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Posts by nuni11
Name: Sri Yunita
Joined: Jan 5, 2016
Last Post: Feb 21, 2016
Threads: 33
Posts: 30  
From: Indonesia
School: State University of Makassar

Displayed posts: 63 / page 2 of 2
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nuni11   
Jan 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Air Circulation System and Heat Depletion Process in The House [2]

The diagram illustrates the air circulation which occurs in 2-floors housing. According to the diagram, the fresh air mostly comes through the second floor while the high temperature is cool off as the waste air goes out.

The air circulation system consists of two different process, which are the air leak and the heat depletion. The diagram indicates that the air generally coming from the window or the small space in the door. In addition, the fan ventilation in the kitchen pushes the air from the outside into the house. Also, electrical outlet extends the path in which the air leaking into the house. Meanwhile, in the downstairs, the cool breeze seeps through dryer ventilation, small window, or even a slight gap on the basement for the flow of outlet faucet.

Turning to the loss of warm temperature, when the fresh air from outside breaks through the house, it forces the heat and other energy waste to go out. It passes by the ceiling or the hatch in the attic and drifts out of the house. As a result, the thermal will be exchanged by the refreshing air.



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nuni11   
Jan 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / The society should provide appreciation for doctors although also inventors are very important [4]

... human's life since it isalways becomes one of people's rights(...)some professions such as doctors has been assumed have a crucial role(...)although there is another people who brings the significant(...)

...health aspect, the government and citizens just(...)The main reason is todayIt is due to the reason that there are doctors (...)operate a device that someone else produces.
nuni11   
Jan 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Advanced technologies and idleness of parents. Having a Healthy Lifestyle in The Modern World [2]

SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT IN THE MODERN WORLD IT IS VERY DIFFICULT FOR PEOPLE TO HAVE A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE. OTHERS, HOWEVER, SAY THAT IT IS EASY FOR PEOPLE TO BE HEALTHY AND FIT IF THEY WANT TO BE. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.

These days and ages, it is not easy to keep healthy way of life as the world is more developed. While others argue that a bad lifestyle of people is a result of sophisticated technology and the time spent by parents for their children, I utterly believe that keeping fitness is much easier if people want to change their habits.

A great number of people argue that as the technology developed, inhabitants tend to spend more time to stay in front of their belongings such as laptop, smartphone, or play station. An illustration for this, children who engaged in playstation spend their time, day and night, to complete the missions or quests from the game. As a result, teenagers tend to spend much more time in front of the screen than going to exercise. In addition, their parents have massive work to do and do not give much attention to their children so that they will eat unhealthy dishes more due to the fact that it is more simple to be prepared. It is thus clear that a healthy habit sometimes can be hard to achieved.

However, it does not mean that having healthy style of life cannot be achieved if people have a great desire to change their behavior. First and foremost, keeping body fitness can be afford by changing simple habits such as doing simple exercises like stretching or walking for couple minutes in the neighborhood which will give a lot of different results for their health. Also, in modern world, eating a balanced diet is easier as healthy restaurants and food can be found everywhere. In addition, parents can manage their time to care more about their children. Thus, having a healthy lifestyle can be afford if someone try to alter their lifestyle.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that while having a healthy way of life is influenced by the advanced technologies and idleness of parents, I believe that it can be acquired if someone switch their bad behaviors. The best solution for this will be parents spend more quality time for their children.
nuni11   
Jan 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Importance of both Schools and Parents in Children Lifestyle [2]

MANY CHILDREN THESE DAYS HAVE UNHEALTHY LIFESTYLE. BOTH SCHOOLS AND PARENTS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR SOLVING THIS PROBLEM.
TO WHAT EXTEND DO YOU AGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT?

At the present time, it assumed that there are a great number of teenagers who have unhealthy style of living. Although some people argue that both schools and parents play a huge role to settle the issue, I utterly believe that a measure should be taken by the government to overcome the problem.

