Undergraduate / What Luther King suggested in his quote? Critical thinking is a central goal of Jesuit education. [3]

- For instance,O ne of the words is how to...
- ForOne example,...

- When we speaktalk about English,...
-...we should know that this language is made up from ..
- of different languages in the world.
- As a result of that , problems will be occurringarise more...
- For example, the word "cat" as we pronounce the word we say "Kat" With K-sound on it.
- This example is one of many examples .
- Another exampleone would be...

- Technology and programs existence,advancement to make life easier and speed up, the..
-...efficiency to produce more in thevaluable and effective education filed .
- The world is evolving with the world ofas man should evolve .

Notes:
- widen your vocabulary to avoid using the same phrase throughout your essay, e.g."for example"

Speeches / Help me correct my introduction for my speech class about myself [4]

- As for myIn my family,...
- I have just one Sister...
- ...and she is a registered nurse at a Memorial Hermann Southwest Hospital.
- ... andas for my mother,..

- I don't like horror movies or gorescary ones at all...

- And forWith regards to my future,...

- As forFor now,..
- I'm being my true to my self with the values,...

Well done!!! I hope my corrections help.

Undergraduate / Describe a conflict in your life and the skills and resources you used to resolve it. [5]

Well, @abby, please don't call yourself an idiot because there's no such thing. We all make mistakes and everyday is a new learning day so we keep on evolving ourselves and learn from our mistakes.

Now, with your prompt, I have few guidelines that may help;

PROMPT: Describe a circumstance, obstacle or conflict in your life, and the skills and resources you used to resolve it. Did it change you? If so, how?

- cite an example were you had a little challenge
- how did this conflict came about
- was there a quick remedy
- did this quick remedy help resolve the issue
- if not, what are the steps that you are taking to resolve the issue
- do you think this resolution has life- long effect
- what will be the result of this conflict

There you have it.
When you have your draft, post it here on EF and we will be here to help you further.

Research Papers / Staying Analog in a Digital World (Eng102 Research Paper) [4]

- Now to closeIn conclusion , I'm all for these advances we've had in the society.
- In many great ways, they've helped change our lives in ways that are for the betterfor greater good .
- ...and common sense to not to let these tools become the way we define ourselves.
- ...everybody physically involved in the office involved .
- AndMore so, no digitally placed smiley face can change..
- ...the actual feeling you will get by making someone's...

Honestly, I've never read such a very interesting article on technology ever.
You definitely nailed it!!! I tackled the last part of your paper as EF contributor did the previous ones,
I didn't really expect that you would come up with a technology based paper that will talk about life's pleasures too.
All I can say is that, I hope my little work helps.

Letters / I need HUMOR; roommate letter / 'No curfew!' / CIA mission - Stanford Essay [5]

@krobledo, I'd like to work on option 2, I hope it helps.

Option 2)
No curfew!

- I do notdon't ( you can merge this two words as..
- ...they will sound better that way) mind you sleeping in late...
- ..or early just be in the dorm so I know you are therehere .

- ...my outfit for the next day onin the hanger,...

Well, there's not much to work on as you have written avery good and humorous essay, very entertaining, detailed and very much elaborated.
I understand guidelines should be followed but more so is respect to each others, giving space when they need it and of course laugh your heart out.

Make friends and create memories, that's one of the best things I did in college and I know you will do to.
Cheers to college...Cheers to life!!!!

Undergraduate / 'Who do you want to be' - My answers would vary daily, from baker to ballerina [6]

- ...every child is asked a countless amount of times.
- ...have to make when college camecome around.
- At a young age I learned at a young age a strict work ethic,..

- I insisted on taking on the most vigorous classes my school offered.
- ...it was one of the best experiences...
- ...taught the basic runningsrun-ins of a practice.
- Throughout it all,..
- ...that led me to the University of Texas atin Austin.
- I know this schoolinstitution will giveprovide me the most..
- ...properguidance and prestige education to further my goals.
- With theThe help of my past schoolwork and all my experiences,
-...follow in my parent's footsteps,...

Way to go doctor!!! I hope my little help matters.

Undergraduate / New classes, new school. I was finally a "big kid" in my eyes. ApplyTexas collegiate essay prompt A. [4]

@Castro, well done dear!!! You've got one good essay here and it's entertaining as well as classy.
I'd like to share my thoughts too;

- ...we got on a plane to our unknown futures .

