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Posts by impatient101
Joined: Dec 23, 2012
Last Post: Dec 10, 2017
Threads: 8
Posts: 17  
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From: Nepal

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impatient101   
Dec 10, 2017
Graduate / STATEMENT OF PURPOSE (SOP) FOR MS IN CS - PASSION IN ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE [2]

THESE ARE THE GUIDELINES FOR THE SOP. PLEASE HELP ME IMPROVE IT IN ANY WAY POSSIBLE. THANK YOU!
It should be brief, 1 or at most 2 pages (not limited to # of words on each page), which describe:

1.the research area(s) you wish to pursue in graduate school;
2.your future academic and career plans;
3.and those aspects of your previous education, training and work experience that prepared you for graduate school and future career.


The deadline to submit is December 15.

My main research interests

Women in Nepal aren't expected to have a career, let alone in science and technology. So, receiving a full scholarship, granted by the Government of India, was a huge accomplishment for me. It motivated me to pursue a career in Computer Science, a field that has always fascinated me. I was one of the few candidates selected to complete my undergraduate studies in one of the top private universities in India. My love and passion in this field has only burgeoned since then and has led me to apply for Masters in Computer Science at ---- University . My main research interests are Artificial Intelligence (AI), Data Mining, and Computer Graphics.

In recent years, AI has seen a remarkable growth. We can now envision models to improve people's lives in diverse areas like science, commerce, and humanities. This can be attributed to the advent of powerful computational resources and a colossal amount of data. My passion for graduate studies in Computer Science, primarily in Artificial Intelligence, stems from the recent breakthroughs happening in this field. Some of them are the development of neural networks and advancements in image recognition techniques that can identify different infections and diagnose different diseases. Coming from one of the poorest countries in the world has made me realize the huge potential such applications have mainly in third world countries which can benefit by automation in various sectors.

My career goals are thus to work in this field to build systems that can make decisions based on observations, and can transfer learning from one task to another. During my time at ---, I wish to enhance my knowledge in this subject, with deep learning as my priority research area. There are many aspects of deep learning that interest me. At present, activation functions excite me the most. These functions are crucial for successful training of deep neural networks (DNN). Finding efficient activation functions for training DNN has been an active area of research. The most preferred method is Rectified Linear Units (ReLU) as it solves the problems of explosive or vanishing gradients. However, researchers have recently developed an activation function called Swish which has outperformed ReLU in deep models. I wish to further explore these topics and make an independent contribution.

The rigorous curriculum during my undergraduate studies has prepared me for the pursuit of a Master's degree. Theoretical knowledge coupled with practical coursework during my studies have prepared me to delve into graduate school with confidence. Not only did I score well on theoretical subjects, but also excelled in all of my lab sessions. I got a chance to develop my programming skills by taking classes on C, C++, Java. Furthermore, I could implement the concepts firsthand with projects like development of a university website, a creation of student record management system with MySQL as the database and many more.

My final year project of creating a canvas based android application confirmed my love for research and problem solving as android development was a completely new topic for me. The creation of the app involved careful planning, extensive research and meticulous study of the subject. During the process of building the app, I encountered many errors completely new to me. These challenges forced me to think critically and creatively to find solutions. This experience made me realize the undeniable power of self-learning and research. I got an in depth understanding of the Android platform and the appropriate skills to code and create applications. It really helped me hone my analytical skills. Also, I loved working with a team, sharing and testing each other's ideas.

Since my primary goal is working towards a PhD and research in the above-said areas, ---- will be a perfect opportunity for me to pursue my graduate studies. I am aware of the amount of perseverance and dedication that is required for pursuing a career in research and believe that I am fully prepared as I am technically qualified and have the proper mindset to do so. I am confident that I will be able to make significant contributions to the ongoing research at your department. By getting an opportunity to work under the expert guidance of your esteemed faculty, I will undoubtedly be able to achieve my full potential.
impatient101   
Dec 9, 2017
Writing Feedback / Many countries invest a lot of money on art or on public services and facilities. What do you think? [3]

@Miracle0819
I believe this is an IELTS discussion essay. You have some problems with grammar. You need to learn to use tenses properly. Also learn about active and passive voice and how to form these sentences.

