
Aug 12, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS - POSSIBLE WAYS OF LEARNING ENGLISH, INCLUDING IN THE SPEAKING COUNTRY. [3]

Q. STUDYING THE ENGLISH IN AN ENGLISH SPEAKING COUNTRY IS THE BEST BUT NOT THE ONLY WAY TO LEARN THE LANGUAGE? DO YOU agree or disagree with this statement

Many people believe that English like any other language can be learned easily in countries where it is used as mother tongue ,while others argue that English can be taught anywhere in this world.I completely agree to this point of view and this essay will discuss both the ways of learning in detail.

On the one hand,people who study English in the UK ,the USA and Australia ,have more opportunities to learn this language .This means that they are exposed to a favorable ambience for learning English,by listening to what and how native speakers speak and by observing their usage of many expressions.In my opinion ,it is the easiest way to learn not only English but also any language,because when we live in their country ,we naturally follow their customs ,traditions and lifestyles which would definitely give us more confidence for studying a language .Therefore ,one can assert that being in those countries is the best way to study English.

On the other hand, there are many other possible ways to learn English.With the improvements in information technology and mode of communications coupled with the invention of the Internet ,it has become possible for people in remote areas to interact with the native speakers.Social networks such as face book and twitter have bridged the gap between nations and eliminated the national barriers and grouped them under one roof.These websites paved the way for easy access to communicate with native speakers of English ,which,in my view,might help the other people to develop a better proficiency in it.

To summarize,in this modern age ,it is possible to learn English through many ways ,but living in English speaking countries gives you a better hand.
jobymonpj   
Jul 24, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Economies and the Environment [5]

A report demonstrated that after a ten-year period , the people of Australia became wealthier with the annual income rising 0.9%; however, 23% of the habitats of plants and animals were destroyed and the diversity of the ecosystem was reduced.

(I didnt understand why you used'past tense' in the later part of this sentence)
You are suppossed to talk about some predictions that will/may happen after 10 years.

Why cant you say that economy in your village or local area grew without destroying the nature.You could support your argument by illustrating the steps taken by the local authorities such as strict rules for waste disposal ,limiting the consumption of water and electricity and production of electricity from renewable energy sources like wind.

Eventhough your grammer and vocabulary are excellent,your second paragraph lacks good points.

I think we do not need to give true information in ielts essays .If i were you, Iwould give some personal examples to support my idaes instead of thinking about statistics.
jobymonpj   
Jul 19, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS:Some people like to travel with companion other people prefer to travel alone [3]

To begin with,
The question asks you WHICH TYPE OF TRAVEL YOU PREFER? You can answer that you like to travel with a group or you love being alone in your journy.Or you can say that you love both .However,you should support you answer with evidences and examples.

So for instance,if you say that i like to travel with a group,then the next question would be WHY?
There can be many reasons for travelling with others
I would like to take your point to explain it
As you said ,there can be some emergency which one cannot handle by oneself alone(explain this point in one paragraph by ellaborating what all those possible emergencies,why he/she might need help? Besides,you can compare his /her situation with the commuter who travels in group).

Overall,cohesion is very important to get good score in ielts exam along with gramatical accuracy,lexical resourse and task response.

YOUR INTRODUCTION.


The travel is talked of the town(WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THIS),If we have closely(?) a long holiday and mostly we will have a question about that such as "Where do you travel this long holidays ? or Who enjoy with you travel?"

but some times we should be travel with your(?) friends or travel alone.This essay will be briefly discribe about the travel between companion(?) or alone(?).

I am extremely sorry to tell you that you need to work really hard on your grammer because your introduction and the whole essay contain a large number of gramatical mistakes .So my advice is try to write simple sentences first without grammer mistake before attempting to write very long meaningless complex sentences.

Please rewrite your essay and post it here.Try to write error free sentences.YOU WILL GRADUALLY IMPROVE.
There are many people to help you..
Regards...
jobymonpj   
Jul 17, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELT essay - causes and solutions for poor work-life balance [6]

YES ,it is true that in ielts essay body paras are more important than intro. and conclu. However ,you should introduce the topic before giving your opinion.cohession and coherence are also important if you want higher band.

MY advice is

Just paraphrase the question and give your opinion (in intro. part). A 2 line intro. is more than enough when you write 250 words essay.

This is my personal opinion and the style i am following.I can be wrong.
jobymonpj   
Jul 17, 2012
Writing Feedback / American continent accounted for the largest proportion of coca-cola sales in 2000 [2]

The pie chart shows the percentage of coca-cola's global scale in 2000,while the line graph illustrates the changes in its share prices between 1996 and 2001.

It is clear that American continent accounted for the largest proportion of coco-cola sales in 2000 and that overall,the share price for it increased considerably over the given period.

In 2000,around 30% of total coca-cola sale was in North America,along with more than a quarter in Latin America and together they comprised over half of the the total sales.Europe contributed more than 20% to the total sales ,whereas the sales in Africa and Middle East was significantly lower ,at 7 %.The figure for Asia was relatively better than that ,at 16.4%.

