Writing Feedback / Create proper environment, which would help children foster the sense of competition and cooperation [2]

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Hi everyone, I have joined the IELTS test and I got 6.5 twice. I want to get 7 or higher.
Would you tell me the approximate band of my essay and the problems with it.
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At present ,public debate has been going on over whether the cultivation of the sense of competition, or ,the encourage ment of collaboration is the priority of our education. In this essay, I will discuss both sides regarding this debate.

I would agree that the environment full of competition is indeed beneficial for the development of our children. To begin with, children will make greater efforts to get higher rank at school if they are motivated to compete against their peers. Then, they will strive to achieve better performance,such as winning awards, and through this, they will make better use of their talent for they can fulfill their potential. Then, once they make progress during competition ,they will, obviously, gain self-esteem, as they know they can achieve their objectives by trying harder. Gradually, they will grasp the courage to pursue their dreams, not only at schools,but in their workplaces as well.

Still, I have to point out the merits that cooperation could bring to our children. In the first place, they can nurture teamwork spirit through their collaboration. When they cooperation with each other ,they can learn the core value of cooperation, which is they can compensate their capacities. Apparently, teamwork spirit is vital for their future career for the fundamental reason that the majority of people will finally work in groups ,such as ,commercial operations ,educational institutions. In the second place, collaboration with each other substantially improves their psychological health ,especially in modern society ,with accelerating pace of living. With the help if face to face interaction with their classmates at schools ,it helps them establish valuable friendship, which effectively relieves the pressure and tension caused by competition. In this way, they can enjoy better mental healthy, thus they can become a more successful member of our society because mental healthy is an indispensable part of our happiness.

Having considered the respective benefits of them, I believe both of them are essential for our children's future,as they cannot superseed each other. I firmly believe ,therefore, we should create proper environment ,which would help them foster the sense of competition and cooperation.

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Any advice would be appreciated , and thanks for your great help :)
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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task1 Letter "You have just arrived in the city " [2]

Question
You have just arrived in the city where you are going to spend two years for your master's degree. You have a lot preparation to do before the new term stars, but you do not know how to go round the city. A friend you have newly acquainted offered you guidance and helped you through difficulties.Write a letter to express your thanks.

My Answer;

Dear Sir,

I am Andy,the student you helped last week.I am writing to express my appreciation for what you have done for me.

Last week,I had just arrived at the city.Obviously,I was not familiar with this city at all.I was preparing for my new term.I needed to get my package at the post office and buy some books for my class.However,I did not know how to get around this city.Fortunately,I came across you.Thanks to your great help.I went through all of the difficulties.

According to your directions ,I found the post office and got my package.In addition,I bought the books and a map in the bookstore.I followed your advice and got familiar with the bus stations around the school.Otherwise,it would be very difficult for me to get ready for the class.I would like to invite you to dinner next week.I sincerely hope you could come.I have other interesting news to share with you.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.Thanks for your kind help,again.

Yours
Andy
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Hi guys ,I have a couple of questions about this letter; Could you help me please, Any suggestion and correction would be appreciated.
Thank you very much indeed.
1. The question is "A friend you have newly acquainted offered you guidance and helped you through difficulties." ,Do you think it is all right to write "Dear Sir," as the beginning?

2. Do you think it is all right i write like this"Otherwise,it would be very difficult for me to get ready for the class." Because it looks like not very good. Precisely,I think the word " Otherwise " is a little wired.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task1 Letter "Request Information & Write Letter to friend" [3]

Question 1: writing a letter to ask about some information about the scholarship. following information should be included in your letter.
1) who you are
2) why you apply the scholarship
3) what information you want

Answer 1:

Dear Sir,Madam,

I am Andy,a student who is studying in high school.I am writing to seek some information about the scholarship.

I will study in college in three monthes.I am interested in Computer Science And Technology and I am planning on studying that in college.In addition,I learned that your school is the best,so I really hope to join your school.As you know,the tuition of this mayor is really expensive.Unfortunately,my family is not so rich to afford that.So I am afraid it would be a financial burden for my family.Therefore,I would like to know some information about the scholarship.

I would like to know different kinds of information,such as the amount and how to get ,etc.I would be very graceful if you could send some information about that in three weeks.Apart from that,I would really like to know something about the entrace.

Yours
Andy
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Question 2;
Write a letter to an English-speaking friend. In your letter,
explain why you changed jobs
describe your new job
tell him / her your other news
Write at least 150 words.
You do NOT need to write any address.
Begin your letter as follows:
Dear __________,

Answer;

Dear Jackson,

I am really happy to tell you I have just changed a job a week before.I am writing to tell you some details and share with you some news.