- Because theThe classes were so close knit,..
- I've always been sociable,...I've always been sociable, it's why I took the job I have now at Hollister, I enjoy meeting and working with new people.( I believe you had this sentence used already and this may be just typo but it can be critical,so be careful)

- I sawlearned that regardless of culture...
- ...with the friendships I grewbuilt there,..
- ...afterwhen it ended I could not have been happier to have had the experience.

Well, being different has it's perks too!!! The best thing you can get out of this is the experience.
Experience that will be with you for as long as it shall.

Undergraduate / Growing up in Africa can be both a challenge and a blessing. College Admission Essay [4]

- ...being told we were able to go tovisit the computer...
- You go to a certain classes once or twice a week,
- To use the computer, we would normallyOutside of school, you would go to a..
- ...computer placeshop and pay for how manythe hours..
- ...you want to be at a computerspent .
- The excitement that every kid had made...
- ....the teachers laugh butand I still remember it till this day.
- ..I know what it's like to not to have certain..

Very true, I love your essay, it's from the heart full of feelings and emotions.
The USA is indeed a land of opportunity but hey, when there's too much opportunity for people who don't value them,
a blink of an eye and it will all be gone.

Going back to your essay, please don't forget your linking verbs as I noticed that this is where you need to work on.

Undergraduate / I've been invited to a charity TV show where I saw the embarrassments and tears in children's eyes [4]

Hi, as I go thru your essay, I believe the first 3 paragraphs is crucial. I'd like to share my thoughts;

- I would notdidn't think beneficence be athat a benefit show would hurt...

- I could not sit there indifferentlyand do nothing .
- ...hesitated in afraid ofI was afraid that my straightforwardness..
-...wouldmight hurt them again.
- ...TV station forto stopping the recording...

- Program makerProducers need topics...
- ...and selling points mostly ,...
- ...but should they ever consider a program in such way that they would hurt those children?
- ...picture of children holding the money in their hand when receivedreceiving the donation.
- ThatThis urged me to do something for thosethis rural children.

Hopefully the remarks I made help you.

Essays / Getting ready for an inclass essay about the militarization of police. [2]

@marts, indeed it is easier to write an essay than just outlining it, however since you have a topic it should be fine to outline the essay.

I have a few guideline that might help.

- What is the mission and vision of the police force
- what is the process of militarization in the police force
- why is this process essential
- what is the reason behind this process
- is this process necessary?
- how will the equipment help in enforcing police power and effectivity
- should this process be successful, will it sustain the force
- looking back, what will be the changes if the militarization is implemented
- finally, include your opinion on the subject

I think the above guidelines should be able to help out in outlining your topic, when writing, stay objective, know your facts and stick to it, your opinion matters too so make it sound and be heard.

Essays / Help regarding Comparative analysis research work flow + field is cryptography [2]

@RDt, as the type of your article implies, a research paper needs a lot of researching to do.
Long hours of reading and making sure that you get the facts, figures and incorporate your own opinion to conclude the research.
Here's a few guidelines for you;

- define the words you use
- what is the purpose of your research
- form a concrete idea
- gather research materials, citation, works of renowned people in the field
- crate your comparative paragraph with the focus on the differences in the definition, process and importance
- how does this research affect our daily life or did it make a history in the making?
- as I mention, know your facts, figures and analytical input
- Conclude your research with a touch of your own opinion on the matter

There you have it, a little help from my side, I hope you can come up with a good essay.
Draft it and post it here on EF so we can help you further.

Scholarship / I support myself with part time job, have habit of donating blood regularly. Scholarship essay [4]

@pinky, to write a scholarship essay is already tasking and with the borderline of 100 words, it makes it more challenging.
However, I believe the prompt, "tell us why you should receive scholarship", should give you a guideline.
So, we try to dissect your essay;

- I camehale from a low-incomeless fortunate family,..
- ...my familythey have sacrificed so much...
- ..to ensure that I can get a good education,
- ..I am still in financial burdenfinancially unable to suffice my needs , and this is...
- just one of the reason why I apply for scholarship.to pay for my costly tuition fees.
- I believe that I am qualified to apply this scholarship, beside my academic accomplishment will qualify me as a recipient of the program ,..
- I have also involved in otheractively participate in extra curricular activities,as well, I have participated
-the National Service program..
- ...which shapedhonedup me to become an independent person.
- Not only this,I have habit ofAmong the priorities I make is donating blood on a regular...
- ...basis which is my own way to contribute forto the community.
- I believe this scholarship can motivate me to reachgrant me a higher academic excellence..
- ...and becamebecome a successful person.

