Undergraduate / Peace Corps Essays 1 & 2 -- What Doesn't Kill You Only Makes You Stronger [2]

Very strong essay, Ashley! Once in a while I see an essay and cannot really think of much to say because it is already so good. The story is very interesting and convincing (i.e. in the second essay, about politics and your interaction with those s. african people who asked about your opinion)... it's all very strong.

I'll make a few suggestions for improving the wording, though:
My desire for wanting to join...

"and so" is sometimes frowned upon by academics and snooty grammarians. I would just do this:
and right after Thabo Mbeki resigned, and so politics were a big topic.

Good luck in the Peace Corps!

Undergraduate / Transfer Essay to UMASS Amherst - Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you. [4]


If you give this complex idea, you need to follow the sentence with some explanation. I would like to hear about this idea of inspiring them to inspire others, butt I think most of the essay would need to be dedicated to explaining what you mean. So... you can either simplify it (i.e. "to inspire children.") or you can give at least a whole paragraph to explain what you mean.

The drunken mother comment is not relevant... it's as though you just worked that in because you wanted to mention it. But keep that sort of thing out of an essay like this unless it represents the theme. And even then... it is strategically best to be "professional" in this kind of essay.

The way to improve this is to read several articles -- recent, professional journal articles -- and mention some recent advancements in the field... show that you are keeping up with the wave of advancements in your chosen field. That'll make it more credible.

I hope the AO reader enjoys this as much as I did!

Scholarship / "I plan on teaching guitar, writing, performing" - I Love Music [8]


The second sentence is a fragment. Make it complete by using a dash and connecting the two sentences together:
It's also taught me many of life's greatest lessons as well -- lessons like...

Okay, I like your way of thinking... even your writing style is like music! But I want to suggest organizing all those single lines into paragraphs. Put them together, and make paragraphs of 4-5 sentences.

I recommend cutting the boring lines at the start:
"I love music."

It's a common enough expression. We hear it all the time. In bits of conversation on the subway, an innocent comment at a cocktail party or from a friend over the phone.

"I love music."

Sure most people like music. I'll give them that. They enjoy listening to it, have a few favorite bands, and sport a pretty decent ITunes collection. These people like music, but me. Well, I love music.

I'll cross out the clichs:
See music is my life .
And this part below is an incomplete sentence unless I make a little change:
From the first moment I picked up a guitar, God knows I have been...---I think you can fix it like this.

Okay, one more thing: They clearly are asking yo to describe a plan and list some goals. You should ge right to the point and do that early in the essay. List many goals, and describe a detailed plan.

:-)

Scholarship / what i expect of the Summer school (new points and idioms) [2]

I like the way you organized this according to the ideas they suggested. You will make a good impression if you write 7 paragraphs: an intro, a conclusion, and 5 body paragraphs that go with each of these 5 topics.

But what is your BIG IDEA? The reader will finish reading and remember only one big idea. What will that be?

I think all these 5 ideas should support one big idea that has something to do with your plan for the future. The reader will respect you a little or a lot depending on how detailed your plan is (even if it might change) and how many short term and long term goals you mention.

That's the secret! :-)

Essays / English class is based on a "historical" movie (300). Need help with thesis. [2]

This is a great assignment! So you have to compare the film to some historical texts. Did you gather all your articles and books, etc?

Here is the answer to your question: You cannot make a thesis statement until you have written several body paragraphs. You are getting stuck because you have nothing to say about it. You will only have something to say after you have explained the main idea of a few articles, explained some ways the film is inconsistent, etc...

Write several body paragraphs! Soon, you will have an idea flash into your mind: "The makers of the film knew they were being inaccurate, but they did it anyway because ________. (Make your unique observation!)

So... do you know what I mean? The thesis statement is what you come up with as the result of this research. Do the research, and write your body paragraphs... and wait for an idea to come.

Writing Feedback / Similar or different friends? What do you want most in a friend? [4]

...and stress from living in the concrete jungle, my sporty friend can encourage me to go camping or...

