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Posts by EF_Sean
Name: Writer
Joined: Dec 9, 2008
Last Post: Oct 30, 2009
Threads: 6
Posts: 3460  
From: Canada

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EF_Sean   
Feb 28, 2009
Undergraduate / " Would I fit in?" ;TRANSFER -UT Austin McCombs-SOP [3]

Your essay is excellent. Great style, solid grammar, and you stay on-topic. For the second one, the key, as Kevin said, is to find something that you are passionate about. After all, the topic asks you to pick an issue that is important to you. The over-medication of America topic is a strong choice because it isn't a topic that comes up that often in the media, at least not compared to the other two options you listed. Also, you seem to know people whom you think are over-medicated, so you might be able to inject a personal element into your essay if wrote about it.
EF_Sean   
Feb 28, 2009
Writing Feedback / Write a short story in which the central character is a rebellious teenager [6]

"the suffering I would be forced to endure during my teenage years"

"First of all, they should have known that my mothers predominant nose and my fathers wide jaw would combine to make a very unattractive baby." Excellent. It's so nice to read something written by someone with a sense of humor.

"Luckily it was canceled after my first year due to the high number of suicide attempts by members of the group" Nice.

"and dealt soft drugs for a living."

Great story. I'm not sure that her good looks and her tendency to poke people in the eye are naturally related, but other than that it is well-written.
EF_Sean   
Feb 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Commonapp short answer ("a member of track and field team") [5]

Hi George, the first line is not particularly strong, so why bother to use it? Maybe sometime today you will think of a great, attention-grabbing first line that seems right to you.

Some pointers:

"I feel that I have greatly benefited from them" Them doesn't refer back to anything. "member," "team," and "university" are all singular nouns.

"which we have eventually won with a great breakaway,"

"I was no longer unagitated " Beware the double negative.
EF_Sean   
Feb 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Statement of purpose (the Petroleum and Geosystems Engineering program) [2]

Some fixes for you:

"After high school graduation I had to decide which colleges I am going to apply and what major to pursue."

"A great impact on my decision did my father, who has graduated from Gubkin Russian State University of Oil and Gas with major in petroleum geology." Revise to "My father, , who graduated from Gubkin Russian State University of Oil and Gas with a major in petroleum geology. greatly impacted my decision"

"This is one of the best schools in that field in the former USSR."

"oil is the most important of the few products exported from Kazakhstan to other countries " The crossed-out phrase is redundant, since it is implied in the word "exported"
EF_Sean   
Feb 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Why did you choose to apply to UCF? ["My mind is like a open book"] [4]

Here are a few fixes and suggestions:

"with cancer-causing substances"

"As a man who immigrated to the United States and took care of eight children, where three of whom were not his but from my grandmothers first marriage and who also sent money to his own three children in the Dominican Republic." Okay, in this sentence, the "As" turns what you have so far into a dependent clause. You need to link it to a independent one. For instance: "As a man who raised eight children, he knew something about living in crowded conditions." The second half of this sentence could stand on its own as a complete sentence, and so is considered an independent clause. The first half uses "as," which means it can't stand on its own -- it needs to connect to one that can. So, to finish fixing the sentence, add an independent clause to the end.

"My grandfather only had a sixth grade education he as a man who worked his whole life just to give some sort of comfort and security for his children." In addition to being grammatically incorrect, this sentence merely repeats what you have already said. Omit.

"Although I regret leaving you now"

"you shall not become like me dying here"
EF_Sean   
Feb 28, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Green Jeans" / "The love of my life" / "Fathers" - rhetorical essays (finals) [9]

I suspect that Mustafa's reaction to the essays is actually proof that you have done a good job in writing for a specific audience. That audience seems to be younger, single, women (even though you are not single yourself). I'm guessing Mustafa is not a younger single woman, and so it is unsurprising that he would find the topics insipid. Really, anyone who isn't interested in finding jeans that make them look sexy or in finding true love with a guy they met a bar isn't likely to be personally taken with the essays. Fortunately, some of us understand that just because a particular essay isn't aimed at us, it could still be interesting to its intended audience.
EF_Sean   
Feb 28, 2009
Grammar, Usage / Another MLA question [11]