Overall, you have been able to discuss both views and present your opinion.

From someone's view, it is believed that ...

Instead say:Many people believe that that government funding ...

As well as Along with free education,..
impatient101   
Dec 9, 2017
Scholarship / NTU Scholarship Essay: An Event which has Influenced You [3]

@victoriatrinita I go attended to a public school and take took the public transport "angkot".
... and I am was mostly alone

My grades lowered too. I felt uneasy being out of my comfort zone. Improve this sentence. Maybe you can say: As a result, my performance in class got worse. I had a very difficult time adjusting to the new environment.

Overall, try to organize your paragraphs by expressing a single idea in each paragraph. Don't have many paragraphs with just two sentences. Try to form 3 main paragraphs with the following structure:

Introduction
Body
Conclusion
impatient101   
Oct 10, 2017
Writing Feedback / Only by challenging existing knowledge, we are able to expand our thinking about the universe [2]

"QUESTION AUTHORITY." GRE ISSUE ESSAY



Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

"Question authority. Only by questioning accepted wisdom can we advance our understanding of the world."

The author claims that only by challenging existing knowledge, we are able to expand our thinking about the universe. While questioning authority can sometimes lead to more problems in overly sensitive issues and societies, I agree that for the overall development and expansion of knowledge, it is critical as human beings to not become slavish and blindly follow accepted dogma and conventions. Instead, we should have the courage to challenge preconceived notions and ideas as questioning authority can attribute to growth and broadening our horizon.

Living in a democratic society means we have the right to think freely. Therefore, it is absolutely crucial to voice our opinions against the government if that means getting justice or even if that can lead to formation of better laws and regulations. Although, in a democracy, we choose representatives, it is not necessary that we have to agree with all the policies formed. In such situation, we can challenge the people in higher power to focus their energy and resources on more pressing issues which they might not be even aware of. For example, in the light of the recent hurricane that has caused great devastation in Puerto Rico, many people have questioned the efficacy of government in the rescue effort of the areas suffering from this disaster. Due to this scrutiny faced by the government, the rescue process has gained momentum and support is pouring from other sources too. Therefore, speaking out against any actions we feel is not fair can result the responsible leaders to act better.

Furthermore, various remarkable contributions have been made in the field of science and technology by people who were not afraid to think outside the box. Even when it was considered unorthodox and heresy, Galileo devoted himself in finding the alternate truth about the nature of the universe. He claimed that the sun was the center of the universe, disproving the geocentric theory , which was prominently held as the only reality by the Roman Catholic Church at that time. His discovery was a milestone in the field of scientific discovery. It would not have been possible if he had not questioned the accepted reality of the universe at that time. Such a contribution in Science could only be made because Galileo was willing to challenge accepted ideas and beliefs. His findings completely revolutionized our perception of the cosmos.

Opponents of the given argument may argue that authority should never be questioned and accepting conventional knowledge and wisdom is the only way to live without any conflict. Although being in compliance with authority may not cause real conflict, it certainly gives much power to the people who are in the authoritative position. It is not that people should resort to violent means when they oppose to something they don't prefer. Mahatma Gandhi is the perfect example of a man to challenge the British rule in India by his non-violent protests. He was able to successfully gain independence for India. This proves that even peaceful form of questioning can go a very long way towards the path of progress and prosperity.

To sum up, I agree that for the well being of people in any society, it is essential to question and challenge authority constantly. Indeed, challenging the status quo can lead to formulation and implementation of better democratic and legal norms. In addition, many profound discoveries have been possible only because people challenged accepted dogma. Moreover, peaceful form of defiance can be very powerful too.
impatient101   
Oct 10, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2: Large businesses have big budgets for marketing and promotion and as a result. [4]

@AliminHamzah

This clause discuss about how come the citizen prefer to buys some things from other place than buys some things from local, and how to develop local product more familiar previously.

