Book Reports / How to see the themes in a text & write a Rogerian-style letter to the Author [6]

The first thing to do is make sure you "get" it. The rogerian technique is based on showing understanding and appreciation for your opponent's position. If I were you, I would read several analyses of this story by Snyder, and see what his argument seems to be.

Like your instructions say, use the first half of this to express HIS "argument." That is how to start.

When you have done that, post it here, and we'll see about the rest of it. Don't feel overwhelmed! This is the way to enjoy literature.

Google this: Rogerian argument

Grammar, Usage / English sentence, does this make sense? [10]

I hope this is not about a feud between essayforum members!


I think the s stands for a word that begins with s!!! :-)

So, the correct way might be like this:
You can't talk s to my face, and you don't even have the audacity to reveal your name. on here.

Essays / Cause and effect of financial essay, brainstorm [4]

Yes, the question is unclear, probably because the word "problems" is missing.

Cause and Effect of Financial Problems

It seems like you have some great ideas already. Problems can result from the economy of society, the person's background and education, or even specific factors such as addiction to drugs or gambling, compulsive shopping, etc.

In my case, financial problems are caused by my pathological optimism.
:-)

Speeches / Moby Dick speech; Compare Ishmael's morbid thoughts upon entering the chapel [3]

Here are some articles for you to enjoy!

Melville, Darwin and the Great Chain of Being; Studies in American Fiction, Vol. 28, 2000 ------------------especially this one

Ahab and the Glamour of Evil: A Burkean Reading of Ritual in 'Moby Dick.'; Papers on Language & Literature, Vol. 33, 1997

Peretz, Eyal. Literature, Disaster, and the Enigma of Power: A Reading of 'Moby-Dick.'; Studies in the Novel, Vol. 38, 2006 129+

Moby-Dick and Schopenhauer; International Fiction Review, Vol. 31, 2004

Research Papers / how can teacher help educate parents in poverty [4]

I'm not sure I understand your topic. It makes a few ideas come to mind for me:

Teachers need parents to be involved with education, because research shows that parental involvement improves student outcomes.
Parents with financial difficulty sometimes are afraid to be involved, because they may fear that others will judge them.
Ethnic minorities make up a large portion of those living in poverty, and their cultural barriers may prevent them from getting involved.
Economically disadvantaged parents often feel that the students should be learning less of the traditional curriculum and more practical skills to help them survive.

Writing Feedback / A woman's place should be in home? [8]

This trend is not only restricted to the rich families where the women do not need to work because they already have enough money to cover for their family's everyday needs, but is ...

Add one more sentence to the end of the first paragraph to tell the theme for the essay.

Separate this into 2 sentences:
The reasons for this trend may involve the recognition that there are so many things for women to do after they get married, particularly for those who decide to have babies. Raising children, taking care of the family, and keeping the house clean all is very tiring and time consuming.


What if the man likes to take care of the baby and the women is making a career as a physician or a politician? In this essay, you still seem to embrace a world view that is oppressive to women. The 21st century understanding is that women and men both might like to spend some time at home and both might like to have a career.

Poetry / Idle musings of a museless idler. [2]

First stanza: awesome
Second stanza: simplistic, but refreshingly simple, like a haiku
Third stanza: "I Hated Grapefruits" seems like a big step up from " "I never really liked grapefruits." It seems like if you are going to upgrade from never really liked to "hate" it should be part of the central meaning of the poem.

he would use all of the sugar up every last bit of it in his grapefruit and then i'd be too
embarrassed to get more.--- I wonder why you would be embarrassed to get more sugar after he used it all up. If you were the only one using sugar, maybe you could feel embarassed, but... he is the one who should have felt embarrassed for using it all!


Is this because your father wanted you to be an engineer but you defy him because you resent him for making you eat grapefruit?

:-)

Writing Feedback / "How people look, dress & act reveals their attitudes and interests" -GRE ISSUE [5]

I'll add a few words and one comma:
People's appearance, such as looks, style of dress, and actions, can reveal their attitudes and interests.----> this makes it clearer.

Therefore, the appearance and behavior only represent the tip of the iceberg, and hence could should not be overrated when evaluating a society's value and ideas. ---- this is a great sentence! Great insight.

