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Posts by aldebaran
Name: Juan pablo
Joined: Jan 28, 2014
Last Post: Feb 25, 2014
Threads: 8
Posts: 16  
From: Peru

Displayed posts: 24
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aldebaran   
Feb 25, 2014
Writing Feedback / Every generation has a lot of differences - because problems, technology and ideology surrounded [2]

Every generation of people is different in important ways. How is your generation different from your parents' generation? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer.

Every generation has its characteristics. If I compare my parent's generation with my generation I would see a lot of differences because problems, technology and ideology surrounded have a strong influence over people's minds. In my opinion, my generation is more advocated towards health and communications issues than my parent's generation.

First, my generation pays more attention to health and environmental issues than my parent's generation. My generation is highly committed with health because recent research has showed how our body is exposed to bad nutrition or obesity just because we eat fast food. Moreover, industrialization, which was a phenomenon that our parents live, has created some environmental problems. As a result, my generation developed a healthy conscious and most of us support any kind of activities that mitigate those impacts. For example, we buy some healthy food because we know that is better for us. Another example of this can be saw when many of us buy some products just because we read that those companies are taking actions in order to reduce the environmental damage.

In addition, my generation enjoy of communication's facilities than my parent do not. Some of our daily activities have taken some advantages of the technology. One of those activities is communication. In my parent's generation, communications were difficult and expensive. However, in my generation we enjoy of several cheaper products, so we can communicate with our relatives, friends and working mates no matter the distance. For instance, I remember those days when I went with my mother to the postal service just to send a message by telegram. My mother told me that it was cheaper than telephone services. Today, however, if I decide to travel abroad I can communicate with my parents by email, skype or any other kind of product. This is possible because of the technology, which have been developing during the last twenty years.

To sum up, I consider that any generation is unique. Therefore, if I compared my parent's generation with my generation I would find several differences. Two of those differences are related with health and communications but there are many more like fashion and education.
aldebaran   
Feb 25, 2014
Graduate / Georgetown MS Finance, "Why should we admit you?", AKA how bad is this from 1 - 10 [2]

Hi, I like your essay. However, if I were you I would follow the following structure:
1. My my career objectives
2. MS finance (how this MS help me to reach my point 1. I )
3. why Georgetown
4. why I should be admitted
I see in your essay some mix of these point in several paragraphs.
Hope this help
Good luck.
aldebaran   
Feb 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / The Perceptions of The Electronic Device in Modern Era [3]

hi,
Electronic devices are the best stuff in the world to communicate. To compare it on a couple ofSome decades ago, people are communicated by created a used to communicate through letter,tosharesharing information that was difficult because of the distance. I think you should point out how the new electronic devices are useful (you did in the example, but maybe it will be a good idea if you put a general statement here)

For example, British Empire was hard to control the area under the constitution of the kingdom which stood on long home neighbor such as, Australia, New Zealand and Malaysia. It istakingtook too much time and containingeda distortion of information's erros. but sinceHowever the advancement of computers and smart phones that is easy tohave allowed not onlyan easy way to control the constitution in commonwealth countries, but alsoand it isto createing an efficient way toof communicateion. Therefore, the electronic media has a positive contribution for human life.

hope this hepl.
aldebaran   
Feb 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / first impression about a personĀ“s character - toefl [4]

Some people trust their first impressions about a person's character because they believe these judgments are generally correct. Other people do not judge a person's character quickly because they believe first impressions are often wrong. Compare these two attitudes. Which attitude do you agree with? Support your choice with specific examples.

First impression could be the greatest guideline or could be the worst. When we talk about person's character there are a lot of factors, which influence first impression. Some people trust in first impression about a person's character because it has the advantage of being a great piece of information. However I consider that disadvantages are more dangerous; therefore, I agree with the statement that people do not judge a person's character quickly because first impression could be wrong.

There is a great advantage related with first impression: is better than nothing. As a human being, we develop several defense methods, and first impression is one of them. Sometimes, when we have to face unknown people for the first time, we try to anticipate how they are. We extract all the information available and use it to develop the first impression, trying to make an idea about the new people. For example, I change my behaviuor when I see people in suit, just because I assume that those people are more polite and educated.

Nevertheless, there is a great disadvantage: first impression could be wrong. People's behavior is influenced by many factors such as people who surrounding, the environment and so on. So, people change their behaviour according to the situation. For example, I remembered the time when I went to my first job interview with Raul, my boss. I noted that I assume a formal behaviour, even when I know that I am not so formal. After a few months later, Raul told me that he was wrong idea about me because he believed that I was a very formal person.