I suppose this is your thesis statement. Your statement does not answer the question clearly. Task response is very important for ielts.

Maybe try this.

This essay will look at some of the effects big corporations have over local economy and also the measures that could be taken to develop the popularity of local products.
impatient101   
Oct 10, 2017
Undergraduate / Give a brief description of your professional background and current work [3]

@Taskat
... articulate and conscientiousness Psychologist, who emphasizes on human ... My job pertains to a combination of training in ... as I have over 3 years (...) workplace, recruit and engage recruiting employees, [...] and always displaying a willing and [...] punctual and presentable(choose a different word) leader with a fantastic work ethic and. I willwould really ... ... currently a volunteered aid worker at a community service (...)(this sentence seems too clumsy. try improving it) I amhave chosen this work because it seems I deaideal to my leadership ...
impatient101   
Apr 10, 2014
Scholarship / SCHOLARSHIP- Degree in Accounting; personal development /career aspirations [4]

Explain how this award will assist your personal development and benefit your career aspirations. The content of your essay must be applicable to this particular scholarship and free of spelling or grammatical errors.. Could you please proofread this essay?

My name is Abhina Mishra. As an international student from a third world country, various things need to be considered before applying to colleges abroad. Applying to the States, one of the best places to pursue higher education seems like a distant dream to achieve because of the finances associated with it. My career aspirations include achieving a degree in Accounting so that I can pursue my career in multinational companies or banks. However, without the scholarship, I am not certain if I will able to achieve a College degree to fulfill my career goals.

My parents who work very hard to earn their bread and butter have done their best to provide me and my siblings quality education. They worked overtime or even during vacations to make ends meet. They sent all three of us to good private schools in the hope that we could face the challenges of the 21st century. I have been an A Grade student all my life. The scholarships that I received each year assisted my parents to manage resources better. The various cash rewards I'd get for achieving the highest marks in different subjects from a very small age motivated me to work even harder on my studies. Until now, I have always gotten scholarships to help fund my studies and I continue to work even harder to deserve it.(Remove this sentence) The scholarships and the grades I obtained in my school made me more confident in applying abroad for my Higher Studies. I want to achieve an International degree that can take me anywhere in the world. I want to study Accounting because I have loved the subject ever since I was introduced to it in my 8th Grade. In my School Leaving Certificate Examinations (SLC) of Grade 10, I achieved the highest marks in Accountancy from my school. This gave me a lot of confidence to pursue Accountancy for my Higher Studies and also as my career choice. Furthermore, I have always been good with numbers and calculations. However, without the scholarship, it will be very difficult for my parents to fund my education at La Roche.

Because of the huge difference in the exchange rate of The U.S. dollar and Nepalese rupee, I will not have sufficient fund for college education without the scholarship. Therefore, this scholarship will benefit me to continue my Higher education in a subject that I love so much. As a student who is committed to her studies, I will be able to pursue my education confidently with the scholarship and work even harder to achieve my career goals. Without having to worry about putting my family in economic hardship, I can focus clearly on my studies and perform better academically. I will be able to grasp all that College life has to offer without any hesitation or financial burden on my back.
impatient101   
Apr 10, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Question about the influence of the media coverage of celebrities [8]

This essay will compare both negative and positive consequences of this effect on infants

In this essay, I will compare both the positive and negative consequences of media coverage on children. Do not say infants here as toddlers or very small babies are called infants. Instead use kids or children. Also, try to give examples after defining a consequence. t makes your essay better.
impatient101   
Jan 14, 2014
Undergraduate / "Rewards"; MY KALAMAZOO SUPP - favorite childhood book and why [2]

PLEASE HELP ME IMPROVE THIS ESSAY IN ANY WAY POSSIBLE. I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR FEEDBACKS. THANKS IN ADVANCE!