If I am used to eat eating fatty and...

If I encounter some difficulties which I can't deal with, them , my friends can help me to find the solution and ...

Very nice job. You write really well, very clearly and eloquently.

The corrections Annika made are so good! Try typing the sentences again and using her corrections to improve your skill. Practice typing correctly now that we gave corrections, even if it is tedious!

I see some more help I can give... look at the changes here:
According to the recent research studies, most of people who live in the modern concrete jungle suffer from the nervousness and anxiety. The phenomena even raises the suicide rate, so I prefer to make friends with someone have has a sense of humor. --------I agree! :-)

Research Papers / Changes to society within New Zealand involved with diversity of families; [3]

The largest of the major ethnic groups is European, remained , with 67.6 percent of the population in 2006, but it has decreased since 2001.

Also Pacific peoples ethnic group has increased since the 2001 census, up 14.7 percent to total. Especially The Asian ethnic group grew the fastest between 2001 and 2006 and has increased of by almost 50 percent.

Do not capitalize diversity:
Also, diversity and a mixture of ethnic groups can make a variety identify depending on generation ???? I don't know what you are saying here.

These days, different identify person can consis a family in Aotearo can indlude people of different cultural identities.

This A trend that continues today with changes ...

I hope these changes help you! Please practice typing the sentences with the correct grammar, like I showed you. Also, try other kinds of writing tasks. Describing a chart or graph is the HARDEST kind of writing task, so do not be discouraged by this one. Try different tasks, and keep practicing with us at EssayForum! :-)

Student Talk / How to speak English fluently and correctly? [62]

I think this is one of my favorite threads at EssayForum. Thanks, everyone, for sharing these great ideas! You inspire me.

Undergraduate / "A Dream in Art" need some help on my UC Davis waitlist essay [3]


Well, do not say "decent," because it means "only good enough, but not great."


Wow, this is so eloquently written. You are a better writer than you think you are.

equipments equipment ---you never need an s on this word.

You did very well with this. I think you should write several paragraphs, and use about 4 or 5 sentences in each paragraph.
What are the 3 most important ideas you want to share with the reader? Can you describe a particular project you want to work on at the school while using their resources? Get specific, and describe an actual game you want to design... the project you have in mind right now.

Show that you are inspired and motivated!

Oh, wait a minute... I see that it is to be only 200 words. That means it should only be 1 or 2 paragraphs. So... I take back what I said about adding many paragraphs. You can only write about 10 sentences. So, make them good sentences! Describe the project you want to work on right now, and maybe you can even give a sentence about the professor whose work you most admire.

Scholarship / Nursing: my experince will help the underserviced areas [6]


That could be good, but the most important thing is to have a great theme that intrigues the reader. What is your awesome, interesting concept?

Do not capitalize the word nurse, because it is not a proper noun.

No comma necessary here: My up -bringing as a "military brat" has given...

Again here, do not use a comma:
My dream of becoming a nurse started with a near death experience. -----HEY!! I suggest making this excellent sentence the first sentence of the essay.

No hyphen in fourteen:
At the age of fourteen I suffered...

I had a benign tumor eating away at my 7th cervical vertebrae (C7). ---was it actually affecting the vertebrae, or was it just located there. Do not say eating away unless it was actually doing something to the vertebrae.

Very nice job here. As you prepare to revise, think of your single most important aspiration... the contribution you want to make as a nursing professional.

Also, google this for good ideas: nursing theory
Also: nursing philosophy

You can cite some nursing theorists, like Watson, Rogers, etc. and you will be even more impressive!

Essays / Martin Luther King Jr.'s Letter From Birmingham Jail - need help interpreting prompt! [12]


This is such a great question!! I think I found an answer for you.
Google this: cadence in writing

Also, check this out carefully.
thefreelibrary.com/Good+writing+needs+cadence.+(Symposium+Secrets+to+Stronger...-a0102908476


Elements of language... google this: figures of speech, list

Also, I found some good info by googling this: elements of language
Really, the teacher seems to be being unclear unless "elements of language" were studied in class.
But anyway, just do your best. You have to read the speech 3 times, and then look at the letter. :-) You will see common strategies in the use of language: rhythm, alliteration, repetition... etc.