@pinky, I haven't really check the word count, I leave it up to you and I hope the remarks I made help and I wish you the best of luck!!!

Graduate / Responsibilities of educational institutions in regard to their students. Preparing to GRE [6]

@sid, I would rate your article at 4.5 on GRE.

Reason being:

- you did what is asked of your article
- elaborated the facts
- winged out analytic comparison
- cite examples
- made sure that the rule of the language is taken into consideration
- mapped out the dynamics of educational institutions

Last but not the least, I can tell that you enjoyed writing this piece and making your opinion known as well as sending your message to your readers.

Writing Feedback / Living up to the accustomed standard -Cbest writing practice essay [3]

- When I Typo in this part) was a boy,..
- We must have gotten turned around...
- In fact most school districts are computer drivenperational .
- Assignments are researched, writtenedwritten and edited all on a computer.
- Formal research are rarely done with hard copy references;, most sources...
- AThisWhat this means for a student to succeed,...
-...that were once considered luxuriesa luxury are now our necessities.
- Smart phone, wifi and electronics once considered toys or luxuriesluxury are...

I hope the few remarks I made help.
The only thing that I noticed is mostly typo and that is exactly where your EF comes in, we proof read and redefine as well as enhance your essay to the best we can.

I know that this may also sound weird but reading from time to time expands your vocabulary and keeps you updated with the latest happenings may it be on writing, events or just about anything.

Graduate / Responsibilities of educational institutions in regard to their students. Preparing to GRE [6]

- Educational institutions areis the ..
- place where the future generation are processedhoned to make..
-...a lively hoodlivelihood for themselves and ultimately serve the nation.
- Now(without this word, your sentence can stand alone) Educational institutions..
- ...they have to be governed by somea set of ideology
-I am a strong believer of the fact that an institutions should strongly..
- ....little chance of gettingbecoming successful.
- Since they are the building block of the society hence it is there responsibility is to..
- ..make sure that every student which is gettingthat are coming out of the...
- If a student is constantly failingfails in a stream...
- The fact is one should focus all his effort in to an area where there is a more possibility of success i.e in to his area of strength .

I just want to add that you don't need to overwhelm your sentences, what you tend to do is cite in all your ideas in one sentence. What you can do is break your ideas, know your priorities and know when your sentence can stand alone without having a lot of ideas rolled into one.

Scholarship / THE BEST CITY IN THE WORLD essay - I need to pass my prepare class [2]

- Some of them are famous for their...
- cultural way and some of them with the way they are looking etc.
- In my opinion there is a city that is more cooler,cultural and spectacular than any others.

- Istanbul has been the capital for a lot of country.
- That's why,Istanbul has a mixed culture of religion and society.
- In 2015This year ,Istanbul is the most famous..
- ..and crowded city ofin Turkey.

- In istanbulIstanbul ( I know this is just typo but be careful, make sure that you proof read your essay) ,you can...
- ...is a good place to being social and have...
- fun but like 10 munitesminutes ( typo again and spell check all the time) walk away you...
- can see the Galata Tower., ( punctuations are crucial too, I mean they're minor but will be better if you put the right punctuations) ..
- ...you can see the whole Istanbul view in Galatafrom the Tower.

- ...a city it'swith both haveeuropaEurope and asiaAsia ( when referring to a country or a city make sure that you capitalize the first letter)onin the same geographical location,...

I must say that your essay is not that strong and it lacks a lot of linking verbs, the ideas are also not in one place, however, you can practice writing more and you should be fine next time.

Undergraduate / Working in a real industry gives me experience I need. Study plan for transfer application process. [4]

- Despite of my faint childhood memories,
- ..Indonesia has been still remainingremained as one of unforgettable event in my heart.

- For the reason of my curiosity, I left my parent's sight and wanderedMy curiosity led me to wander around...
- ...the whole of the hotel and as a result, I got lost.
- However, just at that moment, a man dressed in a smart uniform who came up to me and asked...
- ..me something in a language I could not understand.
- After he looked afterHe looked at me me for a few minutes,
- ...my parents and I were reunited bywith the man's help.
- ...I have had aspirations to be an hotelier.

