Dissertations / PHD TOPIC IN HR, suggest some topics that are of great importance [5]

Hello,

I think that you have some good ideas, and at this point you should make the study fascinating by combining two concepts. For example, look into workforce diversity as it relates to stress management. This will make your study unique.

You should not choose a topic OTHER than these you listed here. Instead, go deep into one of them or a combination of them.

I think you might enjoy reading Jim Collins' Good to Great while you contemplate all the options you have.

Also, it is just as important to look at various research designs. I think you should choose one, such as case study, grounded theory, survey, etc., and then find 5 articles that use the design you are learning about. If you are still struggling to learn about the various designs, choose one and become an expert at it. Read lots of examples, and decide how you can use it to contribute to the field of HR.

So, it is just as important to think about research designs as it is to think about the topic. While you read recent HR articles that use your chosen research design (i.e. survey), you will become an expert and simultaneously you will see what is being done in the field of HR.

:-)

Writing Feedback / Income gap is necessary to sustain a society to run dynamically; sports professionals earn big money [4]

In present times, the phenomenon of enormous income gaps among all walks of life, such as performers and scientists, athletes and educators, has triggered plenty of unsatisfactory dissatisfaction.

"Namely" is not usually a good word to use. It always makes writing less powerful; it's better to just say the name.

While as far as I am concerned, I tend to stand for the latter attitude; I personally consider it to be a normal phenomenon for the sports professionals to earn much more money than others.

There should are some valid reasons for people's disapprove of the generalization of huge income gap. First of all, it will lead to the obvious distance discrepancies in standard of living. For the high income individuals, they would ...

Very good argument! I think I agree with you. I like how you explained that it is necessary for a dynamic society.

Here is one more correction:
...is necessary to sustain keep a society running dynamically.

Undergraduate / Education: Essay regarding "Issue of personal importance to you" [2]

Here is a run on sentence:
My fear of studies grew with each passing day; I distinctly remember the day when i eventually broke down emotionally infront of the school gates. Amused stares and jeering remarks only made the situation worse, i wanted to ran away and i did.

I fixed that run on sentence with a semi-colon.

I changed amusing to amused. "Amusing" means they stared in ways that might make people laugh, but you mean to say they stared while feeling amused.

Capitalize that letter "i" when you use it to mean "you"

Keep the verbs the same:
she would try to make an effort the learn the subjects beforehand and then teach them to me.

Hey, I see that you make some mistakes, but your sentence structure is very sophisticated. You write just as well as anyone who grew up speaking only English.

Watch out for verb tense mistakes:
they know that their lives would be very much better if they had been given the same opportunities as i am given.

No need to capitalize cancer.

Use complete sentences with both subject an predicate:
As a writer, maybe one can be good enough to write articles or essays in the worldwide publications. As an innovator, maybe one can be good enough to create the next iPhone.

:-)

Essays / Living at home and living away from home [15]

Hi Evelyn, first I'll make sure you see the inapropriate capitalization here in the conclusion:
In conclusion, Even even though living away from..
...just in case.

But your question was about how to improve the intro and conclusion. I like to think of it as though the intro and conclusion are what make the rest of the essay meaningful. So, if you add a powerful observation to the intro or conclusion, you improve the whole essay.

Right now your essay is all about the fact that it is more practical to live at home. That is good, but the way to make it better is to make it wiser and more profound. For example, add 1 sentence to the intro and 1 sentence to the conclusion, and let those sentences bring the meaning to a new level, like this.

Most young people think ...compared to living away from home. "When you spend time and money to make your own home, you are trading some of your resources for a certain kind of experience. It's not wrong to live at home, and it is not wrong to live away from home, but people should be strategic about deciding when to start living away from home."

And you can add to your conclusion, too. At the end of that conclusion paragraph, add a sentence that tells what YOU really believe about it. You can ADD SOMETHING EXTRA for the reader to think about. In the conclusion, I like to talk about the IMPLICATIONS of what the essay says.

Graduate / MBA Career Goals Essay: Transportation Engineer (Civil Service, Government) [10]

I want to take the comma out of this sentence and make a small change:
This will and determination resulted in other successes: a US graduate degree in engineering with a top rank and a job at the largest state agency in the US. These represent a dream that came true for both my parents and me.