In 1996,the share price for coca-cola stood about 35$,which doubled in the next year.It is interesting to note that the coca-cola share price peaked in 1998,with around 80$,though it slumped below 50$ in 2000.By 2001,the price again rose to above 60$.

170 WORDS.
PLASE FEEL FREE TO GIVE COMMENTS AND SUGGESTION .I WROTE THIS ONE IN 20 MINUTES.



  • FIGURE 1 & 2
jobymonpj   
Jul 17, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Skills instead of Knowledge_Advantage and Disadvantage [17]

I think the ideal length could be between 260 and 280 words.The more you write,the more errors you make.So be strict with yourself.If you can write an essay like this in 45 minutes ,then you are definetly able to write a better one in 35 minutes,which I think,have paramount importance.For instance ,you can this extra time for proofreading which will help you to reduce the obvous errors in spelling and grammer.Sometimes ,you may be able to add one or more examples in your essay .As a result your essay will be more attractive.

For all this ,spend some time for preparing your paragraphs.JUST WRITE WHAT IS NECESSORY.
jobymonpj   
Jul 6, 2012
Writing Feedback / RENTING A HOUSE -PROS AND CONS [2]

Q.MANY PEOPLE PREFER TO RENT A HOUSE RATHER THAN BUYIBG ONE.DESCRIBE THE ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF RENTING.
Nowadays,people opt to live in a rented house or flat because of many reasons like hectic work shedule,stringent laws for building houses and so on.Eventhough,benefits of renting are many,there are some drawbacks that are worth mentioning.

On the one hand,there are many advantages when we take a flat or apartment for rent.Firstly,we do not need to spend money and time for the repair and maintanance of the building and other things.The landlord is suppossed to make arrangements for these when we live for rent.Secondly,for the people who need to travel to many destinations for their work and other purpose,rented houses are more comfortable than the own houses because they can easily shift their houses from one place to another.Besides,buying a house is a waste of money for them.Finaly,it is very hard for ordinary people who work very hard to make bothe ends meet,to buy a house because of the high cost of land and increased expenses of bulding construction.Thus,many people prefer to rent a house.

On the other hand,the disadvantages of renting are not negligible.When we live in others property,we are obliged to follow some rules and regulations.For instance,many house owners restrict the use of water ,electricity and often the area in their houses.Theses restrictions may not be acceptable or tolerable for many people and will definetly lead to conflicts.Another major drawback is that people do not feel self satisfaction when they live in others houses.I have been living in a rented flat for the last five years and never felt that it is my home.For the above mentioned reasons,life in a rented place could be undesirable or sometimes horrible.

To conclude,though there are many pros and cons of renting ,in this contemplorary world,people are left with no choice but to rent a house.
jobymonpj   
Jul 6, 2012
Writing Feedback / (Music Choice / Pop Parade) IELTS COMPARISON OF TWO NEW MUSIC SITES [6]

The given graph illustrates the number of visits to different music web sites,namely Music Choice and Pop Parade ,over a period of 15 days.
It is clear that Pop Parade was more popular among people than Music Choice and that the number of visits to both the sites increased significantly during the last four days of given period.

Approximately 40000 visits were made to Music Choice in the first day ,whereas the number of visits to Pop parade was three times higher than that.Till the eleventh day,the number of visits to Music Choice Fluctuated between 40000 and 60000 visits. In conrast,the figure for Pop Parade had declined to all time low by the seventh day,eventhough it recovered and reached to 150000 visits in the 11th day.

It is interesting to note that there were more number of visits to Music Choice in the twelth and thirteenth day (120000 and 111000, respectivly) than that to Pop Parade.However,while the popularity of Pop Parade shot up to its peak in the 15th day with about 170000 visits,the figure for Music Choice slumped to below 80000 visits.
jobymonpj   
Jul 6, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 BAR CHART ABOUT RENTS AND SALARIES [7]

Thank you Thao T. Hoang.I will defeinetly try to follow your advice and hope that you will help me to improve my proficiency in this language.
jobymonpj   
Jul 5, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 BAR CHART ABOUT RENTS AND SALARIES [7]

Thank you Thao T. Hoang. I have tried to stick to the minimum amount of words. obviously my second paragraph tells about the salary needed for the various accommodation. I think that a reader should understand the description of a chart without seeing the chart.If you were unable to understand it ,then it might be a bad writing.

I have a doubt
Is it compulsory that we should use 'while' in the middle of two sentence? I have seen many people start sentence "while" in the begining of two sentence.

Thank you once again.
jobymonpj   
Jul 4, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Young careless drivers_agree? [9]

your writing is excellent.spending 50 minutes for task 2 is not a good idea.my suggestion is to cut short your conclusion.In fact,I was tought that a one sentence conclusion is sufficient to get a higher band,if your body paras are excellent.

So my suggested conlusion is To conclude,along with proper education about safe driving ,to reduce accidents made by young drivers,an awareness about the aftermath of these incidents should be provided to them.
jobymonpj   
Jul 4, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 BAR CHART ABOUT RENTS AND SALARIES [7]

The given table gives information about the weekly rents for three different types of accommodation in three areas in London and the amount of money needed to occupy them.