The supporters of this notion argue that schools and parents have an important role so that the youngsters can have healthy style of life. First and foremost, schools should provide healthy environment which will make teenagers used to hygiene surrounding. To exemplify, the dishes which are sold in canteen are not in a good quality. As a result, students tend to eat instant food which contains MSG that can affect their fitness. Also, children usually learn unhealthy way of life from their family. An illustration for this, a father who smoke in the house will make his child tend to do the same act. In addition, it is parents obligation to provide a balance diet for their children than giving junk food from the restaurant. Consequently, both schools and parents share a collective responsibility to maintain youngsters healthiness.

However, the government also have a large duty to accommodate the area with essential health surrounding because the places such as hygiene restaurants or smoking areas can determine quality of life. For example, the government increase expenditure to construct some places so that the smokers do not harm the others with their smoke which will result in more clean air for everyone. It is thus clear that ensuring a healthy environment is needed for the residents.

To sum up, although unhealthy behaviors of children are affected by both schools and parents, I extremely agree that it is also the government duty to improve healthy environment so that all generations can life a healthy lifestyle.
nuni11   
Jan 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: The essential communication skills in people's job from 1997 to 2006 [2]

...listening to partnerships carefully to other parterns was the most essential...

Turning to communicate within society, 65% people ...

I think you should not use turning to here as you just begin your explanation. You can change it with "To begin" or "Moving to a more detailed analysis", for example:

Moving to a more detalied analysis, for communicate within society,
nuni11   
Jan 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Diagram Process of Wind Turbine and Its Optimum Locations [2]

The two diagram illustrate the way in which electricity can be generated by using wind turbine. According to the diagram, the process involves a structure that can be installed in three possible locations.

The machine consists of a high steel tower which is mounted to support the wheel. The blades of the wheel are made by using fiberglass or wood which are connected to generator and wind sensor to detect the speed and the direction of wind.

Moving to the machine process, the mechanism starts when a wind passes the blades and it rotates the circuit which turns the generators. At the same time, the sensor will identifies the acceleration of the wind and where it comes from. Then, it send the signal to computer in the control center. Following this, the computer can adjust the direction and the angle of the blades. As a result, the electricity-1.5 megawatts-can be produced from the machine.

The second diagram indicates three different places where the turbine is planted. The first area is on the hill where the wind strength is optimum. It also can be built as a domestic turbine for some houses tough the electricity, which is produced, is just 100 kilowatts. Another possible location is on the sea so that it does not harm the earth.



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nuni11   
Jan 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : THE ESSENTIAL SKILL IN JOB AS PER SURVEY [4]

..to the lowest in both of surveys ...

were still in the top five though there was an alteration formation between caring for costumers and knowing of a particular product

I think you should explain what kind of chance in the survey, is it increase or decrease. The same case happens in the next paragraph, you should make clear explanation about the five higer-ranks of abilities and the reverse. Another suggestion to explain this table is by analyzing the internal and external factorals of the skills.
nuni11   
Jan 20, 2016
Graduate / How to deal with the issues of flooding in the city. [2]

...the ability to quickly response quickly to these kinds

...what should city planners do to deal with this issue ?

...make more room for the grasslands and other plants

In addition to , I also putcome up with some suggestions

...the authorities of the city should timely inform all of the citizens frequently

...work out a set of detailed and available emergency plan to response to the extreme weather
nuni11   
Jan 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / A breakdown of English and French teachers selection in Ontario according to year of graduation [3]

The percentage of teacher recruitment based on year of graduation from 2001 to 2007

A breakdown of English and French teachers selection in Ontario according to year of graduation measured in the percentage from 2001 to 2007, a 6-year period, is presented in the line chart. Overall, it is noticeable that both occupations stood virtually the same. In any case, French-language teachers have the greatest percentage of recruitment in some years.

Moving to a more detailed analysis, 2001 saw nearly the same start for both subjects, English and French, at approximately 70% though there was a sharp fall for both job in the following year. However, in 2003, the recruitment of English teacher was predominantly undertaken by French teacher at about 40% and 68% respectively.

Turning to the next four years, the percentage of French teachers who have regular work increased considerably although there was a slight decrease by 2% in 2006, and it reached a peak of more than two fifth of the proportion. On the other hand, there was a gradual climb of English teacher selection until 2005. Afterwards, the hiring of English-language teachers hit a low of 18% in 2007. A more detailed look to the chart shows that the gap of teacher employment for both subjects was widened up.