I do not know if logos, ethos, and pathos are what the teacher is refering to. They are the elements of classical rhetoric, but I don't know if that is what she is referring to.

:-)

Essays / Interracial messages on the movie "Our Wedding Family" (2010) [4]


I help you by pointing you in the right direction. Look at a review to see what a more experienced film critic says about the film and its message. All you have to do is look at one review, and you could just rewrite it in your own words if you did not want to have to do any work. But instead of just rewriting someone else's ideas, you could challenge them. Read more than one review, and decide whose ideas seem correct.

I help you by pointing you in the direction of the reviews that can help you to think about the message. Your job is to write a few paragraphs about those messages concerning race.

Good luck! :-)

Undergraduate / Essay for a Summer Program of Architecture [5]

Hi Lorenzo!

The first sentence is strange, because WHEN you attended it you knew where you were.
Maybe you could reword that first sentence. It is not very interesting, anyway.

Oh, but the rest of the paragraph is interesting! I like your approach, just not that first sentence.

I thought all school dances were held in the gym! :-)

So, she kept talking, and talking, until we arrived at the gym. ----hahahahahaha!!...

I like this essay. I like the way you digress and talk about your conversation with the date, etc. But at the end you should come back to the main idea and express your interest in architecture directly. Express your intentions and goals at the end of the essay.

Book Reports / Critique the "letter from Birmingham Jail" - NEED HELP [2]

What is against the grain? What is with the grain? Maybe you are talking about King's arguments that appeal to common ideas of his time as "with the grain," and when he challenges common ideas that is "against the grain." Is that right?

If so, he has against the grain arguments every time he suggests that the African American community should be able to protest and demonstrate... and he used "with the grain arguments when he appeals to Christian values trying to talk some sense into the racist white people.

This particular piece of literature is so inspirational and beautiful, and it takes me into another world when I think about the fact that it was written while sitting in an Alabama jail.

Now... you need to oppose the letter? How can any modern person oppose the letter? It sounds like you are taking a rhetoric class. If you want to oppose the letter, I guess you could try to argue from the perspective of cultural moral relativism. Google that term, and maybe it will help.

Also, to argue against the letter you can use ETHOS and write about the many intelligent and accomplished people who disagreed with King.

Does any of that help you? I hope you have a lot of success with this.

Writing Feedback / Cultural, economical, and political globalisation - is it worth it? [3]

Yep, this is a strong essay, for sure. I like that intro paragraph a lot. I wish, though, that you would add one more sentence to the end of that intro, and let it be a THESIS STATEMENT that sums up your main opinion expressed here, i.e. the conclusion you come to after careful consideration. Add that thesis statement to the end of the intro paragraph, and it will be more complete.

Firstly, Global global cultural homogeneity has... immensely enriched the lives of the denizens in developing countries. For instance, now ...

The period is missing from the end of the essay. Also, I see what RBr means about capitalizing China, etc.

You gave such thoughtful analysis here! I guess my main suggestion is to add YOUR opinion to the intro and the conclusion. I think globalization is inevitable, and it does not matter whether someone thinks it is good or bad. It is better to simply prepare and adjust, taking advantage of the opportunities! :-)

Writing Feedback / Access to defendants' past criminal record - helpful and fair or not? [4]

Teachers don't usually like it when you use Wiki as a source. That is because any of us can change Wiki at any time! So... it is not as good to cite Wiki as it is to cite a professional journal or reputable website.

...that by presenting past records, it prosecutors may cloud or...----The prosecutor is the one doing the action in this sentence.

... may be judging a defendant based on a pre-conception derived from the previous criminal records which may not be true.---Wow, I have to pause here and just mention how impressed I am with your eloquent use of language. Please check out the EF_Contributor pager and work with us to help kids write as well as you do!

