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Posts by uzboy
Name: Abror Anvarov
Joined: Mar 11, 2014
Last Post: May 10, 2014
Threads: 9
Posts: 29  
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From: Uzbekistan
School: #36

Displayed posts: 38
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uzboy   
May 10, 2014
Writing Feedback / Societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. IELTS [7]

All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled?

A good healthy diet can make people live longer and better through their lives. Now, however, in many parts of the world the health problem of obesity is alarmingly increasing by affecting both young and elderly people. This essay will look at causes for this issue and propose some solutions.

One of the main reasons of the problem is that the majority of people do not lead a healthy and balanced diet. In my country, for example, individuals work long hours, after work they come home feeling themselves very hungry. As a result, they tend to over eat high-calorie foods, and then they often go to bed before the digestion begins. A solution is for the people to follow dietitians` advices in order to make a healthy and appropriate diet for themselves.

Another problem is that the indoor, but sedentary activities can attract people`s attention by making them stay under inactive lifestyles. That is to say, in our modern society many children would rather choose playing computer games and watching TV for several hours than playing outdoor ones with friends or taking part in some sports. This tends to induce people to be overweight figure. To tackle this issue, parents of children must take more care of their offspring by creating proper schedule for every action.

A third cause of the problem is that genes have a strong influence on a person`s weight. Overweight and obesity tend to pass through genes. If one or both parents are overweight or obese, their children are more likely to face obesity. In addition, genes can evolve a greater road to increase the risk of weight gain if they interact with aforementioned risk factors, such as unhealthy diet and inactive lifestyles. The way forward might be to adopt a healthy lifestyle which could counteract these genetic effects.

To sum up, obesity is increasingly becoming a major problem in most developed countries, due to reasons such as unhealthy diets, inactive lifestyles and genes. This is a serious problem, and unless we act to live in healthy lifestyles, our life will be at risk. My view is that we all must care about this issue.
uzboy   
May 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Ages of the populations chart - Yemen vs Italy [5]

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


The pie charts illustrate the age levels of citizens living in two countries, Yemen and Italy, in 2000 and also show forecasts for 2050 by grouping people into three age groups: 0-14, 15-59 and over 60 years.

Looking at the first two charts of Yemen, It is clear that though the first group of 0-14 year olds took the largest portion of the whole population, in numbers 50.1% in 2000, the number of young generation will significantly decrease to 37% in 2050. The second group of people from 15 to 59 ages took 46.3% of citizens in the year of 2000. However, there could have been a steady increase in the number of this age level. Only 3.6 % population lived over 60 years while projections show that the amount of members of the last group will have slightly risen to 5.7% in 2050.

When it comes to the data of Italy, it can be seen that the biggest portion of pie chart was taken by the people aging from 15 to 59 years, in numbers 61.6% in the year of 2000, but this trend can dramatically drop to 46.2% in the next fifty years. 24.1% portion was taken by individuals lived over 60 years in 2000. Surprisingly, this indication might be nearly doubled rising to 42.3%. The youngest group only took 14.2% and also it could fall to 11.5% in 2050.

Overall, as can be seen from the pie charts, in the future the population of elderly people will outgrow the young generation in both countries.
uzboy   
Apr 23, 2014
Writing Feedback / These days, fewer people want to become teachers, particularly in high schools. [8]

Hi dumi! Thank you very much for corrections,

This sentence is not a strong hook. It is actually not presented in a catchy way :(In the past, the teaching had been one of the most esteemed professions.

It means that I need to work more on catchy hooks. But I cannot find a good hook in a short time. Could you give some suggestions how to write good hooks in a short time?

This too does not effectively introduce the issue of this topic. You need to paraphrase your prompt for this. This is what I suggest;However, nowadays in many countries, the teaching is becoming a less popular profession due to some reasons.

Yes, This one is very good for me. Thank you again, dumi!
uzboy   
Apr 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / These days, fewer people want to become teachers, particularly in high schools. [8]

IELTS TASK TWO
These days, in many countries fewer and fewer people want to become teachers, particularly in secondary schools. What are the reasons for this, and how could the problem be solved?

By 21st century, in many countries, being a teacher in a school was held in high esteem in the job market. However, nowadays, the profession of a teaching, especially in high schools, has significantly lost its popularity as a result of the advantages of better occupations created by modern technology advances and fewer people want to get this job. This essay will indicate the reasons and propose some solutions.