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nuni11   
Jan 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / Communication skills survey, internal and external, in 1997 and 2006 [3]

A breakdown of two surveys' result of communication abilities which is required in the work measured in the percentage in 1997 and 2006 is presented in table. The most obvious piece of information is that based on the survey, listening carefully to the colleagues is the predominant skill which is needed within the company in both years. In any case, for the external factors, it is dealing with clients that plays a huge role.

To begin, according to the employees experiences, there were seven abilities which was necessary for the worker in internal communication for both 1997 and 2006. Listening to the other colleagues had a great proportion at 38% in 1997 and still became popular reason in the next nine year which increased by 8%. Although it was still immensely required in both years, instructing or training work's inhabitants and examining problems together were just 25% and 20% respectively which still had more than a quarter of proportion in 2006. Meanwhile, persuading others and arranging activities were just around a fifth and did not change much in the following year.

Turning to the external factors, dealing with people was really essential at approximately 60% for both years. Initially, knowledge of the companies' products was required in 1997 representing for three-fifth of the proportion and it was become more important in 2006. On the other hand, product sales and costumer services saw a slight decrease of proportion in the survey by 3%.



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nuni11   
Jan 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: The Importance of Inventors and Doctors in The Country [3]

Inventors are not as important to society as doctors.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?


In most countries, inventors do not have any significant role as much as doctors. Although doctors have predominant obligation to ensure citizen healthiness, inventors also have substantial duty to the nation.

It is evident that doctors have a great role and are imperative for the country. It is due to the reason that doctors' main job are to provide essential medical treatment for all citizens. An illustration for this, a surgeon need to perform accurate and efficient medical procedure in the surgery room which will increase the rating success of operation. Also, doctors also supply several vaccine to resist the disease. Consequently, this demonstrates the importance of doctors to accommodate an excellent healthcare for the residents.

However, it does not mean that the inventors should be completely neglected. First and foremost, the inventors are required in the country to improve the technology and preparing a better tools which will help inhabitants' daily activities. In addition, inventor also help the doctors to invent any sophisticated technology which will help the diagnosis. Furthermore, inventors have been discovered many inventions which become the reference for the doctors. As a result, inventors are also very useful for the country to formulate a better vaccine or medicine to prevent disease.

To conclude, although taking care of the residents' fitness is one of the doctors' responsibility and is extremely needed in a country, I strongly agree that the society also require inventors to accomplish some of new invention. The best solution will be the governments, doctors, and inventors share a collective cooperation to support the treatment for patients for a better future.
nuni11   
Jan 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / A breakdown of international trade of transports that use combination of both fuel and electricity [3]

At first glance(comma) it is evident that United State had the largest selling over the timeframe.

In the end of period, the total of conveyances rose sharply to 325,000.

I think you cannot use the word sharply here because it is not a large increase.

Overall, your essay is already good but my personal opinion, it is better if you devide the second paragraph so you have three paragraphs in total.
nuni11   
Jan 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / The number of the hybrid vehicles which sold increased dramatically - data for 2006-2009 [2]

...which sold increaseddramaticallyconsiderably .

...rose slightly.(use comma here, it is better to put this sentence as an explanation for the previous sentence )Begin with both area which stood at around 50,000 sales in 2006. In addition(comma )Japan...

Hi, riiskacha. I think your idea is good, but you have a problem to connect your overview and the body paragraph. Basically, you have to explain clearly to what you have write in the overview to the next body paragraph but I do not find any further explanation. For suggestion, you can add the total sales in 2006 and 2009 on your essay.
nuni11   
Jan 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: International Hybrid Machine Markets from 2006 to 2009 [2]

A breakdown of the international fuel and electricity machine markets in three different areas from 2006 to 2009, a 3-year period is presented in bar chart. Overall, it is immediately apparent that the total selling of the commodities increased twice as much as the first year during the period. In any case, US had the great number of transactions in the first three years before Japan passed the sales in the las year.

To begin, in 2006, total sales of the countries stood at 360.000 and were double to 740.000 in the period. On the other hand, US started just over 250.000 while Japan and other regions had the same trade at little bit over 50.000. During the next two years, US experienced a high of exactly 350.000 then dropped significantly by 40.000. However, although there was a considerable increase in the other two places, it reached approximately a hundred thousand sales until 2008.