:-)

However, the juries are people chosen through careful and stringent selection process. They are picked to act ...If so, I believe the juries will carefully weight the defendant's past criminal records to be considered relevant or not -----No you don't! You know very well that they will make superficial judgments and act based on prejudices. :-) Ha ha.... I know that, too. That is what people do, even if chosen carefully.

This is a strong essay. Cite more sources and it will be even better.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] fixed punishment or take into account circumstances [8]

the issue of punishment to culprit. for culprits.

It is obvious that stereotypical a fixed penalty can simplify the judicial process.

Undeniably, they are essentially crucial factors when deciding which type of penalty should be imposed on different culprits.----I made a few changes here.

It is inevitably inevitable that the...

I'll take out an unnecessary comma here:
On the basis of the above discussion, I personally think it is reasonable to...

I hope these corrections help you improve your skill! Please practice each corrected sentence. Type each sentence 10 times with the correct grammar, and your typing fingers will remember! :-)

Letters / Cover letter for post-doctoral position in synthetic biology. [2]


Check the meaning of "anticipation."It means something other than what you think it means.

That first paragraph is professionally written, but it will be great if you can add some key idea about what unique strengths you have to offer. Can you plant the MAIN IDEA of the letter somewhere in that first paragraph? What is your special idea that will make the reader favor you?

My interest in synthetic biology has grown out of recent experience working on modelling of biological systems. During my post-doc in this interdisciplinary research, we model immune cell interactions using ordinary differential equations. We attempt to answer explain how immune cell populations ...----OKAY, AND at the end of this paragraph add a sentence to show how this knowledge will help you contribute in the position for which you are applying.

No need for "with"
...if you provided me with an opportunity to work as a research associate under your supervision. Enclosed is my CV for your close review.

Okay, this is very good, but can you add a little bit about how you will benefit the reader and the reader's current activities? That will make this great letter even more impressive.

:-)

thanks for participating in EssayForum! I think a lot of the kids here could benefit from collaborating with and learning from you.

Scholarship / "Washington, DC experience" - future goals, involvement in activities and deserving [2]

Add a Thesis Statement:
I like that first paragraph, Deveon! Still, it seems to need one more sentence at the end. Make it a very powerful, interesting sentence that expresses your main idea. Add a sentence to the end of that paragraph, and pretend that the reader will see only that sentence... try to make it a sentence that really plants an intriguing idea about your vision of the future into the reader's mind.

Another activity I take deep commitment in is Peer Mediation.----Try to revise this sentence so that it is connected to that main idea in the sentence you will add to the end of that first paragraph.

You did a paragraph break unnecessarily:
January of 2009 in Washington, DC was an experience I will never forget; it was the time when Barack Obama was inaugurated and the first I have ever visited the nation's capital.

In my Advanced Placement (AP) United States -----I think you should put these paragraphs together as one.

Nice job, you are very impressive!! Add that thesis statement.

:-)

Undergraduate / How to write an integrative paper on 4-H volunteering? [2]

Hi Elly, welcome to EssayForum. Please ask a few questions and offer a few ideas. It's important to try using your written English. Do you have a question about an integrative paper? Are you a person who is trying to learn English as a second language? I want to know more about you and this assignment so that we can give some help. You need to write a little more about the assignment before getting help, because sometimes people just post the assignment and hope others will do their work for them.

So... please try writing a few sentences about the volunteering. Ask some questions if you have trouble, and maybe we can help.

:-) I'm glad you joined out community! We all work hard here and try to improve out mastery of language.

Essays / Finding information - how graphic design has impact on Arab revolt + Current issue [4]

Hey, I seem to remember a facebook page being a very crucial artifact that helped to inspire the revolution in Egypt. But I don't know how much graphic design was involved.

