Undergraduate / The air was warm, the sky was clear; UCHICAGO EXTENDED ESSAY [NEW]

I finally managed to complete a version of this essay that I actually liked. This was by far the hardest one I had to do, and any/all criticisms would be super super appreciated! Thank you so much!!!!!!!!

ESSAY OPTION 4.
"...I [was] eager to escape backward again, to be off to invent a past for the present." -The Rose Rabbi by Daniel Stern

Present: presˇent

1. Something that is offered, presented, or given as a gift.

Let's stick with this definition. Unusual presents, accidental presents, metaphorical presents, re-gifted presents, etc. - pick any present you have ever received and invent a past for it.

The sky was dark and the ground slick as Leo hurried out of his office building and into the hustle and bustle of downtown Toronto. He knew he was terribly, terribly late for the 6 o'clock reservation and could almost see his wife's worried face as he ran to find a cab. It was their first wedding anniversary and he had found the most perfect gift; he was sure Marie would be ecstatic. He finally found an empty taxi and ushered it over, throwing his coat over the seat as he clambered in. As soon as the cab pulled to a stop, he threw a twenty over the seat, haphazardly grabbed his coat and dashed out. As Leo stepped inside, a huge grin spread across his face at the sight of his wife, and he reached into his coat to get her gift. As his fingers gripped around searching, his face paled and the grin disappeared in realization that his pocket was empty.

As she handed her last piece of luggage to the taxi driver and climbed into the back seat, all Sammy could think about was the bright Miami sun and the feel of sand in between her toes. As she settled deeper into the seat, she felt something hard press into her spine. She reached behind her and pulled out a black box, finding something quite exquisite inside. It was quite beautiful; such a shame that whoever it belonged to had lost it. No harm done, she supposed, if she were to keep it. When she arrived at the airport, she reached into her purse to get out some cash, soon realizing she had nothing. Cursing her stupidity, Sammy turned to the driver to explain her situation. The driver flatly refused to let her go, and worried that she would miss her flight, she hastily held up the box in offering. The cab driver snatched it out of her hand, pulled out her luggage, and drove away, all the while grumbling to himself. It really was lovely, she thought, but it definitely wasn't worth missing her flight over.

As he sped away from the airport, Jack could do nothing but scowl. Women always had an excuse for everything! They'd forget their heads if they weren't screwed in, he mused to himself, but at least the girl had found another way to pay her due. He glanced down at the box on the seat beside him, wondering how much it would get him at the pawnshop he frequented. He thought about the heavy traffic he would encounter if he drove all the way there, and decided to park a few blocks away from the shop. As he made his way down the street, box in hand, he noticed a group of protesters in front of a pet store by the pawnshop and groaned. Jack had always hated big crowds, especially loud, angry ones filled with enraged tree huggers and big signs. He pushed through the throng of bodies, getting jostled this way and that. Just as he was about to cross the crowd, someone thrust a sign into his hand, causing him to drop the box. Jack yelled in surprise, trying to reach down and get it, but an unsuspecting protester kicked it open, its contents disappearing down a storm gutter and out of sight.

I left my appointment feeling fresh in a way that can't be replicated outside a dentist's office. The air was warm, the sky was clear, and the sun bright; uncharacteristic for Toronto in October. As I made my way down Bay Street, I happened to come across a quaint little pawnshop that sold antiques of every kind. It looked like an interesting place, so I decided to go in and look around. The shop was filled to bursting with ornately carved tables, beautifully hand-painted vases, detailed Renaissance paintings and case after case of jewelry. I sighed with delight, wishing I could gather every piece of gold up in my arms and run home with them. I continued to stare with longing until the shopkeeper cleared his throat and gave me a meaningful look. With a last glance at the cases, I made my way out. Just as I began walking towards the nearest subway station, I noticed a glint of something shiny come from the storm drain. It wasn't very deep, so I ran back into the shop and asked if the storekeeper had an old wire to spare. He disappeared into the backroom for a while and came back with an old wire coat hanger. Perfect, I thought to myself as I thanked him and dashed out. I sat on the ground trying to hook the hanger around the shiny mystery object. After quite a bit of struggling, and more than a few strange looks thrown my way, I got it. I lifted out an intricate gold ring inlayed with pearls and diamonds, so similar in craftsmanship to the ones inside the pawnshop. It was a bit dirty, but with a little bit of cleaning I knew it would be beautiful. As I slipped it onto my finger and made my way down to the station, I wondered how on earth such a pretty piece managed to get at the bottom of a gutter.

