Undergraduate / Message in drift bottle-UNC at Chapel Hill [4]

Deadine is tomorrow! If you need help, I am willing to give out my comments.
Did I clearly express the main idea?
Please point out my grammatical problems.
Thank you!

You just put a message in a bottle and threw the bottle out to sea. What is the message?(approximately 500 words.)

When I am worried and unhappy, I always send out my annoyance through an online drift bottle. Recently something regretful happened, but this time if I get a chance to throw a bottle with my message out to the ocean, I hope the receiver can understand my feeling at this moment. Please cherish your time, and pursue your dream.

When I was a little child, I knew the concept of death from the TV. "Will I die? What will I feel after I am dead?" I thought about these questions for a whole night. Yet, seeing the outside gradually turned bright from completely darkness, I got no answer. But now I gradually got new understandings.

A few days ago, I was informed that Kaling, my classmate in China, passed away because of leukemia. Her life stopped at her best age forever. Immediately I felt like sorrow knocked at my heart. Reading her blog, I could feel her pain, disappointment, as well as her optimism and goal; she was still the tenacious girl. It was hard to imagine the agonizing nights she experienced when she could not fall asleep without sleeping pills and anodynes. Headache, dizziness, nausea, everything was so unbearable. Soon the sickness even affected her sight, but the solution had not found yet. Her photos clearly revealed her haggard face, yet her shining eyes hinted her smile, although she was wearing a mask. Certainly sometimes Kaling wrote something about her sufferings and even wanted to give up, but it was her dream that invariably supported her to survive. I remember her brillient face when she said that she intended to study abroad. In her passage, she mentioned her goal for mant times, with hope and optimism. "Now I've learned to be optimistic. I have a dream. I still have so many things that I wanna do, so I must get better!"

The entire world suddenly turned indistict. She was such an outstanding girl, but she no longer had chances to pursue her dream and her ideal life, even though she had a strong desire to live and fulfill her dream. Feeling sorrowful, I started thinking about myself. Life is the priceless gift. Now I still have time to explore the possibiliy of my future, and to strive for my dream, so there is no reason to sit around and waste my time. I don't want to feel regret if I have to face the day when I was announced I have no more time. I want to go to the university. I plan to receive the postgraduate certificate. I intend to work in statistics or science career. I feel like traveling around to feel the world. I hope my future could be wonderful and colorful. All my endeavors, both in academics and extra-curricular experience, are helping me get mature and approach my goals. Cherish my time, and pursue my dream. That is what I could think about, and I hope others could make some changes to have more meaningful life.

Undergraduate / I formed a five-girl team; CommonApp- Significant experience [8]

Please have a look at my essay.
I am not sure I explain it clearly.
Is there any problem about the structure of my essay?
Do I need to add more details?
Could you point out my grammatical mistakes please?
Thank you! I will help back.

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. (250-500 words)

This is not a story about success, but a story about growth.
I formed a five-girl team and became the group leader to participate in the water rocket competition because of my interest in physics, not knowing I would gain insight understandings about growth and leadership from it. The participants were required to launch the bottle rockets into the air with water and have the rockets stay aloft as long as possible.

Hoping to make a perfect rocket, I almost put all of my extra-curricular time to finished separated parts of the rocket. After class, I always dicussed with my physics teacher to get suggestions and inspiration. Searching for adequated information, one of our teammates and I started making the rocket bodies at my home and tested them to choose the best design. After she left, I continued to make other parts. When I released the fairing along with the parachute from the 10th floor, I saw the hope of victory as they drifted down like feathers.

However, problem appeared a week before the competition when I first tested our entire rocket. Our rocket was not launched vertically, and the parachute did not open normally. Rushing out of the bottle, the water not only wetted my clothes but also dampened my passion for victory. Seeing my improvement did not work, girls gradually lost their initial interests, leaving me (to be?) the only one who was still contributing.

Teammates' negative attitude really depressed me, but as the leader I took responsiblility for this predicament. Recalling the manufacturing process, I tried best to better the rocket but never had our entire group all involved in this process. Despite my disappointment, I persisted in improving the structure and parachute, meanwhile encouraging others to muster confidence to continue our work. Finally we cooperated in remaking a parachute, yet it was too late. Eventually during the competition, our parachute did not open, and the result, which was the ridiculous 2.8 seconds, put me in great dispiritedness.