The way you wrote this is very sophisticated. You use excellent variety of sentence structure. I think this'll impress them!

Graduate / SOP for PhD. in printing or specifically printed electronics - Feedback/Comments [4]

Nice!! That is good news for all of us essayforum.com/ef-contributor-page/

Scholarship / Ambition to become an oustanding commodity trader (Postgraduate Economics program) [11]

I like it!! I like the efficiency of a numbered list, and I think the reader will appreciate the clarity.

This does something cool, too:
I was immediately impressed by---- it plants a message in the reader's mind... "I am impressed"...
the subconscious mind becomes impressed with YOU.
:-)

Graduate / Academic and career goal description for MS in comp science (correct or suggest) [3]

Learn, Teach, Influence technically (is this supposed to say "technology?"), Lead and make difference.
Do not capitalize all the words:
To learn, teach, influence the development of technology, function as a leader among my colleagues, and contribute to the achievement of meaningful organizational goals.

Your Academic goals and Career aspirations are TOOOO general!!!
Make them specific:
I want to establish myself in the field of _________ so that I'll have the necessary credibility to found a nonprofit organization to benefit people from ________________. I hope to secure a position that allows me to cntinue my professional development while I work to actualize my vision of a _____________.

Envision your future, and tell them the DETAILS of your plan.
:-)

Research Papers / Solar Power Generator - the price is important [6]

In this case, as soon as you find an excellent, comprehensive, interesting article, your job will get very easy. Just look at a lot of articles and ... Oh, I see that Waqas is a goo person to talk to about it!

So, the important thing to do is write some paragraphs based on articles, one or two paragraphs to tell what each article says, and these will be your body paragraphs. It's time consuming but easy.

When you have written many paragraphs, reread them to see what your main idea is. LOTS has been written about this, but you can make a unique contribution because of your unique combination of observations in the paragraphs.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Improve Roads or Public Transports [3]

I'm so glad Azeri is here helping people. Thanks!!

Many people think that governments should spend money on improving roads and highways while the others say that it would be better to spend money on public transportation. In my opinion, governments should certainly spend money on the public transportation system because it would deal with problems that the rising number of private cars is creating. add one more sentence here to tell the main idea of the whole essay... a sentence you want the reader to remember.)

This paragraph is too short, like paragraph one:
In short, I can say for certain that spending money on improving public transportation is necessary because it is the key to protect our world, creating a healthy and safe environment for people to live in. (Write an additional sentence.. a BONUS idea.. something "extra" to leave the reader with. This will make the essay more powerful. What can you add at the end to keep the reader thinking about the importance of pub. transportation?

:-)

Essays / Industrial Revolution: Business and Politics in the New Urban Order. [3]

The Industrial Revolution was an important period in The United States' history. Useless sentence. Don't includ sentences that say obvious things.

The "Industrial Revolution" refers to the usage of factories and machines leaving behind home and hand production. It was a period when people was were treated _______ (what do you mean?) based on their politics, culture and social class.

TAKING NOTES: Get all those readings in front of you, and take one at a time. When you get to an important point, write a sentence about it. Soon, you will have a long list of sentences, and you can turn each sentence into a paragraph.

For every sentence on your list, go find an example to support what you are saying. It can be a quotation, a statistic, or any kind of example. Then, write another sentence or two about it, and end tha paragraph.

That is how to write paragraphs easily while you read and take notes. Do not get discouraged! Just keep reading, and keep typing sentences. You can organize the paragraphs later... or just post them here for us to help you!

:-)

Writing Feedback / Online Education Myths, peer review assignment [4]

Yep, maybe it'll be me, or maybe it'll be someone else, but you can get help here! :-)

Book Reports / An hour and the storm by kate chopin - Good thesis? Common traits. [6]

Ha ha, well you only spent enough time to write a single sentence when you started this thread. Teachers would not like it very much if we did students' homework for them. The goal here is to help people gain the necessary skills. That's why I think you should read some online articles with character analysis

Here is one: americanfiction.suite101.com/article.cfm/kate_chopins_the_story_of_an_hour

When you read it, make a list of traits. Then, do the same for the other character.
All you need to do after that is see which traits they have in common.