Undergraduate / I'm a mixture of all three classes; UPENN/ Ben Franklin [6]

Just wanted to get some last minute feedback on this before I submitted it. I had such a difficult time with it at first, but I'm very pleased with the end product. Any/all forms of input are welcome. I sincerely appreciate this! :) Happy New Year!

Ben Franklin once said, 'All mankind is divided into three classes: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move.'

Which are you?

(Please answer in 300-500 words.)

"Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it." Sir Isaac Newton may have seen the relationship between the Law of Inertia and basic physics, but I doubt he would have realized the significance this rule has to people as well. I never had much patience with anything relating to politics. I always believed it was a messy business; filled with crooks disguised as statesmen and an excessive amount of empty discussions. I went along with this mindset for most of my life; never paying much attention to the news or any important world issues. At first glance, my immoveable state of mind seemed to be a product of youthful ignorance; something that would not change until I grew out of adolescence and took on a more mature perspective of the world. This may have been so, if not for an unexpected force that was applied so strongly to my state of motion, it permanently changed the way I viewed the world.

The Arab Spring was a momentous event that changed the lives of millions of people across North Africa. At the time, however, I was not even aware of who Mohamed Bouazizi was. I continued to live in this bubble of ignorance, until one day I heard a piece of news that burst it; Libya began uprising as well. I am a Libyan by background, and all my extended family lives there. When I heard how the wildfire of protests had sparked in Libya as well, I was hysterical. To make matters worse, my father was in the country for business reasons, and I was beside myself with worry (later I found out he attended many of the violent protests that preceded the revolution). I no long flipped past CNN or tossed out the newspaper; I spent every waking minute outside of school reading and listening to every bit of information could get my hands on. Over the course of the revolution, I became more immersed in politics than I ever dreamed I would be. I was shocked that I actually enjoyed spending long hours mulling over debates on ABC news or searching Twitter for any snippet of information I could find. I was moved.

My interest in politics has long outgrown the obsession I had with the Libyan Revolution. Although the events that occurred in 2011 were the catalyst for my newfound passion, it has now evolved into a desire to dedicate my life to it. I now hope to become a mover; like the many who inspired me during the Arab Spring. Figures like Mohamed Bouazizi who was able to move multiple nations towards a quest for democracy, or Hillary Clinton, who was a strong leader in advocating the no-fly zone over Libya are what I aspire to become. Life is an object that is in a continuous state of motion, and the external forces that impact it do not allow for a person to stay uniform for long. It is for that reason that I cannot identify myself as distinctly immovable, movable or one who moves, but a mixture of all three; a mixture that has proven to be life changing if the right force is applied to it.

Undergraduate / Career path/ Freedom/ Flexibility; UPENN ; Engage academically [5]

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!!!!!! Thank you very much!

A Penn education provides a liberal arts and sciences foundation across multiple disciplines with a practical emphasis in one of four undergraduate schools: the College of Arts and Sciences, the School of Engineering and Applied Science, the School of Nursing, or the Wharton School.

Given the undergraduate school to which you are applying, please discuss how you will engage academically at Penn. (Please answer in 300 words or less.)

At the University of Pennsylvania, I am hoping to apply to the College of Arts and Sciences, however I am undecided in regards to my major. I hope that by going to Penn, I will finally determine which career path I would like to pursue. I believe that the College will help me find my true passion chiefly due to the sheer number of academic options it offers. With more than 50 majors and 2000 courses to choose from, I know I will find the ones that suit me best.

