Unanswered [10] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by xatutik
Name: Anahit Hayrapetyan
Joined: Sep 5, 2014
Last Post: Sep 28, 2014
Threads: 12
Posts: 29  
Likes: 10
From: Armenia

Displayed posts: 41 / page 1 of 2
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
xatutik   
Sep 27, 2014
Writing Feedback / GRE: People's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making. [3]

People's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

I always believed that human kind is the most complicated creature in whole earth, with different peculiarities and diverse behaviors. Therefore, one should not confidently say something about human race, because there is no such a character which can hold true for all people. Thus I can not totally agree with the claim that people's behavior is mostly shaped with external forces.

People are also considered the only spice in the earth which has an ability to make decisions based on logic. In other words we can make free choices. But what does mean "do free choice". It means making decisions ourselves, decisions which describe our behavior, since behavior is how we act and respond to some events. Decisions we make often are based on our own logic, desires, sometimes also emotions and these factors are not external they are internal forces. Especially nowadays, when in most countries the liberty of a person has reached to quite high level it is not reasonable to claim that mostly people's behavior is based on outside forces.

Unfortunately there still appear conditions where people should consider outside forces while making decisions. Sometimes to have something people undermine their own desires and oblige external forces. For example it is common when people do job they actually do not like, to earn money for living. Or they choose profession from the ones needed in their country and not the one they like. It is also commonplace when people make choices and behave considering public reaction. For example in my country you can not see many young girls in the streets, caffees or pubs in late night, because public do not accept it as a right behavior. Though there are girls who undermine public opinion and live life they prefer, but they are minority.

Though people have an opportunity to make free decisions and live their life without external influences, in some cases outside conditions influence their decisions. Sometimes huge effort is needed to overcome this influence and become free. Many are not able to do this and they make many decisions based on these influences, however there are also many who are able to behave in accordance to their own believes and ideas.
xatutik   
Sep 27, 2014
Writing Feedback / GRE: Real estate firms comparison: Adams Realty and Fitch Realty - argument essay [2]

Real Estate Comparison



Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

The argument compares two real estate firms: Adams Realty and Fitch Realty. The author advices a friend to choose Adams Realty to sale a house, because he/she is sure it is better agency. The author opinion is based in several factors, such as number of employees in two firms, average house price and also his/her own experience with mentioned companies. However the author makes several unwarranted assumptions which make the argument unconvincing.

The argument assumes that having more agents shows the superiority of a firm. Thus due to argument as Adams Realty has 40 agents and Fitch only 25, the first firm should be better one. However there is no information about professionalism of agents. It could happen that agents of Adams realty are not as qualified as ones in Fitch, so to manage the same work Adams Realty had to hire more employees than Fitch Realty did. The argument also mentions that many agents of Fitch Realty work part time, assuming that there is not much work to do, so they can afford themselves to work part time. But it could also be that this employees work better and they manage to do their job in less time.

Another unstated assumption the argument makes is that houses in Adams Realty have higher prices than that in Fitch Realty. As an evidence the author mentions that the average price in Adams Realty is higher than that in Fitch Realty. However we know that having higher average does not necessarily mean that all houses have price near to that average. There can be houses significantly cheaper than the average and expensive than the average. Thus here we also need to know the price range in both firms in order to have better apprehension about prices.

Author's opinion is also based on his/her own experience. He/she had listed houses both in Adams Realty and Fitch Realty. A house listed in Adams took less time to sell and had better price than that listed in Fitch. Here author assumes that both of his/her houses had the same quality, same equipment and amenities. But what if his house listed in Fitch Realty was succumbing the one in Adams Realty. In this case it is normal that it took more time to sell this house and it was cheaper.

The argument makes number of unstated assumptions which seriously undermine its validity. Unless these assumptions are addressed adequately, the argument will be weak and unconvincing and we can not surely admit that Fitch Realty is yielding Adams Realty.
xatutik   
Sep 26, 2014
Writing Feedback / GRE AW - 'Homes in the northeastern United States' [4]

Last but not least, the author mentions the word "MANY", in sentence many new homes..., which can be interpreted in different ways. It is not obvious what does he or she mean by the word many? From this statement, it is not at all clear how the author measures the influence of new homes on the oil consumption, and concludes that increment in demands is probable. It is possible that new homes use different energy sources to accomplish their household tasks. Without supporting explanations from official statistics, one is left with the impression that the claim is more of a wishful thinking rather than substantive evidences. As a result, this conclusion has not legs to stand on.

In the first part of the paragraph you are questioning the number of new built houses. Then you left this question and switched to the heating means of these new houses, which by the way is a good flaw to mention. I think you do not need the first part, because first you do not elaborate on points mentioned there, second it does not apply to the second part.

Overall your essay is quite good.

P.S. I've written essay for this topic too, I remember I also questioned why the author suggests to invest only one particular company. I think this is also imortant to mention, because there is no information whether there are no other companies, which can offer better service.
xatutik   
Sep 26, 2014
Writing Feedback / Some people claim that teaching children of different abilities together will benefit them [5]

Your essay is a good one. Your structure is very clear and paragraphs are separated logically. You used suitable transaction words to go from one point to the other. However there are several things I would like to mention.