To sum up, I agree with the idea that we do not judge person's character quickly. I consider than first impression could be a very good approach in order to imagine how people are, especially when they are unknown. However, first impression can be wrong so we need more information in order to judge person's character accurately.
aldebaran   
Feb 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / Nowadays it is easy to apply for and be given a credit card. -- ielts [7]

Hi,
credit card isWAS invented as a quick and easy way to pay the bills

Second, credit card is safeRcomparing toTHANusing cash. It provides protection against street crimes such as theft and robbery by password protection and tracking measures.

Cheers,
aldebaran   
Feb 17, 2014
Writing Feedback / I live in a country where poverty is a massive problem, and the lack of resources is very common [3]

Hi, I will appreciate your comments of my essay. thx in advance.
It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with the contributions of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by your society? Give specific reasons to support your answer.

Arts and science have been always important in every society. Some people consider that scientists have a greater role than artists because we live in a scientific time. On the other hand, some others consider that artists have done more contributions because they reflect the society's idiosyncrasy. However, I consider that both type of contributions are valued in my society.

First of all, science has had an important role in the advanced of my society. I live in a country where the lack of resources is very common and poverty have created than some families live in such conditions that are dangerous from them. But the scientists of my country are working to change this situation, and in some cases they have done a great job. For example, scientists have developed a solar kitchen that do not need electricity and avoid the use od wood in houses, which is very dangerous for the people who are inside of the house. This project is extending in most of the highlands in my country, where people is mostly poor. This project won recognition among my country.

In addition, artists have a determinant role and are well considered in my society. Our past people developed many techniques that are using by artists today. The tourism industry is based on the use of his art, therefore it uses many of the art that people from highlands creates everyday in their houses. Moreover, we are very proud that one of the Nobel's winners is from our country. He is just one of the many writers that we have, one tradition that we keep from many years ago.

To sum up, scientist and artists have done great contributions in my society so they are considered valuables people. We can see their contributions in many part of our daily life.
aldebaran   
Feb 16, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL, It is impossible to be completely honest with friends. [5]

kihong3625:
Furthermore, when the relationship made with honest, it becomes true friendship

I would change to:
When friendship is based on honesty, it becames...

kihong3625:
Eventually, the bassist made athe same mistake

aldebaran   
Feb 16, 2014
Writing Feedback / Toefl - Government should spend money for developing ICT or meeting basic needs of people? [5]

sandipsinh:
Thirdly, many countries of the world are trying to combat low - employment problem and impacted population of the countries are enable to satisfy their basic needs.


I would change to:
Thirdly, many countries are fighting against unemployment because people cannot satisfy their needs if they are out of work.

sandipsinh:
Inventing specific computer technology, country would have edge over all other countries in the world. It would be considered powerful.

I would change to:
Investing in computer technology would allow the country to reach ...
Cheers.
aldebaran   
Feb 15, 2014
Writing Feedback / toefl - governments should spend more money improving on roads or public transportation? [3]

The topic of transportation is a tough one because there are many problems related with it. Most of these problems have some influence over our health and they must be solved immediately. Therefore, if I have to decide if governments must spend more money on improving road and highways or public transportation, I would choose public transportation. My answer is based on the fact that healthy problems derived from public transportation are crucial for us.

The first problem is pollution. In many developing countries, the amount of pollution is extremely higher than other countries, and people develop respiratory problems. Because old buses create pollution, governments must invest more money in change the old buses to new ones. For example, in developing countries, old buses are made of old technology, which use energy that is higly contaminating. However, new buses use natural gas, which reduce the amount of pollution created by the bus. Therefore, if governments spend more money on new public transportation, it would reduce the amount of people whit respiratory problems.

Another big problem is the traffic. This problem is crucial because it can affect people's lives. People in big cities spend many hours traveling, so many decide to do it in their own car because is more comfortable and save than buses. This creates a huge effect in which everybody has their own car and traffic increase in the city. However, if the governments can offer a save and comfortable service in buses, trains and subways people would choose to travel in public transportation instead of their own vehicles. This will reduce the traffic.

In a nutshell, I believe that governments must spend more money on improving public transportation instead of roads because the collateral effects that the first one creates are more important for our healthy. If the goverments can encourage people's choice for buses through improving public transpotation, it would reduce some healthy problems of their people.
aldebaran   
Feb 15, 2014
Writing Feedback / Having a trip with a tour leader definitely helps the one to enjoy his trip in the best way [5]

Hi,
Travelling is one of the most memorable events. That is why the one everyone should enjoy it. From my vantage point travelling in a group with a tour leader is the best approach of travelling forbecause he knows plenty of interesting places in addition he has a schedule the vocation.