In addition to this, I would like to optimize the academic freedom that Penn offers. By getting to choose courses I am initially curious about, I will be able to determine where my academic interests lie. If I happen to dislike a particular field of study, Penn gives me the opportunity to search elsewhere and try again, which is especially important to undecided students like myself.

I also hope to take advantage of the flexibility Penn offers in regards to their education. Having the ability to pursue interdisciplinary studies in the different colleges at Penn will allow me to satisfy both my intellectual and personal thirst for knowledge. I will not have to focus solely on my major; I will get the opportunity to immerse myself in a variety of other subjects. Being able to perfect my French while simultaneously learning about the theory of economics is an experience found at few universities, and is not a chance I would pass up at Penn.

The distinctive tools that are offered at Penn will help me greatly in shifting from an undecided senior into a driven undergraduate with a strong set of goals and a rigorous curriculum. The vast amount of courses, flexibility and interdisciplinary options are all unique characteristics of this school and will be essential to my academic engagement at the University of Pennsylvania.

Undergraduate / "Seven Sisters" intrigued me; Barnard / Good Match [3]

I just want to get a few more opinions on my supplement before I submit it. Any and all feedback/criticism is welcome and I greatly appreciate it!

A. How did you first learn about Barnard College and what factors have influenced your decision to apply? Why do you think the College would be a good match for you?

I first learned about Barnard when an expert on American universities held a seminar at my school. As she was explaining to us the different types of colleges, she mentioned the term "Seven Sisters" and I was immediately intrigued. Before this seminar, I had never known that exclusively female colleges existed. Now that I do, I could not be more enthusiastic about attending Barnard. The strongest aspect of the school is, of course, it being exclusively female. I believe being around motivated, confident young women will help me create strong friendships as well as excel academically. In addition, although many may not admit it, learning in a co-ed environment can be both disruptive and intimidating. I myself am sometimes too focused on what the boys in my class may think if I ask a silly question or say something less than clever. This is not necessarily because men are judgmental, but because I tend to care more about what they think, which can be distracting, especially in an academic environment. I believe the College would be the best fit for me because we both share one core belief: that women are entitled to and should be empowered, and the best way to do so is through receiving a high quality education.

B. Pick one woman in history or fiction to converse with for an hour and explain your choice. What would you talk about?

Without a doubt, I would choose Hillary Clinton. Ms. Clinton started out as a very successful lawyer, and I would love for her to give me some insight on how to succeed along that particular career path. She has been an influential figure politically as well, having worked rigorously as First Lady, been elected Senator and appointed Secretary of State. For some of this hour, I would ask Ms. Clinton about her role as a political figure. How was she able to fight global hunger or pass controversial pieces of legislation? Would she have been able to make such contributions if she had not been First Lady? What could I do to make a positive difference to the global community, as she has? Although I would love to spend our conversation talking about her political achievements, I would not want to forget to ask about her role as a woman. What has it been like being in a field that is predominantly male-oriented? How did she deal with her husband's infidelity in 1992? What advice could she give me on being a strong female leader? An hour with Hillary Clinton would be an interesting experience, although it's hardly enough time to truly get to know someone as influential as her.

C. Alumna and writer Anna Quindlen says that she "majored in unafraid" at Barnard. Tell us about a time when you majored in unafraid.

"Hi, are you all here for the Hollister interview?"
It had been my first job interview ever. I arrived almost an hour early, terrified that I would somehow get lost and miss it, even though I had been to that mall several times in my life. As I waited, I worried over the fact that there was no way I was going to calm down enough to actually give straight answers to the manager. As it got closer to 4 o'clock, I forced myself to take a deep breath and walked into the store. I found a group of teenagers around my age waiting and immediately struck up a conversation with the girl beside me. As we talked, I realized that, hey, everyone in this room was in my position. We were all sweating buckets and praying to God that we'd make enough of an impression to get the job. Why was I feeling so intimidated? What's the worst that could happen? That I'd stutter over a word and not get the job? I was being silly. There was absolutely no reason for me to be afraid, and at that moment I decided to seize the opportunity. Even if I didn't get the job, I would come away with the experience of successfully getting through an interview. With that thought in mind, I confidently stood up as we were called out and answered all the questions without hesitation. Although I ended up not getting the job, I learned a valuable life experience: that it did no good to worry, and that I should approach every opportunity with confidence and courage.