The first factor to consider in terms of the shortage of teachers is a significant difference in the salaries paid to teachers and other qualified workers, which are notably higher. For instance, in some countries teachers earn twice less than lawyers or doctors. Consequently, the prospect of low income discourages students from pursuing a career in teaching. One possible solution would be for the government to increase teachers' wages. This could lead to a dramatic rise in the number of graduates willing to devote their lives to teaching.

Another essential problem is the bad behaviour of present-day students. These days, children do not have the same respect for teachers as they did in past decades, when corporal punishment was commonplace. According to recent survey, current pupils tend to disobey teachers or even behave rudely toward them. As a result, potential teachers are greatly discouraged from choosing this profession as their future job. Dealing with issue involves parents teaching their offspring that they need to have respect for adults and should not behave in inappropriate ways.

Last but not least, teaching is a very demanding job, which requires a lot of stamina and patience in order to deal with all the difficulties. Extensive paperwork and marking can make teachers be snowed under with a number of challenges. To tackle this problem, educational staff should be provided with assistants who will reduce their workload. This would result in a decrease in the amount of hours teachers spend at school, and will lead to a better work-life balance.

In summary, graduates are often faced with the dilemma of whether to become teachers or to choose a more lucrative profession. Currently, they tend to opt for more profitable and less demanding jobs. To resolve this problem, the government and educational authorities need to gradually improve teachers' working conditions and increase their salaries. Otherwise, we risk a serious lack of teachers in the future.
uzboy   
Apr 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / Task - Are Macro-sports events good in easing international tensions? [5]

Hi Thomas! It is not wrong:

Macro-sports events

another option: Mega Sporting events. I think to myself this looks like more beautiful.

the Olimpics

: Olympics

impact in people's lifes

should be: impact on people`s lives.

if they are manage cleverly with an empaticemphatic message

particular place which givegives them the chance to interact phisicallyphysically

This is all I can do for you.
uzboy   
Apr 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / What are the advantages and disadvantages for children of watching TV? IELTS [11]

Give your mark as IELTS.
What are the advantages and disadvantages for children of watching television? Discuss both sides.

watching television benefits for kids



These days, watching TV is quite common habit for young people. Especially children like watching television and spend over time sitting in front of it. However, there are both pros and cons to do this indoor activity. In further paragraphs I will point out both sides and try to draw some conclusions.

I will start by looking at the superiorities for young generation of television. One of the main positives is that it makes them cleverer and helps to create fast-paced brainstorm. What I mean by this is that there are a lot of educational and interactive programs. By watching documentaries and adventure ones they can broaden their horizons. Secondly, there are also recreational programs that consist of films and cartoons which juveniles do like and want to watch them every day. They can learn and understand human dignity by seeing movies which show good and bad attitudes of people and make also conclusions about them for audience.

Turning to the other side of the argument, staring at TV set for several hours can lead negative effects. Many teenagers who spend much time for watching TV might feel a bit sense of isolation, because this is inner action and there are no interactive relationships with their friends or others. Another issue is that it can affect their health. For instance, it may harm their eyesight due to over-watching. In addition, it can also lead no physical exercises that are very important for their well-being and growing-up period. Moreover, we cannot always see useful programs and there is nonsense ones as well which are waste of time.

Having looked at both sides, television is full of profitable information. We need to form right timetable to recline in front of TV for our children. Personally, I believe the benefits in terms of watching television outnumbered any drawbacks.
uzboy   
Apr 7, 2014
Writing Feedback / These days, more and more people are going to another countries.IELTS [2]

Please, Give Your Mark As IELTS score!
These days, more and more people are going to another countries for significant periods of time , either to find job or to study. There are clearly benefits to doing this, but people who live abroad can also face some difficulties.

Concurrently, taking a year out to live and study abroad is being popular among young adults. For many, it's a chance of new scenery and unforgettable life changing experience. Whereas, it consists of benefits and downsides of moving abroad. In this essay, I'll draw some reasons why the number of people who go abroad has increased dramatically and examples of drawbacks of it.

To initiate, one of the most advantages of living abroad is that people have a chance to mix with new friends from different culture backgrounds and learn how to cope with various unexpected life pressures. In addition, the new life exchanging experience enables to broaden your horizon that you start think differently in your society. Moreover, studying and living abroad provides your job prospects with high guarantee career because of effective international education.