Your topic sentences are excellent. This writing is of a high quality, very impressive. Even though Zhiyang Zheng found lots of ways to criticize, he is using a very high standard to judge your writing. I think it is already quite good!! I hope you both -- Zhiyang Zheng and Yang -- check out essayforum.com/ef-contributor-page/

Writing Feedback / Take caution (one important aspect of your character) [2]

No need for drastically here, because it has no meaning in the sentence:
Time drastically came to a halt as I fought...--- "suddenly" would work, though.
I took out an unnecessary comma, too.

Whenever you put 2 complete sentences together as a compound sentence, use a comma:
The smell of chlorine surrounded me, and I knew I was in heaven.

The only rule my parents told me I couldn't do was -----do you see the problem here?
The only rule my parents told me I had to follow as that I couldn't do was go over to the deep end without my floaty.

...water filled my mouth and engulfed lungs. ---engulfed means so surround something, which is a little different from filling something.

alright, you are illustrating that you really understand powerful narrative writing... BUT, that is not really what they ask you to do! " Illustrate one important aspect of your character"

Can you cut out half of this material to make room for some sentences about how this reflects some aspect of your character/personality?

Writing Feedback / TOEFL:People enjoy change.others like their lives to stay the same [5]

If we compare those two approaches of life we find that there are a lot of reasons which lead people to choose one or the other of them.

They are always seeking to something new.

Here is another way to write this sentence:
The other kind of person likes life to stay the same, because this person has some fears.

Personally, I think changing and trying new experiences is better that keeping things in our lives as they are. ---Excellent sentence!!

Changing allows people to broaden they knowledge and their skills in life .

Poetry / A poem about an unhappy woman [4]

cut off my vein, my eyes won't close--- no need for the word "off"

I think this definitely is good. You have the most important insight about writing poetry. I see that you have the insight that is all about freeing your mind to express what is in the subconscious, the stuff beneath the surface.

All you need now is to complete the trick, express your real idea. At the end of the poem, refer again to the way light never existed and what that means. OR you can refer again to some other point from the beginning of the poem, and help the reader understand the main idea, that single truth that is central to the meaning of the poem. What is it?

Writing Feedback / ielts:role of computers in education [4]

...role in children's education.

Firstly, they prepare a friendly atmosphere in class. Secondly, they not only teach but also they try to be students' second family.

Importantly, a good teacher can be even a role model for a child. --- good sentence!

Capitalize Internet: Using unlimited educational sources available in the Internet along with interactive CDs or games, nowadays teachers can effectively manage how to transfer educational material to their students to have an enjoyable educational process with a long-lasting result. in particular. Good! This is because digital technology can provide experiences that are memorable.

In conclusion, since computers are going to find their real places in modern education, in my opinion, it is expected that the current educational system would change in these upcoming years to a technology-oriented system.

Good! Yes, teachers now must teach about the technology.

Undergraduate / "definition of art", Statement of Purpose for transfer art student [3]

Use a comma:
Many answers popped up , but one definition baffled me - "the creation of beautiful or significant things."

...not all art is beautiful.---- well there is a kind of dark beauty that is available in portrayals of terrible things. They have intrinsic beauty as reality's imagery, as terrible as they may be.

Another problem with your argument is that the definition you cited says "or significant" so you cannot accuse the writer of the definition of saying art has to be pretty. However, you are still making a meaningful point here! I think it is okay this way, despite that little issue.

Undergraduate / Oakland University Writing Center [4]

...on the blank document of Microsoft Word. I was thinking that about which place I will choose as a focus for the profile I am about to write.

This room was different than from other rooms; it was distinguished by its ____________________. They also posted paintings drawn by students from OU's Art studio. (Now add one more sentence to complete this first paragraph. Make it a sentence that mentions the main theme of the whole essay.)

First, consultant reads aloud through the paper. The writer and the consultant both ...

(Add a topic sentence for this paragraph to introduce the quote.) "The OUWC helps both strong and struggling students benefit from collaboration as they seek to draft, organize, and revise their compositions. Their consultants

...

For this lavish support of consultants, students do not need to pay anything except their attention during session and in preparation of their assignment. ---- great sentence!

Some times when a student writes nothing or writes something in their language which cannot be understood by the tutor, it feels so bad for tutor. In this situation the consultants could not help that student. Ashley Liening is an ...

...which she gets as consultants in the writing center.--- This ending seems abrupt. Do you want to add a conclusion paragraph?