Not only the tour leader has been to those places (you mean the leader must be a local person, right?)

Cheers,
aldebaran   
Feb 14, 2014
Writing Feedback / toefl - what are the qualities of a good neighbor? 'friendly and trustworthy' [3]

Neighbors are the people who live near us. In your opinion, what are the qualities of a good neighbor? Use specific details and examples in your answer.

Neighbors are people who live near us and this means that they will have some influence over us, especially our life. Their behavior can be decisive for us in order to get peace in our homes, or just to spend a good time with our families. From this point of view a good neighbor is necessary for all of us, but what are the qualities of a good one? In my opinion, a good neighbor must be friendly and trustworthy.

First and foremost, be friendly and easygoing person is the most important requirement for a good neighbor. People who are friendly and easygoing are most receptive than any other. They can accept criticsm and advices without lost control. Imagine if you have a neighbor who used to listen music every night and you cannot sleep because of this. The only way you can solve this is talking to him. If he is a friendly man, he will hear you without to get mad and, most important, he will understand your point. Moreover, some people who are far away from their families can find this quiality very helpful because they can share time just talking with their neighbors.

Furthermore, a good neighbor must be a trustworthy person. A person who you can trust is an appreciated person no matter what. You can be sure he would help you if you need, he would keep an eye over your home if you travel away for some days and he can give you a hand with some issues of your home or family. This is a very important in these days because our current style of life is very time consuming and we need some extra help especially with issues related with our home and kinds.

In a nutshell, having a good neighbor is very important for everybody. About their quialities, I mentioned some such us friendly and trustworthy that are determinants for me, but there are a lot more and they will depend of what is important to each one.
aldebaran   
Feb 13, 2014
Writing Feedback / Task 2. Crime and Punishment. IELTS [9]

hi,
I would change this "While some people are of the opinion" to this: While some people argue that ...
"But on the other hand..." to this: On the other hand

Cheers
aldebaran   
Feb 10, 2014
Writing Feedback / spend as much money as possible exploring outer space vs basic needs on Earth - TOEFL [3]

I Pahan, I really appreciate your comment.
As you said, time is important and I am trying work on it. This essay took me 50 minutes, so I need to do it faster than before.

On my defense, I read in some website that long essays are scored higher than shorter, so that is my challenge: long essay in the 30 minutes. I have been working on that, and still do it.

I will take your advice into account because I know it will impact on my final (and real) score.
thx again.
aldebaran   
Feb 10, 2014
Writing Feedback / spend as much money as possible exploring outer space vs basic needs on Earth - TOEFL [3]

Some people think governments should spend as much money as possible exploring outer space (for example, traveling to the Moon and to other planets). Other people disagree and think governments should spend this money for our basic needs on Earth. Which of these two opinions do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

short term problems or basic needs are more important



Since the end of the second war world, the advance economies have allocated many resources in order to develop the spatial industry. In fact, recently, many developing countries are assigning some money to this project too. Many people has criticized this because they argue that we have some problems in the Earth; therefore, we do not need to waste money in exploring outer space but to find solutions to our basic needs on Earth. In my opinion, I agree with the idea that our main concern should be spending as much money as possible to solve our basic needs on earth; however, I also find useful to spend some money on exploring outer space. Most of my arguments are based on short term and long term considerations.

On the one hand, we face immediate problems related with basic needs on the Earth and these short term problems must be resolved as soon as we can. As a human race we can divide our problems in short and long term problems. According to this, we need to resolve short term problems first because there is not possible to move ahead without to solve them. If we see to our society, we can realize there are some short term problems such as poverty, inequality and deforestation. If we do not pay attention to solve these issues, it would be unsustainable to live in our planet because people would fight against each other for living. So first, we need to face our short term problems and reallocate as much money as possible to solve them.

On the other hand, we have long term issues that cannot be resolved without exploring outer space. For example, population is increasing and resources are decreasing; therefore, we need to develop a strategy to find and extract enough amount of resources from a different source. This lead to spend some money in this kind of studies. Indeed, some research about resources in other planets such as mars are being carried on. Another example could be the detection of asteroids that could impact with our planet. So, from this point of view, exploring outer space is justified too. However, we must keep in mind that these are long term issues , they are not actual issues.