That's interesting, about the second sentence. It's a fairly standard construction, almost cliche. Certainly I could see myself writing a similar sentence if I were writing on the same topic. I wonder what the chances are of two writers coming up with a very similar sentence construction when writing on the same topic, especially when those two can be any two picked out of a pool of thousands? I'm assuming in this case that the example wasn't deliberate plagiarism, given that Lauren went out of her way to cite everything else.
EF_Sean   
Feb 28, 2009
Essays / Struggling with my virtue ethics paper [6]

It normally takes a couple of days for a fair amount of feedback to come in, and it can take considerably longer to fully take advantage of the forums if you find you need to do several sets of revisions. Oh well: at least you know for next time. Hope your essay is well-received by whoever is grading it.
EF_Sean   
Feb 28, 2009
Writing Feedback / A creation of the mind - "Imagination" essay [7]

"so why write an essay on the basis of such a monotonous concept, the answer is simple, I do not intend to." But you do. I mean, you have. This makes no sense.

"The untrained mind is a beautiful thing, because it holds no prejudice." Actually, the untrained mind is far more likely to prejudiced than the trained one, because it has not learned the intellectual tools necessary to sort out false arguments from true, or to distinguish emotional impulses from rational thought.

Your thoughts seem a bit scattered and unfocused. Perhaps you should revise, thinking about the etymology of the word "imagine." Where does the word come from? What is its root? What does this tell us about the nature of the faculty of imagination? Why might Wordsworth praise this faculty in his poem "Weak is the will of man?" Etc.
EF_Sean   
Feb 28, 2009
Grammar, Usage / Another MLA question [11]

Of course I could scour the net, find more sources, and put in more information to make it seem less awkward.

Well, at least you know what you should do . . .

But if you're not going to, then what you have done is fine. It is better to cite a bit too much than to leave off a citation and get accused of plagiarism. The former might lose you a percentage point or two of the mark, probably not even enough to knock you down a letter grade, whereas the latter can be a very serious matter indeed.

"con versely, the enemy would be at a disadvantage with theirs"
EF_Sean   
Feb 27, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Green Jeans" / "The love of my life" / "Fathers" - rhetorical essays (finals) [9]

". . . in which whomwho have allegedly kidnapped their child or children."

"That is to say that shortly after, my thoughts would come to an answer while" Too wordy. Try "I now know that at least sometimes, the latter is true,"

"Those of whomwhich followed " As in the previous example involving "whom," "who" is actually correct here. The two words cause a lot of confusion for some reason. Really, the distinction is quite simple. "Who" is the subjective form, while "whom" is the objective form. So, "who" is like "he," "she," and "I" (words which don't give anyone much trouble), while "whom" is like "him," "her," and "me." In this case, you would say "he followed," not, "him followed," so "who" is correct.

"all in whichof whom were female" And here "whom" is correct, because "all of them" were female.

"not even of a man of which whomwho is a DARN GOOD father."

"and avoid J.W.'s visitation rights,in which were violating the legal child custody papers."

You might not want to mention the whole kidnapping thing, as it sort of makes it sound as if you and your fiance are contemplating doing something extremely illegal. Hopefully you're not, but either way you probably don't want to give that impression.
EF_Sean   
Feb 27, 2009
Undergraduate / The University of Texas (Artistic Impact) [3]

Overall a good essay that answers the prompt clearly.

"and etc" is redundant. Just go with "etc."

"because of the short of years spent," This does not make sense. Revise. If you ended up going to another school, make that clear.
EF_Sean   
Feb 27, 2009
Essays / How to start a statement of purpose for E-business ?? [6]

Okay, what you have so far are some good reasons for going into e-business. Now, expand on them. So, the amount of trade conducted electronically has grown extraordinarily. It still is much less than the amount of trade conducted in traditional venues, so why not pursue an MBA? You want to run your own business. Great. What sort of business? Will it be wholly an e-commerce one, or do you just want to be ready to give your ordinary business an e-presence? Then, add to that your reasons for taking a degree at the particular university you are applying to. So, why X university instead of universities A, B, or C?

