Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] A/D The advertising is the main cause of unhealthy eating habits [6]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
The advertising is the main cause of unhealthy eating habits.

Advertising is becoming part of our modern society. They penetrate into people's life, affecting people's choices in different things. Therefore, it comes to the debate whether advertising has positive influences on people's life. Some people say that advertising must be blamed for the unhealthy eating habits, while others believe that there are still some other factors directing people's judgments. In my opinion, the advertising is not the main cause of unhealthy eating habits.

First of all, advertising is not entirely decisive on personal eating habit. The key to forming a healthy eating pattern lies in people's concept of wholesome diets and self-control. It is sure that advertising always makes the products so tempting, regardless of whether they might bring negative effects on the human body. However, advertising is not the only information source for people. People can still acquire different viewpoints about foods from other sources, like news or magazines. As long as people are clear about how to maintain a healthy body and they persistently keep track of their eating habits, they can successfully prevent themselves from those temptations. It will be not persuasive if people just blame the advertising sector of a fast-food company for making them so fat and not reassess their own behaviors.

Second, in the era when people are becoming conscious of a healthier lifestyle, some companies are actually aiming at this rising trend and start to promote healthy foods. In other words, advertising may even bring healthier eating habits to the people. Think about the recently popular organic foods that are claimed to grow in an environment without pesticide and those crude foods in which less salt or less sugar are added. These are the main traits that advertising is hitting on and the overall results are good. In these cases, the advertising industry bolsters people's awareness of having a healthy lifestyle.

In conclusion, advertising is not the primary reason of unhealthy eating habits. There are the build-up of the concept about healthy eating habits and self-control that really matter. Besides, advertising might lead to healthier eating customs due to the growing awareness of living under a better lifestyle. It is inevitable to be exposed to the environment full of advertisements but it does not mean that our right to choose is taken away. We will always be able to decide our own lifestyles.

p.s: I really care about the content of my essay. Please tell me if I made the clear point to the topic and whether my arguments and explanation are strong, thanks!!:)

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] A/D students who keep their rooms neat and organized are more successful [2]

Do you agree or disagree with the statement: students who keep their rooms neat and organized are more successful than those who do not.

The secret to success can be hard to access or can be acquired from ordinary life. Some people believe that students who keep their rooms neat and organized are more likely to be successful than those who are not, while others do not think it has much relevance. In my opinion, I believe that students who maintain their rooms well ordered are potentially to be more successful.

First, students who keep their rooms tidily generally reflect their good habits of being organized among many situations. Remaining things well in order is not only a good habit, but also an ability necessary in working and studying. It is required in many parts of studying, like arranging the information clearly and presenting the results strongly and coherently. Take my college roommate Julie for example. She always keeps her space simple and clean. She once asked me to give comments on her report about World War One history. I found her work extraordinary. All the details were well-presented and especially the complicated relationship between those countries was precisely demonstrated. I believed that this report is somehow a repercussion to her trait of being orderly.

Second, being tidy and structured shows self-discipline. It takes self-control and persistence to maintain trim space and many people just get lazy easily. If students can keep their places neat all the time, it means that they are being strict to themselves and they can not stand themselves being in a mess. This character would eventually permeate into the attitude toward studying and working. My mother always scolds my brother all the time for not clearing up his room. He just can not push himself to save his room from chaos. It turns out that his school life is a tragedy as well. He is not punctuate for class and does not care about the quality of his homework. Self-discipline is a seemingly easy, but hard-to-achieve personal character. It might all starts from cleaning up the room.

In conclusion, as one Chinese idiom goes- "you can always see through a person through the tiniest thing." Keeping rooms neat and organized is a good example. It not only proves students' capability of organizing, but also presents self-discipline. All these characters are the keys to success and definitely need cultivation from daily life.

p.s: I really care about the content of my essay. Please tell me if I made the clear point to the topic and whether my arguments and explanation are strong, thanks!!:)

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] A/D Challenges are different from generation to generation [6]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
The personal and work-related challenges that young people are facing are not different with their parents and grandparents faced when they were young.

While debating about generation issues, people always have different opinions. Some people believe that little things changed through generation, while others claim that generation differences are presented in every way. In my opinion, I believe that every prospective between generations alters and especially the challenges for this generation are significantly different from the last generation.