First, it would be better to include your opinion in the introduction.
Secondly, though you have discussed two options very well, you paid less attention to your own opinion, it would be better to say more about it in order to be persuasive.
xatutik   
Sep 25, 2014
Writing Feedback / 'Nowadays we can see the aftermaths of ruining nature' - GRE [4]

Nations should pass laws to preserve any remaining wilderness areas in their natural state, even if these areas could be developed for economic gain.
Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.

Nature is a precious gift we have and we population of the earth should to everything possible to preserve it in a natural state. Nature is not just picturesque sights we enjoy to visit, or interesting and fascinating animals we admire, it is the environment we live in and even mere changes in it can have inevitable consequences. Thus, I believe that the nature should be preserved in a level of law, established by all nations. My position is based on witnessing the consequences of ruining nature in some areas and on the other hand the result of preservation of nature by government in other places.

Today we can see many examples of disastrous effects of destroying wild nature. These examples vary from cutting forests to not caring for endangered spices which brings to their extinction. It is already five years that young activists in my country struggle to save Teghut forest, which is condemned to be cut because there have been found metal reserved in this area and one organization wants to develop mining industry there. However cutting even a small part of the forest will have disastrous effects near the forests. As conservationists and environmentalists claim, if even a small amount of forests is cut there, huge landslip and collapses will begin. Along with the effect of industrial trash, it will be merely impossible for inhabitants to continue agricultural activities, which now is the only way of their living. This is only one small case, which as you can see can bring to huge negative consequences. Imagine what can happen if hundreds of hectares of areas are deforested. Another case is indifference towards endangered spices. It is proved by biology that even a small ant has its firm place in nature circle and its extinction or immense increase can break connections in this circle.

These were the possible consequences of natural conditions violation. It is obvious that his violations should be prevented in whole world and the best way of doing this is developing respective laws. Many can argue that sometimes it is better for the nation and its economics to use some areas for industrial and economical purposes, even if these areas will be damaged. Most of the proponents of using wild areas for economics argue that doing this will help a nation to grow economically and earn huge amount of money. However if we realize what a disastrous consequences can bring damaging the nature and how much will government and nation pay later to partially recover from these damages it is obvious that it would be better not to change environment at all. Besides preserved nature can also bring money, if nation take care about it, it could become great touristic zone. Nowadays in many countries tourisms brings more income to that country than all its economical organizations or factories.

Nowadays we can see the aftermaths of ruining nature. These consequences are inevitable and can be very severe. However if every nation preserve its wild nature , than we will have not only beautiful place to live in, but also healthy environment, which will make our life more easy and enjoyable.
xatutik   
Sep 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / Almost every new invention is somehow connected with the previous achievements in that field; GRE [4]

In any field of endeavor, it is impossible to make a significant contribution without first being strongly influenced by past achievements within that field.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Almost every new invention in every field is somehow connected with the previous achievements in that field. It is either continuation of something invented in the past or contradiction of what was earlier established. Thus I mostly agree with the claim that every new achievement in each field has somehow been influenced by earlier contributions in that field.

First of all no one can do much contribution in any field without being familiar of the history of that field. Since getting acquaint with some field and understanding previous contributions, we are becoming informed enough and only then we are capable to invest on that field. Saying, if one does not know the rules of physics and is not familiar with the rich history of this science, than he/she can not even solve basic physic problem, not talking about any significant contribution.

Many can argue that there were many inventions in the history which were done by chance without being influenced by previous information. However I will not admit this stance, even inventions done "by chance" have strong basis related to the previous attainments. For example the famous invention of Archimedes, about determining volume of the object by sinking it in the water, which many admit to be done by chance. Even if it was fortuity for him to do this invention, we should also admit that without enough knowledge in physics he would not be able to explain the result of the experiment.

Others can bring examples when many scientists with their contributions have disclaimed the previous achievements. Surely there were a plethora of such cases. However I argue that these contributions, which incidentally almost always had revolutionary influence on the future of its field, have been effected with the previous achievements. Let us consider Kopernik, who was one of the first astronomers who disagreed with the previous hypothesis of universe form and argued that it was the earth which rotates around the sun and not vice versa. However it will be naïve to think that he was not influenced by the previous views of astronomy. Simply this views influenced him negatively, thus he has proved their invalidity.

To sum up, I believe that every new invention in any field is influenced by the previous results on that field. Sometimes this influence makes contributors to improve preceding achievements and get newer and more refined result. Another case is when getting familiar with the previous achievements and views based on them, contributor finds flaws and incorrectness and comes with new and revolutionary thesis.
xatutik   
Sep 21, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: People benefit more from coming computers into their lives; pros outweigh cons [3]

Some contributers in this website told me that it is better to bring some negative points in your body.