Sometimes students feel like this stuff is harder than it is, so I want to help you see how easy it can be. Sorry I thought you had not read the stories! :-)

Undergraduate / "I work harder for me and only me" - Michigan State University [19]

Instead of saying doctor, say physician, and you wwill be even more impressive if you name one or two specializations that interest you... oncology? General practitioner? Dermatology? Alternative/natural medicine?

Just an idea:
In my heart of hearts, I know the associations I have with those words have changed with the enhancement of my perspective.

Scholarship / scholarship essay:explanation of financial need and desire to become [3]

Yes, that is some great advice from Hellstrider :-)
I hope you will feel confident as you write some paragraphs:

Each paragraph must start off with a topic sentence. So, do this for your paragraph 2:

In recent years, I have been too scared to even enroll in school because of how much it was going to cost. My parents were hit with financial hardship the past two years because of the economy. I work and go to school, which makes it necessary for me to be away from home twelve hours each day. Sundays are my only days off. I work in a salon as a receptionist so that I will at least have front desk experience before going out into the world as a professional.

Then, write paragraph 3 all about what you want to achieve as a professional. What good will come of the time you spend at the school to which you are applying? Tell them about how you envision the future.

Use a spell checker! :-)

Go back and write paragraph one all about the MAIN IDEA of this essay. What is your theme? What do you want the reader to remember about you?

Make sure the reader sees that you have a CLEAR, DETAILED PLAN for the future.

Undergraduate / "Being immersed in a different culture" - Essay for Admission to UF [4]

Many kids have to move from state to state, school to school, or even just to a new neighborhood, but few have the disconcerting experience of moving from a different Country. ---- this is not as strong as it could be. Can you give a first sentence that hints at the main idea, the theme of the whole essay>

Personally I was born in --- don't include extra words, unnecessary words. Make every word serve a purpose.

"You don't know what 'grits' are?!"--- hahaha, i grew up in Massachusetts, and I did not know what Grits were until I moved to the Midwest, how funny... not a very good breakfast food.

For example, I didn't know how to play football, and this was a travesty in America.--- good sentence!
Hey, your ending is cool. I like the grits theme. But you must make it mean a little more. What does it represent?Does it represent people's preconceived ideas that come from their cultural experiences? I think your essay is all about figuring out what is the SAME about human nature every where you go and what is DIFFERENT from one place to another. I see that you endure a tough transition and that you are ready to help other people to cope with such transitions. So... what does this have to do with your chosen field of study?

This essay has a lot of potential. You can help the reader to gain more insight about the importance of keeping an open mind, and what that actually means.

:-)

Research Papers / Revolutions of Heavenly Spheres - CONTRARY THESIS [3]


It is also called a "counter-argument." It is what someone who disagrees with yo would say. You have to be able to argue in favor of what YOU say, but you also have to tell why it is more correct than what someone else would say if they disagreed with you.

So Have you ever wondered who was the first one to propose the idea of a sun-centered (heliocentric) universe? ...

...at the center of our Solar System. --- is solar system supposed to be capitalized? I don't think it is a proper noun...

This is informative, but it should tell a little more about the calculations that it made possible.

This essay is not really an argumentative essay; it is informative. Therefore, it is not so important to "refute the counter-argument" (i.e. the contrary thesis). However, if your teacher requires it, you should spend one paragraph to do so:

1. Make the last sentence of your first paragraph tell the reader about calculations that could be made as a result of his theory.

In the paragraph just before your conclusion paragraph, start like this: Some people would argue that accurate calculations could be made even prior to Copernicus' work, because most calculations do not require knowledge that the sun is the center of the solar system, but actually his contribution is important in a number of ways. A few examples of calculations that could not be made prior to Copernicus' contribution include __________, ...

:-)

Letters / International Affairs Department, Correct My Reference Letter.. [6]

Yes, I was looking at the other one, too, and it seems okay. I was trying to say, though, that it would be good as 2 paragraphs instead of 3.