First, under globalization and industrial integration, the work-related challenges for this generation are getting more complicated and challenging. The successful people are those who can quickly respond to this rapid-changing world. In the past, focusing on one skill was enough to deal with the problems because every industry was rather small in size and simple to manage. However, as those industries expand and become internationalized, people are required to equip with multiple skills to answer those challenges. For example, now there are more chances to do business with people around the world, so besides one's own profession, language ability is essential as well. For another example, financial crimes are rampant in the 21st century, thus surging up demands for those who excel at both laws and financial management.

Second, this generation is encountering the self-recognition issue which could not be experienced by the previous generation. The past generation was given less freedom and was usually asked to follow the paths their parents had prepared for them. In contrast, young people in this generation are exposed to more creative ideas and rather think individually. They are eager for finding who they are and what they really want. It is fortunate that they can struggle with these sweet worries and these worries are indeed never easy for them. They have to make decisions between so many possibilities and they are responsible for taking the consequences.

In conclusion, challenges for this generation are more complicated and diverse than the past generation, whether in career or in self-identification. It is hard to judge which generation's problems are more difficult but it is no doubt that until the next generation, there will be whole new challenges waiting for the next youngsters.

p.s: I really care about the content of my essay. Please tell me if I made the clear point to the topic and whether my arguments and explanation are strong, thanks!!:)

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] A/D Making sure that your strengths are known by others leads to success [5]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? If you do not make sure other people (especially influential people or your employers) know about your strengths and accomplishments, you will never get successful in life.

Living in a competitive world, every person strives for success in life. Some people believe that showing personal strengths and accomplishments to influential people or one's own employers is the best way to achieve success, while others do not think it has much relevance between them. In my opinion, I believe that it is necessary to make sure that other people know about a person's strengths in order to gain success in life.

First, making sure that one's strength is being noticed by others can bring a person more chances toward success. Influential people or employers can virtually affect and even control a worker's future in career. They have the absolute power of deciding one's own position and their jobs are exactly finding the most talented and competent workers who can bring benefits to their companies. Therefore, if a person does not impress his/her employer by his/her capacity, he/she will be easily ignored and replaced, hence losing the chance to stand a position in jobs. For example, my mother started her career as a secretary. She got promotion by her boss very early and quickly and now she becomes an accounting superintendent in the company. The reason why she mounted so fast is because that she excelled in arranging her boss's schedule efficiently and filing documents neatly. She even voluntarily did many things without her boss asking. It is her positive impression to her boss that helps her get success.

Second, demonstrating one's strengths and accomplishments actively is itself a curial method for pursuing success, regardless of the status of oneself and the person one is going to impress. Even a supreme CEO from a big company still needs to ensure his/her partner about his/her strength. In other words, a person should always be expressive for what he/she is good at. It is a way of showing ambition and determination. Chances will not come to those who just keep his/her strengths inside and passively wait for someone to appreciate.

In conclusion, showing one's strengths and achievements to others is critical for reaching success. It not only opens the door for more chances, but also overall reflects one's positive attitude for being active and ambitious.

p.s: I really care about the content of my essay. Please tell me if I made the clear point to the topic and whether my arguments and explanation are strong, thanks!!:)

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Once you are unique enough, you are already on the way to success. [3]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
In order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different from everyone else.

Achieving success is everybody's goal for life and there are absolutely many different directions that can lead people to success. Some people choose to be normal to wait for chances, while some other people prefer to be different from everyone else. Which one is the promising way to succeed? In my opinion, I believe that once you are unique enough, you are already on the way to success.

First, being positively different from everyone else usually means that you've achieved something that is superior than others. As living in a competent world, we are like playing a survival game. Only who has the sharpest weapon can survive. If you don't make yourself outstanding enough or you fail to distinguish yourself from others, you will be easily replaced and eliminated by someone who is better than you. Take myself for example, when I was in college, I was always chosen to be the presenter of group report because I was the only one in my group who could present the report thoroughly and fluently.

Second, being unique can create your own value which can never be taken by others. In other words, once you are special and unique, pursuing success is a matter of actively creating the fashion rather than passively waiting for other people to recognize and appreciate you. Take the most popular and prestigious technology company- Apple- for example. The reason why it gains such a tremendous success is because it achieves some brilliant qualities that can never be caught up by other competitors. It has its operating systems that can run smoother than any other companies and its design always wins the popularity among consumers. It is the uniqueness of Apple design that creates its own value.

