Graduate /
SOP for studying master in telecommunication and electronics in Germany [2]
I'm sorry it took quite some time to help assist you. I did some research on SOP writing. I hope this helps you and I answered your questions. There are some grammar changes and other information I have included for you to review.
3rd paragraph: I don't understand if your critical project is a future project because you say it belongs to future. Please explain this better. Also, I don't think you need to describe it as a critical project. You can just state it was a project. There should be a hyphen in Wifi. Type it this way: Wi-fi. I think there is too much information when you describe the Wi-fi. Let me try to explain what you are trying to express:
You work included modifying the Wi-Fi protocol to operate similar to the DSRC protocol to be used on vehicles. However, there were no adapters available to run the protocol, so you chose a wireless adapter to assist you in your project. Since you weren't familiar with the C programming language the adapter used, you learned and became proficient in the C programming language to assist with the project.*
*If your information is too brief, it maybe difficult to understand. You don't have to use my example, I just wanted to clarify if this is what you wanted to convey to the reader.
4th paragraph: Besides college academics, I was actively involved in extra-curricular activities. What was your driving force? You could begin this sentence stating how your aim was to be actively involved and help others have a good quality of life.
In the 4th sentence, you can state you organized many events. However, you end this sentence with innovate, which leads the reader to wonder about this innovation. Was it a new product? What did they create?
I think it is amazing that you have a concern about cancer because it is a global concern. However, I think you should focus on your extracurricular activities that involve your field of study. If there is a connection, please explain this to the reader.
5th-7th paragraph:
Take out this information as it pertains to Germany:
-Cost of living
-living in the middle of Europe
-wide range of destinations
-experience a different culture and language
-go for weekend trips
-green grass for studying
-skiing in the winter
I decided not to take every sentence and copy it verbatim from your essay. However, I wanted you to see how this information does not pertain to the program. I have never visited Europe and all of this seems interesting, but please stay focused on the more important details. There are some details that I feel you could include. Some details about Germany may work, after you do some editing. Keep in mind what I mentioned above, and you can keep the rest of the sentences if you feel you want to include them later.
8th paragraph:You should end with a summary of your skills. For example, someone may say: My innovation, project designs, and work ethic will be invaluable to the university. You need a short summary to make you stand out that summarizes what you have stated.
Conclusion:Also, I think you should end the letter: Thank you for considering my application and I hope to receive a favorable reply. Also, capitalize you name after sincerely and remember to include your last name before your submission. (You can wait to include your last name, until after you have used this forum. This is just a reminder!)