I hereby certify that [my name] is a student at [my university]. She is now doing her fouth year. Her academic performance is very good, producing a GPA of 3.42 in a 4 scale.

I have handled the course of Engineering Drawing in NAME's first semester. She has done that course good was a high achiever in that course. After that, in her fifth semester she became lecture assistant of Engineering Drawing. In all cases, I find her easy to work with because of her strong affection in communication skills, pleasant personality, effective approaches to explain concepts to others, and her open-mindedness.

Looking at her academic performance and motivation, I believe she is suitable candidate for your scholarship recipient and, therefore, I have no hesitation to about giving her a recommendation.

:-)

Essays / Living at home and living away from home [15]


Yes, that is often called a "hook," to hook the attention.

I hope your presentation was a success today!!

You may have a wrong idea about what is "good" writing. Also, your teachers may have a wrong idea. Stephen King says, "Writing is telepathy." You do not write the way my teachers wrote in school; you write like someone who is bilingual, taking insight from multiple languages. It makes it so that your writing style is complex and unique.

I found another mistake:
Moreover, you can save a lot of money because you do not have to pay a rent, nor do you have to buy your own food, because your parents will do that for free or sometimes charge you just a low rate.

Undergraduate / I need help with my essay. I am trying to apply for the Art Institute of NY [3]


I wonder if college can even keep up with the changes in technology. You can probably learn even more if you use online tutorials. Do you use things like photoshop? My friend taught me a little about it, and it is so complicated!!

With WRITING as your art for this essay, do not waste any words. Give the reader lots of experience/thoughts with a quick, powerful sentence:

My career goals are to attain a career in Graphic Art Design is the discipline that gave me that spark of inspiration, but I was studying that in High School back in 1992 and I was pretty good at it. I graduated from the school I couldn't study it at the time when all my friends were going to college, because I was going to become a parent at a young age. Now that I have overcome many obstacles as a parent and as a professional, I am ready to...

You are going to need to read a lot and write a lot -- everything you can find about graphic design. having been out of school for many years, you should expect that you might need to correct some errors in the way you write, but it is not too much to learn. You can do it!! Read the teachings of Diana Hacker about academic writing.

Here are some errors:
I am a strong and passionate about this field, and therefore I strongly willing to participate in what ever enthusiastically seek programs and activities which are needed to complete relevant to my goals, and these are available at your fine academic institution.

:-)

Book Reports / I don't understand "The Great Gastby" [4]

Yes, that is good advice. And it helps to use these keywords, too:
Great Gatsby analysis
Great Gatsby study guide

Find it on Sparknotes.com It is not cheating if you need to look at sparknotes to help you understand. You should not feel bad about not under standing. It is important to read a summary, then write some notes, then read another summary or analysis. When you understand the story, take a long walk with the book and really enjoy it. You MUST read everything more than once, and if you have the patience to do that you'll suddenly see that it is easy! That is what happened for me. The same rule applies to sweeping the kitchen floor: do it once, and you have not really done it, but do it twice and you have done a thorough job.

Undergraduate / Appeal Essay for Science Course [5]

Everyone man has definitely done made a dangerous move at least once in life.

I'll use a colon here-----> However, I would like to give my words of promise so that I may be accepted through the appeal: I will maintain at least 3.5 on my GPA and hence able to graduate in time.

I am a man of my word . I promised my Chemistry teacher to be the 'most improved student' for the subject, for example, and although I am not sure if I do win the title, the improvement from S to B within the span of 2 months does prove something.

You MUST add a paragraph to tell them about your plan for entering a particular field... tell them about your plan for the future... what you want to accomplish as a professional.

:-)

Research Papers / HUMAN RESOURCE MANAGEMENT: ethics, hiring process; Research paper [57]


I think I understand. You want to find out "What is Being Substituted for Trade Unions at IT Companies."

But are you sure something is being substituted? Maybe they do not exist at IT companies for other reasons...

Search your school database for this:
"trade unions" "IT companies" (and use quote marks like I did here)

You should read what other people have written in the past 5 years, and see if you agree or disagree with them. That is the first step. Then, read the work of John Cresswell about "research design," and think of a design for your research study. Maybe you should use case studies of some IT companies.