You seem to have worked very hard to perfect your writing.

Undergraduate / Describe a person who has had an influence in you (my tuition teacher) [5]

Use a comma:
All my classmates would be scoring full marks or close to it, but my score would be barely reaching the pass mark.

Even till today, I still admire her time management. She had to look after her family, her career, and her process of upgrading herself. even in her forties.

I am sure I can be the kind of person who makes a difference in the life of someone else.
Good! Make that last paragraph a little longer.

Writing Feedback / Response to Scholarly Reading of Paulo Friere's "Banking" Concept of Education [3]

In my school years in India, I felt like I was in one a kind of prison which controlled my thoughts, and my interfered with my clarity of mind.

I was thinking, Is this possible for me? Can I observe the same as Newton?--- What do you mean? You want to be as observant as Newton? You should add one more sentence to help clarify what you mean.

Okay, I love it! This is a very thoughtful essay. I think you should change the way you do the first paragraph break, though:
In my school years in India, I felt like ... and understand the rule." I was shocked that I could not think on that. Why can I not ask questions? --- I think all of this should be one paragraph, and then you should start paragraph 2:

After some time I got used to ...

Student Talk / Kevin's Collection of Example Essays -- "good structure" [11]

I also wanted to share this great set of explanations for why it is often better to write the introduction last:
https://essayforum.com/grammar-13/know-paraphrasing-start-introduction-15717/

Grammar, Usage / "what do we have to know about paraphrasing?" - HOW TO START AN INTRODUCTION [6]


Great advice, Kate! That's also why I don't really like it when kids have to start with an outline and stick to it. It is fine to use an outline, but the writer has to be able to change it while working on the project.


Yep, this is an important concept we are discussing here. I'll link people to this thread so they can learn from it:

Research Papers / Research Proposal and Using Instrument not been Validated or Tested Reliable. [7]

I found an example of someone who created his own instrument. This is unrelated, but it might give you ideas:
Mckelvie, S. J. (2006). Attitude toward capital punishment is related to capital and non-capital sentencing. North American Journal of Psychology, 8(3), 567.

If your tool is very popular among health care professionals, it is at least somewhat established. So, I bet it will be great...

Writing Feedback / Is Technology changing the world for better? [4]

to lead a live where we know when we have a sufficient amount of material comforts. material is always sufficient . However,the variety and complexity of the technology create an unlimited possibilities of changing the bad to the good -- though it can also change the good to the bad.

Use capital letters:
was seen in the World War Two.

By comparison,any benefits from this military success can easily be neglected.
--- this sentence is not clear. Will you try to write it again with different words? If you explain what you mean, maybe we can help.

:-)

Writing Feedback / DREAM BRING ME TO ANOTHER WORLD [4]

She was right to say that, because it applies in many situations in real life. But there are some strange matters in this life which science still isn't able to explain.

Intuition is an example to prove that. For me, dream deprives from both myself and environment.---- I don't know what you mean by this? The dream does what? Separates you from the environment?

Dreaming helps me not only deprive series of suffering mental breakdowns but also contact with another aspect of life which I couldn't control it.----Oh, you are using "deprived" in the wrong way. Find the perfect word to use instead of deprive.

The way to use deprive is like this: "Don't deprive me of this opportunity!"

When I dream, I don't think I am dreaming, but instead that is real -- my real life.

You can use although or but, but not both:
Although I still remember what happens in my real life, but real life sometimes becomes incorrect in my dream.
or
Although I still remember what happens in my real life, but real life sometimes becomes incorrect in my dream.

Over two years, I dreamed of him. He smiled with me and ask me: "Where is my striped shirt?" A long time passed by from the day my father said goodbye in real life.

In my dreams, my father was never dead. He was happy to meet me. He acted as if he wanted me that he is always beside me.

enternet Internet

Life has many wonderful things and dreams also have wonderful things.

I think you should look for No Death, No Fear by Thich Nhat Hanh
It made me feel better!

Undergraduate / commerce supplemental --what is leadership? [3]

...the ideal place because I have the leadership skills needed to be a leader.--- this part needs to be revised to say something more interesting.

Also, I was thinking that it might be good for you to google around about definitions for leadership and styles of leadership. There are several: charismatic, servant, transformational, director, etc... If you mention 1 or 2 concepts from leadership theory it will be impressive! Google this:

leadership styles
leadership definition

For Pattison, yes, it might be too short. Add a few sentences about how you will apply the same principles in your work as an entrepreneur.

