Writing Feedback / Are robot weapons a good idea? (600 words or less) [NEW]

The possibility of autonomous or "robot weapons" has caused tremendous debate not only nationally, but worldwide. No longer is the possibility of using such weapons a fictional idea seen in movies like The Terminator or Ironman. Many major powers such as the United States, China, South Korea, and the United Kingdom are on the path to making this technology a reality. Despite some benefits that may come of this advancement in technology, the countless possible risks outweigh the good.

Technology has come a long way but it is never perfect. Although electronics such as cars, phones, televisions are incredibly useful, they malfunction all the time and are unreliable. The danger of relying too much on technology and the damage that comes of it has been demonstrated by the Tesla brand. Tesla's Model S has a self-driving option that failed to carry out its crash-avoidance Autopilot system. Although the brand told investigators that it was merely a "technical failure," and nothing to do with the Autopilot system, it ultimately failed to do what it was programmed to do. In the event that a robot weapon malfunctions, it may be too late to impede it, causing absolute chaos. Robots lack judgment and may not be able to distinguish between the enemy and a regular civilian. By the time it can process that the opponent is an unarmed civilian, it may be too late. Robots may be effective when told exactly what to do. However, if an unexpected situation arises, they have a high chance of malfunctioning. Thus, the idea of placing the balance of peace in the hands of an artificially intelligent robot would not be wise.

When power is placed in the hands of artificial intelligence, there is a lack of accountability. If the weapon glitches, people will place the blame on the technology itself instead of those who organized it or produced it. According to the Human Rights Watch, the people responsible for creating the robot weapon would not be held accountable in the event of an accident. Unless controlled and managed by humans, robots can pose a great threat.

The manufacturing of robot weapons can increase tensions among the world's superpowers. Just like the race to build the first atomic bomb during WWII brought about an arms race, the production of robot weapons will follow a similar path. If the United States starts to build robot weapons, China will follow, then South Korea, and so on. Countries will be able to mass produce these weapons due to the rather low cost of the materials needed for its production. As nations build up their arms, there will be an increase in the people's perception of threat and can also instill unnecessary fear.

Others who are advocates for robot weapons argue that the replacement of soldiers with robots can save a significant number of lives. However, this will cause nations to be impetuous and decide to go to war easier without having to think about the need for soldiers. Scientists, engineers, and researchers pursuing the creation of robot weapons are taking technology too far in a way that will ultimately become a threat to all nations.

Technology can be unpredictable. Despite programming, it can have a mind of its own. Giving a robot weapon the responsibility to control itself can lead to serious consequences. Matters regarding life or death should not be placed in the hands of a machine but rather a human being that has a sense of judgment and compassion.

Undergraduate / Keeping Your Stomach and Heart Full [3]

PROMPT: From what frequent activity do you derive your greatest joy? Why is this activity meaningful to you, and how does it shape your perspective on life?(In 500 words or less)

I need help adding and editing this essay. I currently have 280 words and would like to expand it. Thank you so much in advance!

I believe that joy starts in the kitchen. The moment the smell of tomato sauce and sautéed chicken sweeps into my room, I sprint downstairs hoping to get a taste. Despite the tired look on my mom's face after a hard day at work, I can't help but smile seeing her in her little yellow apron. I receive joy from helping out my mom and making her day a bit easier. Half wanting to help and the other half wanting to get a taste of dinner early, I grab the other apron, eager to help.

These are the times I cherish the most. The times when I can create something so delicious and intricate out of things so ordinary. But most of all, I value moments in the kitchen because it gives me the opportunity to produce something that inevitably brings everyone together: food.

I look forward to dinner every day. Not only for the food, but for the time I get to spend with my family. It is a time when I can share laughs, frustrations, and sorrows. After going through the day, dinner is the time to recuperate and bring the whole team back together to reconnect. In between each bite of food is a smile.

Life can be hectic sometimes. It is important to set aside a time to come together. There is no better way than to end the day with good food and great company. Despite busy schedules, dinner has brought my family together and made me realize that life is about spending time with those you love to keep you connected and grounded. Cooking good meals allows both stomachs and hearts to be full.