It is clear that Notting Hill is the most expensive area and that people need to spend more money annually for a 3 bed apartment in all three areas.

For a single bedroom flat ,people need to pay 375 pounds per week in Notting Hill,50 pounds higher for the same in Reagent's park and 150 pounds more than in Futham.While the weekly rent for a two bed accommodation is 350 pounds in Futham ,an additional 95 pounds is required for a double bed in notting hall.Also for renting a three bed facility,people should pay 600,650 and 750 pounds in Futham,Reagent's park and Notting Hill,respectively.

Only people with an annual salary of more than 56,500 pounds can afford a single bed accommodation in Futham.However higher annual salry is essential (above 150,000 pounds) for a tripple bed in this area and approximately 50,000 pounds more needed per annum for a three bed in Notting Hill.
jobymonpj   
Jul 4, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'unnecessory and unethical' - DEATH PENALTY ESSENTAL OR NOT? [7]

THANKS AHMAD
MAY DOD BLESS YOU
Now I understand what you meant.I will try to adapt your ideas and opinions in my writing style and will post an essay very soon.I hope that you will be there to help me out .

thanks once again
jobymonpj   
Jul 4, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'unnecessory and unethical' - DEATH PENALTY ESSENTAL OR NOT? [7]

THANKS AHMAD .
But what you mean by a strong structure for a complex sentence?I was taught that a good essay is a mixture of simple and complex sentences and our view of thinking should be clear for the reader.To make our points clear and straight I think that we should use simple form of a complex structure and obviously our selection of words has paramount importance.
jobymonpj   
Jul 3, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'unnecessory and unethical' - DEATH PENALTY ESSENTAL OR NOT? [7]

Thank you Ahmad,
I do not usually type a lot.So those spelling mistakes were mostly typing mistakes.However, I understood that I need to work very hard to improve my lexical resource and to support my opinions with relevent examples. I have taken this exam 4 times before and every time my score was 6.5 for writing ,though a 7 band is required for my immigration.Now I know that those problems were mostly related to vocabulary and coherence.I am planning to appear for the exam after three months and hopefully with your support and immense help,I may get through this.

I have some doubts
Is it really needed to write very long complex sentence to achieve a 7 band score?
jobymonpj   
Jul 2, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'unnecessory and unethical' - DEATH PENALTY ESSENTAL OR NOT? [7]

Q.WITHOUT CAPITAL PUNISHMENT (THE DEATH PENALTY) OUR LIVES ARE LESS SECURE AND CRIMES OF VIOLENCE INCREASE.CAPITAL PUNISHMENT IS ESSENTIAL TO CONTROL VIOLENCE IN SOCIETY.TO WHAT EXTENT DO U AGREE WITH THIS OPINION

A.
Many people believe that the only way to reduce crime and violence is practicing capital punishment.I totally disagree with this view because i believe that there are many possible ways to control violence and death penalty is definetly not one of them.

On the one hand, there are many arguments against death penalty.Firstly ,it is not a good deterent to criminals and offenders bacause many criminals do not think that they will be caught and will have no fear about this maximum punishment.Besides,there is no evidence that the nations that are practising death penalty have lower crime rates.secondly,innocent people could be wrongly convicted and executed.From an ethical point of perspective,it is a form of revenge and we have no right to take another human life.Thus,execution of a human being is completely avoided

At the same time,many possible ways are there to reduce crimes of violence and to make our lives secure.Rehabilitation is an effective approach to decrase habitual offending and therefor crime rate.If government can provide enough job opportunities and education to offenders,they are unlikely to repeat their mistakes.In fact,death penalty actually punishes a person without giving a chance for reforming and I am of the opinion that we are suppossed to reduce the crimes not the criminals.

To conclude,capital punishment is unnecessory and unethical for the reduction in crimes,while reformation of prisoners is needed for a peaceful society.

(approximately 250 words)
I have taken ielts exam four times before .My score was always half band less than what i actually needed. So i need your valuable comments and correction to get through this is exam
jobymonpj   
Jul 2, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Stressful jobs and long working day_problem and solutions [7]

1."Employers must be aware that longer hours of work does not mean efficiency can be improved".I think you can write this sentence like this."Employees should understand that longer hours of work does not results in higher productivity".

2.you can connect your 2nd para to the next one in a simple way. However,the stress and tension in the workplace can reduce to a great extent if employers take some necessary actions.
jobymonpj   
Jul 2, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS (academic) city living in the 21 century is stressful [7]

I am really new to this site.However I have appeared ielts four times before so I have some idea about what examiners expect from us.As far as I understand the question asks your opinion whether city living is stressful or not.so in your introduction you should mention that whteher u agree with this view or not. If you not agreeing give reasons for it and conclude your essay by stating your thesis statement.I am not the right person to give score for your answer.

your grammer and lexical resource is commendeble. what you lack is coherence.please rearrange your essay by explaining why city life is not stressful in one paragraph and in the third paragraph explain the benefits of living the cities.
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