In conclusion, being different and unique is the better way to achieve success. It not only shows your competence but also creates your own value, making you take the lead in your way towards success.

p.s: I'm always wondering whether using "you" in the essay sounds too aggressive. Is it a good usage? If not, what should I replace it for ? Please let me know, Thanks a lot :)

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Working at home V.S Working in a company; Which do you prefer? [4]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Working at home with a computer and a phone is better than working at a company's office using the same equipment.

Due to the convenience of current technology, people can do their works everywhere as long as they have the equipment around them. People are no longer restricted in the office. This rapid progress in technology leads to the question whether it's better working at home with a computer and a phone than working at the company's office. In my opinion, I believe that working at home is worse and less efficient than working in the office.

First of all, while working in the office, people can interact with their colleges instantly. They can either get help from colleges or discuss about the work together. Think about the big project that a group is working on, if any group member has new idea about the project, he/she can assemble his/her colleges right away and discuss. It's more efficient and straight-forward than talking in the phone. For another example, if one's computer or Internet has any breakdown, he/she can call the MIS staff to fix.

Second, working at home has many disadvantages that will no doubt lower the efficiency of works. For example, people are easily distracted while working at home. It's hard to concentrate on work if people can grab the TV remote or some junk foods right away. In addition, while people are working at home, there will be no one supervising them, thus raises the chance of loafing. Moreover, people who work at home are more likely to miss the important events happening in the office, like some announcements from the boss.

In conclusion, working in the office is obviously better than working at home in terms of efficiency. It not only has the advantage of working with colleges but also it provides a real working atmosphere that can never be grasped if people choose to work at home.

p.s: I really care about the content of my essay. Please tell me if I made the clear point to the topic and whether my arguments and explanation are strong, thanks!!:)

Writing Feedback / TOEFL- UNIVERSITY STUDENTS SHOULD ATTEND CLASSES OR NOT? [6]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It's not necessary for university students to attend class as long as they can pass their examinations.

In university education, students are given much independence in the ways of learning. Some students still rely on classes to keep up with the courses, while some students don't feel the need to attend classes because they believe that they can handle the exams. These different ideas of learning methods lead to a question whether it is necessary for university students to attend the class as long as they can pass their examinations. In my opinion, I believe that students should always attend class no matter what the outcome of the exam is.

First, in terms of learning, attending class is more effective than simply studying alone to pass the exams. Classes are designed diligently for the students and professors absolutely bear more knowledge than the students. Professors not only have the knowledge, but also equip with experiences, knowing how to guide their students toward their academic achievements.

Second, it's students' basic responsibility to attend class. Attending class is the most persuasive way for the students to show respect to the professor as well as themselves. Many professors grade their students with class attendances. In other words, class attendances are regarded as critical as examination performances. Those who even achieve high scores on exams could fail if they didn't show up in the classes.

Some people might argue that if students already understand the contents on the class enough to pass the exams or they can study the course on their own, why wasting time going to classes? Doesn't self-study more efficient? However, in my opinion, this is a rather immodest way of thinking. I believe that professors can always give students more than students themselves could because of the experiences and their qualifications as professors. Besides, even if students believe that they are so brilliant to surpass their professors, they can still go to the classes to discuss with professors and classmates.

In conclusion, students can learn more thoroughly as well as showing respect for professors and themselves through attending classes. It's an essential learning process. Passing the exams is not the terminal purpose of learning. The learning process itself, however, is the most important and powerful way of evaluating a student.

p.s: I really care about the content of my essay. Please tell me if I made the clear point to the topic and whether my arguments and explanation are strong, thanks!!:)

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Environmental protection V.S Economic developments [3]

Topic:Governments should focus its budget more on environmental protection than on economic developments.
(Economic growth seems to be more important than environmental concerns.)

Environmental protection and economic developments might be the biggest issues in the 21st century. They are both important because they are vital to human's future and welfare. However, since the budget and the recourse are limited, governments must choose between these two issues. In my opinion, I believe that tackling down environmental problems is of the first priority rather than economic developments. The following are reasons why.

First, environmental protection is far more urgent than economic developments. All the living creatures live together on our mother Earth and she is the only one. Without Earth, whatever great civil constructions and economic achievements will end up in vain because we will all perish as she's gone. Just like a man that needs a healthy body, all the living creatures as a whole needs a strong planet as well.