Filling out college applications is time consuming and requires a lot of thought. Let's go back to a time when learning was a pure joy. Please tell us your favorite childhood book and why.

My favorite childhood book was called "Rewards". It was a collection of many short stories and poems. I got it as a birthday present from my aunt for my 7th birthday. I remember my aunt reading to me the first story from the book. It was "Down down the mountain" by Ellis Credle. As a child, I would be completely enthralled and mesmerized by the contents of the book. It was perhaps the way my aunt read it to me that I would be imagining every single word that she would translate in Nepali and utter from her mouth. I was awed by the wonderful pictures displayed all over the book. The story taught me not only to work hard to achieve something but also to be generous to others. I loved the part when Hetty and Hank won the competition for the biggest turnip and finally buy shiny new shoes for themselves and their family. The other story that really fascinated me and I would read frequently as I grew older was "Evan's corner" by Elizabeth Starr Hill from the book. I remember demanding a separate room for myself after reading the story. At that time, there were only 3 rooms in my house with five members in the family. It was impossible for my family to give a single room to a 10 year old girl. But, I was persistent for a while only to get denied. So, I decided to make a small corner like Evan's under a table in the room. I would drape clothes all over the table and enjoy my space inside. I would keep the space very clean and slowly I didn't mind cleaning the whole room as well. I even brought a goldfish being inspired by various acts of Evan from the book. However, I didn't know how to take care of it and the goldfish died very soon. I decided to bring a new goldfish and take care of it properly. My aunt taught me to take care of it and the goldfish survived for 2 more years. Till that time, I'd already gotten a separate room.

Other stories and poems like "Mr. Picklepaws's Popcorn", "Just like Abraham Lincoln", "Meet Mike Takino", "Different" and many more would keep me engaged all day during my holidays. These were the stories that helped me grow up as I would relate to each of these stories in one way or another. After all these years, I still have the book as my favorite keepsake.
impatient101   
Jan 14, 2014
Undergraduate / "I leave feeling renewed"- Common App Essay - Place where you feel content [2]

As a self-identified ambivert (a combination of an introvert and extrovert), I find pleasure in being alone but also in the company of others. I'm not very fond of loud or crowded places. However, the idea of sitting in a library for hours makes my skin crawl. Surprisingly, there is a place that suits my needs, and make me feel like I never want to leave: a conference center called [_____], in [______], [_______].

I have improved a few things. Hope this helps!
impatient101   
Jan 10, 2014
Undergraduate / I grew up in the rural countryside of China; Story central-- A Passion in Biology [5]

I liked the first paragraph where you have attached a personal story.
"When I explored freely in nature, the upstanding trees, the verdant hills, the ripening crops, the blooming flowers, the lively animals, with their overflowing vitality, always infused me with exuberance, and catalyzed the explosion of my affection and passion for life, which had been soaring in me."

This sentence is really really long. Perhaps, you should shorten it a bit.
Towards the end, the essay gets a little boring but i don't think you should worry about that. You have accomplished to reflect the type of person you are in the essay and that is what admissions officers are looking for.
impatient101   
Jan 9, 2014
Undergraduate / FRANKLIN AND MARSHALL SUPPLEMENT..LEARNING BY DOING !! NEED HELP [2]

IT's very URGENT! Please help me with mine and I will definitely help you with yours. Thanks!

What does being a diplomat mean to you?

Last year, I realized I had been studying all my life, but not actually learning. At the time, I was volunteering at a school in a remote part of Nepal. In a creative arts class, I wanted to teach the kids an artwork I had been taught in school. I brought all the materials essential for the art and did the exact same thing I'd seen my teacher do. At the end, it didn't come out as what my teacher had done. But how could it be? I'd done everything required. Then, it hit me; I'd just watched her doing it but never actually had a chance to do it myself. It wasn't just with the art. With everything else in my life too, I'd just sat in my classroom listening to what my teacher had said and had memorized things from the textbooks. With f and m I believe it can change for me. I will be a part of a community which embraces learning. Being a diplomat, I can finally learn.