D. Community - educational, geographic, religious, political, ethnic, or other - can define an individual's experience and influence her journey. How has your community, as you identify it, shaped your perspective?

Living in a multicultural city, I have been exposed to a variety of communities diversified by their ethnicity, culture and race. I am a part of many of these large groups, however I find that I most belong in the small community of the Al Huda Islamic School. This school has taught me much about the philosophies of Islam, which has essentially shaped the way I live my life. Principles such as honesty, tolerance and respect are all values that I implement in my everyday life and are very important to me. My community has also shown me the significance of empathy and treating others the way you want to be treated, which has become something that I base my every action on. These basic ideas of Islam have shaped my perspective in the sense that I realize the world does not revolve around me; but rather that I am a very small piece that can positively contribute to a much bigger picture. My community has influenced me very much, in both how I act and how I think, which I believe has ultimately helped me become a more thoughtful, compassionate human being.

Undergraduate / High quality education/ universal life experience; BROWN UNIVERSITY/ Why? [4]

Hi! I just want to get some last minute thoughts on part of my Brown University essay. The character limit is 2000, unfortunately, and it was very difficult for me to condense. Any criticism will be greatly appreciated! Thank you very much!

Why are you going to college?

One of my strongest desires in going to college is to receive a high quality of education. Education is an undeniably important aspect of life; it provides the tools for people to think critically and understand the world around them. Not only that, learning is enjoyable - at least it is for me. One of the main reasons I am going to college is to be able to quell my insatiable hunger for learning; something that I was not able to achieve in high school. A high school education can only provide a person with so much; it is the post-secondary world that truly helps develop an individual's intellectual ability. In addition, I believe that college is the optimum route in achieving a stable career. More and more employers require an undergraduate degree - if not higher - which makes it almost obligatory to attend college now. Therefore, with a college education, there is more flexibility in choosing a career path, as well as an increased amount of opportunities.

Although the academic aspect of attending university is very important, it is not the sole reason I would like to go. Going to college is a universal life experience; it is the transition between adolescence to adulthood. Going away for college will be my first prospect at what life in the working world is truly like; filled with both freedom and responsibilities alike. Although there will be nobody to tell me to clean my room or wash the dishes, I will be solely responsible for my actions. College will also help me get to know countless new people. I will be meeting people from many ethnicities and cultures, allowing me to learn about them and, in turn, tell them about myself. Going to college is more than just getting a letter on a piece of paper, it is a stage that is designed to prepare one for the working world, as well as provide a set of life experiences needed for success. I am excited at the prospect of finally beginning to explore the world for myself, and my first stop on that journey is college.

Undergraduate / Ranked 4th nationally and 9th internationally; UCHICAGO/ Why? [2]

If anyone could give me feedback on this, it would be greatly appreciated! :) Please please please be honest, criticism is welcome! Thank you!!!!

How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to UChicago.

It goes without saying that the University of Chicago is an exceptional school in all respects. Ranked 4th nationally and 9th internationally, it is a school anyone would have the privilege to attend. It is not merely the high ranks that interest me in going to this school, however. One of my strongest desires in attending such a prestigious university is to receive a high quality of education. It may seem clichĂŠ, but knowledge truly is power, and although I am only seventeen, I have seen how meaningful this overused statement really is. Education is an undeniably important aspect of life; it provides the tools for people to think critically and understand the world around them. Not only that, learning is enjoyable - at least it is for me. I'm not going to say that I love school - that wouldn't be very truthful - but I'd never turn down the chance to research the origins of a certain food dish or look up the molecular formula for ATP. UChicago is the only school that will be able to quell my insatiable hunger for learning, and help me continue my search for academic "self-actualization". I believe that this college shares my views in that receiving an education is more than just getting a letter on a piece of paper. It is a way of expanding the mind and preparing oneself for the future, and that is why UChicago is my ideal university.