Second, the influence on environmental problems are boarder and more profound than economic issues. Environmental problems are global rather than local, which means that no countries can be spared from these problems. Take global warming for example, when the temperature increases, the whole globe is affected, suffering the hotter weather together. The melting ice mountain not only jeopardizes habitats of animals living in the polar region, but its effects of the rising sea level also endangers the residents living in the small island near the equator, since the rising sea water could drown them. Environmental issues can not be divided by nationality because all humans are simply entwined together by our only home-Earth.

Some people might argue that economic issues are global and critical as well thus can not be put aside. They may say that if the economic is in a very bad situation, people would revolt instantly, while environmental problems seem to be more like chronic diseases that would not burst out right away. However, the truth is that we've been encountering so many sighs and warnings of global climate anomalies and other environmental crisis right now. It would be unwise to still deny the truth and keep focusing on economic developments and unfortunately, usually the economic developments are even the causes of environmental damages.

In conclusion, environmental conservation is more essential than economic developments in the aspects of urgency and ranges of influence. As mentioned in the second paragraph, how can a man live happily if he is unhealthy? Similarly, how can we live safely and joyfully when our home is devastated by, ironically, by ourselves?

p.s: I really care about the content of my essay. Please tell me if I made the clear point to the topic and whether my arguments and explanation are strong, thanks!!:)

Writing Feedback / TOEFL- How teachers can make the subject interesting to students! [3]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
The best way for teachers to make students more interested in a subject is explaining how that subject will help in their lives outside school.

There are many ways of teaching. Some people believe that strictly and carefully presenting theories in the class is the best way of teaching, while others assert that involving applications on that theory will be more convincing. In my opinion, I agree with the second idea that the best way for teachers to make students more interested in a subject is to explain how that subject can help and apply to their lives outside school.

First of all, by explaining how the subject contributes to daily life, students will have vivid impression on that subject thus become more interested and active in acquiring the knowledge on that subject. Take chemistry for example, merely memorizing the names of the substances and the structural formulas seems to be very boring, while representing where and how those chemical reactions really happen near students will raise their curiosity and lead them to digest those theories learned from the class. While I was in senior high school, my chemical teacher once showed us how the detergent dissolves oil by an experiment and later on taught us how to describe this process with formal structural formulas. This type of learning method is more fun and eventually the results are good. I connected the visual images of that experiment with the formula and I barely forget, even though now I'm not studying chemistry anymore.

Second, by bridging the theories with daily life events, students are given the chance to apply knowledge to their lives and develop their own ability of problem-solving. This will address students' interests because it's the assignment that needs real life participation. For example, in law class, students are informed their rights and duties and they are taught how they can apply law to different situations that might happen upon them. When any one of the situations occurs, they can think independently and figure out how to react.

In conclusion, using life experiences and examples to demonstrate the knowledge on a subject is an effective way to attract students' attention and keep them eager on learning, not only because it reinforces students' impression on the knowledge but also invites students to practice the knowledge out on their own.

p.s: I really care about the content of my essay. Please tell me if I made the clear point to the topic and whether my arguments and explanation are strong, thanks!!:)

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Should we require our young children to learn music and art... [2]

Topic:Should we require our young children (aged 5-10) to learn music and art in addition to math, science, history and language?

Every parents expect their children to be outstanding and successful. In order to achieve this, they start cultivating their children when they are very young. In addition to basic knowledge like language or science, music and art are usually on the must-learn list of the parents. In my opinion, I agree that children should learn music and art in a young age because they do contribute several merits to them.

First, it's very suitable for children to develop senses of music and art when they are young. Children absorb things quickly and they bear exact the ability needed in music and art-imagination. Music and art are not like math or language which has more strict rules. They are more abstract, requiring creativity and imagination to be enriched. Children are privileged to have these abilities because they are given more freedom and their imagination has not yet been killed due to reality circumstances. Even if their performances are just some simple drawings and melodies, music and art still bring out children's joy of flying in imagination.

Second, music and art are life-long cultivation worthy of investing. They teach us how to appreciate beauty and express feelings in a creative way. They are essential to our spiritual life. Therefore, even if children are not going to be great musicians or artists, learning music and art is still worthy because it can nourish your temper and serve as a leisure.