Coming from an underdeveloped country, I've seen scarcity and misuse of resources all my life. Being a diplomat I believe I will be able to change this for creating a more sustainable environment. Being a diplomat means a lot more to me than the excellent academic opportunities I will find here. It's the experience of learning with world renowned faculty about the subject I love. The teachers who are our mentors and friends will inspire me to discover and reach my full potential. I will be part of a community where everyone is like a family and cares about each other, a diverse community in the rich multicultural campus. For an international high school graduate like me, it will be an opportunity to become a global citizen of the 21st century. Simply put, being a diplomat means everything to me because I will be able to get "real" education without having to worry about the financial costs involved. I come from a place where all my life, education has been constricted within four walls of the classroom. I am a pragmatist who believes in learning by doing. With the help of f and m's educational opportunities that doesn't see any boundaries, I feel I can finally contribute back to the community and make a positive change.
impatient101   
Dec 31, 2013
Undergraduate / Nepal Journey - DAVIDSON - EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITY OR WORK EXPERIENCE [4]

Hi guys! please help me improve this supplement. Also, its already 197 words. how do I end it? the word limit is 200 words.
Question: Please briefly elaborate on of your extracurricular activities or work experiences.

Recently, I went as a translator for a team of Australian medical students who had come to conduct health camps in the rural parts of Nepal. Each day of the 11 days trip was an adventure and an opportunity to learn.

The journey began with a long hike in the incredibly risky mountainous roads of Nepal. However, the breathtaking scene along the way washed all the exhaustion away. The trip opened my eyes to a Nepal I thought existed only in textbooks. Translating for each of the patient that came to the camp not only helped me understand the health condition of Nepal, but also see the poor socio-economic condition of the Nepalese people in these parts. It was tragic to see how ignorance on the littlest of things had affected the people severely. For instance, a simple act of not brushing the teeth has affected the dental health of the majority of people here. The amount of labor and hard work that people did here for such a low pay is incredible. I learnt so much during my conversations with the locals. The kids who were so young yet knew so much about life inspired me.
impatient101   
Dec 28, 2013
Undergraduate / The open cremation site; A place where I'm perfectly content [4]

Thank you so much for your feedback .
Would you please point me out the awkward words so that I could make changes?
Also, how do you think I should conclude the essay?
Please let me know. That would be very helpful.
impatient101   
Dec 28, 2013
Undergraduate / Rice University - Personal Perspective - Grandfathers and Pumpkin Pie [4]

The few times I had seen my grandfather, I was scared by his stern demeanor I mistook for coldness, and my introverted personality and the intimidating language barrier compounded with the fact that I lived thousands of miles from him meant that I never got to really know him.

This sentence is very long such that the reader might lose interest. Maybe rewrite it.

Make some sort of transition as you move from one paragraph to another. Otherwise your whole essay falls apart. Besides that, the content of your essay is very good.

please help with mine!
impatient101   
Dec 28, 2013
Undergraduate / The open cremation site; A place where I'm perfectly content [4]

Please help me with my common app essay!!

There's a sense of calmness in the air. For the moment, it's just me and several lifeless bodies on the cremation platforms by the banks of the holy river Bagmati. Some of them are in the middle of cremation, while some are being prepared for it. For many an open cremation could be a repelling sight, but to me, it's the scene I've been a part of for very long, way too long to even remember since when. I'm familiar with every aspect of this place, maybe too familiar, such that every time I enter this cremation site, a sense of belonging fills my heart and I feel content.