On the other hand there are some disadvantages of abroad life that you can't receive any support from your friends and family because of dilemmas such as culture shock or homesickness. Furthermore, it's difficult to start afresh from scratch that people can't immerse to alien life condition for instance climate and native folk habits. To be more specific, oversea people differ from each other because of lifestyle and climate ,hence it leads to feel more solitary . Moreover, language barrier is another major issue for all people who come from abroad, so most of students find it difficult to mix with regional language .

All things considered, the popularity of moving abroad is increasing significantly among young people because of effective study and good quality of life attractive ones. Whereas, there is some downside of broad life period because of isolation and language barrier. In my of view ,the positive side of moving abroad outcome the negative ones.
uzboy   
Apr 7, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS:The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall. [8]

Hi dumi! I`m always glad to see your comments.

This is not a good hook :( Your hook should be catchy and also meaningful and relevant to your topic.

Could you give a relevant hook to this thesis?

Hi Pahan! thank you for all corrections!

This is a pretty confusing statement :( What do you exactly mean?

yes, i know it sounds very confused. I would be thankful if you give intro sentences to first para. My mind went blank.
uzboy   
Apr 6, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS:The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall. [8]

The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over.

What effects will these predictions have on developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation?

Birth means that Life is going on and on. In modern societies, having children has significantly decreased and they say that by 2030 elderly population in developed countries will have outnumbered the young generation. It is clear that this issue will definitely impact on these states in every aspect of their life if these forecasts come true.

To start with, a decline in birth rate might lead these countries to destruction of life systems. For instance, the less young people they have, the less workforces they can imagine. Therefore, economic problems will begin to appear one by one. Moreover, they might have to receive many migrants from other countries which could have its sub-problems such as cultural threats and an increase in crime rate. Another issue is that it might be necessary for authorities to rise the official retirement age to 70 and even older in order to cover with more workforces. Even though it may look difficult at a first glance, they need to think of some solutions to prevent the upcoming events.

Governments should, firstly, encourage their individuals to have children in many ways, for example, they could reward the families who want to have a child. Secondly, young couples who are about to get married might be freed from paying a year-taxes after the wedding. Thus, there will be a lot of married couples and of course many children. Besides, developed countries can act to establish more friendly centers for migrants and their families because of not many workforces.

To put it in a nutshell, the projected population in these states will age progressively due to low birth rate. This trouble will definitely influence on the future of these societies in a large extent. As a result, some solutions such as stimulating policies for having children must be found.
uzboy   
Apr 2, 2014
Graduate / Bachelor's Degree in Architecture from Iran; Statement Of Purpose SCAD [7]

when my father was young he studystudied architecture and he had a lot of Design Tools and when I was a child I saw thisthese tools and I find found passion aboutfor them inside me and after thatthen my father told me that if I want wanted to get them youI should study Architecture when youIgrowgrew up then Ihe would give youme all of them and this was beginning of my way to studyingstudy Architecture.

uzboy   
Mar 18, 2014
Writing Feedback / Three important things in choosing a job. - IELTS topic. [13]

However, if you do not get a hook at once when you start writing, start with the background which is easy (only you have to paraphrase the topic ).... So, once you get into writing, you would get some idea to insert as a hook a little later :D That's a tip!

Yeah, It is a good tip!
uzboy   
Mar 16, 2014
Writing Feedback / Three important things in choosing a job. - IELTS topic. [13]

Ok, let's do a few hooks :)One would have to do a job in order to survive as well as to thrive (hook) There is a saying, "A good day is a pay day". (hook)

Thank you a lot, dumi!
I don`t know about Hooks. I am really interested in Hook, after you have explained it.
I would be very grateful if you give some links of information about Hook!
uzboy   
Mar 15, 2014
Writing Feedback / Three important things in choosing a job. - IELTS topic. [13]

Thank you very much!

I don`t know this tip, it can be very helpful:

In your Intro, there are questions that decrease your score. So, don't write any questions in both Tasks

Thanks for all tips!

1. Hook - An interesting statement to catch the reader's attention

Can you give any examples for this essay?
Please, write some sentences relevant to Hook.
uzboy   
Mar 14, 2014
Writing Feedback / Three important things in choosing a job. - IELTS topic. [13]

Please, Give Your Mark As IELTS score!
In our advanced world there are plenty of different jobs. People are always having problems with choosing one of out of jobs they are able to work at. So, what kind of factors should be taken into consideration in order to solve this problem? In the following paragraphs I will try to express my factors as clearly as possible.