Having taken six business courses in high school in the last four years has sparked my interest for having a career related to business. I have taken ....---- I got rid of that unnecessary phrase.

i was just wondering if i should leave this part...Or does it sound ok if its like that? ---- I think it will be better if you can say it in half the amount of words, cutting out all that is not necessary so that you do not spend too much time with it.

Writing Feedback / Toefl integrated essay：Were there life-form on Mars？ [4]


Good example!
These have slightly different meanings, though!! If you say it completely refutes the passage, it sounds like it completely disproves the passage. However, if you say the lecture departs from the reading, it sounds like the lecture only contradicts the reading.

The reading passage offers three evidences that life-forms have existed on Mars。The lecture completely refutes the passage.

Secondly，the lecturer believes that the ... --- I changed it to lecturer, because a lecturer is a person. A person can believe, but a lecture cannot believe.

special chemical compounds found on Mars, maybe formed by volcanic explosions on ...

Thirdly，while the reading points to grains and bacteria that have been found on Mars，the lecture ...

:-)

Undergraduate / How to start a Letter of Appeal (so that it's not over dramatic)? [10]


I would get rid of this part, because Asia and Europe comprise so much... it makes your sentence too general.

In addition to the fact that UC Irvine is closet to my parents, another advantage is that many of my family members reside nearby and will be a great support system for me.

I think you should divide up that first paragraph:
I am interested in international business culture, and I am always ready to see the global business in a different perspective. (add some sentences that establish the main idea that you want the reader to remember about your essay, and then end the paragraph.

(start a new paragraph)
I am driven and motivated to try...----> this makes a good topic sentence for the paragraph.

This is just the idea that came to mind for me! You may think of something better!

Book Reports / Mercutio as a foil to Romeo [5]

The diversity between Mercutio and Romeo emphasizes Romeo's defects of impatience and dreamer mentality that result in grief and suicide.
--- I think you are using diversity when you should be using "contrast."

You know, the easy way to tighten it up is to just add a sentence to the end of every paragraph -- a sentence that tells how the topic of the paragraph supports your thesis argument.

Writing Feedback / "Preventing Herpes" - Current Issue in Public Health using an article about health problem [9]

I think this should be two sentences instead of one:
Herpes is one of the most co mmon sexually transmitted diseases. It is not curable and could affect one of every six Americans.

It is great, but I don't think you should burden the reader's attention with so much information in the first paragraph. Give just a few sentences of introduction in the first paragraph, and save all that information for paragraph 2. Paragraph 1 should tell the main ideas of the essay.

I have three recommendations for further action on herpes. Ind ividuals should be tested if they are sexually active, not spread sexually transmitted diseases, and know the signs and symptoms of sexually transmitted diseases. ---- I changed this so that it'd be clearer.

Undergraduate / NUS Discretionary Admission Essay -Japanese Language [7]

Yes, it's excellent! You should feel confidant about your writing. In fact, because you already write well, it is time to start being artistic about how you lead the reader's attention. Let's work with these two sentences:

I have always had a keen interest in the Japanese culture.
I also participated in a local immersion program at the Waseda Shibuya High School.

These are plain and boring, so it is possible to use an artful technique to enliven them. Google this: literary devices list

If you enhance these sentences, the whole essay will be enhanced. Enjoy it though, because you already have an impressive essay.

Scholarship / An exceptional achievement, essay for NUS undergrad scholarships [3]

...on look out for opportunities. --- I really like your use of this phrase. It could be like a theme for the whole essay. It appears at the end of the first paragraph, so it will linger in the reader's mind a little betwen paragraph 1 and paragraph 2.

Maybe you can use this phrase again near the end of the essay, too.

...I was also able to utilize my intellectual capabilities since I was not being spoon-fed by the teachers as I was had been in school.

My SRP project was also shortlisted for...---- maybe in this paragraph, you can add something more about staying on the lookout for opportunities.

Nice job! This is already a great essay.

Book Reports / Help on revision for "Hills Like White Elephants" [2]

"in one short story."--I don't know if you can encompass something into something...so, I would change this to "in"

That first paragraph should probably have one more sentence added to the middle somewhere... a short one that adds a little "definition" or sharpness to the theme you are introducing.

