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Posts by Fira28 [Suspended]
Name: Atthya Nadya Shafira
Joined: Sep 13, 2016
Last Post: Sep 21, 2016
Threads: 6
Posts: 10  
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From: Indonesia
School: Senior high school 8 surabaya

Displayed posts: 16
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Fira28   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Advantages of having tattoos - they may increase your chance of working [4]

Tattoos is an art that lies in the body and makes the person using tattoos look like museum. The tattoo has a positive side to its users in the field of employment. By tattoos can make the wearer look even more amazing. American Journal of human biology research shows, that the person who has a tattoo different have good response immune. Tattoos may increase your chance of working. 192 peoples with managerial experience were recruited to rate images of people both with and without tattoos. Employees who have tattoos can attract young customers. Tattoos can also increase confidence in people who use it. The effects of tattoos longer occur in men rather than in women. Women worried about the tattoo. Tattoos can make the relationship among users closer to it. Tattoos can make a part in making the one who used to be more confident. For example, tattoo can close things that unlike.
Fira28   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / (TED) Judson Brewer: A Simple Way to Break a Bad Habit [6]

Hello abdasyari93, here i left the comment for you

• ... has positive and negative habithabbits in their lives.

• Unfortunately, it is so hard to control and break a bad habithabbit to go ...

• ... and makes them to step out their negative habithabbit patterns.
Fira28   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Miss Indonesia Wins Best National Costume at Miss Universe 2014 [2]

A prestigious event that annually occur in different countries. One of those misses came from Indonesia is Elvira Devinamira. She has winner the public vote in the assessment of the best national costume. Model that from Indonesia is wearing a wing outstanding ensemble. Wing ensemble is designed to represent the famous Borobudur Temple in Indonesia. Purpose built to promote a calm spiritual that life.

When given the opportunity to give a little speech by host Thomas Roberts, Elvira Devinamira ranted about excess baggage fees and how expensive it would be to ship the costume. There are five contestants were placed on the national costume competition. Miss Argentina, Valentina Ferrer with theme Iguazu Falls. Miss Canada, Chanel Beckenlehner use with theme Poutine. Miss India, Noyonita Lodh use with theme represent women from their own country. Miss Germany, Josefin Donat, Miss Germany's graffiti-style outfit is inspired by the 25th anniversary of the Berlin Wall falling, and she carried balloons also, which I think might be cheating a little bit. Miss Argentina placed in the overall pageant's top 10, and both Miss India and Miss Indonesia placed in the top 15.
Fira28   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / The pie chart gives us information where people who travel to New Zealand come from [10]

Hello mem77, here i left comment for you

• The pie chart gives ==>(you can change the word with describes, illustrates, intences, shows) us information about where ...

• And also on that the chart, there are seven parts of (the) chart to differentiate each country.

• A closer look at that (you can use: overall, it can be seen that,(the) chart shows that Australia has ...

• The second place is come from United Kingdom on twelve percent(s) .

• ... come from to New Zealand, on the nine percent(s) .

• The East Asian countries, China, Japan and South Korea, send five percent(s) , four percent(s) and three percent(s) each.

• However, twenty-seven percent(s) come from other European countries.

• Overall ==> overall it can be seen (...) more than seventy percent(s) of holidaymakers come from Britannia areas.
Fira28   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / SUMMARY Article : 5 Ways To Listen Better [3]

Everyone have 60 percent of communication time for hear. However, only 25 percent that human get save from what we hear. Listening as mean from voices. And listening is a mental process is also a screening process. There are several techniques that can be done, the first is pattern recognition, the second is different ( we listen different, but ignore the sound stays the same), the third is group filter. The voices location human on space and time. Sounds puts man in time because voices always have the time embedded in it. Hearing is the primary way humans to feel the flow of time from past to future. Hearing loss is a serious problem, because listening is human access for understand. There are a few exercise that can help for improve listening. The first is silence (if did not in silence, enough stay in relax, no problem). The second is stirrer or noisy. The last is enjoy.
Fira28   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / The types of communication skills which are pivotal for a worker, based on the result of surveys [4]

Hallo fadhilahumar81, here i left comment for you

• (The) table illustrates ==> you can change the word with describes, shows, intences) the types of communication ...

• Overall ==> overall,it can be seen that, ...