You see, the best way to start writing is to start writing. Put stuff down on paper (metaphorically speaking). Even if your ideas don't really connect up all that well at first, at least you'll have a draft to work with. You can rearrange your sentences, even entire paragraphs, to improve. Then, you can worry about polishing the first sentence or adding an interesting hook. It isn't that uncommon for professional writers to write the introduction last, once they know what it is they will be introducing, as it were.
EF_Sean   
Feb 27, 2009
Undergraduate / Technology for ESL Students [6]

Hey Ruth,

You should post your request for help as the start of a new thread, rather than tacking it on to some one else's. Otherwise, things begin to get confusing. If you are having trouble starting a new thread, don't forget that you have to give other people feedback on their work first.
EF_Sean   
Feb 27, 2009
Writing Feedback / Essay on equal gender in university [4]

Here are some grammatical fixes for you:

"Gender equality is standard in the modern world. Today, me n and wome n are equal under the laws, even woman has more protection . But it is unreasonable for gender equality to be defined as gender samenessmust be carried out in everything . As anFor example, it would be unreasonable for a university to try to accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject in the university is unable to accept ."

"Student performance and preference is reasons." You need to expand on this sentence for it to make sense.

"Firstly, universities usually base admittance on student performance in pre-university like high school to enroll new students . Therefore, the numbers of male and female students accepted into different departments will subjects is not always be equal. If the university tries to balance the ratioof male to female students , they will lead tohave to accept students who do not meet the requirements. For this reason, the educational environment of the university will be affected. NumberQuality is what the university should cares about, not numbersquality ."
EF_Sean   
Feb 27, 2009
Writing Feedback / Summary Writing on the issue of Urbanization [7]

Yes, if the article is stored online somewhere, by all means post the link and your summary so that we can read both of them and give you feedback on your summary of it. As Kevin said, just make sure it is a summary in your own words.
EF_Sean   
Feb 27, 2009
Essays / How to start a statement of purpose for E-business ?? [6]

I would suggest you write down everything you want to say in your statement of purpose, focusing on your reasons for wanting to apply to whatever university you are applying to. Then, we can give you feedback on how to revise what you have written to make it a great SoP. As it is, it is difficult to help you start, because we have no idea what your purpose actually is.
EF_Sean   
Feb 27, 2009
Writing Feedback / When I am in uncertainty I feel my emotions at their strongest [5]

Decide what you most want to say about uncertainty, then turn that into your thesis statement. Then, revise the essay to tie all of your examples back to that thesis statement in some way. This will give you a much stronger essay. At the moment, as Tyler says, your essay seems to jump from example to example without unifying around a central theme.
EF_Sean   
Feb 27, 2009
Essays / Struggling with my virtue ethics paper [6]

It would help if you posted what you have come up with already. Beyond that, your thesis statement is essentially what you plan to argue, so it would presumably look at lot like this: "The virtue of _____, which can be described as _____, would best be introduced to _____ by ____." You'd just fill in the blanks with information taken from the body of your essay.
EF_Sean   
Feb 27, 2009
Grammar, Usage / APA formatting - Review Essay [17]

APA doesn't allow you to abbreviate "no date" to "n.d."? That's unfortunate. I know many systems of citation allow you to cut down on amount you have to write in the bibliography by abbreviating many of the common phrases that crop up. For instance, in MLA, you can reduce "University Press" to UP.
EF_Sean   
Feb 27, 2009
Research Papers / Starting Research Paper (Kring's "Heroes") [19]

In keeping with Tyler's comment, I repeat what I said before: "If you really want to write about Charles Darwin, why don't you write about how his theory affected literature in the Victorian and Modern periods. The Time Machine, for instance, shows how humans might evolve over time into two separate species. Most of Charles Dickens work is a rejection of the ideas of the social Darwinists, who believed that the poor should be allowed to perish for the good of the human race. And so on." This would have the benefit of keeping your paper focused purely on British Lit, without moving into the realm of television at all.
EF_Sean   
Feb 27, 2009
Research Papers / The Psychological, Physiological, and Neurological effects of Marijuana and Cocaine Use in Humans. [34]

Hmmm . . . well, we seem to be getting to the point where we're going to begin repeating ourselves, so I'll forbear continuing the thread in like vein, but hopefully our discussion has given you plenty to think about. I agree with Kevin -- I can't wait to see what you ultimately come up with. If you are just going to deal with the neurological and physiological effects, then I'm afraid most of what we have discussed won't be of that much use to you. Just try to avoid mixing in unsupported assertions of personal opinion on the psychological effects in with your discussion of the medical effects of using the drugs you are discussing.
EF_Sean   
Feb 26, 2009
Undergraduate / Summer Program Why biomedical research? [5]

Definitely on the right track. Some more minor grammatical things:

"I read about anatomy over and over and to my captivated eyes, the most perfect machine ever built. " This sentence seems to be missing some words. Revise.