A mix of disparate smells ranging from the smell of sweet incense to the smell of the bodies being cremated encapsulates me. There's a hustle of activities going on around me but those activities don't seem to matter anymore. The sound of the footsteps of hundreds of people walking on the stone pavements, of vendors shouting to sell their goods and of people chattering; all seems to fade away along with the smoke that seems to disappear somewhere. All I hear is the soothing sound of bells ringing in a rhythm and of conches calming every nerve in my body. All I see now is the Hindu death ritualistic practice being performed by the priest for the cremation. I look at the son control all his emotions as he puts the fire in the mouth of the deceased. Then the priest puts more piles of wood on the top and after a while the scene is just an ablaze of fire and I can see the fire burning with all its intensity in the river. The act of lighting the fire for the cremation by a family member seems bold to me. I feel my mind being empty of all the worldly troubles as I gaze into the fire.

As I stand across the river I can't help but look at the magnificent temple of Pashupatinath above the cremation area. The temple where this cremation site is located is home for lost and troubled souls. For the moment I'm one of them. As I breathe in the smell of various lives that reside here at the temple, a wave of nostalgia fills my heart and my thoughts go back to all the early mornings I came here on my birthday, countless weddings that happened here and the precious moments I got to spend with my dear ones for the very last time. The grandeur of this place welcomes me and all the feelings of insecurities and worries disappear. My troubles get lost in the splendor of this place as I get lost in the lull of the moment temporarily.

As I walk amongst the holy crowd chanting mantras, I envision the extremity of devotion that surrounds me. I see it in the eyes of an elderly worn and torn by life who has come to visit the temple one last time. I see hope in the face of a beggar every time a visitor passes by him and how he is still able to maintain that indelible smile on his face. Watching this warms my heart and I feel the emotions stir up within me. Amidst the chaos of life, the temple gives me a space of my own where I can think freely. I see faith in everyone here .Every time I visit the place, I gain faith; faith in myself, faith in people around me and simply faith in life.

On my way back I see the holy sadhus. Covered in ashes from their head to toe, these devout men smile at me their heavenly smile, I smile back feeling content.
impatient101   
Dec 28, 2013
Undergraduate / Bookstore and café - CommonApp Essay (favorite place prompt) [15]

The essay is well written and it explains a lot about you. However, the essay was kind of boring and it is not very different from other essays I've read on the same topic. Perhaps you would like to explain an incident there or anything else to make it a little unique.
impatient101   
Dec 28, 2013
Undergraduate / Favorite childhood book and why; Kalamazoo Sup [4]

I liked the first line if the first paragraph where you wrote about your father bringing you books. It shows a sense of nostalgia. I would have wanted to read more of that. Instead of writing about the content of the book, maybe you should write about how you felt when reading it. Don't complicate things, remember the prompt requires you to write about a time when things weren't so complicated. Hope this helps.
impatient101   
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / I am a barbarian! ; BARD Supp/ Short commentary [3]

One hundred years ago, in 1912, the Austrian writer and social critic Karl Kraus, famous for his provocative aphorisms, wrote "Civilization ends, since barbarians erupt from it." Write a short commentary on what you think this might mean from your perspective 100 years later, and whether it makes any sense.

PLEASE HELP ME MAKE ANY TYPE OF IMPROVEMENT TO THIS DRAFT.I DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME LEFT BEFORE I SUBMIT THIS.Also, I would really appreciate any suggestions on how to finish this essay.

I am a barbarian!.I work hard for good results.I follow my dharma and every now and then I do something for the sake of humanity. I am a part of civilization.And even if good deeds make me a barbarian,then,yes I am a hardcore barbarian.

Thousands of these 'I's make a civilization.I am aware of the fact that a lot of these 'I's are not as depicted above and they are in fact "barbarians" but I do not agree that the whole of civilization will be doomed because of some "barbarians"Just because an egg has gone bad doesn't mean the whole batch of eggs produced is rotten.Let us look at th is the other way.Despite the muddy water, a lotus flower blossoms and showers its beauty and make the whole scene a beauty.
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