Holt Educational Consultant
Oct 23, 2016
Undergraduate / How to add more about myself in Cornell CAS application essay? [10]
LIane, your introduction is too brief and uninformative to give the reviewer a reason to continue reading the rest of the paper. You gave the impression that these two subjects, government and biology, are two unrelated interests on your part. It is imperative that you captivate the attention of the reviewer at the very beginning of your essay by creating an introduction that merges your interests in the two subjects. For example, you could say collectively that these two subjects, when studied hand in hand, will help you better understand why certain laws of the land are drafted or implemented in a certain way. That there is politics in science and science in politics. I am sure you can make that connection.
As for your love of biology, what quest are you on? Why do you think this is a backstage pass for you? Aside from your general interest in general biology topics, what is your core focus? Describe that in a similar way as to how you described your interest in government. You can also try to develop a paragraph that shows how you would develop a cross section of these studies to create a better graduate product of your chosen major.
Don't worry about the word count. That is just your guide towards finalizing the content of your essay. You will have to revise this essay a few more times before you can actually have it within the proper word count and accurately representative of your intent.
LIane, your introduction is too brief and uninformative to give the reviewer a reason to continue reading the rest of the paper. You gave the impression that these two subjects, government and biology, are two unrelated interests on your part. It is imperative that you captivate the attention of the reviewer at the very beginning of your essay by creating an introduction that merges your interests in the two subjects. For example, you could say collectively that these two subjects, when studied hand in hand, will help you better understand why certain laws of the land are drafted or implemented in a certain way. That there is politics in science and science in politics. I am sure you can make that connection.
As for your love of biology, what quest are you on? Why do you think this is a backstage pass for you? Aside from your general interest in general biology topics, what is your core focus? Describe that in a similar way as to how you described your interest in government. You can also try to develop a paragraph that shows how you would develop a cross section of these studies to create a better graduate product of your chosen major.
Don't worry about the word count. That is just your guide towards finalizing the content of your essay. You will have to revise this essay a few more times before you can actually have it within the proper word count and accurately representative of your intent.