Holt Educational Consultant
Dec 16, 2016
Undergraduate / Searching for an university that would complement and complete my personality: precise but sharp [13]
Watch out for the use of capital letters. The word center in Whitman Center should be capitalized because it is the proper name of a place. That is a standard writing rule. Double check your essay for other possible grammar and sentence structure errors. Now, as for the content, you have room for further discussion development in the second paragraph. Do you have any idea of the kind of business person that you want to be in the future? If you do, then look into the specific programs that Syracuse offers and add that information to the paragraph.
By programs, I mean internships, training sessions, or exchange programs that seem exclusive to the students of the university. That should help to better illustrate what influenced you to apply at Syracuse. Do you know of any notable business alumna from Syracuse whom you consider a role model? Some names that come to mind as notable business graduates of Syracuse are the book marketing executive M. J. Rose, Foursquare co-founder Dennis Crowley, and William J. Brodsky who is the chairman and chief executive officer of the Chicago Board Options Exchange.
Using the names of actual people who came from the university as your inspiration for enrolling shows that you admire the academics and the social aspects of student life at the university. Look into the educational background of these people, note how their university influenced them to become business leaders. Then use that as the inspiration for the response to "Why Syracuse?" That should work better along with your statement about your personal reasons for choosing the university.
Watch out for the use of capital letters. The word center in Whitman Center should be capitalized because it is the proper name of a place. That is a standard writing rule. Double check your essay for other possible grammar and sentence structure errors. Now, as for the content, you have room for further discussion development in the second paragraph. Do you have any idea of the kind of business person that you want to be in the future? If you do, then look into the specific programs that Syracuse offers and add that information to the paragraph.
By programs, I mean internships, training sessions, or exchange programs that seem exclusive to the students of the university. That should help to better illustrate what influenced you to apply at Syracuse. Do you know of any notable business alumna from Syracuse whom you consider a role model? Some names that come to mind as notable business graduates of Syracuse are the book marketing executive M. J. Rose, Foursquare co-founder Dennis Crowley, and William J. Brodsky who is the chairman and chief executive officer of the Chicago Board Options Exchange.
Using the names of actual people who came from the university as your inspiration for enrolling shows that you admire the academics and the social aspects of student life at the university. Look into the educational background of these people, note how their university influenced them to become business leaders. Then use that as the inspiration for the response to "Why Syracuse?" That should work better along with your statement about your personal reasons for choosing the university.