Luciky, this failure did not deprive of my confidence. After all, leader is not the person who do everything for a team, but the core that can unite a team and guide all teammates to the same goal. Absorbing experience from that failure, I gradually matured and learned to be a leader. In the meeting when I was elected as the manager of school news department in our school magazine club, I stressed that we should utilize the wisdom and power of the whole department rather than completely depend on any single individual. And indeed I held meetings regularly to assure everyone's responsibility and group work. Seeing peers smiled while reading the school magazine, I first felt the sence of achievement as a leader. Benefiting from this leading experience, soon I successfully led a group of people to prepare many activities such as the school singing contest and swimming competition. With these valuable experience, I will be no longer a naive girl who know nothing about a team, but try to be an excellent leader.

Undergraduate / MY INTEREST ON STATISTICS-Cornell essay [13]

Please have a look on my essay and give me some comments. And probably there are some grammatical problems.
I can still have space. Where should I improve?
Any comments is appreciated. I will help you back!

Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the college of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study. (maximum of 500 words)

My love of mathematics and statistics is in my genes.

I always have great performances in mathematics, but it was when I was in 9th grade that my view on maths transformed. As an assistant of our maths teacher, I not only kept outstanding grades but also helped improving the grades of the whole class. I remember the lunch-time meetings when I gathered maths-lovers together designing the quizs; the moments while I was standing on the platform explaining my creative methods of difficult problems were still in my mind. To introduce harder knowledge in quizs, first I had to learn higher math course by myself. The involvement to the teaching not only shaped me into a confident speaker but also motivated me to explore a vaster maths world outside the textbooks. These challenging jobs cultivated my good habits to learn deeper and challenge myself.

And then, my first research study experience enriched my concept of maths. I was assigned a group project to study people's money management plan. After stepping out of my comfort zone, I successfully collect 57 questionnaires, but they were not enough for the project. Some other groups counterfeited questionnaires to meet the requirement, but our group didn't follow them. It urged me to respect the fact. The figures should objectively show the fact rather than false impression.

Statistical analysis was the soul of this project. After we carefully recorded and rigorously analyzed the figures, we could easily focus on the phenomenom hiden behind the random figures. The various diagrams clearly showed us the general status and inspired us the future development. The statistics analysis helped me reveal the current status and even foresee the future trends. Essentially, maths is not just for solving the problems in the tests, but for settling down the practical problems; the results are not just dull numbers but like notes that form beautiful molody. Therefore, I want to learn more about statistics, not to be a test-terminator, but to be a solver of practical problems in life, a witness of present conditions, and a predictor of future tendencies. (Do I need to add more specific details about the project?Anything incoherent?)

Cornell University's rigorous academic atmosphere and reputation as an ideal place to get better educational oppotunities attract me to apply for the college of arts and sciences in Cornell. Its systematically academic porgrams can promote my knowledge of both computational skills and statistics knowledge. The undergraduate research program will strongly enrich my experience that cannot be absorbed from textbooks. I can also get guidence and inspiration to further develop my potential when Cornell's career service helps me set up goals and plans for future career. Moreover, I not only want to but also hope to contribute to the academic atmosphere by enhancing academic vitality in the university with my creativeness and rigor.

Undergraduate / I was a DJ in the school broadcasting station/ Common App; Extracurricular Activity [6]

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum)

Hope you can point out the grammar mistakes and anywhere awkward.
And did I state my experience clearly? Enough Details? Did I explain how the experience promoted me?

I was a DJ in the school broadcasting station hosting the programme about the new discoveries in science and technology field.The lunch hour when I shared the latest discoveries with the whole school was really an exciting moment.Moreover,I broadcast in many school activities such as the school sport meeting and the swimming games.As an officer of the school broadcasting station,I also participatezd in organizing the school singing contest.Although I met many unexpected difficulties when arranging the show list and the venue,these barriers did not stop me from organizing an amazing contest,and even made me stronger.The broadcasting work shaped me an outgoing and confident girl.Most importantly,the painstaking endeavors cultivated my capabilities not only in broadcasting but also in the leadership and organizing ability.Now I have new DJs take over the programme,but the memory as a DJ will inspire me to promote and challenge myself for my whole life.

