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Posts by maulida07
Name: Maulida
Joined: Aug 30, 2016
Last Post: Sep 13, 2016
Threads: 6
Posts: 7  
Likes: 1
From: Indonesia

Displayed posts: 13
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Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Oceans Given Boost as Nations Agree to Protect a Third Worldwide - Summary Article [4]

halo, here are my suggestions:

... there are so many things that must be protected like ocean. Recently, an idea from IUCN ...(this sentence is not complete)
the Development the ocean for do some new creatures . ButHowever, there are some nationalitynationalities who do not agree with thatan idea.
... they want to focus on not just in the area ...
this is Because it is big potential from ...

If the temperature too high it can impact from the ocean which many organism lived ...
UNESCO also same opinion like that cause it make change the environment (...) called World HerritageHeritage .
Sep 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / The evolution of infrastructure projects in the Meadowside area [3]

The map illustrates the changes occurred in Meadowside and Fonton village beginning in 1962,1985 and the present time. Meadowside village happened to have many changes rather than Fonton village during that timeframe regarding the development of infrastructure projects.

To begin, Meadowside village only had small area compared to Fonton village. Fonton's area was three-time larger than Meadowside village in 1962. 23 years later, the area of Meadowside village significantly expanded approaching the size of Fonton village. In addition, there were several major developments in Meadowside village. Two railways were build passing through this village. A super-store was constructed on the southwest, opposite to this was a housing estate. On the northeast, there was a leisure complex facing the railway. Meanwhile, there was no further development in Fonton village except for the railways and small expansion of the area.

Recently, it can be seen that Meadowside and Fonton village expanded widely so it connects to each other. There were hotel, station, and business park constructed between both villages.
Sep 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Development of Meadowside village and Fonton in three different time periods [2]

hi Naoki here are my suggetions:

The map illustrates the development that have occurred in Meadowside village and Fonton ... (you can also write particular selected year) .

To begin, there were only two towns and no commerce facilities(you should better explain about road in Meadowside and railway in Fonton) .
Moreover, the road which connectsconnected Meadowside village and Fonton washas been constructed, so...

In the presidentpresent , Meadowside has changed from village to suburbs...
Sep 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / There are several components in a wind turbine. The first one is a tower ... IELTS Writing Task 5 [3]

The diagram presents how a wind turbine works and the possible locations to generate the maximum electricity. Overall, it can be seen that there are five main components in a turbine with two options for the best locations.

There are several components in a wind turbine. The first one is the tower which is made of steel. Its function is to prop the other components above it. On the upper part, there are three blades made of fiberglass or wood. These two materials help the blades to rotate easily so it can produce more electricity. Behind by the blades, a wind sensor is located to help tracking the wind's speed and direction. There is a generator right below the wind sensor to convert the energy into electricity with the amount of 1.5 megawatts. Located separately by the wind turbine, there is a computer above the ground. The computer helps to adjust the direction and angle of the blades based on the information given by the wind sensor.

The best locations for the wind turbine to be placed are on the hill or beneath the sea. The wind which blows from the sea goes directly to the turbine located on the hill and it can give the maximum strengths. On the other hand, the turbine placed beneath the sea can receive the wind directly because it is not spoiled by the landscape. Therefore, it gives the optimum wind strengths.
Sep 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / Invest more resources in young people [5]

Hello, I'd like to give you some corrections. Hope it helps :)

Therefore, they would easily to (I don't think you have to add 'to' since you can directly go with 'come up' ) come up with ...

... into the young could gain back high - skilled labor ...

... governments should invest resources in the right subjects and emphasize ...
For example, before granting scholarships tofor outstanding students, (...) their sense of purposes to make sure that they are investing in the right potential talents.

Keep writing ;)
Sep 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / 2000 The water in Bahrain, Kuwait, Qatar, Oman, Saudi Arabia and UAE were mostly used in agriculture [3]

IELTS Writing Task 4 (The Water Use in Gulf Countries in 2000)

The bar chart gives the information about the water use in Gulf countries in 2000. Overall, it can be seen that the water use in Bahrain, Kuwait, Qatar, Oman, Saudi Arabia and UAE were mostly spent on the sector of agriculture.

In the year of 2000, Saudi Arabia and Oman were the top users of water for agriculture field. Both stood at up to four-fifths while Qatar and UAE stood at 62% and 65% respectively. This was followed by Bahrain and Kuwait with the very least amount of water use in agriculture.

On the other hand, domestic use was favored by both Bahrain and Kuwait with the average of 58%. Qatar and UAE were right behind with 32,5% in average, while Oman and Saudi Arabia spent no more than 15% of water for domestic needs. The small use of water was for industrial with no more than one in ten except Kuwait.
Sep 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / What is more important at a work place? Physical Appearance Or Productivity? [2]

Hello. I'd like to give you some corrections :) I hope it helps.

.......so that people are should notshouldn't pay too much attention for their dress.
......overlook on workers appearance succeed persuadepersuading people byto improve their productivity
...... people are not supposed too much concern onconcern much about how well they dress are. (I think you don't have to use 'are' at the end of the sentence because you were talking about the way they dress, not about the dresses.)