Try googling this:
Egypt, revolution, media
or
Egypt, uprising, graphic
or
Revolution, design

Try the same words with Libya instead of Egypt.
I hope you find an article that mentions SOME kind of graphic art. It might not say "graphic design" specifically. Oh, here is another idea:

Internet, revolution, Middle East

Good luck with this!!! I wish I knew more about how graph. design has been used...

Graduate / "admission to the Doctoral Program in Taxation" - STATEMENT OF PURPOSE PHD [2]

That first paragraph very clearly expresses your interest, but it does not say why. If you can add something to that first paragraph to express the reason you want to make taxation that field to which you contribute, it will be more complete and persuasive.

I like that second paragraph, too...

This whole section is too obvious, goes without saying, not helpful: I am convinced that my academic background and professional experience combined with my enthusiasm, dedication and motivation have provided me with the required knowledge and skills to be an excellent candidate for the Doctoral Program in Taxation. Do you see that it just amounts to a simple claim about enthusiasm? Not helpful.

Missing a word? ----> at the university from (which) I graduated and my ...

You know... this is going to be excellent. I think you are well on your way to success. Anyone reading this essay will recognize your potential and seriousness.

Writing Feedback / "doing the same things and avoiding change?" - my target is 7 band [4]

You don't need "of" when you say "most people."

In essence , most of people have a need to be safe and feel security in what they are doing and where they are living. respectively .

Capitalize the first letter of every sentence:
...lose the job. he He feels insecurity and refuses to ...

Do not capitalize unnecessarily:
Utimately, It it is my advice that change always happens when forces for change are greater than the forces that keep things the same. I agree!

:-)

Essays / I NEED INFOMATION ON CERTAIN PROMPTS ON AN EXTREEMLY INTERESTING TOPIC: WINDFALL [5]


Begin with this one. You understand the question, right?

Write one sentence about it for me, so I can see what your idea is. It's okay if you make a mistake. In fact, please write 5 sentences that come to mind when you think about this.

You can do it! We'll correct your mistakes, but you have to try in order to learn it.
Start with that first one. Can a lot of money make me a better person? Maybe, sometimes. Write a sentence!

Writing Feedback / GRE ISSUE 130 Do children's socialization determine destiny of society? [2]

Hello there, thanks for participating! I'll try to help you improve this:

The influence of eduction to on human has been argued for hundred years.

take a host of various views.----You were not incorrect, but it is a little redundant to say "various" and "a host of"...

Whether socialization of children can determine t

There are still problems on is still uncertainty about how to help children adapt the complex and variable society ----very nice... you have a nice writing style.

Common sense tells us, it is new generation who will take over old generation to and contribute to our society, and to great extent influence the prosperity of our society.

In other words, parents and teachers, and even the whole society, should be responsible for building a better...

society instead of wishing our children to fulfill - which i mean education. this part did not make sense.

Don't capitalize unnecessarily: These Characteristics characteristics of society require children with...

:-) I think the structure is good. You have one clear main idea and each paragraph begins with a topic sentence. Solid!

Book Reports / "If Beale Street Could Talk" by James Baldwin - how to write about the poverty? [2]

Sounds easy. :-)

So, what do you think about it? Honestly, I think it is good to look at Sparknotes after you have read the story. It helps you appreciate it. Check out sparknotes to gain even more insight into it, but you really must make time to read it because Baldwin is SO AWESOME.

Check out The Fire Next Time, too. Powerful.

Anyway, what is the trouble? Start with a PARAGRAPH TOPIC SENTENCE to express some observation about the poverty described in the book? You can make a little observation, right? It's easy. Then, quote the book, say something thoughtful, and move on to another paragraph.

Enjoy this... it's important art and human expression, Baldwin is a hero.

Essays / Need some instructions to write a good descriptive essay of a person [3]

Welcome! I think you should plan to make it a 5 paragraph essay. That means you will have 3 body paragraphs, and intro, and a conclusion.

Start by writing a PARAGRAPH TOPIC SENTENCES for each of the three body paragraphs. Each topic sentence will express one of the three ideas in the essay.