Hemingway symbolically utilizes the white elephant as a metaphor for the unborn baby and to describe the lives of Jig and the American.

Hey, you support the thesis very well! I like your approach a lot. When I go back and read the first sentence of each paragraph, the essay's structure is easy to appreciate.

Nice job! Please check out

essayforum.com/ef-contributor-page/

Fix this:
...and dry" (612).

Essays / Need Help on Term Paper Outline on Post 9/11 Discrimination [3]


It's so broad! I hope you narrow the scope in a fascinating way. How about discrimination against Arabs in a particular city? Or focus on a particular kind of discrimination.

For the last paragraph, zero in on your chosen theme, the one you use to narrow the focus. Will you be interviewing people? That would be interesting.

Book Reports / English essay about "Tomorrow when the war began", first paragraph help [2]

This is disorganized. The first two sentences are confusing. In the first sentence, you refer to the novel, and in the second sentence you name it... it confused me! I think you should name the novel in the first sentence.

... is about Ellie which is the main charter, Ellie and her friend Corrie oranized the trip...---- this is a run on sentence! You should separate them:

is about Ellie which is the main charter. Ellie and her friend Corrie oranized the trip. Robyn is a very ...---- but this still has a problem because you keep talking about different things. You should not summarize the story in the first paragraph of the essay. Instead, use the first paragraph to discuss a theme of the story or the theme of your essay about the story.

Then, write a topic sentence for each paragraph. Google this: good topic sentences

:-)

Scholarship / Sports Scholarship Essay (What does basketball mean for me?) [4]

A mere kid' s game, or something more?
...racing through basketball courts , donning jerseys and feeling the euphoric satisfaction from scoring. ...

Hey, this would be a good theme for the essay: rebounding from failure
That is a cool use of the word rebound... resilience with a basketball theme.

This is really thoughtful and nice. I think that long paragraph needs to be divided into a few smaller ones, though.

Do they want you to use this title, What does it mean to me?" ... I think that seems really cliched and cheesy. If you are allowed to express it in different word, you should probably do so. "What it means to me" seems like a little kid essay. :-)

Writing Feedback / The Reverse Culture essay [5]


So far it seems like you are saying something reasonable.


I think you mean that the truth you express has absolute value absolute validity that cannot be measured or judged in an appropriate way. That's true, too. When we teach composition, we are committing a necessary evil. It's just like when the Kung Fu master that tells the student to stand this way and kick that way. It is not always good to stand this way and kick that way, but we have to teach the basics.


Yes, if you want to write composition with what teachers call "good structure" it helps to have awareness of the way topic sentences work. You, Rajiv, understand why topic sentences can be useful, so you are able to go beyond them. You are like Bruce Lee, who was a student of Wing Chun, and he realized that the forms constricted him. In his mastery, he abandoned all form and created Jeet Kune Do, a formless martial art.

Your writing is formless, like good brush calligraphy and good Judo.

Another example of writing like that is The Catcher In The Rye.


Yes, and this is good to do if you are using proprioceptive writing or some other form of therapy... but when you create your art, you get to choose how to present it so as to have a particular effect on the reader. What if you express yourself without being constrained at all, but then it makes it hard for the reader to understand?

Yes, it would reflect a lot of things, and it would be meaningful. But what are you getting at? Is this a continuation of that discussion about whether I am doing a disservice to students by encouraging them to constrain their writing by conforming to the "rules" of composition?

Undergraduate / NUS Discretionary Admission Essay -Japanese Language [7]

While most of my classmates picked up the language mainly due to their desire to better understand/ enhance their enjoyment Japanese Manga or drama serials, my main motivation is a genuine--- this part might reflect negatively on you, because it's presumptuous to assume their motives were superficial. I think you can write this sentence in a better way if you don't compare yourself with them, but instead describe yourself as one person among those who really appreciate the Japanese language and culture.

There is no need to capitalize language when you write Japanese language.

The impeccable service I experienced in Japan were in contrasts sharply against what I usually experienced back home. It piqued my interest, and I was motivated to find out ...

Wow... you know what? I just read through the first one, and I really like it's clarity. I like the very straightforward, natural way you wrote it. You should use the first one, but divide that long paragraph into 2, and cut out 1 or 2 sentences to make it more powerful and concise.