Keep writing ;)
Sep 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 3 (The Advantages and Disadvantages of Small Family) [4]

There is an increasing trend around the world to have a small family rather than a large family.
What are some of the benefits and drawback of having small family rather than a large family?

These days, people prefer having a small family to a large family. While a small family has its financial advantages, it can actually be psychologically harmful for children.

One of the advantages of having a small family comes from economic sector because the financial costs of having a small family are lesser than a large family. A small family doesn't need to use a lot of money on meals, drinks, energy bills, and the other daily needs. The food intake in a small family isn't the same as in a large family. While a large one can cost much money on food, a smaller one can just manage small amounts of money because there are not many mouths to be satisfied with.

However, a small family can be psychologically harmful for children because of the big amount of attention and love their parents give to them. Due to the small number of children they have, parents can give more attention and love to their daughters and sons, but this can lead to another problem. Children from small families are often more spoilt than children from bigger families. They might find it harder to make friends and socialize because they are used to depend on their parents.

In short, living in a small family can be more beneficial for economic purpose but it also can harm the children's psychological conditions. I assume that if parents can teach their children correctly and properly, the drawbacks of having a small family can be avoided.
Sep 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / The new trend about having a small family are currently increasing, in contrast to a large one [3]

Hello, kak Aida. I'd like to give you some corrections. Hope it helps :)

... having a small family are currently increasingly than to have a large one. It gets (I think you can use the word 'receives ' instead) more attention when government give a suggestion to have a small family ...

Small family tends to be easier to organiseorganize the family future plan ...

Keep writing :)
Sep 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Many individuals believe that having independent companies gives them more advantages [3]

Hello, Eka. Your writing is good and you can present your ideas clearly. But I'd like to give you some corrections.

... own corporation gives us a bigbigger challenge to be ...
In other words , this seems like to be (...) might make us satisfysatisfied (or you can use 'might satisfy us ' instead). Another advantage is that it can be earn more money compared to ...

Keep writing :)
Aug 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / Nowadays, most people rely on driving cars for their daily activities. [6]

Many people depend on their cars for everyday domestic, social, and working needs. However, unlimited use of cars causes a number of problems.
What are some of these problems?
What can be done to reduce the use of cars?

Nowadays, people relay on driving cars for their daily activities. Unfortunately, the increasing use of cars lead us to another problem concerning our environment such as air pollution and the lack of natural resources. Government's role to make strict regulation will be a great help to limit the use of cars.

One of the main issue caused by cars is air pollution. When a car's engine is running, several different types of gasses and particles are emitted that can have bad effects on the environment. For instance, we can make a comparison between the air's quality in big cities such as Jakarta and the small one. Jakarta feels very hot while we still can feel fresh air in small city with the less numbers of cars. The hot weather in Jakarta is caused by the vehicle emissions.

On the other hand, the increasing number on the use of cars will also lead to the lack of natural resources. Cars use gasoline to operate. Many cars means that there will be much gasoline needed while the amount of gasoline in our earth is very limited. If there is significant amount on the use of gasoline, then it is just about time until we will run out of gasoline and it will surely damage the stability of our environment.

To sum up, the unlimited use of cars will not be good for our environment to come. One alternative way to reduce the numbers of cars is the role of government as the stakeholders to make strict regulation on limiting the use of cars.
Aug 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / People who decide to have kids should better cogitate on how they can meet their children's needs [3]

Hello, kak Ilham. I'd like to give u some corrections.

... perform better in their studystudies (you can also state your reason why child without sibling can perform better).
... decades, about 7.39 million children (avoid using 'children', you can use 'kids ' instead) in developing countries are dropouts in (dropout from ) school and majority of ...
Therefore, the small families have chance moremore chances to encourage their kids' ...
... parents of a small family will see (I think the word 'face ' suits better) less pressure on budgets.

Keep writing ;)
Aug 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / The environment improvement depends only on large companies since individuals can't do much alone [4]

Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment. Only large companies and business can make a difference.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The improvement of environment only depends on large companies and business since the individuals have nothing to do about it. However, I am strongly against such notion because I believe that the individual participation is an important dimension of legislation to run and they have great roles in improving the environment.

It is argued that individual participation is increasingly viewed as important dimension of the environmental legislation. There is no legislation working without the participation of the individuals. We simply need their active contribution to make a certain legislation goes smoothly. For example, the government's program to separate wet and dry rubbish will only be succeeded if the individuals do it in a proper way. Their participation to throw rubbish separately in the right place is necessary in order to run such program.

Apart from previous discussion, the improvement of environment also relays on individual roles because they have a key position in controlling the environment. For example, the individuals need to reduce the use of private cars in order to create a better environment with fresh air and less pollution. Such action can only be done by the individuals.

To sum up, individual participation and role have great impacts on the improvement of environment. It will be much better if the individuals are given participatory rights in formulating environmental policy.