• ... slightly fall in the same period of (the) time.

•In other that (you can write on the other side) in the same period,...
Fira28   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / 22 Things You Didn't Know About the Olympic Village in Rio [4]

When olympic 2016 in Rio De Janeiro in Brazil. A lot of various facilities. Many people did not know about how many facilities and what the facilities that has been provided to all athletes. The common facility when olympic for warriors sport is the athletes village, it is like a university campus. In there available a mini bank, post office, as well as supermarket for their convenience. However, the athletes village would be a pretty exotic campus, since that event has own little beach for the warriors sport to feel like they are sunning themselves. The pretty exotic campus located in Copacabana in the run-up to their competitions.

In there, all of athletes have a little opening ceremony in center of the athletes village. Beside a little opening ceremony is welcomed fellow competitors from other countries. For competitors that staying at the village, they are given a food voucher for every cuisine. One of them cuisine, in there is only one food outlet in the village, and it is McDonalds. But the beds are far from comfortable with Trott even comparing them to camp beds. Everyone can travels around the village by bikes.
Fira28   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Instrument that we always hear everyday and everytime is the human voice [3]

How to speak so that people want to listen

Instrument that we always hear everyday and everytime is the voice of humans. But a lot of the situations where the time to talk others do not listen. There are seven factors in speaking and this should be left. The first factor is gossip, the second is judging, the third is negativity, the fourth is complaining, the fifth is excuss, the second least is lying, as well as the least is dogmatism. On the other side, there are four positive thing for the foundation when people speak. Usually can reduce with HAIL.

H is honesty => by clear and straight.
A is authenticity => be yourself.
I is integrity => be your word.
L is love => wish them well.

There are tools that can increase the ability to speak consist of register is know about voice that be used, timbre is know voice that sounds like, ritme, speed of sound, inflection, volume of voice.
Fira28   
Sep 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / The legal trade of ivory could lower the elephant population or even made them extinct [3]

A Legal Trade In Ivory Would Wipe Out Elephants, Study Finds

Based on a research study on 15 september showed that, legal trade in ivory could make the elephant population declines or even made extinct elephant populations. The research showed that, there is one factor that made the elephant population declined even extinct, namely, the demand ivory opposite with number of elephant ivory can be taken from a dead elephant.

However shape to hunt elephant ivory or elephant ivory could take a major impact that is brought to the extinction of the elephant population.

Ivory poaching has made the elephant population into crisis, ivory poaching has become the center of world attention. in Asian demand for tusks up to 27,000 were killed by hunters legally every year.

Vory poachers had the choice to be selected which prioritizes the old men elephants
Fira28   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / The contribution of 6 major energy resources in the US over a 50 years period [2]

Hello Windvalley, here i left comment for you

• (The) chart illustrates ==> (you can change with: shows, describes, and instances) the contribution of 6 ...

•Overall, as can be seen, (Overall,it can be seen that,...) There was considerable ...

•... stable during the period covered by the graph(s).

• ... keep going until 2050 of the given period(s)
Fira28   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / The table and the bar chart below give information about travelling to work in Houston, Texas. [2]

Hello ALMAJID06, here i left comment for you

•table (Table) depicts the proportion of ...

•... while the bar chart illustrates ==> (you can write shows, describes, instances) some ways of transport ...

•It can be seen that(,) the number of methods which ...

•Then, the young people (you can write: youngest, teenager, young generation) like more to walk ...
Fira28   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / On the video, the most things that Gore emphasize are optimistic and awareness. [5]

Hello Hujjatul19, here i left common for you

• Summery (SUMMARY) TED _ Al Gore - A new thinking on the climate crisis.

•On the video, the most things (you shouldn't write "things" as the word is slank) that Gore emphasize ...

•Taking the advantages of television, radio and the internet to inform everyone...

• ... urgent; that our live is onin danger.
Fira28   
Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article : The six best places to try modern 'martabak' in Jakarta. [6]

Hallo permata992, here i left comment to your sentences
• Indonesia that popular with many meal of traditional cuisine
• Many martabak's seller creating many innovation to increase their advantages.
• "Martabakku Menteng" is one of the many innovation dishes.
• On other stands are Martabak Boss, Markobar, Bang! Martabak, and the last is Martabak Blackpool
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