Undergraduate / What you learn from cultural difference? rigor in eastern culture/ vigor in western world [6]

the deadline of UW is midnight today! please give me some advice to improve my short response. thank you.

Describe an experience of cultural difference or insensitivity you have had or observed. What did you learn from it?

My high school life is the mixture of two different cultures. Two extremes can easily bewilder people, but the divergence inspires me to seek the advantages from both cultures.

I used to study in China. A seventeen-year Chinese education was embedded in my mind. The rigor of study was an essential element in Chinese education. While my math teacher was giving classes, the blackboard was always filled with formulas and graphs. Every step was listed on the blackboard without any omissions. He always stressed the significance of logic and rigor since he believed that the reasoning was the root of all academic fields, even the art field. Probably the rigorous characteristic of Chinese education system is one of the reasons why I love math and science subjects like physics better than literature. These subjects that rely on logical thinking and serious reasoning perfectly meet my inner standards.

In my senior year, I moved to the United States and entered an American high school, and the totally different environment gradually affected my concept of cultures. I first realized the difference when I was the school welcome back assembly. At first when my peers mentioned the meeting, I thought it would be a dull report given by principal or administers, like what I had experienced in China. Nevertheless, when I actually entered the venue, the music was so loud that I felt like I was at a party. The hosts dramatically dressed up as the superheroes in The Avengers to save our city. This drama gave me a deeper impression than any of the other performances. The hosts devoted themselves to the performance with their love and passion. The story itself about how heroes successfully saved the city after a series of ridiculous mistakes was funny, and their performance was exaggerated. However, their every frown and every laugh were so emotional that it had an amazing power to entertain everyone in the venue. This vigorous performance showed me the power of dynamism and creativity. The details of the assembly faded away, but the impact has stay in my mind, inspiring me to show my vitality in my future life.

Having learned in America for a period of time, I realize and understand the cultural differences more profoundly. Some people may consider they are irreconcilable. However, to me, they are complementary, promoting each other. The rigor in eastern culture and the vigor in the western world are never on the opposing side. My experiences in two different cultures have taught me to reconcile the divergence and seek advantages from both sides so that I can constantly promote my talents in my future life.

Undergraduate / 'From Chinese to American high-school' UC the world you come from MY HIGH SCHOOL LIFE [4]

I didn't notice the requirement about dream at first, so it would probably not so fit. but i hope to get HARSH critique. also i will help you in return. thx~

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Different high schools bring me opportunity for different experience, but both of them cultivate my capabilities. Though I was good at math, I ever thought it was too hard to become an actuary. However, the experience in these years confirmed my goal.

I used to study in a top-ranking high school in China. I enjoyed contests and evenings in our school, and when I actually participated in the group preparing a singing contest, I found them even more fascinating. I met difficulties when negotiating with school officers for spot and calling contestants to ensure the performances. In the last minute, I was still busily correcting the show list. Even when the contest started, I couldn't enjoy it as before because of grading job. But my every effort had rewards. The whole stadium was an ocean of cheers, and the singer on the stage was like a super star. There was nothing more wonderful than seeing the revelry, which contained my painstaking efforts, was successfully held.

In my senior year, I left China and entered an American high school, a totally different environment. After I oriented to the new circumstance, my life became much busier, but community service cured my inner restlessness. Sitting near the door of school library, I checked out books and devices as an assistant. Sometimes when there was no tutor, I got a "part-time" job to tutor students in math. I enjoyed the smiles when people took books from me; I liked the nods when students understood my solutions. In the harmonious atmosphere of the library, I felt inner peace and pride, the pleasure brought by contribution.

Maturing in high schools, I strengthened my determination and gradually removed the barrier on my way. I could be an organizer, and a contributor, like the role an actuary acts when giving analysis and advice to a program or a company. Like catalysts, my experiences in high school accelerated the progress to my goal.