:-)

Undergraduate / Select 3 words that describe you best and how it contributes community ESSAY [5]

This year is my third year in a row of being in a new environment and place . During my senior year of high school, I went to ...

Currently, I am studying at Michigan State University continuing my bachelor's degree. My life has been very different and interesting past years and I learned about a lot of things, including my own characteristics. One characteristic ...

No matter in which environment surrounded me, inquisitiveness, tolerance and courage helped me to become interesting and helpful part of society.

the content is excellent! The ideas are excellent. I like the words you chose. The only errors are minor ones that do not detract from your clarity or impressiveness. Like this:

Many famous people who have left their own marks on history had a quite a bit of courage along with a talent either to invent, surprise, amaze or entertain people.

These are small errors; you write very well!!

Dissertations / PhD research topic in social entreprenuership [4]

Well, before you propose something, you need to get everyone on the same page by reviewing some literature. I think your proposal will need to include a review of literature, right? By reading things other people have written -- such as sustainability models others have written for India's rural regions -- you will see what you agree with and what you disagree with. That way, you will know how your ideas fit in with the scholarly discourse about this subject.

Also, be reading what other scholars have suggested in their articles, you will learn how to put your ideas in the form of research.

If you read 10 research studies about this topic, you'll know how you want your study to look compared to theirs.

Also, google this:
Research design types

You will have to learn about all of them and choose one. A good one would be a case study design, because you could use case studies to show sustainability models that worked in other parts of the world.

:-)

Undergraduate / Need help in proofreading my essay to enter a fashion school. [3]


I think that is the usual amount of time, isn't it? This sentence seems sort of pointless. The first few lines are intriguing, and that long sentence is very eloquently written! But then we get to this pointless sentence which seems like it really is a lead in for the sentence that follows it... I guess I think this sentence is actually supposed to say something else; what do you really mean to say in this sentence?

Also, that mention of "change" in the first line remains like a "loose end" to tie up. You should use the word change at least 1 or 2 more times in the essay.

You really have excellent detail throughout the essay, and the writing is great. My only ideas for you are these above.

:-)

Student Talk / Kevin's Collection of Example Essays -- "good structure" [11]

No, it's not necessary. Some beautiful pieces of writing are disorganized rants and strange streams of consciousness meandering in all directions. In fact, what made classical essays so special always involved this freedom an essayist has to wander and experiment, taking chances and challenging the reader to follow along.

However, if you are learning composition in your English class, a good way to get an A is to put that thesis statement in the last sentence of the first paragraph.

Can any of you think of a reason why that spot at the end of the first paragraph is so significant?

Book Reports / Jake Barnes in Hemingway's "The Sun Also Rises" [2]

No need to capitalize the word life in that first line.

Hey, this is a pretty excellent essay. The thesis statement you give is supported nicely in the discussion at the conclusion. "But according to Hemingway, he must heal himself completely for the hurt to even have been worth the pain it caused."--- This point is very well-articulated.

Right here, you give what is supposed to be a topic sentence for paragraph 2, and it is supposed to support your thesis statement, but actually you are starting to retell the story:

While in war, Jake Barnes suffered a battle wound to the groin that rendered him impotent. The woman he loves, Brett Ashley, loves him, but understandably does not want to pursue a more...--- You are summarizing parts of the story rather than supporting your thesis. I think you should change these paragraph 2 opening sentences so that they introduce the paragraph as an example of support for your thesis argument. For example:

We know that Hemingway wants to show Jake as an example of an exemplary human, and this is an important part of how Hemingway uses Jake to demonstrate to the reader the importance of healing. While in war, Jake Barnes suffered a battle wound to the groin that rendered him impotent. The woman he loves, Brett Ashley, loves him, but understandably does not want to pursue a more serious romantic relationship with him because of his-shall we say, handicap. This emotional hurt is likely far more devastating to Jake than his physical hurt. But, as Hemingway's exemplar, Jake suffers with dignity and grace...

Above, I mentioned that thesis argument (in bold) so that the paragraph would clearly be supporting the thesis.

I hope that helps you to improve your structure. Google the term topic sentence. That is how I think you can improve. However, your structure is excellent in the sense that the discussion at the end focuses on the point you made in the thesis statement.

Nice job! I'm going to link people to this as an example of an essay with good structure and a good, clear thesis statement.

:-)