Of course it is better to include some negative information too. However you should concentrate on your position and proving it. If you discuss negative points much than your opinion then you can easily start to contradict your position :)

You have fixed some issues in your second prompt, however you still do not discuss your position sufficiently. Try to write more examples and reasons why computers have brought benefits to our life.
xatutik   
Sep 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: People benefit more from coming computers into their lives; pros outweigh cons [3]

From my point of view, computers have an important and inevitable role in economic, business, and other part of societies .

... and other fields.

In addition, they make the way of living easier by doing our routine duties.

Actually computers do not do our routine duties, they just help us to do these duties faster and easier. (Note, here you are not speaking about industries)

Many industries use computers to command to robots in order to do many regular tasks, which were carried out by human early .

earlier

For example, many processes of production of cars are carrying out by robots, which are controlled by computers.

are being carried out

In addition, car companies use computers to simulate and analyze car accident by computers .

Here you can add that after simulating and analyzing accidents, they develop mechanisms to avoid these accidents or make passengers safer.

Despite many advantages, by coming computers many jobs has been vanished.

when computers invaded to the industry, the workplaces were significantly reduced.

A large number of industries fire many forces because of doing their works by new technologies and computers.

A large number of industries fire many employees because now their job can be done using new technologies and computers.

By considering all reasons, advantages of computers outweigh disadvantages.

In your essay you provided more negative information about the usage of computer, but now you are saying that the advantages outweigh disadvantages.

Your essay's structure is poor. For example, you didn't separate body paragraphs.
Moreover, in introduction you say that in your opinion computers have done more good than harm, however during whole essay you were describing computers' negative effects. You have to support you position not contradict it.
xatutik   
Sep 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / GRE: The replacement of any leader should be considered individually [NEW]

Claim: In any field-business, politics, education, government-those in power should step down after five years.
Reason: The surest path to success for any enterprise is revitalization through new leadership.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

In every aspect of life, being it business, politics or education, changes are vital. Each field needs new methods and mechanisms to grow up, gain more success and in its order make change in peoples life. However it is debatable that to gain such result the change of leaders in every five years is needed. I strongly believe that after several years the feasibility of leaders change should be considered, however if the old chief is still strong-minded and brings success to enterprise, he/she should have opportunity to remain in his/her position.

It is essential for any kind of organization think over the change of the leader after some years. The five year mentioned in the issue is quite reasonable duration. During this time every head can reveal himself/herself as a good or bad leader. For example in my country and in many others government is being elected each five year. For any leader the apprehension of possibility to be replaced will definitely make him/her stay vigilant and work honestly. For example most of the countries, which are being governed by dictators, are known for high level of corruption. This is caused because dictators do not feel they will be replaced or punished. For the educational field it is also very important to have a policy of replacing leaders. I felt it very well when I was at the university, where only few professors were young and it was evident that the university needs more young personal and fresh approaches. Besides, the creativity of individual is not limitless and if such a person, who is no more wit and creative enough, leads an organization, than the time when this institution will become stubborn is not far.

Many people believe that the solution for this issue can be requiring a head of any field to step down every five years. Admittedly, this solution can have positive effects, however I think that in many cases this also can bring to diverse consequences. For example it is well known story that after Steve Jobs was withdrawn from the position of CEO of Apple, the company was near to loose its position in the market. After realizing what the mistake was firing Jobs, he was asked back. This is a good example that person should have opportunity to work and lead an organization as long as he/she is capable to fulfill his/her duties and brings success to the enterprise. So it very important to give to any lead a chance to stay in his/her position longer. Moreover, sometimes being stabilized is more important, and changing leaders frequently can risk the stability of the organization.

To sum up, the replacement of any leader should be considered individually. Surely there are leaders who exhaust their ideas in five years or even in less duration and they definitely should be replaced. However there also individuals who can come up with fresh and creative ideas even after working ten years and it will be unwise to demand this person to leave his/her position. Furthermore, if particular organization values stability more than cardinal changes, it should be very cautious while changing leader very often.
xatutik   
Sep 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / 'The argument draws conclusion based on poor and insufficient information'; "Woven baskets" [5]

Dear Louisa, thanks for comments. I know my grammar is quite poor, I'm working on it and your comments help me lot.
For your last comment..

You are right, archeologists should have known about this kind of changes, however there is no mention about it in the argument. Argument states that "river IS broad and deep", thus the question rises whether it WAS deep and broad centuries ago. I think it should be mentioned explicitly.

Dear dunguyen, of course I do not mind, it would be great :)
xatutik   
Sep 19, 2014
Writing Feedback / Learning Economics? It's not only useful for high school students but also for all educated persons. [3]

At first glance it seems very difficult for me to draw a quick conclusion that high school students should pass an economic course is right o wrong, because it has both advantages and disadvantages, however, after serious consideration we can see that under most circumstances this approach will do more good than harm.

... conclusion whether high school students should pass an economic course or not or "whether requiring high school students to pass an economic course is right or wrong"

It would be better to finish first sentence in "disadvantages" and start new one for the part starting with "however".

This is because of several reasons, some of which are teaching the students the value of money, encouraging them to continue their studying in economics, enhancing the student's general knowledge of economics.