In general, the most crucial thing is that people must have an interest for their job, and then they strive to do this post as well. If there is no aspiration for it, there definitely will not be beneficial for both their career and the community they live. Many people always want to get satisfaction from their job. However, most people think about family problems while they are at work or vice versa, that is why they cannot feel satisfaction from life. In addition, the reason people cannot get rid of thinking about their problems makes them stay under stressful conditions of the life.

Another important factor: it is exactly time. Unfortunately, mankind has not got a capability of controlling it. Therefore, there must be flexible and suitable time on the criteria of the job they select. And family problems mentioned above is the result of having not enough time for their family. It is true that one of the good methods to feel happy is to make family gatherings around a table. But, many people don`t participate in this kind of meetings because of their work schedule or being a workaholic. As an example, my father doesn`t come home before 10 p.m., by this time we usually have already had supper and sometimes gone to bed. If people have no time for eating with even their family together, how will they find time to solve family problems?

At last but not the least, this is money which makes the world go round. There is no doubt that the first thing in choosing a job as no one can provide their family with basic needs without good-salary.

To sum up, I firmly believe that people will choose a job looking through from every angle and every vantage point in the near future, but not yet; because the majority of people cannot grasp completely the basic concepts of jobs in life.
uzboy   
Mar 14, 2014
Writing Feedback / Why are Cities Becoming Overcrowded? - IELTS topic. [20]

Thanks for suggestions!

Prompt in the sense your opinion about the argument like whether you support the view given in the question or oppose them. Moveover, this has to be written in your introduction itself.

But, this is a cause and effect essay. I think there should not be any agreeing or opposing opinions. Right!?
uzboy   
Mar 13, 2014
Writing Feedback / Where do you want to live? traditional vs modern - 'health environment choice' [21]

Your opinions and examples are quite good, however you must keep to the point as mentioned above.
and you have some vocab mistakes:

have more healthily environment

should behealthy

for living in a place which has health environment.

also should behealthy
AND:

societies who live there are difficult to find green areas

it doesn`t make sense
you might write:citizens of this kind of environment are always having problems with finding green areas
uzboy   
Mar 13, 2014
Writing Feedback / Why are Cities Becoming Overcrowded? - IELTS topic. [20]

Please, Give Your Mark As IELTS score!
In the whole world many cities, especially big ones, are getting more and more overpopulated year by year. As the number of people who are interested in opportunities and comforts in cities is increasing rapidly, these cities are facing a lot of problems. I completely believe that people have reasonable reasons to come and stay in urban areas.

One of the main reasons is economic ones as cities are engines of development. In fact, most of the people from rural places come to live in big cities in order to get a job hoping to create their personnel career. Since a number of work facilities have been building, such as high-tech, clothes and food factories, cities can attract people`s attentions while they are dying for jobs. In addition, there are better conditions and conveniences in the way of cities` life for living, working and etc.

Another factor is that people have an intense desire to reach modern socio-cultural lifestyle in these days. It is obviously true that prestigious universities which can give high-quality education can be found only in cities not in rural places. Therefore, less than half of people who move to urban areas from countryside are, in actual fact, students. However, after students graduate their university they decide to stay there to make a living as well. Moreover, nowadays everyone can grasp the concepts of urbanization and everybody seem huge centripetal force.

In conclusion, even though this problem has a number of causes which can be basis of another problem as people live and their demands change, authorities and individuals can overcome this obstacle if they help each other.
uzboy   
Mar 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / Topic: My favorite three ways of communications. [5]

In today`s world there are so many ways to use to communicate, all ways have enough advantages and disadvantages to change the way of mankind`s life. I would like to write crucial ways for me as clearly as possible.

Firstly, I would definitely choose mobile phones which are so easy to carry everywhere. Of course, I think everyone puts it onto the first level as it is very useful, and there are also messages, video calls and simple chats that you can form in it.

Secondly, there is something which has transformed our life: this is Internet. Everyone enjoys using emails and speaking through social web chats. The side which I do like is that we can share comments and photos about our life or everything we are interested in. I prefer more using especially Facebook, Gmail, Mailru and Odnoklassnikiru to another emails.

The last but not the least, this is face-to-face conversation. I completely believe that it is the most useful and interesting one in all ways. There should be natural situations and satisfaction in this talk that makes us feel happy or sad or ..., it also helps people to improve their oral behavior.

In conclusion, as we can see a lot of various communication ways have been invented in our world since even primitive tribe, therefore, we should be careful to choose them from our everyday experiences.
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