Being a hotelier myself, I know very well that it's not an easy job, I believe nothing is easy, in everything we do, we have to give our best.

Undergraduate / My Life Along The Railroad [3]

- ...became an integral part of my life oncewhen I received...
- As for myself me,...

- ..and keep my love for trains all the more alive.
- For example,W hen I look back...
- ...the cry of the horn resonate within my eardrums.
- ..I made one summer trackside;, it is also a memory of the distant past.

A few very minor corrections from my side, I hope it helps.
I agree that your essay is written well, it's good essay and really elaborated your love for this transportation machines.

Essays / United States Naval Academy Personal Statement - how to start? [5]

1) Describe what led to your initial interest in the naval service and how the Naval Academy will help you achieve your long range goals, and

(2) Describe a personal experience you have had which you feel has contributed to your own character development and integrity.

Christina, it's actually quiet good that you have a guideline in writing this essay, it makes it easier to write and to highlight the importance of your statement and to let the academy know that you will render unwavering service to the Naval Academy.

I have written an additional guideline for you.

- Know the mission of the academy
- their vision
- rules and regulations
- mention your academic achievements
- what led you to the academy
- what are your aspirations
- how will you support yourself in attaining your goals
- how does the naval service affect you as a human being, your behavior , your morals and your life as a whole
- lastly write about what you can do to contribute to the community as a naval serviceman,

I hope that with this guideline you will be able to come up with your statement, when you do, post it here on EF so we can help you further.

Writing Feedback / Do you agree or disagree that advertising serves no purpose for the society and should be banned? [4]

Advertising is a means of marketing strategy. That's my point of view.

Undergraduate / Does the course at school prepare you for work in the future? [4]

The first step in achieving your dreams is dreaming of them, when you do, you start to practice them then preach them, this is my way of sharing to you what I did in life and how I master the English language, this is the same way you should do to attain that goal of becoming an English teacher.

Let me help you out on this sentences.

- Teaching English is my dream work in the future .
- Becoming an English teacher ,is one of an interesting job,
- isit's not an easy thing to do.
- In Reading 2, I haveallows me to change..
- Absolutely, itConsequently I know this will also happens when I become..
- As an English teacher, I will work with many different types of students,
- ...so I have to adjust the way I teach to suit each class - or even each student.
- In a wordNeedless to say , Reading 2 at school does prepare me for work in the future.

Well, the best of luck to you!!!
The remarks I made above are very minor and I believe you executed the English language very well.

Undergraduate / Challenges of a turban / Tomato Head - background, talent essay [4]

- ...discrimination because of my different looks .
- Being different forces me to confront who I really am...

- So wasis the person who introduced fiber optics in this country.
- And recentlyRecently , a Sikh man...
- ...both publicallypublicly ( turn on your spell checker to avoid spelling mishaps) and privately,
- ..and maybe even have enough of an impact to prevent..

Being an advocate of your religion is a big deal, they say we practice what we preach and I always consider this, this is the same thing that you do, I guess the golden rule is indeed golden. Do unto others what you want others do unto you. However, challenging, but hey, we live to change our life one day at a time, no force applied, no one get hurt just change for the better and for the greater good of the society.

Undergraduate / Harvard Supplement: Role of Medicine in my Life [4]

- Honestly, I retained a little.
- ButmyMy ( this sentence should start good and "but" is not the right word to begin with) fascination with medicine began earlier.
- But I'm too busy to listen as I am upstairs scanning my aunt's bookshelves to listen .
- Vintage medical instruments and books studdedadorns her office's walls.
- ...didn't end there:, in the years following years ,

- AdmittedlyConsequently , my coat dragging along my coat the maze...
- It's athe path I've imagined..

Well written essay, I can feel that you're inspired and ever willing to learn and share the knowledge you will gain.
Best of luck and I hope the corrections I made help you out.

Graduate / SOP for MS in MIS with IT Background - 1.7 years of work experience in Infosys Limited [4]

- So after a successful career in the IT Industry I..
- Very soonNot long enough, I got a job as Systems Engineer...

- A company uses it in all of its business operations and processes.
- The basic intentintention is to manage..
- Using anWith the use MIS,..
- There are numerous plusesadvantages in using an MIS.

What I notice as i read thru your essay is that you try to elaborate ideas to the extent of going thru one idea over and over, this helps but when you are stating the obvious, there's a tendency that your readers might loose interest in the essay.