Some of these benefits are ....

course able to teach them how to avoid

is able or just can

Especially if they have a part time job for example as a customer in a small coffee shop, they will understand this better other students who are just a consumer of their parents' money for instance in my country, Iran, lots of high school students usually don't have a job and they just spend their parents' money unlimitedly, imagine if they can't find a high paid job in their future life, in not too distant future they will transform to a poor beggar.

This sentence is sooo long, and it makes it difficult to understand. Moreover, here you discuss two type of students one of which earn money himself/herself and the other spends money of parents. This has nothing to do with the economy classes. You need to rewrite this sentence and make it for relevant to the topic.

Another reason can be seen by every person is that in classes of this course some students may exist who find it interesting and may want to continue their education in this field, unfortunately lots of talented high school students don't know which major they want to study in university or collages after graduation from high school because they are unaware of their interests, some of them might choose medical science or engineering without any background knowledge, I believe this course provide a precious opportunity for them to examine themselves in learning economics.

Again very long sentence, in fact this one sentence is one paragraph.
Another benefit of economy courses can be making students interested in that area. For example after taking this course there can be students who will wish to pursue their career in this field. Unfortunately many talented high school students do not know which major to take after high school, because they are unaware of much fields or even their own interests. Some of them ... knowledge. I believe this course will provide ....


, it is enlarge their general info

it will enlarge

As a result, I think learning a basic about economics is not only useful for high school students but also for all kind of educated person, it is recommended that people should invest a little part of their life time on learning economics

To sum up, I think that learning the basics of economics ... bu also for all educated people. ... of their time to learn economics.
xatutik   
Sep 19, 2014
Writing Feedback / 'The argument draws conclusion based on poor and insufficient information'; "Woven baskets" [5]

Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been found only in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric village of Palea and therefore were believed to have been made only by the Palean people. Recently, however, archaeologists discovered such a "Palean" basket in Lithos, an ancient village across the Brim River from Palea. The Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could have crossed it only by boat, and no Palean boats have been found. Thus it follows that the so-called Palean baskets were not uniquely Palean.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

The woven baskets with specific patterns have been found only on the neighborhood of an ancient village of Palea, consequently it was believed that these baskets had been made only in this area. However, recently archaeologists discovered such a basket in Lithos, which was separated from Palea with the Brim River. The author of the argument is sure that Palean people had not passed the river, because it is broad and deep river and it could be passed only with boats, however no Palean boats were found in Lithos. Thus, based on this information the argument concludes that so-called Palean baskets were not intrinsic to Palean. Nevertheless, information provided in the argument is not sufficient to draw such a conclusion. Several evidences are needed, which absence considerably weakens the argument.

One reason why the author believes that Paleans had not passed the Brim River is that no Palean boats were found in Lithos area. Here we need evidence, whether there have been found Palean and Lithos boats in any place. This will help to reveal more about the issue. For example if there has not been found any Palen boat, maybe Paleans did not used to build boats at all. Moreover, if along with this there have been found Lithos boats, than it could happen that Lithos people had traveled to Palean and got baskets there. On the other hand, if no Lithos boats were found, instead Palean boats were found, than the claim of argument will get a bit stronger. Why not much stronger, because even in this case there is probability that Paleans had not leaft their boats in Lithos, that is why archaeologists have not found their remnants. On the other side, from the argument we see that baskets in Lithos have been found recently, so if now there is no boat found there, it does not mean it will not be after some time.

Why argument mentions boats is that the author believes that the only way to cross the Brim River could be boats because of its broadness and depth. However it is known fact that during long periods the relief and climate of the earth can change. For example there is no evidence that in prehistoric times the Brim River existed. It could have been formed later, because of changes in the earth surface. Moreover it could also happen than in those times the river was nor deep neither broad and people could pass it easily without boats or any other equipment. During centuries due to the change of climate this river could have become broader and deeper. Thus here the information about the geographic and climatic conditions of the area in ancient times is needed.

The argument draws conclusion based on poor and insufficient information. There are several evidences, which can have important impact in its validity. The presence of these evidences mentioned above can remarkably strengthen the argument, while their lack weakens it.
xatutik   
Sep 19, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Balance Diet; people should pay attention to other aspects for their health [4]

From my point of view, I think, supply nutritions from food not enough .

are not enough
I'm not sure what does mean "supply nutritions from food" maybe you mean "nutrients supply from food"?

But should balance among diet, sport, and, positive thinking.

Beside diet, one should also balance sport and positive thinking.

I argue that its can maintain health because of simple reasons.

I argue that this factors also can maintain health. My opinion is based on simple reasons.

Most of kind food contains nutrients that are needed by body

Most of wholesome food contains nutrients, that are needed for body. or it would be better to say "... that our body needs"

Every type of nutrients from feeding has different function for human body

from foodfrom food

From food, for example, we can get beneficial carbohydrates, fats, fibers, minerals, calcium, and proteins.

․․․․ we get beneficial substances like ...

Carbohydrate and fat is main resource of energy

are main ...

Besides that , there are several things that should become attention to remain health, doing sports regularly.