:-)

Essays / Classification of TV programs [6]

This sentence is awkward:
They have various shows in which are demonstrated all countries around the world. -- it sounds like the countries are being "demonstrated."
You can do this:
They have various shows in which countries all around the world are depicted.

Add a little to the thesis statement:
In fact, TV programs can be classified into 3 categories according to their content, and these three categories can help us to understand _________________- (what can they help us to understand? By showing the value of the 3 categories, you express the central truth of your essay.)

The least intriguing for most people are those whose content are all about news.----- Ha ha, that is not true!! All shows are chosen by networks because they appeal to some people. Some of us like to watch the news!! :-)

The programs which are considered that they make interfere with TV time are advertisement programs. Advertisement programs are inserted discretely into the other shows, or, on a bad day, the advertisements can be shown continuously.

:-)

Scholarship / Temple admissions: where do i see myself in 10 years?; scholarship foundation [12]

Yes, this is getting to be a pretty powerful essay! Good progress... Be careful not to change it too much or you might ruin the naturalness...

Writing Feedback / Classification essay- Modern students's learning style [5]

For a long time, studying have has been a significant issue among human beings. That is the only method we use to collect knowledge from all over the world. this I have dealt with not only remains but also is divided into many modes I don't understand what this means!) I have been approaching my studies using many different methods. Nowadays is exceptional.

capitalize Internet.
... least common mode is looking for information from Internet .

...you can also look up it from the Internet. This mode is ...

These previous styles are good choices for students who truly need knowledge. But there is an additional residual mode that tends to just to focus on computer. Why don't I put it into my list of choices above? Obviously because of its dualism. If you are aware of its usage, you can exploit effectively. But in fact, the truth is sometime contrary. Most students recently use the computer in the wrong ways. They depend on it excessively. Looking for information, they normally ...

Nice job! I can tell you are working hard to improve your English. I'm glad you are participating here.

:-)

Writing Feedback / Online Education Myths, peer review assignment [4]

1.) The writer argues that people should not judge an online program as though it is inferior to a traditional classroom. "The key to obtaining an online degree that will be accepted by employers is accreditation."

2.) The writer points out that excellent mentoring and communication can take place in either kind of classroom, and that whether online or face to face, the communication varies. This is convincing, because the student addresses counter-arguments and dispells them.

3.) The author should describe some of the methods used in online classes to reproduce attributes of face to face interaction, such as discussion forums, real-time chats, and even video conferencing.

4.) At the end of the first paragraph, I thought the essay was going to be about accreditation. I think one more sentence should be added to the end of that first paragraph to tell the reader that it is accreditation (rather than online vs. face to face) that matters and that people should make their decision based on quality of instruction rather than delivery format.

I think the writer should acknowledge that preference is just as important as quality. Some people might prefer face to face experiences.

5.) None that I am aware of! :-)
6.) Extensive research queries is represent the key to ensur e that the selected post secondary institution will provide a legitimate, accredited degree that will be useful in a future career field.

Graduate / One page essay explaining why you are requesting reevaluation [5]

Ha ha, yeah, I think nobody messes up the English language as much as I do in these threads...

:-)

Research Papers / Global Warming: Myth or Reality? Help with outline. [2]

milliard million


I think it'll sound more serious if you write left-wing instead of lefty-wing

As the essay begins, you establish yourself as a conservative thinker, so the conservative readers will think they already know what you mean and the liberals will automatically disagree with you. You can have more credibility if you talk in terms of facts rather than trying to make your argument while simultaneously making a liberal vs. conservative argument.

crazed environmentalists-- again, you seem too judgmental, and this makes you seem less credible. It's as though your political views make it so that you never even consider the possibility that global warming could be real. You write about Y2K and the Antarctica example as though they prove that global warming is a myth... but you can't say that past shams prove current issues to also be shams.

However, there is some very good evidence to support your argument. Nevertheless, when you say something like "crazed environmentalist" you do not seem objective.

I don't know how much truth there is to the global warming idea... I tend to be skeptical... but I would not talk as though I felt confident in my assessment. I'm not qualified! But, I am objective. So... it is better to be more professional and less caustic, I think, when you make this kind of argument. People who want to be taken seriously have to write in a way that shows they have an objective view.