Those three ideas will all combine to make one main idea for the essay.

So, what is the main idea about this person? Can you capture the essence of the person in a single word?

:-)

Scholarship / "the defining moment in my education" -gaining scholarship for meritorious candidates [14]


Watch out for unnecessary commas. No need for the comma in that sentence.

incorporated the said changes to my essay.----In my opinion, it is better to NEVER use the word said this way. Usually, people only use it that way when they are trying to be fancy or speak in an unnecessarily complex way. That is just my opinion, though!! I never use the word said that way. :-)

Now, it there anything you can add to this that will make it seem like you really are exactly the right person for this scholarship? What would you be looking for if you were the reader? Would it be some mention of ...um... maybe a story! I think a compelling anecdote could show that she is an inspired professional whose potential is still unrealized because of difficult circumstances. A paragraph-long anecdote could help a lot to win the reader over...

:-)

That is why I say the first para was ineffective. It had nothing original... just ordinary letter of rec. stuff.

As of now, I still look at the first paragraph, and I want a key word added to it. I challenge you to use the word "atmosphere" in the last sentence of the first paragraph. If you do not like how it comes out, try the word "creativity."

The point is to add a jewel to the center of the lotus... to add a magic word that fills the reader's mind as she skims the first paragraph.

:-)

Writing Feedback / Should history be taught in academic life of any student? [15]


Yes, a great method is like this:

Say it.
Explain it.
Say it again.

But remember, writing is art. I am only telling you about the "structure" that is expected in academic writing. In other writing, you should express yourself without following any rules at ell.

:-)

Writing Feedback / how would you describe yourself as a human being? [3]

Hey, Natali, I like your style! I especially like that enthusiasm at the end. Do you have questions about Annika's corrections?

There are lessons contained in that edit Annika gave. For example:
different from...

That is a lesson you can use in the future. Try typing the essay again with the corrections.
:-)

Writing Feedback / It is important that universities take a serious look at the sport facilities investment [4]

Although investment in library facilities is absolutely vital for universities, I disagree with any discrimination against spending money for sport activities because they bring about healthy lifestyle for students, it boost their cooperation, and it is essential for international students who live in the dorm.-----In this sentence, I made a lot of changes. facilities...---> are

spend money on sport activities because they...
Also, you capitalized some words that were not supposed to be capitalized.

Use these words: responsible for XXXXing...
Universities are responsible for preparing students ...

Here again you capitalized unnecessarily:
Before everything Student students should be ...

Do you have any questions about these changes? Study them, and you can improve your grammar! :-)

Dissertations / The pathological as the Other of structure (synopsis of master thesis) [2]

This is a good place to use " " marks:
What does the pure "pathological mean" then?

Can we capitalize this or use " " marks to distinguish it?
The "Pathological as Transcendental" category moves over the focus from...

This is a good place to capitalize:
From now on the crucial question is as follows: "How can such structure, having fallen during a crisis, be brought forward in order again by means of new rules which would be issued only on the base of such alienated others?"----I made some small changes here, but I am not sure if they are the appropriate changes.

This is quite difficult to understand, but maybe that is because I am not so familiar with the topic. Any time you can add simpler, shorter sentences to this, you will be able to make it a more powerful piece of writing. Simple writing is powerful, because it provides an intense experience for the reader, who does not need to do so much decoding and can instead settle into the experience provided by your imagery words and action verbs. Keep it as simple and clear as possible.

:-)

Research Papers / "useful in solving problems" - Paper on Universal Education [3]


Right after this sentence, I think you should add a thesis statement and end the first paragraph.

The end of the first paragraph is always a good place for a thesis statement. But if you do not separate the essay into paragraphs you cannot use that powerful position: the end of a paragraph, where a sentence lingers in the reader's mind.

Wow, two million per day! That is so much money. I like your argument! But it is very important to use paragraphs.

Also...
Although providing universal education would dissipate require a great amount of government spending, it would

Essays / How to get started with a difficult assignment. [4]


Excellent that is good advice, I think!