Turning to the year 2009, the sales of hybrid transportation of US were predominantly undertaken by Japan at 280.000 and 335.000 respectively. As for the other regions, the total sales were still under 150.000.



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nuni11   
Jan 8, 2016
Scholarship / I need assistance correcting my response to the prompt what has most influenced me for the future [4]

Hi, bryan1996. Here is some corrections.

... risk their life by helping people get toto reach their destination...
I look up tonotice them and manymost of the timesthank them forI appreciate their service. InBy doing so, I show my appreciation forrespect to their work.

Another thingreason that indulges draws my interest ...

For this reason, I consider myself to be passion-driven
nuni11   
Jan 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / Who goes to bed most early and gets up sooner? Sleep Pattern of Five Different Occupations. [2]

The table gives information about the sleep schedule of inhabitants who work in five various fields based on a Canadian Study. Overall, every person has diverse sleep arrangement. In any case, both student and business executive sleep in consecutive hours, whereas truck driver, full-time mother, and doctor show the reverse.

Moving to a more detailed analysis, student spends bedtime for eight hours consecutively at midnight. Accounting for a slightly lower amount of hours for sleep, business executive sleeps from 11 p.m. until five in the morning, two hour less than student.

In contrast to this, the other three different professions have a broken sleeping patterns. By far, truck driver sleep schedule is divided into two groups of time for 3 hours each at seven until ten in the morning and at 4-7 p.m. Interestingly, full-time mother has similar total of bedtime with student at eight hours, even though the student's sleep arrangement is more considerable. At last, doctor has the least sleep time, solely five hours based on the research.



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nuni11   
Jan 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / It is choice of every person to enjoy their vacation; and traveling to new places is popular - why? [2]

Hi, andika06. Here is some correction to your essay.

inhabitants are interest to spend their vacation time to take a trip to many destinations which never they are visitedthey never visit before

There are some reasons why come coming to the new destinations(...) the great number of people who are curious is more likely curious to visit two or three places(...)try new kinds of traditional foods and snacks(...)because by visiting new tourism place we can obtain...

You already have great ideas according to the notion, but it is better if you put you position, wheter you agree or disagree, in the second body paragraph to oppose the previous argument.
nuni11   
Jan 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / Government Should Control Water Consumption - the utilizing of this resource is consumed excessively [2]

IELTS Task 2:
As water is a valuable resource, government all over the world should control how much water their citizens use.
To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?


Water always been an essential supply of human which is limited in some parts of the world. Although it is important for the government to watch closely upon their residents consumption of water, it is not urgent for them to limit the usage of water.

There is no doubt that the government should be aware of the amount of water which is used in their areas because the utilizing of this resource is consumed excessively. Taking Indonesia as an example, the growth of population affected in their consuming of water to the extent that the short of supply on the dam when it was a dry season which has resulted that some places cannot get enough water. It is thus clear that ensuring the consume of water so it is not immoderate is the government responsibility.

However, it does not mean that such rule should be apply widespread. Firstly, although more than two third of earth is water, some countries especially in middle-east do not get abundant amount of water, so cutting the stock in that places will only increase the suffering of the residents. Also, some places like India always experience the flood every year, but the other residences face the drought. In addition, water is one of the basic needs for human beings such as oxygen, so that controlling their consumption should not be done.

To conclude, the government should guarantee the water supply of their area without restricting the water supply. The best solution will be for the government provide water supply by managing the distribution where it is insufficient and it will available for all inhabitants.
nuni11   
Jan 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 : Staying healthy in this modern world becomes more and more difficult [2]

...recent inventions such as mobile phone and computer, give great contribution to people'sin degeneration health health degeneratiom . A 2011 recent Indonesian University study revealsIn 2011, study from Indonesian University reveals that more than 70% of people in Indonesia(...)This result in their health such as lack of of exercise and easy to suffer disease This habits, such as lack of excercise give impact to their health and it is easier for them to get sick.

it will be much better if people particularly workers consider of walking or riding bicycle instead use their cars.