However, some people might argue that parents shouldn't put so much stress on children, since learning too many skills seems to be a burden for them. In my opinion, it depends on how you value these learning activities to be like. If parents push their 5 years old child to play piano 8 hours a day just like a professional performer, that might be too much. In a child stage, music and art are more like an open door to introduce the art world than training area to acquire specific skills. In this way, it will not be such pressure on children.

In conclusion, young age is the perfect time for children to learn music and art and they are indeed valuable to people not only in their young stage, but in every stage. Music and art can accompany a spirit as long as they are given the chance to enter his/her life.

p.s: I really care about the content of my essay. Please tell me if I made the clear point to the topic and whether my arguments and explanation are strong, thanks!!:)

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] People who can't accept others' criticism can't succeed in group working [5]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
People who can't accept others' criticism can't succeed in group working.

In everyday life we encounter different people, and we receive different opinions about us or our works, no matter positive or negative. It might be easy to take praises but hard to accept criticism. Therefore, here goes the point that people who can't accept others' criticism can't succeed in group working. Personally, I agree with this statement.

First, the core of group working is "consensus". It's the idea that everyone's opinion accounts. In group works, group members gather together to have brain-storming discussion, think over every possible solutions and then finally reach an agreement. In this long process of discussion, there must be different opinions sparkling out. It doesn't work if one member solely insists on his/her idea and doesn't take other member's criticism because the work belongs to every member, not a personal show for specific one member. It's every member's duty to respect other's opinion.

Second, taking criticism is a virtue as you take someone's opinion that is against you. Even if you are not working in a group, you still need to take others' criticism. Criticism definitely hurts because it points out your drawbacks and forces you to confront them. However, criticism can help you detect those drawbacks and fix them if you are willing to take it. Those who don't even take a word of criticism will eventually lose chances to get improved. In other words, if you can't take any criticism, not only will you fail in cooperating with other people, but also get defeated in personal works. As one Chinese idiom goes: "The good medicine tastes bitter." Criticism might be the most powerful solution to heal.

However, some people might ask: what if the criticism proves to be wrong? What if that I was at first right but the seemingly reasonable criticism led me to the wrong direction? Doesn't insistence also a good character? In my point of view, even if you are right, criticism is still helpful because in this case it not only is a fixer, but it also serves as a practice to test you how much you know about your work. Taking criticism doesn't necessary mean that you have to take it all. You should have your own judgments too! And it's kind of art to make the best use of criticism.

In conclusion, criticism is essential especially in group working but in other occasions we still need criticism. It's just like a picky mirror through which we can see the bad side of us and thus try to become more beautiful and confident.

p.s: I really care about the content of my essay. Please tell me if I made the clear point to the topic and whether my arguments and explanation are strong, thanks!!:)

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Should we pay professional athletes (entertainers) a high salary? [5]

Topic:Should we pay professional athletes (entertainers) a high salary?
(Do professional athletes deserve their high salary?)

Professional athletes and entertainers earn a huge amount of money that is hard to imagine. Most of the people spending their whole life can never achieve this. This salary gap between those famous people and us leads to a question-do those professional athletes and entertainers deserve this money? From my prospect, I believe that they do deserve this high payment.

First of all, a worker's salary can properly reflect his/her competence and value on his/her career. Therefore, those who are paid high salaries must exceed others and achieve something incredible in certain ways. They are not paid for no reason. As we are now live in a competent world, we must show ourselves to be great enough so as to convince the employer that we deserve a better payment. It's all the same in every profession. That's why the richest athletes usually correspond to the greatest athletes in their fields, namely Michael Jordan or Tiger Woods.

Second, such high salaries can also guarantee and support the athlete's great performances. Most of us only see the luxurious side of a rich athlete and ignore how may difficulties they've gone through and how much cost they've thrown into investing themselves. They shall reap within their high salaries. In other words, if they are not paid high enough in order to conform to their performances, there might not be such brilliant performances for us to be amazed.

Some people might argue that the gap between the rich athletes and normal people is so huge that it seems to be unfair. However, in my opinion, as long as everyone has equal chances to pursue his/her dreams and careers, that would be fair. Fairness is not about equal payments for everyone, but equal chances to acquire the same goal or accomplishment.

In conclusion, high salary for athletes is what they deserve in accordance with their own achievements and also a guarantee for quality performances. It is a positive encouragement for many more talented people to contribute to the world of athletics and entertainment, giving us awesome performances to enjoy.