"Once in secondary school, now possessing more maturity and academic experience, what started as mere curiosity evolved into the force that drove me" Oh no! You've misplaced your modifier! It wasn't "what started as mere curiosity" that possessed "more maturity and academic experience." It was you. Revise.
EF_Sean   
Feb 26, 2009
Undergraduate / Short essay for Summer Program (infallible set of skills) [8]

Your essay is getting pretty good. Now, you must learn to master the comma:

"new things, something my parents have always encouraged. "

"Here I had the chance, not only to immensely expand my academic alternatives, but also to interact with students from all over the island."

"I am looking forward to repeating that experience on a whole new level, by participating in the Summer Undergraduate Research Focus and interacting with people from various parts of the globe, learning their cultures and sharing mine."

"This program will expose me to the world of genetics research, prepare me for the world of graduate education, and take me many steps closer of reaching my goal of continuing on to receive a Ph.D. in Human Genetics. "

". . . make me a better scientist, colleague, and possible mentor."
EF_Sean   
Feb 26, 2009
Undergraduate / U of Illinois Academic Interests and Goals - Legend [5]

This is generic: "As I grew up, many questions for which I sought the answer were answered, yet many more were generated. This encouraged me to learn even more. I frequently updated myself with the latest knowledge about science. It was eye-opening to learn about every wonder that were created by engineers." You could delete most if not all of this without significantly harming your essay.

Same with this: "As I believed that knowledge shines when it is used for the sake of other people, I hope one day I could contribute my knowledge and be influential too."

And this: "As an engineer, I would constantly research and learn, in hopes to improve human living standard."

And this: "I foresee myself devoting efforts to different engineering projects and creating beneficial products for people. I am prepared to excel at any endeavour to achieve my goal. Evolving under the wings of UIUC, I expect developing and learning from my experience in college. I will definitely be a legend that creates wonders for the world."

So, really, a large percentage of your essay is, as you feared, generic and bland. So, replace the parts I've mentioned with more specific details, details that are unique to you. How do you personally want to contribute? How would you personally excel? What projects, beyond the one you mention, would you personally be interested in? And so on.
EF_Sean   
Feb 26, 2009
Writing Feedback / Reaction paper (reaction to the hotel we just visited) [3]

Actually, you can use "because" to begin a sentence, as long as it is used to begin a dependent clause that links to an independent one. This is true of all subordinating conjunctions. It's only coordinating conjunctions, such as "and" and "or," that cannot be used to start a sentence. And even that rule is true only in the strictest grammatical sense, and may be violated for stylistic reasons by an experience writer.

"Even though I only got to experience the cheapest but also of the high-class rooms "

"First to talk about is the food." This does not make sense. Revise. in fact, none of your introductory/transition statements really works as is. Try to expand them a bit.
EF_Sean   
Feb 26, 2009
Undergraduate / "What I can contribute to UTSA" (University of Texas at San Antonio) [5]

The problem here is that we don't actually know you, and so don't have the slightest clue as to what you would or could contribute to UTSA. However, the usual approach is to highlight extracurricular activities you have been involved in in high school, and then explain how you would become involved in the university version of those activities. If you don't have any extra-curricular activities, you could still talk about which ones you would join if you were accepted. If you were to post the ideas you currently have here, that might help us come up with more detailed suggestions.
EF_Sean   
Feb 26, 2009
Writing Feedback / Summary Writing on the issue of Urbanization [7]

The summary, yes. The original article, no, since our policy is not to allow material from other websites to be posted here (it avoids copyright issues and discourages plagiarism). However, if the original article is available online, you could provide the url so that people could simply follow the link and read it wherever it was originally posted.
EF_Sean   
Feb 26, 2009
Undergraduate / A person who has an influence (LOVE YOU so much) [9]

In the case of the breadwinner sentence, "is" seems to be the right tense. The movement back and forth between past and present tenses does get a bit jarring, though, so the essay would probably sound better if you used "has been," as Kevin suggested.
EF_Sean   
Feb 26, 2009
Undergraduate / The "Redneck" Culture - being a southern boy myself. [4]