Besides, there are several other activities that should be considered in order to be healthy. One of such an activity is regularly doing sports.

and can make body refresh

can refresh body

You have good reasoning and your examples about different substances and their impact are very good. However you need to pay attention to sentence structure.
xatutik   
Sep 19, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts: key factors for being successful. [9]

It would be better to include your position in the introduction. You only need to briefly say what is your position and on what reasons it is based.

Besides, you can write more about in the second paragraph, as it presents your opinion.

In clarifying, working hard on

To clarify
xatutik   
Sep 18, 2014
Writing Feedback / It is vital for arts to have prolific conditions to thrive and be accessible for people [7]

Some people believe that government funding of the arts is necessary to ensure that the arts can flourish and be available to all people. Others believe that government funding of the arts threatens the integrity of the arts.

Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.

The ideal case would be if every art and artist does not need external funding and can maintain itself. Unfortunately, nowadays we are far from this ideal case. Undoubtedly, everyone will admit that supporting arts and making it available to all people is important thing to do. On the other side if someone funds some field, it is bringing risk for that field not to be as free as before and lose its impartiality. Thus often it is challenging task for artists or art representatives to choose between funding and preservation of their integrity. From my point of view, they should choose the golden mean. That is, accept a funding if the supporter is sincere and does not require changes on their ideals. However, if sponsor has requirements which will cause lose of their ideas and integrity, they should refuse it.

Government is the main organization, which should be concerned about thriving of arts in their country. Arts are one of the ways to introduce nation in a world, and having flourished arts is advantageous for a country. For example if someone sees paintings of famous Armenian painter Martiros Saryan, he/she will find enormous information not only about the country's picturesque nature, but also about its people, their lifestyle, traditions and history. Moreover, arts also can have huge educational function for its own nation too, especially for youth. So government should make sure that it is available for all people. For example in my country every year takes place a cultural event called "The night of museum", fund by the government. This day almost all museums in whole country are free for entrance.

However many people believe that for arts accepting funding from a government can have bad consequences such as losing independence. They claim, if government suggests funding for arts, it will also require something in return. Surely no one is insured that this will not happen and certainly if it does happen, than I believe artists should refuse any support. However I believe that the funding of government is the most "safe" for arts. As I explained above, government already has motivation for funding arts in the country. On the other side "government" is a managing body, elected by nation, and mostly it presents the interests of that nation. It is not an individual, which can have sharp preferences and will require artists to do something to please their taste.

To sum up, I believe that it is vital for arts to have prolific conditions to thrive and be accessible for people. However these conditions can be created only with sufficient support, getting which often brings a threat of losing independence. In such a situation artists should try to find a support which will not oblige them to lose their integrity. In my opinion mostly this kind of support can provide a government.
xatutik   
Sep 16, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: different types of tasks endow more colors to our life [2]

Hi Nicky. You have written a good essay :)

In my family, the argument topic between my father and mother always involves my father's job.

In my family my father's jog often causes an argument between him and my mother.

Every time I asked him why, he will say, seriously

... he seriously says

I really want to try some different

something different

While there are innumerous people will deem it...

... people, who will deem it ..

These examples make it obvious that great achievement needs someone keen on one task for long time.

These examples make obvious that to get a great achievement one needs to be keen on one task for long time.

While when it comes to "happier", different type of jobs can be responsible factor.

.. when it comes to be "happier", different type of jobs can be decisive factor.

changing of job is what serve to their happie

is what serves to their happiness.

They both will be happy because the change of job, not the same task day by day .

I think you do not need the last part of the sentence.
xatutik   
Sep 16, 2014
Writing Feedback / GRE: Nation's culture and traditions are mainly maintained and generated in major cities [3]

Claim: Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive.
Reason: It is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

The issue suggests that nation's culture and traditions are mainly maintained and generated in major cities, that is why government should provide sufficient financial support to these cities. Undoubtedly every government should be concerned about protection and maintenance of cultural values and traditions in their countries. However it is debatable whether culture and traditions are presented in major cities or not. Thus government should find out the places which present culture of the nation and support these places. Besides, government should also find out which cultural institutions need funding and which can support themselves and help the former.

It is not necessarily true for every major city to be the cultural center of the country. There is plethora of big cities which are known to be industrial centers rather than cultural. Mostly these cities do not have many cultural institutions which identify the nation or country, neither you can find many traditions preserved there. For example Hong Kong, which is one of the biggest cities not only in China but also in the world, is known as one of the most important industrial and business center. Hardly anyone can say that this city presents Chinese nation, its culture and traditions, thus government should not fund it for these purposes.

In contrast, there are also many major cities, which surely present the culture and traditions of the nation. For example let consider Paris, which is known to be one of the most beautiful cities in the world and can be considered as the cultural center of France. Many museums, castles and palaces in Paris present history, culture and traditions of French. However, French government does not need to provide much funding to many cultural institutions in Paris. For example Louvre, the most famous museum in the world, has millions of visitors in a year, and its income can be sufficient for its own maintenance. And this can be true for many other museums too.