It seems like this: obviously we know some people will try to take advantage of a scare like global warming and seek some of the money going around. Also obviously, we know it can't be good for us to spew all sorts of emissions into the atmosphere as though no harm can come from it. We don't have all the necessary information to determine if the "globe is warming," so we should make arguments based on open-minded consideration rather than making it a matter of personal politics. I think you should remove the references to left and right and try to show that you considered all the evidence.

:-)

Graduate / SOP for PhD. in printing or specifically printed electronics - Feedback/Comments [4]

To make my mark in this exciting arena, I feel the need of having to have professional qualifications and training to enable me to carry out quality research; this remains my primary reason for opting for a PhD in this field. --- i fixed the awkward part, but I still think you waste some words here. It is not really saying anything... Try this:

If I am to make my mark on this exciting arena, I feel the need of having professional qualification and training to enable me to carry out quality research; this remains my primary reason for opting for a PhD in this field. need to experience the [name a resource] at [name of school]. I need to discuss electronic engineering with professor XXXXX... etc. Say specific things instead of general things, like "professional qualification and training" too general.

Talk about this particular school, and your various interests, especially interests related to this field of printed electronics.

Here is an idea:
The part of the world where I come from, a Advanced higher education is a scarce amenity in [name of country], and I noticed in recent years that no institution in this country currently offers a specialized degree in the field of printing or printed electronics.

:-) Printed electronics is an interesting choice! Thanks for helping me learn about a new subject.

Letters / International Affairs Department, Correct My Reference Letter.. [6]

...since her entry to our university in the 2006 Academic Year. She was in three of my classes: xxx, xxx, and xxx.

In addition, she was lecture assistant in the subjects xxx, xxx and xxx. Being a student activist gives reflects her high maturity, good leadership, managerial skill, and easily versatility in adapting to new environments.

Based on her experiences, academic report, and highly motivated I believed that she could be successful while taking her education in Women University (what is the name of the University? is it really called Women University?), which has a good environment for research and exploration. and finish her research on scheduled with a good result.

:-)

The other letter is good, but I think you should put 2 of the 3 paragraphs together as one. You can decide which two paragraphs to put together. It is not very important. These letters are both well-written.

Essays / Living at home and living away from home [15]

Most y oung people think...

people get higher mental health scores if they lived in their family home--- excellent point!! This is a high quality essay.

Here is another inappropriate capital letter:
to obey rules; your parents will ...

I like your phrase "parent-free environment"

Ha ha, I really enjoy reading this... your writing style is excellent:
You have almost everything you need at home; furthermore, your mother usually does all the housework, at least of the common areas, and organizes everything; consequently you will have more free time for studying or just going out with your friends and having fun.

Nice job, please check out essayforum.com/ef-contributor-page/

Writing Feedback / Computer based Instructions ! Good or bad. [4]

Yes, good corrections here. You have some options:
Computers represent one of the...
or
The computer is one of the...

An let's use a hyphen (-)
Computer-based instructions in colleges are...

And keep it plural:
Computer-based instructions in colleges are one some of the current ...

In addition to this, computer-based instructions have also provided people an opportunity to study despite their difficult circumstances -- people who are at distant locations, have less time, are starting a family, and many other such people who can't come to the campus for the class.

Undergraduate / Entrance of Pharmacy School Essay (need to make briefer) [6]


Yes! You are ready to catch the trick of good writing. You need to have a PURPOSE for what you are writing. A famous essay by Thoreau is not something he tried to muster up to accommodate an essay prompt; he had something he wanted to say! So, you must begn with something you WANT to say.

I look to see your purpose, "My goal is to continue my role in the field of pharmacy by advancing my studies so that I am able to serve more." ... but this is not a goal... this is just a general direction. Your goal is probably fascinating. What is important, what do you want to achieve as a professional?

You have to decide what you want to do with life... think big. When you have an inspired idea, it'll be easy to write an essay about it. Even if your real goal has little to do with pharmacy... let the reader in on your secret, your vision for the future.