Overall, your essay is good and I hope you make it to your masters.

Graduate / Not everyone is aware of the importance of anesthesiology. AA-PA personal statement narrative [5]

- ButHowever("But" connotes a very negative approach ) what helps is knowing
- ...that there is an anesthetistanesthesiologist with you along the way.
- The anesthetistanesthesiologist informs the patient of..
- ..the surgery and attemptsadminister anesthesia to calm their nerves before surgery.

Note: Change "anesthetist" to "anesthesiologist" all through out your essay as this is the right word to use in this case.

- ..I decided to major intake biology as my major because

- ...becoming an anesthesiologist assistant is whatwhere my passion islies .
- SinceAs my original interest was in the field of medicine,

Taking medicine as a path to conquer is challenging and interesting at the same time, it needs a lot of focus, undying love to help others and the passion to perform the task properly. An anesthesiologist is doing the same exact thing so I say good luck and prepare your gears for this chosen career.

Writing Feedback / Why a company which build a large factory near my community gets my support? TOEFL essay [2]

- ...esspeciallyspecially ( be careful with your spelling, turn on spell checker) in hometowns.
- This certainly has adverse influence and positive influenceoutburst on the local area.

- On the oneother hand,
- On the other handOn a lighter note , a large factory will bring a myriad of advantages..
- Firstly , building a large factory will tackle some societal problems.
- It is the large factory that provides countless employment opportunities will be offered ,
-...hence the local people can easily occupy well-paid jobs in the factory.
- As a result, unemployment ratio and crime rate will be reduced .
- In my view, the authorityThe authorities should combinatework hand in hand with the company...
- ...and giudeguide the company to implement inviromentalenvironmental agreement.
- Only by doing this can inviromental problems be solved.In doing so, the line will be drawn in order to keep the environment in utmost level of importance.

Well written essay, however I suggest you practice more, read and review your spelling from time to time, learning is a never ending process and with TOEFL it's quiet tricky so do an extra effort to review and research.

Undergraduate / Bike or not? 'I just learned to ride' common app essay - may it bring a wrong impression of me? [4]

@Mvp, I have a few remarks below;

3rd paragraph
- Janete brought her bike and insisted for me to try it .
- There I was, with 14 years old trying once again.
- ...follow her instructions and trust memyself .
- If I could trust in me toand take care of myself,

Last paragraph
- ...many things I loose during my childhood because of my silly fear:. (mind your punctuation marks)
- The outdoor activityactivities was really nice.

Writing this essay was one of your fears to, but hey, one stroke of your pen, ideas rush in, words fall into place and here you are, one essay full of memories and a few enhancements from my side and you have an interesting piece of article!!!

Undergraduate / Sociology and human aspects - University of Oregon essay [2]

- The human personbeing is a complex and individualistic beingprofile .
- ...and his bond betweenamongst fellow individuals...
- The nature of a human being is often perplexing as is the community in which he exists.

- The societalsocial norms and standards set the boundaries..
- Insights into the field of...

- Nothing is as it seemsNonetheless , sociology requires...
- Once we better understand ourselves,
- WithArmed with my enriched education...
- ...I hope to one day contribute to the good of our society.

There you go, I believe your essay is written well, I hope you make it to the scholarship.

Undergraduate / I want to change the world! SOP Transfer Essay [2]

- ...I hope to promote the attainment of the skills necessary to...
- ...education and history was ignited during my sophomore year of high school.
- and analytical skills to make well informed decisionsdiscussion .
- Upon completion of my Bachelor's degree I wish to return to my home ofto Corpus Christi and..
- ...instrumental in helping me develop my professional goals...
- ...and affirm to mean affirmation that working in a classroom
- ...I intendwillto utilize the education acquired at the University..
-...to transform students'"students" can stand alone without the punctuation mark) lives for
- the bettermentthe greater good of the society and make the world a better place.

@cct, I believe you have a strong essay. I made a few corrections and I hope it helps.

Undergraduate / UofWa Transfer Statement on how life and study in college has shaped me. [2]

Meenu, I will tackle the first 3 paragraphs on your application essay;

- My college career has only consisted of attendingI attended college in Bellevue College...
- following the completion of high school.
- At Bellevue College I entered to complete a transferI took an associate degree for business.
- In high school, I had only applied to one school for enrollment., (you can merge this phrases with a comma to form a sentence)a fter not being accepted into that school,...