You might want to provide a coherent definition for redneck that encompasses all of the meanings you list in your introduction. Presumably, "uneducated rural folk with limited exposure to people from other background," would about cover it. Someone who lives out in a rural area but who has a Ph.D. in Organic Chemistry wouldn't generally get hit with the redneck label, so a rural background alone wouldn't be enough. At the same time, an uneducated homeless man wandering the streets of a major city wouldn't qualify either, so lack of education alone wouldn't work either. Likewise, you need the last part of the definition to eliminate the trait of worldly sophistication, which generally disqualifies one from being a redneck. Then you can list the traits you currently include as potential identifying signs that someone might be a redneck.

"swinging on limbs from a gigantic Weeping Willow tree "
EF_Sean   
Feb 26, 2009
Research Papers / The Psychological, Physiological, and Neurological effects of Marijuana and Cocaine Use in Humans. [34]

Actually, no, you have defended, fairly strongly if somewhat verbosely, using the term "drug abuse." However, my whole point is that you are presupposing that "drug use" is synonymous with "drug abuse," which is not something you should presuppose at the beginning of your investigation. You could conclude that, at the end, though I believe that would be unlikely if you based your conclusion on an objective assessment of drug use, but you do need to carry out an objective assessment, which is impossible if you start out assuming the thing you hope to prove.

The distinction between dependence and addiction is pedantic. If you can't stop using, you're an addict. If you can, you're not. The word is neither loaded nor limited. You claim that "For a lot of people [the word 'addict']conjures up mental images of a raggedy unkempt person in the back of an alley shooting up their smack next to a homeless guy." This may be what the word conjures up for you, but it is not the meaning of the word. People can become psychologically addicted to just about anything. Sugar, as I mentioned, is more addictive to rats than cocaine. Gambling is addictive to many because both wins and near-wins result in increased dopamine levels in the gamblers brains. Video games can be addictive because they give a quick sense of accomplishment for little actual effort. If the word addiction carries a stigma with it, it is because it is bad. An addict by definition has lost control of his life to whatever he is addicted to. However, the fact that something can cause addiction (or even a dependence) doesn't mean no one should ever do it. If you never ate any form of sugar at all, you'd die. Gambling, in a limit form, can be entertaining and no more financially costly than a night out drinking. Video games, when played on a limited basis, can be quite educational.

In the case of drugs use (as opposed to abuse), there are many reasons why one might want to try them that are perfectly reasonable (though of course in the case of illegal drugs one should obey always obey the law). Curiosity, for example. For the drugs you are most concerned with in your essay, you might consider the following:

In the case of alcohol, most people who drink socially do so because it acts as a social lubricant. And by that, I don't just mean that it lowers inhibitions, though it does that too. It also provides a shared experience for the people who are drinking. Perhaps most importantly, it provides the people who are drinking with something to do, other than just sitting around talking. This last may sound odd if you've never thought about it, but psychologically, it's probably at least as important as the physical effects of drinking

In the case of marijuana, as I mentioned in a previous post, one of the effects listed on most sites about the drug is "bliss," and "euphoria." So, one of the main reasons people use it is because it makes them feel really good. It also alters your brain chemistry. Depending up on your original brain chemistry, this may or may not be desirable to the marijuana user. So, some people who smoke become paranoid, which is obviously bad. But some people who are really tense and introspective become more mellow and relaxed. Such effects don't necessarily wear off when the drug does, either. For these people, marijuana takes the place of various legal drugs they would probably be prescribed if they went to see a psychiatrist.

In the case of cocaine, most people who use it do so for the energy boost it gives them. It's a stimulant, and as such can keep you awake, which is why it's so popular with people who like to party all night long. It is also popular among people who drink fairly heavily, because the stimulative effects of the drug counteract the depressive effects of the alcohol.

