Writing Feedback / Toefl essay. Get up early or late - what would you prefer? [7]

Please revise my essay. I really need feedback to improve the writing skill.
I am not sure that this essay is logically written because i use examples to write three topic sentences which should be a definition. But, i try to use different ways of writing the essay.

Help me!

Thank you.

The question is that

Some people prefer to get up early in the morning and start the day's work. Others prefer to get up later in the day and work until late at night. Which do you prefer?

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

In my view, some people want to get up early in the morning and start the day's work in the hotel and some get up later in the day and start to work late at night in the night market. I prefer the first choice due to my status as father.

First, my sister, Pretty is a receptionist on day shift in the diamond hotel. To illustrate, she has to wake herself up at 4 am to cook food for breakfast because she must be at work at 7 am. Moreover, she does not have much time to watch TV or listen to the radio. She decides to spare time between bathing and eating for make-up which is important for people working as the receptionist in the hotel. Doing this job has an effect on her sleeping habit. She spends only five hours getting some sleep which normally takes eight hour on average.

Second, my aunt, Ann, is a street vendor who sells many things ranging from beef, pork and vegetable. To be specific, she wakes up at 2 pm to prepare goods ready before the beginning of the night market around 8 pm. Her son helps carry goods and put up a selling stall. After midnight, she and her son have to clear away the selling stall for tomorrow. This work causes her to have no time to raise and talk to her son.

Finally, I work as a teacher in a school because I have to take care of my daughter. In this case, I have much time after work to care for her. I always take her to a department store to buy toys and have dinner almost every day. The reason I can do these things is that I have the day's work; therefore, I have a good opportunity to play with my daughter.

Whether or not working in the morning or later at night is a choice depending on different circumstances. The job is one of the most important indicators influencing your getting up early or late every day. For me, it affects my decision on bringing up my lovely daughter.

Writing Feedback / I agree that people with hard work attitude are more important than ones with natural ability. Toefl [5]

Help me now. I really need feedback to improve the writing skill

I spent almost an hour to write it, which is not good. I think this essay is not logically written. but i certainly want some tips necessary when writing this kind of questions.

Thank you.

The question is that

Which is more important for success; the natural ability you are born with or hard work? Explain your opinion, using specific reasons and examples

I agree that people with hard work is more important than ones with natural ability. Working hard teaches them about patience towards problems regarding education, business and family. By working hard, people are able to get ahead in their life as do ones with natural ability.

Despite the fact that hard-working student spend more time studying for an exam than ones with natural ability, they can be successful in the exam. To illustrate, my brother who are now a solider in the army spend one year studying to pass the exam. However, his friend took one month to do it. Moreover, my brother told me patience is a very important factor that brings you to success. It can be obtained by working hard.

Also, hard-working businesspersons are able to establish a large company. Many Chinese people around the world are rich because they work hard. In Thailand, they migrated to Thailand after world war2 with a mat and pillow. They spend most of their life opening many kinds of business such as coffee, rice and fish. Today, most of them are among the affluent class in Thailand.

Finally, if becoming head of a family, father and mother can exert potentials to earn money for a living. Although serving as a dishwasher, they can get a high salary to pay for their kids. For example, my aunt who graduated from an elementary high school has three sons. She has to do everything ranging from gardening, housework and other chores. She spends most of the day doing them and come back home in the evening to buy food for her daughter.

That people who are born with natural ability is not a standard indicate your life achievement. It depends on the purpose for which you are working for to get a career, become self-employed and have a baby.

Writing Feedback / 'fast-changing environments'; traditional house vs modern apartment building? [3]

Please revise my essay. I really feedback to improve the writng skill.
I have not written an preference essay for couple months, and i am not sure whether it is a good organization. Any problems with the introduction.

Thank you.

The question is that

Would you prefer to live in a traditional house or in a modern apartment building? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

Both traditional house and modern apartment buildings boast different characteristics. Ones of the traditional house is a local way of life, but ones of the modern apartment is a new lifestyle. I prefer the second choice.

If you stay in the traditional house, you have to live a frugal and economical life. Many elder people who stay in this house always do not have luxurious things such as car and diamond. They do not spend a lot of money buying them, but purchase basic necessities like food, medicine and shelter. When entering this kind of house, you will see many things old covered with dust. To illustrate, my grandfather aged 88 years old live in a dark and old house in my hometown. He does not want me to buy any modern things. He lives an ascetic life with his dog, relaxing himself in an orchard in the afternoon and catching fish in a canal before dinner.

However, if you choose to live in a modern apartment, you have to live a luxurious and comfortable life. In this house, there are many electrical appliances such as refrigerator, television and radio which you cannot have if staying in the traditional house. Moreover, you have to other tools such as computers and play stations which are a way of entertainment for people living in a city.