On the other hand in some countries small towns and provinces are the places, where nation's culture and traditions are preserved better. Moreover, these small towns often do not have sufficient income to maintain themselves and preserve traditions and cultural centers, thus they need funding from government and from other sources. For example Tatev: an ancient monastery in Armenia, which is one of the most famous places here. Until several years ago there was not even a proper road to get there. After government drew its attention to this place, rebuilt the roads, built the highest ropeway in the Europe there, it became easier to get to the place. Now it is one of the most popular places in Armenia and every year more and more tourists visit it.

It is very important that every government cares about places in the country, which present nation's culture and preserve its traditions. However it is also important to find which places are really the ones that have this role. Sometimes major cities do not present culture or traditions of the country. Another case is when cultural centers in major cities have sufficient income to maintain themselves. Furthermore, it is also common when small towns present nation's cultural face and traditions better, however they need financial support to maintain and preserve their role.
xatutik   
Sep 15, 2014
Undergraduate / "I am Chicano: Self Identify" [2]

n "He Who Serves Two Maters Disappoints one... or Both" Jose Antonio Burciaga compares two cultural identities that most Mexicans are either labeled as Mexicanos or Chicanos

... compares two cultural identities of Mexicans: Mexicanos and Chicanos

However, he explains how these two identities do not differ from each other besides the cultural living.

You don't need however here. It will be better to say this way: "He explains that the only difference between these two identities is culture"

To be Mexican American can be confusing on how one identifies him or herself.

Do you mean "It is confusing how one identifies himself/herself as Mexican American"?

Although, there are many terms that I can identify myself, I consider myself Chicano.

However, there are many reasons (I thinks reason is better than term) why I consider myself a Chicano.

In addition, having both of my parents born and raised in Mexico, I live an American lifestyle.

Though having ...

For example, at family reunions

Maybe family holidays?

Perhaps, the most important way I identify myself as a Chicano is being bilingual.

the most important reason

Since I had many non-speaking English customers

non English speaking customers

While, many Chicanos in America continue to live out their Mexican roots

This sentence needs to be continued, or you should eliminate "While"

Many of the transaction words you have used do not suit to the place, you should be careful about that.
Also I thinks you could have finished essay in a different way. In conclusion you only restated about food, maybe it would be better to summarize all points, not only food.
xatutik   
Sep 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / Young people and their participation in helping their communities [3]

Hi :)
Actually you have written a good essay, you have nice sentences and you used very good vocabulary. However I can not see how it is connected to the task.

As I understand you are asked to describe how young people are involved in helping their communities. In your each paragraph you describe some type of community and say that young people has contributions in these communities, but you do not say how these contributions are expressed. For example how young people who use Facebook help their community? I think you need to be more precise, also you can bring some examples which will prove your position to be true.
xatutik   
Sep 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / GRE: It is very responsible task to create school nationwide curriculum [2]

A nation should require all of its students to study the same national curriculum until they
enter college.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

It is very responsible task to create school nationwide curriculum. For every nation its school program illustrate what fields and courses that nation prizes and what they want their children to learn. Though I agree with one part of the statement that is there should be required courses which students will take in school, however I also admit a possibility that student should also be given opportunity to chose some classes based on their preferences and strengths. First of all I believe that there are courses that are very important and children should take them, however I also thinks that from the early age children should be given chance to choose courses which they like.

Almost in every nation there is set of courses that are required in schools and all students take these classes. These are mainly courses which help children to shape some knowledge base, which will be useful for them throughout whole their life, moreover it will help them to choose their further occupation. The examples of these courses can be mathematics, native language, history, etc. Mathematics not only helps students to learn some more or less deep methods of problem solving techniques, calculations, but also teaches student to critical thinking and logic, which is necessary for every one, no matter what occupation he/she has. Or taking native language, undoubtedly everyone should possess native language, should know write and speak correctly. I remember we had a language course at the university and when once we asked our professor why we need this course, it does not relate to our profession, she responded that we will need it every time when writing papers, theses, though these materials mostly contain professional information, all this information should be written in a correct and acceptable language.

Apart from these courses, which appear in almost every nation's school programs, each nation can add other required courses too. This mainly shows us which sphere is valued in that particular country. For example in my country the game of Chess is highly valued from earlier times and several years ago in Armenia Chess was added to the schools' required curriculum.

While it is necessary to have required courses for all students, it is also important to give each student opportunity to choose other courses based on his/her preferences. First of all this will help them to think over about what they like from the earlier ages. Furthermore by choosing individual courses they will reveal their strengths and afterwards it will be easier for them to choose further study field in universities and colleges. For example in my school we could choose second foreign language ourselves. Personally I chose English, but there were students who chose French, or German.

To sum up it is equally important to have required classes in schools and provide classes that students are free to choose. From the first type of courses students gain lifelong knowledge and from the selecting some courses they learn to think carefully and understand what preferences they have.
xatutik   
Sep 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / New seafood restaurant: profit or no profit [5]

Frankly I have not graded one earlier. In fact I'm preparing for GRE myself.
However I think your essays will get something between 3 and 4
xatutik   
Sep 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / New seafood restaurant: profit or no profit [5]

In the first body paragraph you can also mention that maybe the overall population has increased during mentioned 5 years and the increase of seafood consumption is based by this change in population. Thus comparing seafood consumption now and 5 years ago is not sufficient to draw a conclusion.

this itself weakens the chances of the new restaurant becoming popular since the food prepared in restaurants is generally not considered as healthful.

