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How to transition (to become a nurse) - UT Transfer Essay Statement of Purpose

6 - Here is an updated version. Constructive criticism will be SO appreciated. I would love to return the favor....

Undergraduatejordan_ramirez - Sep 25, 2010jordan_ramirez - Oct 15, 2010
"On The Road Less Traveled By" - Persuasive Personal Narrative

2 - ...because the danger of becoming lost is not outweighed by the positive experiences. Italics would be good...

Undergraduateth3badg3r - Oct 12, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 15, 2010
Credible college + earning a meaningful degree - Purdue Undergrad Essay

4 - This sentence should specify what field you want to enter and what your specialization might be. even if...

Undergraduatesammithajo92 - Oct 12, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 15, 2010
Autobiography (Taiwan and Canada) and SOP (the physical world) graduate admissions

2 - Give this sentence some examples (i.e. a list of class topics separated by commas). With that bio,...

Graduatewahoyaho - Oct 12, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 15, 2010
The mayor views on new automobile manufacturing plant: GRE argument essay

2 - Here is a good place to use a colon: ...and only focused on its most conspicuous negative quality: the...

Writing Feedbackradwa - Oct 12, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 15, 2010
"Soccer is my hobby" BETTER OR WORSE - UC (quality, talent, contribution)

5 - A nice first sentence would be like one of your sentences near the end: "I had always been somebody...

Undergraduateravkaurg - Oct 14, 2010StillLifeWitHam - Oct 15, 2010
UC app: describe the world you come from "Dr. Grandma"

3 - This is great! I have a good idea, though. Add a sentence to the end of every paragraph except...

Undergraduateradkate - Oct 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 15, 2010
"promote Asian culture to society" - CommonApp - found SilkRoad@SZ(NGO)

2 - After I saw the children who showed great eagerness to study on the photos, I am really grateful for...

Undergraduatevictoriayu - Oct 15, 2010alicezung - Oct 15, 2010
"My life story and experiences" FSU essay - Vires, Artes, Mores response essay

4 - Efficiency: Every person has different qualities and attributes and just like how every book has a different story, and...

Undergraduatetommo108 - Oct 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 15, 2010
Influenced by strong family traditions-UCF Undergraduate Essay

6 - Capitalize Internet. Don't write "kids today," because it is an overused phrase. I think this should be...

Undergraduategatrgurl7 - Oct 7, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 15, 2010
"determined to become a Nurse" - Strength has reflected in my life (Vires, Artes,...)

NEW - Please Read this and Edit MY Fsu Essay I have always wanted to become a student at Florida...

UndergraduateFsuGirl98 - Oct 15, 2010 -
optimistic look to the future

2 - It is hard to be optimistic these days, but we must for life to go on. I do agree...

Scholarshipiwan - Oct 13, 2010dora81 - Oct 14, 2010
"Lisa saved me and helped shape me" - impact on your life

5 - Great advice, I agree. Thanks!...

Undergraduatekimmiconner - Oct 13, 2010kimmiconner - Oct 14, 2010
The next puzzle piece- University of Chicago question 1 supplement

5 - Thank you so much for the advice I hope with this revision my plans are clearer Revised: "The...

Undergraduatehopefull4 - Oct 4, 2010hopefull4 - Oct 14, 2010
Princeton Essay- Princeton in the Nation's Service/Human Rights

4 - Let's simplify: When my dad had asked me that this morning on the way to my interview for the...

Undergraduateawkwardness - Oct 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2010
The process of researching and writing an essay

3 - I don't like the first sentence, because examinations are PART of life. Can you try a different intro sentence?...

Writing Feedbackanna_ lewin - Oct 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2010
"World of innocence gone to a world of evil"- Describe the World You Come From

6 - Combine these to avoid a sentence fragment: world of innocence where death was unheard of. same thing here: She...

Undergraduatetiger13twin - Oct 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2010
China's 60th Anniversary of the founding of the People's Republic of China-common app

8 - After reviewing it with my friends and teachers, we think it does not reveal who i am. So I...

Undergraduatecrabball - Oct 10, 2010crabball - Oct 14, 2010
The Jesuit Catholic Mission - personal essay for university of san francisco.

2 - Capitalize Catholic. Hey, I think you have a lot of unimportant sentences near the beginning. I think it...

Undergraduatelalagerard - Oct 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2010
"Burglary" - Common App Essay: Significant Experience

3 - This does not make sense! I don't understand. As a cashier, I get paid to interact with...

Undergraduateradkate - Oct 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2010
(My summer in Spain), Vires Artes Mores - FSU

5 - Thank you so much! You just took a little stress out of my day :D...

UndergraduateKatherineArts - Oct 5, 2010KatherineArts - Oct 14, 2010
graphic design + field hockey - UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS two essays

3 - comma: Graphic design has given me a way to express myself in other ways than words, and I cannot...

UndergraduateCP0693 - Oct 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2010
Personal struggle with epilepsy - Feedback

4 - My dad had made me and my sister egg omelets, just like many Saturdays before; cleaning my plate was...

UndergraduateMackenziee - Oct 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2010
Responce towards Iron Dice by John G. Stoessinger (Essay about cause of WW1)

2 - Okay, then I expect to see those factors explained as such in the essay... I'll keep reading... ...

Writing Feedbackicemaster2340 - Oct 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2010
FSU -marching band epitome of Mores and Artes

3 - I agree about not repeating what they mean: Just like the Greek word Mores, which signifies character and tradition,...

Undergraduatelee1036 - Oct 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2010
Statement of Purpose guidance on Business Law Needed!

3 - Hi Samson, You can see a lot of examples online if you google around. Examples provide the best...

Graduatesamifedayo - Oct 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2010
"My cousin, Influential Family Member" - someone who has made an impact on your life

NEW - Influential Family Member As a senior in high school I have had many people come and go in...

Undergraduatebrittni - Oct 14, 2010 -
(the next leader in computer engineering) - UF "A meaningful event in your life"

3 - Capitalize the s!! I wasn't able to see him again when I came back from Virigina; my...

UndergraduateTommy - Oct 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2010
There is nothing that an uneducated person can teach an educated person

6 - Even though many people might think that we learn only from educated people, from my point of view we...

Writing Feedbackmehdi1995 - Oct 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2010
"A Mug of Bliss" - Yale supplement essay help, should I submit this?

9 - Opportunities to cut out excess: ...the soothing feel of the warm ceramic penetrates through my sweater and calms my...

Undergraduateanishab - Oct 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Oct 14, 2010
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