As I mentioned with you before,I worked in a Taiwanese company before.That job was really stressful.Therefore I needed to work overtime practically every day.So,I did not have much free time and I felt my life was out of balance.That really bothered me ,because I did not have time to spend on reading my books.Then I changed a new job.

So far, that job is great .It offers decent salary and benefits.More importantly,I have more free time.At present, I can spend more time on my interests and hobbies.

By the way, I just received a birthday gift from my parents,[(hi ,guys, should I use this comma? It seems the means are different)] which was a iPad.I am really fond of it because I can surf the internet and chat with my friends with it.I think we can chat with each other online.

I am looking forward to hearing from you,and I would really like some interesting news from you.

Yours
Andy

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Hi ,guys ,Could you offer some suggestions and corrections for this letter,please. I have two letters .
thanks for your great help.

Letters / IELTS Task1; Letter requesting my teacher to write a REFERENCE letter for me [4]

You have applied for a position in an international organization and you need to provide a reference letter. Write a letter to your former teacher asking him/her to write it for you.

- Give your full details.
- Describe the job that you are going to do there.
- Say why it is important to you.

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Dear Jackson,

I am really sorry to bother you.I am writing to ask if you could write a reference letter for me.

I am applying for the position of software enginner in the United Nations Education Association.Applying this position requires a reference letter from a professor.I think you are the most famous prefessor in our school,therefore I think I could have larger chance if you could write a reference letter for me.

I would be responsible for designing and developing software used in this organization.I firmly belive that I am qualified for this position because I got the first grade in colleage.This position is the only opportunity for me to work in an international organization.It would be a wonderful opportunity for me to impove my problem-solving skills and enhance my competitiveness.Therefore,it is vital for my career in the future.

Please call me at your first convenience if you could help me.

Yours
Andy
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Hi ,guys ,Could you offer some suggestions and corrections for this letter,please.
thanks for your great help.

Do you think I should make a simple self-introduction?

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task1 essay "Your neighbours have recently written to you to complain about" [2]

Dear sir,

I am surprised to receive your letter saying that the noise from my flat has disturbed you for a long time.I am writing to explain the reasons and make apologize.

I fell terribly sorry to bother you.A couple of weeks ago,I found there was something wrong with my heating system.It is pretty cold in winter.Therefore I tried to solve the problems myself.I have to work daytime, so I did the repair work in the evening.I found the repairing touch and complicated.I must made loud noise.I have never thought the noise was so loud that it has disturbed you.

At present ,I have found two experienced worker to help me solve the problems.They promised they could fix these problems within this week.In addition,we will only work at daytime,so I am sure we will never disturb you in the evening.Please tell me how can I make up for what you have lost.I am planning on inviting you to a dinner.I really hope you could come.

If you could come ,please give me a phone call and please accept my apologize.

Yours sincerely
Andy.

==>Hi,guys.
Could you please give me some suggestion and correction to this essay.I am sure there must be many "error" or "misuse".

Thank you very much indeed. :)

And, could you tell me the score of the essay it could get, if possible.(I guess it might be not very accurate ,but ,any suggestion is appreciated:))

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task2 ; "that all students should learn a foreign language" [4]

Question;
Some people believe that all students should learn a foreign language. Others, however, argue that a student should not be required to learn a foreign language if he or she does not have talent for it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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My answer;
At present, learning a foreign language is essential to success in this modern world.Yet at the same time, whether everyone needs to learn a foreign language has sparked much debate.Some people assert that every student should learn a foreign language.While others think that some people are not required to learn a second language if they do not need it.Personally , I am in favor of the former view.

It is obviously reasonable for some people to argue that every student should learn a second language because there are many advantages.First of all,learning a foreign language can make children become more open-minded and talented.For example,student can learn about colorful cultures and customs when they learn a foreign language.Therefore ,learning a second language is important for their development. In addition,learning a foreign language can boost the efficiency of communication because it can remove barrier of communication in their daily lives and works.Specifically,it is clearly more convenient when we travel to other countries or communicate with foreigners if we learn their language.There is another reason we should not overlook is there is plenty of evidence supporting that learning a foreign language can improve intelligence of students ,especially for young students.Hence, students can be beneficial from learning a second language because it is important for acquiring other knowledge.

It is worth pointing out that there are other arguments supporting that not all the students should learn a second language if they do not have certain talent.The main one may be it can be rather time-consuming to learn a second language if students do not have certain talent.As a consequence,some students can not study very well even they have spent much time on studying it.In spite of that ,research has proved that learning a foreign language could be very easy if we have correct methods .It is clear that all the people can learn a second language very well if we study in proper environment because we can learn their own language.