Now, obviously using any of the three above-mentioned drugs can lead to addiction, or dependency, or drug abuse, or whatever you want to call it. However, this does not mean that drug use that does not lead to addiction is necessarily to be frowned upon. You mention that even one-time or occasional use of these drugs can be unhealthy, and that is true: it just isn't a good argument: everything you do poses some type of health risk (driving in a car is especially dangerous, compared to most other activities people engage in on a regular basis.), but the real question is whether the benefits outweigh the risks or not. You can argue that they don't, that's fine, but at the moment you just assert it, without offering much in the way of any defense.
EF_Sean   
Feb 25, 2009
Research Papers / Gradute Studies Final Research Project Question [16]

You might run into a bit of trouble finding a subject for the criminal side of your study. I mean, asking people who engage in illegal business activities to detail their business practices isn't likely to go down well. In fact, it seems like the premise underlying a CSI or Law and Order episode. "So, the guy we found floating in the harbor was a student asking questions about the way the local mafia boss ran his illegal businesses . . ."
EF_Sean   
Feb 25, 2009
Research Papers / Starting Research Paper (Kring's "Heroes") [19]

Well, I look forward to reading your draft, should you choose to post it here. I'm sort of curious as to how your essay turns out.
EF_Sean   
Feb 25, 2009
Research Papers / The Psychological, Physiological, and Neurological effects of Marijuana and Cocaine Use in Humans. [34]

Your essay as it is currently written doesn't make the distinction you mention in your post. Obviously, people who are addicted to a drug, any drug, have a problem. But you talk about people who "take" drugs and about "drug use". The vast majority of people who take alcohol or who use marijuana do not become addicted to them (most sources put the addiction rate for each in the 10%-15% range, and these are sites dedicated to warning people about the evils of drug use, so those numbers are probably exaggerated). Cocaine is much, much worse, though I can't track down the exact number off-hand. I believe it was somewhere in the 25%-50% range. So, the majority of people who use cocaine are still avoiding addiction, though the risk is much higher. Of course, recent studies indicate that is probably still far less addictive, than, say, sugar. So, if your essay is about people who suffer from drug addiction, then you should make that clear from the outset. If you are dealing only with the subset of drug users who suffer from addiction, then your arguments are considerably stronger than they first appeared.
EF_Sean   
Feb 24, 2009
Undergraduate / Stanford Residential Essays: future education, college exposure, SMYSP [3]

Okay, since this seems to be identical to your other thread, I have edited both so that each contains only half of the essays. This will make people more likely to comment on your work, since they won't be faced with such a long chunk of text to slog through before reaching the reply box.
EF_Sean   
Feb 24, 2009
Undergraduate / Stanford Essay - Medical: academic weekday, experience, low-income, health [2]

Hmmmm . . . perhaps you should break this up into several threads, by posting each essay as its own topic. It's a bit intimidating to have so much to edit at once! Here's some feedback on the first essay, at any rate:

"I can't bear to leave my friends, my family, and my comfort zone." Careful with your tenses. You write this sentence in the present tense, but the previous sentences have all been in the past.

In fact, upon further reflection, the first paragraph, while interesting, seems like it could be condensed into just one sentence, as it has little to do with the topic in the prompt.

"This period zero class starts at 6:50 A.M." So what? This is a recurring problem throughout the essay. You give a lot of details about your classes, which is good, but you don't always tie them back to a larger point about yourself. This is true of most of your discussion of P.E. and U.S, History too.

"I got a better barterbargain ."

Good luck with the revisions.
EF_Sean   
Feb 24, 2009
Undergraduate / Activity since secondary school [5]

What do you mean "you can't seem to access the reply?" You must be able to read our posts, or you wouldn't know we had replied.
EF_Sean   
Feb 24, 2009
Undergraduate / Returning to college at the age over 40 - how would this education change your life? [9]

"My dream of returning to college became short-circuited;"

"it lied dormant" No, it "lay" dormant. There are three verbs that are easily confused: "lay" which conjugates "lay, laid, laid", "lie" (in the sense of to lie down) which conjugates "lie, lay, lain," and "lie" (in the sense of to tell an untruth), which conjugates "lie, lied, lied." You want the second of these verbs, in the past tense, which is "lay."

Use parallel structure: "part of my job responsibility is to update our website, maintain our marketing materials, and look after our databases."
EF_Sean   
Feb 24, 2009
Undergraduate / admission essay (clear goals in medicine) [4]

Good essay overall. Some minor fixes:

"Glaring at what was before my eyes," Why glaring? The word implies a certain amount of anger.

"I believe that if a person wants to get far in this world, he would have tomust have goals."

"I understand that this is incrediblywill be difficult, but I feel that if I can dream it, I can achieve it."

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