For me, if I decide to stay in the modern apartment, i can to adapt to fast-changing environments of a global society. I always have many peers who always go to visit me during the holiday; therefore, I really need a house to accommodate and make them happy. Moreover, during the university life, I want a house which has computers, a wireless internet and television to keep abreast with the current situation around the world.

In conclusion, there are many benefits that the two houses provide. It depends on the life purpose. As a student, i really want to have the modern house to expose myself to the world's present situations with which I have to encounter.

Writing Feedback / I would like to invent an electric-powered harvesting vehicle - energy-friendly and convenient [6]

Please revise my essay. I really need feedback to improve my writing skill.
Are there any awkward sentences? Is it logically written?

Thank you.

The question is that

If you could invent something new, what product would you develop? Use reasons and specific details to explain your answer.

To my view, I would like to invent an electric-powered harvesting vehicle. The reasons are convenience, energy-friendlily and little time-consuming approach. Farming by using this new vehicle can contribute wealth and success to farmers in the future.

The first reason is if farmers use this vehicle, they do not have to worry about how to operate it. In the past, farming always relates to fuel-powered technologies for farming. They have to run it manually. However, with the new invention, farmers do not have to control it. Their duty is to input instructions into the computer so that it can work automatically. Moreover, the farmers are able to change the order all time if they want it to operate in other works.

The second is they do not have to worry about energy consumption. Originally, using a fuel-powered vehicle is likely to use a lot of fuel each time it is operated, which results in the loss of money. However, by using the new creation, farmers are not anxious about it. As the new vehicle is powered by electricity, they just charge it with a electricity battery. This way consumes less energy, which makes farmers save the money more or less.

The third reason is they spend a little time to finish a harvesting work. In the past, farmers use cattle to harvest rice all day so that they do not have a free time to do other activities. In contrast, if the farmers use the new invention, it can reduce the period in which farmers have to reap rice in a paddy field; therefore, they have more time to relax.

In conclusion, for me, the electric-powered vehicle is able to help farmers in many ways. It has simple operating instructions to follow, do not consume much energy and lessen the period for farmers to harvest rice in a rice area.

Writing Feedback / Toefl Essay - To get a good grade is to encourage? [6]

Please revise my essay. I really want feedback to improve the writing skill
Thank you

The question is that

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Grades (marks) encourage students to learn.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

I agree that students want to study to get a good grade. There are many incentives such as praise by teacher, a chance to apply for a famous university and getting a full scholarship. When considering these reasons, students will have a sound opportunity to bring about an educational success.

The main cause is that they will be respected and motivated by other people in the school. Many students who ace a high mark always have a chance to show up in front the classroom to demonstrate what factors lead to the success. Other students express congratulations, which make the knowledgeable students happy.

The second cause is they will be easily qualified by the popular university. This always happens today because the students who have a high mark are not anxious about this issue. They can prepare for the examination. Moreover, many universities such as Cambridge and Oxford universities set the minimum grade required for the admission; therefore, having a high means a prospect to be admitted into the popular university.

Finally, they will be likely to be selected as a candidate for scholarship. Many universities around the world have many scholarship funds for students living all over global. If they get a high grade of at least 3.0, they will be chosen as a possible applicant to get the scholarship. To illustrate, my friends who get a good grade at 3.1 are now applying for a scholarship fund to continue master degree in Spain. He said that you had to have a grade around 3.0. That is the reason why he decides to apply for a scholarship.

In conclusion, there are many reasons that motivate students to get a high grade. They want to be appraised by teacher, be admitted into the famous university and be cut out for the scholarship fund.

Writing Feedback / Toefl essay Other reason that people want money [5]

Please revise my essay. I really need feedback to improve my writing skill.
I want to know the drawbacks that i still face when i want to write an essay.
Thank you.

The question is that

People work because they need money to live. What are some other reasons that people work? Discuss one or more of these reasons. Use specific examples and details to support your answer.

In my opinion, that people want money to live by working always happens today. They want to get a salary for family, travel and business. By achieving these purposes, people tend to lead a happy and stable life.

The first reason is they want to have a baby. Almost every family wants to see their son walk and play in the home. To attain this goal, they must have money to buy things for raising the children. A milk bottle and a toy are the basics that force parents to buy such childish items. For example, when having a baby, my uncle has to work harder and harder to get a few bucks for buying items in which his son is interested in the home.

The second cause is they want to spend a holiday going out to a tourist attraction. People who live in both single and extended families want to travel to famous mountains and falls. Therefore, money is the most important that they must have to achieve the goal. For instance, My brother who work as advisor to the accounting manager always have a lot of free time; therefore, he decides to take a few days off at the beach. Because having the high salary from his position, he can book a five-star hotel and drive the sports car during the holiday.

Finally, they want to be self-employed. In addition to a regular work, they tend to put the savings money into the business. Moreover, they want to deal with the business in fear that they will be laid out in the future. To illustrate, my friends always do two jobs at the same time. They have a free time during the weekend; hence, they take a stand on open the spa as another source of income when resigning from the present job.