In conclusion, short term problems or basic needs on Earth are more important than long term problems or exploring outer space. So considering this fact, I believe that we must spend as much money as possible in resolve our basic needs. This does not means that we have to put aside exploring outer space because it is important too, in a long term perspective, but we need to focus in short term problems in order to move on with the next ones. So, I will recommend to governments to use most of its budget in education, health and equality, and just a small part in spatial industry.
aldebaran   
Feb 5, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL; Self employment or Work for someone else? [8]

Hi, just a few comments:
- I was a designer. Normally, my job has to contact
I think it should be I was am a designer, right?.
- In toefl test you cannot use contractions (couldn't , Could not).
- Finally, your passage is very short. As far as I know, more details means more points in toefl test.
Cheers,
aldebaran   
Feb 5, 2014
Writing Feedback / Computers Vs Books - your school should choose computers; 'long term low cost' [2]

this is for toefl ibt. thanks for your help.
Your school has enough money to purchase either computers for students or books for the library. Which should your school choose to buy -computers or books? Use specific reasons and examples to support your recommendation.


There is a general agreement about the importance of education. In almost all the statements of our society people and institutions must assigns a portion of resources to educate young people. But we living in a world where resources are limited and scarcity is problem for most of all, therefore we need to allocate them efficiently. In my opinion, if my school has to decide between computers or books, I consider that the smartest decision will be computers. Most of my arguments are based on technology considerations.

First and foremost, computers are cheaper in terms of long term investments than books. Most of the people could think that books are a cheaper that computers, but they are not. The initial investment on books is lower than computers, but there is a long term consideration: books have to be update with the new knowledge, so new editions are needed; therefore, new investment must be done. However, there are some apps that works in the computers that allow the people to read books direct from the computer. These apps have the latest edition for free if you buy the electronic version of the book. Taking this into account, investment on computer is least expensive than on books.

Furthermore, having computers could be more interesting for students because they gain easily access to more information. Many books have electronic versions so students can read them directly from computers. Also, if the students wants to get more information related to the topic they are reading, they can use the computer too! This means a lot of time saving in this process and teachers can take some advantage of this: bring new information, keep the attention of the class and make the class more interesting.

Last, but nor least, it will be useful for the students to have computers in their schools and learn how to use them in order to improve their task. We live in a world where technology is very important and relevant for our activities, and the main link with it is the computer. Because the technology is changing very fast and it is present in all the aspects of our daily activities we need to teach to our children how to use it in their early years. I cannot imagine any school or educational institution without computers for their students. In my view, schools must encourage to their students to use computers and how to use them in a responsible way.

To sum up, I consider that my school should choose to buy computers instead of books and the main reasons are related to long term low cost, how interesting the computers are for the class and the importance of teaching the use of them in terms of technology. Others arguments can be the reduction of paper, which reduce the amount of trees that we must use in order to do those books, etc.
aldebaran   
Feb 5, 2014
Dissertations / PhD IT governance - not developed subject suggestion? [7]

i think you want some ideas to support your submit. Umm i would try with the increasing importance of globalization or integration among countries (focus how those affect to your country).

cheers
aldebaran   
Jan 28, 2014
Writing Feedback / Toefl; Childhood is the happiest time of our life (My weakness point is writing) [6]

First of all, let me introduce myself: I am preparing for the Toefl. My weakness point is writing. This is the reason why I am here: to improve my writing. Hope you can help me with this task. Thx in advanced.

During our lives people pass through several stages. Each of those stages has some remarkably moments. However, in my oppinon, childhood is the happiest time of a person`s life because we do not have too many responsibilities, enjoy to our parents and grandparents and we are looked after by our parents.

First and foremost, childhood is similar to no responsibilities. As long as we are growing, we have more responsibilities and duties. Think about it: when we were adolecents we had to study harder in order to had great notes and grades, then we had to find a job and so on. Yet, childhood was only about playing with your family and friends. We were happy with any kind of toys or plays and that was beautiful.

Furthermore, we have to our parents and grandparents with us. my grandparents were a strong influenced for my and I missed the time when they try to explain me everything. I remember the time when I travelled with them and spending several days far way from the city. I just smile when I remember those days and I do feel that I was happier than any other time in my life.

Last, but not least, there is an imporntant issue to this point: we feel protected. Our parents gave us not only many material things, but also their protection. According to recent researches, protection feeling is one of the most relevant aspects when we are childreen because the sensation of confort can stimulate our brains to give us happiness.

In a nutshell, I strongly believe that childhood is the happiest time of our life. Many reasons can be thought, but for me the principals are related to my memories, the lack of responsabilities and the sensation of comfort. So, I agree with the statement.
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