Undergraduate / Why you are interested in applying to and attending Swarthmore? To be challenged academically. [4]

In the midst of my college search, I sought a school that would academically challenge me, offer individualized attention, and a place where my voice can be heard. Although many schools offer those qualities, Swarthmore exceeds all.

I intend to major in biology but I am also excited to explore other possible majors and Swarthmore offers me that flexibility. Swarthmore's Seminar Method that is incorporated into the Honors Program had initially sparked my interest. I have always actively been engaged in my school seminars because it gave me the opportunity to share my opinions and collaborate with my peers. Swarthmore is an environment where each and every students' voices will be heard and valued.

As President of a club in my school, called Students for Social Responsibility, that focuses on giving back to my local community, I was excited to see the volunteer opportunities listed under the Lang Center for Civic and Social Responsibility program. However, as an aspiring dentist, I am particularly interested in the area of dental care community service (KidsSmile) that Swarthmore would connect me to. Swarthmore would open a path for me that would contribute to my future career all the while helping me to make a difference in a new community that I would call home for the next four years.

I want a school where studying goes beyond the classroom, where students' urge to learn comes from genuine interest, and where education is more than just a grade. For these reasons, I believe that Swarthmore is the place for me.

Undergraduate / Barnard is all that I have envisioned [7]

What factors influenced your decision to apply to Barnard College and why do you think the College would be a good match for you? 100-250 words.

*I currently have 359 words which is a problem...if anyone can help me to make it more concise...I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you in advance!*

What initially drew me to Barnard was the rich history in which it was founded. Annie Nathan Meyer's dedication to expand educational opportunities for women reflects the true values of Barnard; leadership, growth, and perseverance. Barnard's humble beginnings in a small rented brownstone with just six faculty members and 14 students goes to show how far it has come to become what it is today. I got the impression that Barnard is a school that fosters innovative minds such as Meyer who are not afraid to take on challenges.

Currently undecided in what I wish to major in, Barnard's implication of the Foundation curriculum would give me the opportunity to discover and explore my options. Although some may frown upon having to fulfill such required classes, I look to it as a chance to go out of my comfort zone. I am excited to be exposed to subjects I can possibly be interested in such as personality psychology or neuroscience. I look to Barnard to challenge me and I am more than ready to take on whatever comes my way.

"We're competitive with ourselves, not each other. My friends and classmates are my cheerleaders, my support network, assuring me that I can succeed," wrote a student. I see Barnard as a place where already passionate young women can truly thrive not just individually, but together. I can only hope to have the opportunity to be a part of the flourishing Barnard sisterhood.

Many schools with a campus that are located near cities say that they offer the "best of both worlds." However, Barnard exceeds all of them. Barnard offers me the small liberal arts education with an enrollment of about 2500 students but also the prodigious resources of Columbia University. It provides individualized attention, small classes, and incredible research opportunities. On the other hand, it also offers me endless adventures in the cultural melting pot of New York City. I can picture myself taking advantage of free trips to the Metropolitan Museum, watching shows at Lincoln Center, and going on late night escapades to the city's best restaurants. For all these reasons, I choose Barnard to be the college destined for me.

Undergraduate / Boston University is the Perfect Utopia [6]

Please help me add and fix parts of my essay. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Ever since I can remember I imagined myself studying on the hills of a college campus seen in one of those typical movies. However, my views shifted when I saw my sisters attending college in New York City. My languid and rather introverted sister had been transformed by the "city life." She became quick-witted and fast paced. It was then that I realized that college in the city would not be so terrible after all. In Sir Thomas More's words, Boston University would be the perfect "utopia" for me because I would get the college campus life but also have the resources and city experience the moment I step off campus.

I believe that Boston University is a place where I can explore beyond a single major for my career. Offering over 250+ different classes along with the opportunity to create an independent major or minor, Boston University holds importance in making education individualized and customized for each and every student. Thus, I plan to double major in biology and psychology.