At last, there are many reasons that motivate people to work for making a living. The chance for bring up children, an opportunity to take a holiday off and increase more job allowances in the future are incentives that force people to work.

Writing Feedback / Toefl Essay The new movie theatre may be built in your neighborhood. [3]

Please revise my essay. I really need feedback
Anyways, this essay might not as good as i hope. I just want to finds ways to improve the writng skill.
Thank you

The question is that

It has recently been announced that a new movie theatre may be built in your neighborhood. Do you support or oppose this plan. Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

I am in favor of the plan to build a new movie theatre in my neighbor. The main reason is convenience, entertainment and employment. Local people will have an opportunity to get the same benefits as do city residents.

The first reason is people do not have to take a bus or personal cars to the movie theatre. Local people do not have to go on time if their home is located near it. They do not have to pay a bus fee to reach the movie theatre. Moreover, they can walk to the movie theatre quickly. To illustrate, my friends who live outside the city does not have time to go to the theatre because it is located in a far place. When the new theatre is created, he can reach it quickly

Second, people can find ways to make them funny and excited after normal work, Local people who work in a paddy field or factory can have a rest at the movie theatre. For example, my friends who work as a farmer in the rice field always have a free time to relax every evening. If the movie theatre is built, he can watch the movie to make him happy so that he will be animated for tomorrow's work.

The last thing that local people have is working for the new theatre. When the new theatre is built, the need for people to be employed is important. The local people who do not want to work in a farm land can look for a position as a ticket seller, a janitor and a cashier. For instance, my aunt loses her job, but she can relieve unhappiness by working in the theatre as a ticket seller which earn her money for a living

At last, there are many advantages if the new movie theatre is built in the community. Easy and quick ways to reach the movie theatre, approach to relaxation and a chance for recruitment are the thing that local people will have as do ones living in a city center.

Writing Feedback / Toefl Essay reading and writing is important today than in the past [7]

Please revise my essay. I really need feedback to evaluate the writing skill
Thank you

The question is that

Is the ability to read and write more important today than in the past. Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

To my view, reading and writing ability is very essential right away. It supports communication around the world regarding business, education and online chat. By using computer-based technologies, people can simply and quickly come into contact with others who live in a remote place.

In the first place, employees who work in different companies can contact with one another. There are two companies which deal in the same type of business. Both employees of the two companies have to cooperate with one another to produce a desired result. By using computers which have email and online letters, the employees find it very easy to exchange information promptly. Therefore, the predicted outcome is achieved.

In the second place, a school is able to allow its students to self-learning. This always happen around the world, especially in America. Students who live in Alaska do not have to go to a campus which is located in Yew York because they come to collect materials and books, and take an exam. By using computer, they can do these activities in front the computer screen. The school has the responsibility to send materials via online to the students so that they are able to learn on their own. Moreover, they can take and submit the online exam to the school immediately.

Finally, people around the world can have a conversation with one another though living in a far place. I live in Singapore and bump up against two friends who stay in China though online. This is the best opportunity to get in touch with the friends whom I have never seen the faces and known the backgrounds.

To sum up, it is impossible for people who live in the fast-growing world to fall in with strangers without computers. Many arenas such as business, education and online chat among people need the computers to read and write to people who live around the global.

Grammar, Usage / Toelf essay whether borrowing money from your friend is good or not. [5]

I really want feedback and grammar errors for futher study

Do you think whether borrowing money from your friend is good or not. Give reasons to support your answer.

In my opinion, it is better to borrow money from your friend. If you think you have to use it immediately for emergencies, you should consider doing that. Borrowing money from your friend can help you live a happy life on campus.

First of all, you do not have money for food and drinks. In the morning, when you go to school but do not have enough money for drink, it is worth asking for it from your friend; otherwise, you are so thirsty. In the afternoon, it is very important to have lunch because you have to maintain ample energy for the evening classroom. Therefore, if you do not have enough money left, borrow it from you friend. By doing it, you make sure you have much energy to study the rest of the day.

Second, you do not have money for the tuition fee. This is the case. When you do not have enough money, you should borrow it from your friends. Otherwise, you are not eligible to study in school. Although you can do it, you are not granted rights to take the final examination.

Third, you do not have money to buy stationery accessories for classroom learning. You cannot go to school without pens and pencils. If you do not have them because you do not have money to pay for them, ask for it from your friends. By doing this, you feel confident that you can do assignments without any problems. You can use pens to fill out a test and other books given by teachers. Moreover, you are not worried to draw a picture because you have rubber to erase it.

In conclusion, the best way to have money quickly for emergencies is from your friend. He is able to fulfill your immediate needs such as you want to eat and drink, pay the tuition fee and gasp for stationery. Therefore, you are sure to get the problems solved promptly