Undergraduate / Admission Appeal - NUS for Information System course [4]

Don't forget that college is a business, and they have other considerations besides whether or not you deserve to get in. If this does not work out, don't let it slow you down! Get into some other school and keep going.


Here, is this 1,000 characters? I see that it is about 600 characters. it is impressive, and you should add a little more to it... make it succinct and powerful. Don't ask "why" but instead plead a case about the importance of what you are trying to do. Tell them about your vision for the next 5 years and what you hope to accomplish to help people in your field or in your country. Tell them about a mission you are on, and I bet they will accept you.

Undergraduate / Only by undergoing the trials and challenges of human affairs. [4]

XXXXX XXXXXX said, "Only by undergoing the trials and challenges of human affairs do we become strong and resilient." There is one... ---- tell who said this.

Take out the extra words:
There is o One childhood experience of mine which was impacted me deeply: ___________ (name of experience). It made me learn the importance of respect, tolerance, independent, confidence and so on.

Oh, do it like this! :-)

One childhood experience of mine which was impacted me deeply: When I was 13 I transferred my middle school from a small town to a big city, which is a two-hour drive far from my home and my family. It made me learn the importance of respect, tolerance, independent, confidence and so on.

Then, start paragraph 2:
I was supposed to make many new friends and have a ...

Writing Feedback / ESSAY - READING ENTERTAINMENT BOOKS INSTEAD OF EDUCATIONAL BOOKS - FEEDBACK [2]

Capitalize the titles of books.

If we are to compare the difference between the reading habits of today's students and that of 20 years ago, we can see stark differences. (can we use this line in context of this essay?-- Yes! Eve though the essay is not about comparing modern reading to reading from 20 years ago, it is still a good introduction to your topic, and it helps you to make your point.). Nowadays, students prefer reading entertainment books such as ...

(can we change this sentence, every time we say this line any better line?)
I see that you asked about using a different word, because you don't want to repeat "entertainment books" in every line. How about this:

Many people argue that students should focus on educational books rather than wasting time on reading entertainment books seeking to be entertained.
or... wasting time on fiction.

:-)

I think you should replace this with a sentence that tells something specific about those reasons... or lists them.
My opinion is based on several reasons.

Writing Feedback / SAT Essay: Are our decisions always limited by the rules of society? [3]

Thanks for teaching me a word that I had never seen before! chimerical
"Being" mucks it up at the beginning...
Being Freedom to make our own decisions in life has always been the dream of ...

You don't make many errors!!

...both the written rules of laws and the unwritten rules of society has have shown that people can do nothing but to comply with such rules of society.---- Yes, that is right. google around and find out what Thomas Hobbes said about the purpose of government. I think you'll really enjoy reading Hobbes after reading this book by Dumas.

Book Reports / Fences and Death of a Salesman Essay Pleae help me revise and edit this. [2]


I would take out some words:
"Attempting Success" in Fences and Death of a Salesman
If you use " " marks and italics, it will be clear and interesting. "Attempting Success" is the theme.

...strive to become successful while exhibiting through comparable motives and ideals. ----- "through" sounds like they "used" their motives and ideals to attempt success, but actually they were "exhibiting" these motives and ideals.

Use a comma for this compound sentence:
Willy's experience with achieving the American Dream is similar to Troy's will to survive struggle, because Troy tries to be on the same level as Whites by overcoming racial barriers.

Shave off the extra words:
Both plays, Death of a Salesman and Fences are similar to each other because they...

:-) Good theme! I think it will get a good grade, but it depends on how picky the teacher is.
Decide whether or not to capitalize "white" and be consistent.
Make it so that you are never just saying "the issues portrayed in both of these plays parallel each other." Instead, change those general sentences to express your argument. You are arguing that they share a fundamental commonality: a desire to a break free of all that constrains and limits them.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 : Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. [9]

Well, you can enhance the structure a lot by adding a sentence or 2 to the first and last paragraph. This is where to give the essay its meaning. Tell the reader what it all means by adding a sentence to the end of that first paragraph. Then, repeat the same idea in the conclusion paragraph. The meaning you add in the intro and conclusion will extend to the whole essay.