From the moment I visited UChicago's website at the start of my college search, I knew there was something special about the school. The friendly manner in which it addressed students, the easy-to-follow instructions, the quirky yet engaging essay topics; they were all aspects that stood out to me. It gave me the impression that UChicago is more than just a school; it is a community that places emphasis on the importance of getting to know its students, both current and prospective. This unique emphasis is very important to me, as I believe that schools should play an active role in students' lives, apart from their academics. As a young person, I know firsthand how significant it can be to have an authoritative figure actually show interest in you. Knowing that there is a person, or in this case a whole institution, that genuinely cares about its students creates a healthier, friendlier relationship between the two, as opposed to a purely clinical, business-like approach that can distance students rather than attract them. This amiability is a rare quality to find in a college, and is another contributing factor to what makes UChicago so outstanding.

There is no doubt that UChicago is a world-renowned institution that any student would dream of attending. Not only is it reputable for academic excellence, it encourages the significance of education as well; a sentiment we have in common. UChicago also values its students and engages them more than any school I have seen; a distinguishing quality that truly makes this school stand out among the others. I am hopeful that one day I will don the distinctive maroon and white school colors and be able to call the University of Chicago my home.

Undergraduate / Education system; COMMON APP PERSONAL ESSAY [8]

Hi! I'm a senior living in Toronto and I was hoping someone could give me an opinion of the essay I wrote. It's about the teacher's strike that's currently going on in the city and how it's been affecting me and my thoughts on it. Please give me an honest opinion!

"Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you."

As an American living in Canada, I can truthfully say one of the most outstanding aspects of this country is its education system. In addition to providing an exceptional learning environment for students, the government offers teachers a wide variety of benefits. Recently, however, this has all been called into question with the Legislative Assembly of Ontario's passing of a law called Bill 115. This bill has caused quite a bit of controversy, as it has suspended the teachers' constitutional right to peaceful assembly in addition to imposing many limitations on their salaries. In retaliation to this, the teachers have suspended all extracurricular activities and events, including all sports teams, extra-help and prom.

Ironically Bill 115 is called the "Put Students First Act", however it has done anything but that. Participation in extra-curricular activities is an incredibly substantial component of students' senior year, especially in regards to college applications. Until it was suspended, I was a sectional editor of our school yearbook, the Delphian. Our yearbook is a highly anticipated aspect of every school year at Earl Haig, particularly this year as we were going to be issuing our first full-color edition. Now, however, it is uncertain as to whether we will be able to get it finished, as we are unable to hold meetings without teacher supervision. In my opinion, the only advantage of this loss is that it has provoked the once apathetic students into taking an interest in the issue and has moved many to take action and have their voices heard.

Thousands of students all across Ontario have been affected the same way I have, but those at my school were unwilling to take it silently. On December 10th, 2012, the students at Earl Haig staged a "walk out" in protest of the loss of our extra curricular activities. Many students walked out in anger at the teachers using us to get back at the government; however I did not see the problem in the same light. I believe that this dispute is much larger than us losing our clubs; it is about the teachers losing their constitutional rights. I walked out that day in protest of the government revoking a fundamental freedom, a freedom that is part of what makes Canada the country that it is; something that I believe cannot be taken away simply because the government says so.

What the Legislative Assembly of Ontario calls the "Put Students First Act" is merely another way for the provincial government to control the teachers and impose limitations on what they can and cannot do. Unfortunately students such as myself have also been greatly affected, but I sincerely believe what the teachers did was necessary to show the government that their actions were far from being democratic. Hopefully the provincial government realizes how much this could negatively impact Ontario's renowned education system and decide to repeal Bill 115 once and for all.