But argument also mentions that these families do not eat home-cooked meals, thus most probably they prefer go to some restaurants.

Had these two factors been the only contributing factor in the popularity and profit of the seafood restaurant, such restaurant would have come up by now.

I think this is not strong assumption. If there is no precedent of seafood restaurant, this does not necessarily means that new opened restaurant will fail.

Also I think you have better to mention what particular questions should the argument answer, after all the task requires " response in which you discuss what questions would need to be addressed".

Overall your essay is quite good one, you mentioned important fallacies.
xatutik   
Sep 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Students would receive a better education if attending classes for 11 month of a year [6]

Hi Nicky.
You have expressed good ideas in your essay, however you have many mistakes in grammar, sentence structure, and spelling.
I will try to mention some of them.

My

my by lowercase "m"

She always assigned a lot of homework and teach extra classes in weekend, at the end of that semester, we all got significant prograss in English though we were exhausted.

1. thaught (you have to keep the parallelism of verb tenses in a sentence)
2. at weekend (you can even say on weekend but never in weekend)

that decide the result

decide does not suit here. You can use determine instead.

From this so long time you studied this year, we could possibly see your hard-work, but from the high efficiency, we can definitely see your intelligent.

You have better to rewrite this sentence. Its structure is wrong and it sounds poorly and it is not clear what you want to say here.

a computer tools

do not use article a with plural. Also I believe Matlab is a tool not tools.

which can calculate almost all math questiones efficiently.

which is designed to solve almost all math problems efficiently.

Once a time

just once

two same tasks to me and my friend

the same task to me and ...

caused by my careless

carelessness

right result

correct result

three days ago.

after three days will sound better

From this example, we can conclude that efficiency amounts far more than completing it quickly, it also means bo it rightly

Needs to be rewritten For example like this "From this example we can conclude that efficiency is not just completing tasks quickly but what is more important solving it correctly".

In addition, perhaps most importantly, the sense of we students' holiday is not rooted not only in just playing games and computers, but rather provide us a relaxed time to relax ourselves and some thing interesting, with purpose of efficiently study in next semester.

Needs to be rewritten. "In addition, for students holiday does not only mean to have a time for games, but rather to have time for rest, when they can involve in some interesting activities, not related to school and studies. This will help them to return to the school refreshed and be ready for another efficient study semester."

things as we like

we like without as

learned how to swimming

how to swim or just swimming

I suggest you to go through comments I've written, then you can rewrite your whole essay and post back :)
Good luck
xatutik   
Sep 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / GRE: Scandals are really a way of information spreading, yet it often spread unwarranted information [2]

Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

We live in a world full of different problems: environmental, social, racial. Many of these problems require more public attention in order to be overcome. There are many ways to inform people about some problem and one of these methods is scandals. Though scandals can sometimes bring some good, I believe they mostly prove to be the worst way of informing public. Scandals mostly contain not inexact information. Besides, the masses who pay attention to scandals mostly do not care about the problem it presents, they just like scraps. And after all there are better methods of public information.

Many people believe that scandals spread information about a problem which needs attention and make people aware of it. It is partially true, scandals truly share some information. However mostly this information is exaggerated and contains some incorrectness. This erroneous information is being spread with facts in order to make people more excited and annoyed about some problem. However this incorrectness will mislead people who accept it as exact fact. They will not know what is truth and what is imaginary and eventually can not defeat the problem moreover they can panic population. For example in my country there are many online newspapers which does not care about truth much, their main purpose is to increase their ratings. Thus they often share superficial, unchecked or even incorrect information only to make people to read their news.

There are many people for whom scandals are the main source of information about some problems. They accept almost every piece of information and scrap they get as a plain truth. This is resulted by the fact that they do not know much about that problem. Moreover, getting information about a particular problem only from scandals, which as I mentioned above usually include incorrect information, they continue to be unaware. Thus this resembles to some kind of close loop, which make these careless people to remain oblivious. Furthermore, as I have noticed, mostly people who rely on scandals as a source of information about some problem, in fact does not care for that problem. Every time, when they find another scandal about other problem, they easily shift to that new one and often forget about the previous.

Scandals really can draw public attention on the issue discussed. However if government or some association also wants that problem to be solved, they need other methods of information distribution, which will be more relying and will not mislead population. This kind of methods can be public discussions with people well aware of a problem, or spreading flysheets with problem description and the suggestions which can help solve it, even advertisements justified by informed people can be useful.