- I decided to attended Bellevue College and prepare myself...
- I decided not to pursue nursing school because theNursing job holds exceptionally high liability exposure and I know I'm not geared for that .
- I decided to go into theThe business field because it is so diverse
- and because I had some previous experience from attending totending my family's businesses.

-The partners who had filed the lawsuit no longer worked at the business which the suit was about andbeing sued are no longer working with us ,

- so my family had to take over the business

- OnceWhen the lawsuit was resolved in February of 2015...
- ...I managed to do my bestwell while being a full time employee.
- I was not able to attend to three of the thirteen classes.
- Missing three classes was significantly a lot because...
- ...allowed for me to get a sense of how...

Well, Meenu, you said it was a rough draft and yes it is a very rough draft, however you were able to answer what was asked and elaborate your answers too.

I hope my remarks help.

Undergraduate / Self- Reflection Personal Statement For UC admissions [4]

@Henr, let me try to help you out as well;

- It is common for people to consider thisrefer to their childhood years to be the best year of the life;
-...a majority of the momentsmine were overshadowed..
- I have dealt with the issue of social anxiety for almost a huge portionpart of my life.
- In an attempt integrate memyself into social circles with my peers ,
- AtIn the beginning,
- Videos games, at that time,( stating time frame is not necessary in this sentence as it is obvious) were
- I was disillusioned by the reality that video games brought into my world and was sucked into it.lost control of my life and my connections to reality.

- However, onceWhen my grades started to decline steeply,
- my parents had stripped me ofoff
- VideoThe (try not to use the same words all over again) games were the only motivations for me to do well inI have . - But once my video games were taken away from me, I lost all motivation all of a sudden and struggled in school, dealing with the emotional baggage for several months after the incident.This sentence is like a summary of the last 5 sentences you have, I deem them necessary for the essay)

- After realizing from my mistakes,
- ...people strived for in another country .
- ...my parents wanted me to be and was angry...

As much as you can be conscious with your word count, you have to learn writing freely and incorporate your ideas before starting to write, this is what you do when you draft, proof reading and with our help here on EF you will get the best out of your essay. The remarks I made above should help a little bit.

Graduate / Choosing Economics as a course of study was a simple choice. Suggestions, additions and subtractions [6]

@Zayn, it doesn't sound repetitive but it sounds off. It seems like easy - breezy sentence to describe or define Economics.
I suggest the following;

ChoosingRedefining Economics asis a course of focus in this study.was a simple choice

There you go, I must say though, your title didn't strike me as something to correct at first but with you question, it made me realize it was not strong enough and does not compliment your essay, you should be good to go now.

Speeches / An ice-breaker speech for my speech class [4]

- My life began in a small town far from here.("here", meaning from the school or from the country, try to be specific)

- Ever since I wasAs a little girl,
- Someone with a missionvision, a person with a mission .
- AndN ow here I am,
- standing in frontbefore all of you todayas
- a full pledge college student with a mission in life
- It's amazing how time flies.
- I like small crowds and I enjoy hanging...
- My parents raised me not to maketo be contented with life and not to be complicated.

There you have it, I hope it helps.

Research Papers / Curing Yourself the Natural Way [3]

Tlwash, upon proof reading your essay, I have a few questions;

- when you say plant diet, what do you exactly mean?
- if it's vegetables that you mean by plant diet, please define the the two
- your choice of words is quiet confusing.

I will tackle the last part of your essay.

- As stated earlyearlier , eat to live not live to eat.
- People enjoy food so much that they feel if they only have plants to eat, it won't...
- ...trying new and different foods .
- ...various illnesses or ailments went togo for a plant based diet.
- Those that are on a plant based diet that previously had...
- cardiovascular disease or diabetes or even higher risk forof cancer

As much as I believe in modern medicine, there's no denying that herbal medication with natural diet goes a long way when practiced properly.

However, it is not advisable to just take any herbal medication without experts advise. When it comes to natural diet, I believe one need to play with how their body is taking it and take it from there.

Moving on to your writing, for future reference, refrain from using the same words or phrase all through out the essay and avoid direct translation.

Grammar, Usage / 'to learn' vs 'gain an understanding' - Is there a difference of meaning? [3]

Hi, though paraphrasing can be challenging, I believe you did a good job.
A few points to note though;

- when paraphrasing, make sure that the idea is still there
- keep your focus on the topic
- know the idea or the point you want to drive
- review the rules of the english language
- mind the words you use to stress your point

This guidelines should be able to make the next essay or paraphrasing dilemma a little bit easy for you.
Should you need any more help, let us know and EF is here for you.