You cannot put this on the body paragraph because the main idea of your paragraph is the reason why some people argue that being healthy is easy, while this sentence is kind of suggestion.

Also, you do not cover the requirement of the task. You have to state your opinion clearly to ensure that the last part of the question "...give your own opinion" is answered.
nuni11   
Jan 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF TOURISM ON THE DESTINATION COUNTRIES - statement verification [3]

Hi, Riiskacha03. Here is some suggestions.

... holidaymakers can preserve the local cultures and surrounding areas as the solution toward these problems.

As a result, there will be the improvement rise of the pollution and waste

You cannot use the word improvement because this word is used to describe when something is get better. Pay attention to your paraphrase because not all the synonym can be put in any sentence, the meaning could be different!

Also, I think it will be better if you give solution to the harmfull effects which you mention before, because you do not give any measure on some problems like pollution. How to reduce this?
nuni11   
Jan 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: The most important factors of happiness. Is it a job you love doing? [2]

Some people say that in order to be happy, you must have a job you love doing. Others say that others factors are more important.

Do you think that people can only be happy if they have a job they really enjoy?


It is presumed that being able to work in a place, which is parallel with your hobby, is the key of happiness. While some people define happiness based on their occupation, I extremely believe that there are other factors which play the main role in order to make someone joyful such as family and entertainment.

Those who support this notion argue that having hobby as a primary income is a great pleasure for everyone. It is due to the reason that the desire of their interest can meet with job satisfaction. Taking designers as an example, people who love to draw and design choose to enter fashion industry which results in they can get salary to meet their daily needs while doing the occupation which they love. It is thus clear that people can get double pleasure if they work of their hobby.

However, this does not mean that it is the only reason why someone can be ecstatic. First and foremost, family is a powerful source of joy. Being able to spent quality time with the member of family is more important and it will guarantee the joyousness because they can share their cheer experiences. Not only this, someone also can be elated by simple activity like entertainment. To illustrate, employees can enjoy their leisure time at home and watching television and it makes them pleased. Therefore, again, having a job you love is not the predominant factor of exaltation.

To conclude, it is evident that although inhabitants will be happy by working in their favorite area, I would claim that this is not the predominant factors which determine enjoyment. It is imperative for all human beings to find the significant cues of happiness not just dependence on one particular reason.
nuni11   
Jan 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / Modern parents should spend more times with their children and care for mutual communication. [3]

Hi, BlackNightmareZ. Here is some suggestions for you. Firstly, you can start your introduction in essay by using transition such as "these days", " nowadays", or maybe "at the present time". Also, pay attention to your idea, you can start by giving explanations about why parents have a busy schedule. Following this, you can start to give the effects of the issue for the children like crime rate which is increased among teenagers. Then, in the end of your essay you can suggest some solutions so that the problem that you mention can be solved.
nuni11   
Jan 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: travelling to a foreign country or watching documentaries? [4]

Some people say that you can learn more about another country by watching television programmes and films about it than by actually visiting it.
How true is this statement? Is there anything you can learn about another country by visiting it that you cannot learn by watching programmes and films about it?


A great deal of individuals assume that bylooking at television programmes or movies, tourists can acquire more information regarding foreign country. Although this is true to some extent since people can explore every spots in short time and with low cost, I utterly believe that learning from the locals is more better than just watching what the producers prepare for the audiences.

Supporters of this notion argue that international tourist can save time from long journey because there are many channels which provide knowledge about another country. For example, lots of TV's show offer traveling story of someone in different countries. Furthermore, it is believed by some that by staying at living room, they can get more knowledge without using any expense to reach the destination.

However, I believe there are number of reasons why this is not the right decision of action. Firstly, people do not get their own experiences just by watching the journey of the presenters. The audiences cannot feel the real environment and atmosphere by watching the films, this is due to the fact that the whole adventure is showed in one package of travelling. In addition, by coming to the place directly, visitors can get clear information about the area. Travelers also gain more facts about local culture and their social live.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that although watching the broadcast and cinema can minimize the time and the budget that people needs to discover about the destination country, I consider that local residents are a better source of information than the others. The best solution would be the government and producer of programs and films cooperate to promote their country so that it will attract the foreign tourist.

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