A huge aspect that has driven me to apply to Boston University is the friendly atmosphere. The University exudes an environment of friendly competition where strangers with different backgrounds turn into lifelong friends who support and encourage each other to succeed even when pursuing different passions. Those are the people I want to surround myself with for the next four years. No matter what background, Boston University holds a place for everyone. Hopefully, it will also hold a place for me.

Undergraduate / My Transition into a Stronger Reader [2]

Hello, this is one of my supplements for UVA. The prompt is:
What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way?

Please let me know what else I can add or take out. Also, if anyone could assist me in bringing the essay back to myself, I would really appreciate it. Thank you so much in advance!

What is the point of this novel? Frustrated and slightly embittered, J.D. Salinger's novel, The Catcher in the Rye is one that has left an ineradicable mark on me. As a sophomore in high school at the time, the novel initially seemed incredibly pointless and exceedingly depressing. The protagonist, Holden Caulfield, struggles to find his way into adulthood surrounded by people who he references as "phonies." Like all the books I have read before, I expected this novel to have a basic plot line; however, I could not seem to find it. Determined to understand why this novel has become such a classic, I was tenacious to find the underlying message. This novel unknowingly had tested and challenged me to pay attention and read in between the lines. Just like Holden struggled to transition into adulthood, this novel helped me to transition into a stronger reader. No longer could I take literature with a literal meaning. After re-reading the lines that once made no sense to me, I finally began to understand the bigger picture.

The novel encompasses the ideas of a covetous and tainted society crowded with people driven to live by the status quo. Holden, at first, may seem like an uneducated and unhappy character, but he is actually incredibly observant and perceptive. He realizes the fleeting nature of innocence and strives to preserve it in the one person he still holds dear to his heart, his sister Phoebe. However, through his journey and own experiences, he realizes that saving children from falling off the cliff of innocence, is something unattainable.

Undergraduate / Why History is Worth Studying [8]

Hello, I would greatly appreciate it if anyone can help me to revise one of my supplements for Tufts. Thank you so much in advance! :)

The question is: It's cool to be smart, tell us about the subjects that excite your intellectual curiosity.

There are so many critics who argue that studying history is pointless because it can't be changed. Instead, they propose to look to the future. However, history is one of the most meaningful subjects to study and analyze. It's fascinating to know what wars and legislations shaped us to be where we are today. Whether it be European History or U.S. History, every little detail is action-packed. The best part of it all is finding that one historical time period you imagine yourself living in. I would definitely want to have lived during the European Renaissance from the 14th-17th centuries. The European Renaissance was a time of rebirth in classical learning and art. If I was born in that era, I would have valued the education system at the time much more than what it has become today. It was a time in which experience was much more highly looked upon rather than reading books on a school desk or staring at a computer all day. Not to mention, I would have shadowed Michelangelo or Leonardo Da Vinci had I been born under a wealthy family able to have a bit more freedom as a woman during that time. I would have been more spontaneous, open minded, and creative because it was a time when everything and everyone was inspiring. History is like a large storybook full of different chapters each filled with a new adventure just waiting to be opened and I plan on reading every word.

Undergraduate / Say Yes to Saying No by Melody Jung [6]

Hello. I am currently trying to write one of the supplements for the University of Virginia and I could use a bit of help rewording it and adding more vocabulary. Please be honest and thank you so much in advance. The supplement question is: What is your favorite word and why? I chose the word "no." I know it can be a bit cliche to use this which is why I need a little help to make it more interesting and put in a twist.

Here it is:

No. The word no at first glance seems negative, but those two letters hold the key to liberation and strength. Growing up, like many others, I was a people pleaser. I always said "yes" to favors that people asked of me in fear that an answer of no would put in me in a bad light. It was then that I started to take on more than I could handle. I realized that saying yes to everyone else left no room to say yes to myself.

This word has guided me in all aspects of life from friendships to even the classroom. I have said no to maintaining unhealthy friendships. I have disagreed in class debates and voiced my own opinions. Saying no has given me the power to become my own person. Many of 21st century reforms such as LGBT movements and animal rights movements began with people saying no to the majority. Although so simple, the word no holds great weight. Saying yes can be easy but saying no shows true individuality and courage, some of which are characteristics I admire most.