Graduate / Choosing Economics as a course of study was a simple choice. Suggestions, additions and subtractions [6]

@Zayn, let me help you out with your essay;

- ...further my studies in this field is as a result of my passion and believebelief in the importance...

- I grew up on the poor side of the circle but was opportunefortunate

- ...I excelled under his tutoringmentorship .

-...in English and Economics;, ( a comma would be good to break this sentences) interestingly...

So there you have it, not much remarks as your essay is quiet strong already. What I like about it is that, it's very detailed, well written if I may say, you were able to elaborate your experiences and how you work your way up in achieving your goals. I know that it's still a long way to go for you but keep your hopes high and never get tired of sharing your life to others.

Undergraduate / 'severe case of asthma' - UC personal statment about my world in which I grew up [4]

- SoW hile the neighborhood kids ran...
- ...what wasis outside.
- As the years went onby ,..
- more physical activatesactivities ( be carfeull with misspelled words as they can have a totally different meaning to the sentence) , but...
- The early stages of making a puzzles,..
- Carefully sorting out over a 1000 pieces, ( punctuation marks are also essential part of your sentence) the size of a dime, by color is no easy task.

- But( it's not advisable to start your sentence with a negative "but")O nce the pieces..
- start falling into place,

I believe coding is more difficult than forming a puzzle, the only similarity that I can think of doing this two things is that they give a great deal of satisfaction as soon as it's done, when the puzzle is formed and when your coded program starts running.

Overall, very minor remarks on your essay, however I suggest that you add a few more sentences which signifies a complete cause and effect in battling asthma attacks. Good luck!!!

Essays / 'The Odyssey' - Beginning my term paper; How do I begin? [4]

@Lionel, this term paper may seem challenging but if you do an extensive research, you should be fine.
I also have a few points for your paper;

- Define greek mythology ot the beginning of "the Odyssey"
- how does this affect our daily existence
- how does the our belief in god's existence influence us
- define the logical order of actions and consequences following the rules govern by Odyssey
- Finally, what are your personal thoughts in believing and following ancient greek myths.

When it comes to your writing, make sure you do the following;
- be objective
- focus on your subjects
- research and provide the facts and facts alone
- cite examples if you can, personal experiences will also add interest to your paper

Draft it and post it here on EF so we can help out

Undergraduate / Different view from a teacher or employer during a performance evaluation process [3]

- ....sketchbooks were due onceevery a week.
- This meant anything of your choosingyou choose .
- ...of a nude womenwoman crying from torso up.
- ...but I was not understandinggrasp this.
- ...I thought of course so I wouldn't fail the assignmentwon't fail ,
- but then I realized by covering the...
- ...buthowever in the end I will always..

Well, there's nothing wrong with being true to yourself and it's the best thing you can give yourself, however, as an artist you need to respect and follow the theme as instructed, this goes along with the respect you give to your mentor. Nudity, for somebody like you is art, for others it may mean something else, different people, different views and absolutely different appreciation towards different arts. On the other hand, the essay you have speaks for itself and it's well written.

Scholarship / Explain the positive and negative effects of internet on medical and dental research [5]

- It can not be denied The role of internet and social network in the developing of scientific research cannot be denied .
- Firstly, the spread of internet reduces works offor scientists.
- Scholars may find it helpful in getting ideas for their research.
- For instancem(be careful of your typo, proof reading helps) those who get
- ...workload allows scientists to recover and innovate.
- Conversely,Relatively the effects of internet sometimes hurt scientists.
- One of problems is that the laboratory facesis faced with the risks...
- too many resources are available online causes confusedconfusion .
- ..however, it's also the source of some serious problems.
- On theThe whole the benefits of internet outweigh the detriment.
- Learning the way to use the internet osis definitely the
- best way to stay away from badunwanted situations.

@Terri, I definitely agree that the internet and technology as a whole has turned our world into a whole new level of machine powered world. We do simple things easy and comfortably with the help of technology. The advantages they bring might also come with a lot of negativities and this is, as much as I hate to write it, also due to negligence that we sometimes unwillingly do or accidentally did. Overall, your essay is an eye opener and you did a good job.