To sum up, scandals are really a way of information spreading, however it often spread unwarranted information, which not only does not help to solve some problem, but can even hinder its solution. Moreover, people who rely on scandals, does not gain through understanding of a problem, thus can not help to solve it. And at last there are many other helpful and better methods of information distribution.
xatutik   
Sep 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Public health. Should government introduce a law or is it a personal issue? [5]

people have rights to

people have right

people living in a stressful life

I believe it is better to say people having a stressful life

However, if our government don't

This sentence is so long. Maybe you can split it into two. For example the last part about milk, can easily form one separate sentence. Moreover you can write more about this incident, that will be a great example.

believe the

believe in

good for their body

maybe organism instead of body will be better

government agencies

governmental agencies

what the role government

You do not need what here

Though you have some sentences which are difficult to understand, your position is clear. Also your vocabulary is pretty good.
Keep practicing :)
xatutik   
Sep 8, 2014
Writing Feedback / GRE It is hard task to find the best way of exploring and understanding characteristics of a society [4]

To understand the most important characteristics of a society, one must study its major cities.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

It is hard task to find the best way of exploring and understanding characteristics of a society. One can live whole life in one society, but still be unaware of some of its peculiarities. Thus I believe that for understanding one society thoroughly one should investigate its minor countries and small towns along with studying major cities. Studying major cities will help the researcher to get mostly a general picture of a society or particular nation, however living in rural sites will reveal peculiarities of a society which will be hard to notice in major cities.

Major cities have huge amount of population and frequently this population consist of people of different nations, religions, and not only the inhabitants of that country. Thus the life in major cities often is multicultural and multicolor. Moreover life in such cities is usually rushing and even sometimes it looks like mechanized. In such conditions, where everyone is busy with his/her own businesses and stopping for one minute just for speaking to a stranger will mean to fail some urgent work, a newcomer will find hard to understand many characteristics which will describe that society. Of course, if one lives in such a city very long time, integrates to it and becomes a part of it, than he/she will be aware of its characteristics such as how people treat to different situations, which customs and mentality they have. But even in this case one can't confidently say that he/she is acquaint with that nation, because mostly people in major cities became more modern over the time, and they lost many characteristics which their predecessors possessed and which can still be found in minor settlements.

Unlike big cities, small towns and countries represent nation's characteristics and coloring better. This is the result of maintaining traditions and customs they have, making them the part of everyday life. These traditions characterize society better than other things, and by exploring them one can get closer to the understanding of that society. For example in Armenia we have a lot of traditions or holidays, many of which have a history of centuries. However a few of these traditions are present in the life of residents of big cities. Mostly they know about these customs, but they do not follow them of celebrate. In contrast, in rural places most of these customs are not only being preserved but also they are part of the life of people. And this does not mean that people in countryside are backward, they just are more loyal to their traditions. Of course living long time in countryside will also be beneficial to understand the society better, however even a few days will be enough to get huge information about the society. For example as soon as you get to a village here, you will find how hospitable people are, they will invite you to their homes, will care about you so that you do not feel any trouble. It is hard to see such an open-heart treatment in cities.

It is truly hard for a stranger to fully understand a particular society. For his/her knowledge and understanding to be precise, he/she will need to spend a long time both in main cities and in rural sites. Living in big cities will give him/her global information about the nation, their mentality, thinking etc., whereas spending time in rural places will help him/her to get more acquaint with the customs and traditions of the society, which helps to characterize a nation.

Thanks in advance :)
xatutik   
Sep 8, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts: gender equality - behavior of people become different from past to present [4]

Hi, this are some comments on your essay

believed that women can also do jobs like what men does - men do
important that their is - there is
... and environment also is a big factor for a child that is growing up. I believe you have better to write this part in a separate sentence.

if the mother is doing her part to take care the children and sustaining the needs of the familyWill be better to write in a separate sentence.

First you say "environment also is a big factor for a child that is growing up." and then "I believe that if children are raised well and guided by parents even exposed to different factors like school, friends they will not do juvenile delinquency." Seems these two ideas contradict each other.

Overall you have several very long sentences, which are difficult to understand. You can split them into several sentences, which will make the ideas more clear.

Besides, it's easier to make mistakes in a long sentences rather than in short ones :)
xatutik   
Sep 8, 2014
Writing Feedback / Toefl: work for themselves vs work for employer [5]

Hi :)
You have strong arguments on which your position is based.
Though I myself is not very good at grammar, I will try to mention mistakes I've noticed.

, or I do not need to I believe here you should write I would not need
sense of freesense of freedom
reason that why people workreason why people work (you do not need "that" here)
I never have been rich in my lifeI will never be rich in my life (use future tense)
my salary is not dramatically changedmy salary will not change dramatically

The amount of money is always the most important criterion for everyone to choose a job
You are very strict here. Maybe you can say "The amount of money is very important criterion for many people to choose a job." Thus you will admit, that though for many it is very important, there can be some people for whom money is not in the first place.
xatutik   
Sep 8, 2014
Writing Feedback / Issue Essay Educational institutions have a responsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields [7]

Thank you very very much for your comment, I appreciate it very much. :)
I agree, I should have developed my example more thoroughly. However I'm not sure that whole essay should be developed around it. After all this example is from my experience and though it worked for me, it could not be true for other people. I thought that GRE essays should discuss the issue not only from one point of view but analyse it from different sides, so that reviewers can not attack it much.

Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