In conclusion ,I firmly believe that all the students should learn a foreign language because the advantages overweigh the disadvantages.At the same time,we should take actions,such as make students communicate more with native speakers, to improve the efficiency of learning foreign languages.

==>Hi,guys.
Could you please give me some suggestion and correction to this essay.I am sure there must be many "error" or "misuse".

Thank you very much indeed. :)

And, could you tell me the score of the essay it could get, if possible.(I guess it might be not very accurate ,but ,any suggestion is appreciated:))

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Writing Feedback / IELTS;"Charities in developed countries should donate to underdeveloped countries" [5]

At present,charities play a vital role in our society. Meanwhile ,what should we spend it on has sparked much debate.Some people assert charities in developed countries should be given to those who live in underdeveloped countries.While others think we should focus on helping needy people in their own countries.Personally,I am in favor of the former view.

Obviously ,it is reasonable for many people to argue charities should be given to those who live in underdeveloped countries.To begin with,it is widely accepted that there are much more impoverished people in underdeveloped countries than in developed countries.Therefore,it is urgent that we should help poeple living in poverty as we could help more people ,even save more lives. For another reason,it is clear that international aid can promote the relationship between different countries.So ,we could improve the coporation between those countries.International corporation has essential advantages we should not overlook. For example,it can make better use of natural resource and stimulate job market of both sides

Admittedly,it is worth pointing out that there are some arguments supporting the view that we should focus on helping the needy in their own countries.The main one may be helping people in their own countries is more efficent.For example ,we need to spend tons of money on shipment of the goods,especially when they are far away from their own countires.There is another argument we should point out,which is some people think helping the needy in their own countries can win publicity of their own government.In spite of that, it is obvious that peace and harmony are much more important than publicity of government.

In conclusion,I firmly believe that we should give the charities to the people who live in underdeveloped countries.At the same time,it is advisable we should take actions to make the foreign aids more efficient by cuting the expenditure of the shipment.

Writing Feedback / IELTS "computers and the Internet are important resources " [5]

At present ,computers and the internet play a vital part in our daily lives. Yet at the same time,whether they are important resources has sparked much debate.Some people assert that they are very important for students' education.While others think that most of the knowledge students acquire is from their teachers.Personally ,I am in favor of the former view.

Obviously, it is reasonable for many people to assert that computers and the internet play an important part in students' study.For one thing,there is aboundant information on the internet and computer is a kind of powerful tool to get information.Therefore, computers and the internet are the most important resources to get information.For another thing,studying from teachers is not suitable for all the students because the performance depends on the personalities of the teachers.By contrast ,students can find a way to get information which is most suitable for them.There is another argument we should not overlook is that studying from the computers and the internet can be available for all the students.However,learning from their teachers is not convenient for some students, for example ,those who live in remote area.

Admittedly,it is worth pointing out there are also some arguments supporting the view that student should learn from their teachers.The main one may be there is undesirable information on the internet which can be harmful for the development of the students.As a consequence,students' education might be put into threat.Another argument is students might be addicted to the online games instead of studying by computers.In spite of that, I belive we should not block the use of the internet and computers.

In conclusion,I firmly believe that computers and the internet are the most important way to get information.At the same time, I think it is advisable that we should take some actions to get rid of the undesirable information on the internet.

==>Hi,guys.
Could you please give me some suggestion and correction to this essay.I am sure there must be many "error" or "misuse".

Thank you very much indeed. :)

And, could you tell me the score of the essay it could get, if possible.(I guess it might be not very accurate ,but ,any suggestion is appreciated:))

Writing Feedback / Letter to the building owner ; IELTS General Training Writing Task 1 [4]

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

You and your family are living in rented accommodation in an English speaking country. You are not satisfied with the condition of some of the furniture.

Write a letter to your friend. In your letter

introduce yourself
explain what is wrong with the furniture
say what action you would like the landlord to take
Write at least 150 words.

You do NOT need to write any addresses.

Begin your letter as follows:

Dear ... ,
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Could you please help correct this composition for me.
I know ,there must be many problems .
Thank you very much indeed.
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Dear sir,madam;

I am the tenant who is renting your apartment.I have been living in your apartment for 1 month with my family.Generally ,it is great.The environment is wonderful and the facilities in the community is great.However , I found there is something wrong with the furniture two days ago.I am writing to inquiry if it is possible that you fix the problem.

Two days ago,I found there was something wrong with the coffee table and washing machine.The coffee table is not so stable that I have broken two glasses.I often get into trouble when I use the washing machine.I do not why.We have to wash clothes ourselves.It is really cold in winter and it takes me too much time.

I am writing to inquiry if it is possible to change them for us. It is not so urgent,but it would be better if you can solve this problem within this week.

Thank you very much indeed for your corporation.
I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely yours.
Andy