It is like that expression, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

Writing Feedback / Which is major influence in our life, characteristics we are born with or experience [3]

Looking good!

I would do it this way:
Let us examine these two points of view before I present my opinion.

The people who consider the characteristics we are born with as major influences in our development would argue that ...I took out an unnecessary comma.

For example, a scientist ever conducted ?? what do you mean here?
For example, a scientist can conduct an experiment in which he...

:-)

Writing Feedback / Are Photographs Representations of Real Life or Just Artistic Creations? [4]

Everyone has seen pictures, and many have taken pictures as well.---I fixed the grammar, but actually this sentence should not be included. It is too obvious. Start with a sentence about the real main idea of the essay.

A picture may be worth a thousand words, but are pictures portrayals of real life, or reflections of the photographer's viewpoints? The answer varies, depending on the purpose of the photographer and the type of the photograph.

As an amateur photographer myself, I have taken ...

And by the way how the photographer handles the relationship between the railroad and the surrounding environment, the picture can show feelings of loneliness, emptiness, hopefulness, happiness or any kind of feelings or ideas that the photographer wants to show. -----perfect!! This is an impressive sentence.

However, it is the definition of photography can be ambiguous. When determining whether photographs are true images of real life or subjective creations of the photographer it is important to remember that photographs can be both productions of art and portrayals of real life.

:-)

Writing Feedback / Criminals who break the law will get punishment, and some of them will be put into prison [3]

Ha ha, I think it is funny and interesting that you called it a stupid proposal. :-)

In my point of view, this is a so stupid proposal that no one would like to put up with, including those advocates.----I added a comma and crossed out "so"... I think the word youshould use there is "very" instead of so.

The major aim for government to ....rather than in favor of to trap trapping them for a long time.

How long they have to spend in prison depends on seriousness of crime. It is not "the longer, the better". Imagine being asked to live in prison for two years for just stealing one dollar, what would you act? Imagine being forced to live in prison for two years just for a minor offense. ----I changed this, because it was a weird sentence. No one should steal at all, so this part of the essay is not so convincing.

In my conclusion, although some people have...

:-)

Dissertations / PhD in marketing management (real estate). Good topic ideas? [3]

Hello Friend,

The thing to do is look at the LITERATURE REVIEW in an article that is interesting to you. Most professional journal articles will have a lit review, or it might be called "background" or something similar.

You have to read that section in an article that interests you, and it has to be a recent one. That way, it will show all that people like you have been doing in recent years. If you want to know a good topic to use, just look at the topic of the article that was recently published. That will give you a sense of what is being done in the field.

Read one article's intro, lit review, and conclusion, and you will be ready to start. That is your "way in" to the subject.

If you still have trouble, find another article. Soon, you will have read so many marketing articles that no one will be more prepared than you to tell what topic should be covered next.

*** Another important way to prepare is to read about the various research designs: survey, case study, grounded theory, correlative, etc.

:-) I hope that helps you! If you just want a list of topics, google this: list, research topics, "marketing management" "real estate"

Scholarship / "the defining moment in my education" -gaining scholarship for meritorious candidates [14]

I think that first paragraph is ineffective. It is professionally written, but that is all. It does not hit the reader with any intriguing idea or memorable theme.

I have known her for the past one and half years eighteen months.---This is cleaner and less awkward.

As per my opinion, Be confident! State it boldly:
XYZ is industrious employee who executed her responsibilities in a consistent, thorough, and effective manner.

With passage of time, another quality I noticed in her is acceptability I don't think this is the right word. Do you mean accessibility?

hyphen: well-endowed

:-)

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: people will spend less time on cooking food [5]


Ha ha, when I prepare a meal, it takes me about 5 minutes. If it takes longer than that, I am afraid I might starve to death.

"when"
Even when they have some spare time, they prefer...

to go out with friends to relax and relieve the pressure from work and study.

To sum up, if all those factors are contemplated, it is obviously found obvious that there are many...

:-)