Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - SPORT ON TELEVISION [2]

broadcasting sports events and its impact on people

in many parts of the world there is continuous coverage of sport on television. some people believe this discourages the young from taking part in any sport themselves. discuss this view and give your own opinion

Nowadays, technology brings big impact to all life aspects, include in sport. sport events are broadcast all over the world. some of them has purpose to give information about the match while the others only entertain the audience.

the main reason why people watch sport event on television is because they do not have any time for coming to the arena to see their favorite team played. they were busy at work and got tired. so they think watch sport in television is the best way to relax. in addition, watching sport on tube is the best way to save money. instead of spent it to buy the ticket and the refreshment.

therefore, this condition made the society, especially the youth lack of taking part in any sports themselves. for instance, after the audience watched football games, they only discussed it in social media while some people discussed with their office-mate in the next day.

finally, in my opinion the purpose of broadcasting of sport event on television have deviated. it would be worse if some sport channel not make campaign to persuade the audience to taking part in the game

Writing Feedback / There is one activity that teenagers recently prefer, and it is purchasing goods [2]

shopping is the favorite pastime for most of the young people.

why do you think is that?
do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities?

There is one activity that teenager like the most recently, it is purchasing of goods from stores without consider of usage of goods they bought. this phenomenon is caused by psychological factor. this essay will describe youngster should use their time and money to decent things such as joining art class or doing some sports.

According to the survey which is released by university, 8 of 10 juvenile feel happy after they bought something, they said this make their stress relieved. research said that shopping can bring happiness to those doing this activity, but it has continue effect, shoppping lead people get more tension because they feel guilty because what they bought actually is not useful.

Whereas, there are a lot of thing that youngster can do to relieved their Anxiety. for instance, doing sport or joining an art class. with those activities, they not only invest in money, but also invest in skill which they got can useful in the future, moreover they will get income if the want to share their skill.

to sum up, the reason why young people do shopping is to relieve their anxiety about school or work. in fact, the goods that already bought is not actually necessary, on the other hand, teenager should do useful activities such as join art class, or sport.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: The Development of Tourism Contributed to English Becoming the Most Prominent Language [3]

The development of tourism contributed to English becoming the most prominent language in the world. Some people think this will lead to English becoming the only language to be spoken globally. what are the advantages and disadvantages to having one language in the world

The increasing of tourism recently gave impact to people to use English more frequently over others languages in the world. People said that it can make English become the only language which people use to communicate internationally. This essay will discuss about benefits and drawbacks if it happens.

On the one hand, being easily connected all over the word is one of benefits if English was mother of tongue for everyone. If vigorous communication was built, diplomacy amongst countries, especially for two-conflict-countries, will result a win-win solution. Furthermore, this condition make peace happened and solve a lot of world problems such as hunger, poverty, equality and many more.

On the other hand, there are some problems will appear. People who understand English do not need read subtitle when they watch movie, and they will read international book version more often. it means translator job is not necessary anymore, and companies are beginning to retire their employees, which lead unemployed rate rise. this phenomenon has domino effect, which can give negative impact to others life aspects. for instance, when the quantity of jobless increase, the crime rate will rise as well.

to sum up, there are both positive and negative side, when English become one language people spoken globally. The benefits is no more language barrier and The drawbacks is interpreters will loss their job.

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: music should not be taught in schools instead other subjects such as computers and science [5]

music should not be taught in schools instead other subjects such as computers and science should be taught. do you agree or disagree with this statement?

teaching science and technology instead of music

it is argued that art lesson, especially music, is not allowed to be put in curriculum when teachers teach in school, some people think information technology and science more important to be learnt by youngster today. this essay will discuss about why science and technology should be learnt more in educational institution.

According to urgency level between music and computer technology and science, music is not too urgent to be taught in school. it is because development of technology is increasing in this modern world, people are demanded to know how to operate digital devices such as smartphone, vending machine, and laptop. moreover, in the near future, all daily activities are connected into the internet. one great example to describe this situation is people now be able to order food through smartphone.

beside that, learning music can be done in everywhere. people can learn music not only in school but also in the cyberspace. there are a lot of websites, which provide information about how to play guitar or how to read block note, to be accessed anywhere and anytime. Grace Vanderwaal is a great example to describe this condition. she won a singer competition, after she studied about playing an ukulele from Youtube.

to sum up, because of development of technology always increase day-by-day, people should prepare themselves to be able to operate high-tech. therefore, school should include science and technology to curriculum instead of music lesson.

Writing Feedback / Study of genetics recently has enormous role in this era - IELTS 2 [2]

Genetic engineering is an important issue in modern society. Some people think that it will improve people's lives in many ways. Others feel that it may be a threat to life on earth.

Discuss both opinions and give your opinion?

the power of genetic science

Study of genetics recently has enormous role in this era. it is argued that this method can decrease mortality rate, while some opinion said that it potentially harm for human race. this essay will discuss about those point of views and the key to tackling this issue.

On the one hand, Genetic engineering could be dangerous for human if there was mistaken that is made by scientist or doctor. mistake happen because some reasons, one of them is because every human body is unique, one method may not be able to be applied for all. for those who can not survive with this method, may cause dead or deformed.

On the other hand, it would give some benefits, especially for medical world. some people who suffer severe illness such as cancer, can be helped by genetic engineering. for example, lung cancer patient will need organ transplantation which has to be 100% exactly match with patient body. since every human body is different it could not possible to find a match lung. Therefore, scientist make duplicate organ with genetic engineering method.

in my opinion, government should take control of this research to avoid malfunction. by making regulation which is not everyone can use genetic engineering, and if institution proved break the law that government made, they should be punished.

to sum up, genetical science has positive and negative side, if a failure happened, it would be harmful for the person who is taken sample of, while if nothing wrong happened, it would be good for everyone.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: A lot of Buildings Are Now Being Built With An Open Plan Design [4]

Nowadays, a lot of buildings, such as offices and schools, are now being built with an open plan design. why is that?

do you see this as positive or negative development?

open plan design is the future

In this modern era, there are some architectures, which are used for people to work or children to study, are using an open plan design because of two main reasons, they are development of technology and environmental reason. and I strongly believe that it gives positive impact for our society.

Open plan design will be able to people communicate and do interaction everyday. It will lead decreasing antisocial habit in our society. Because of development of technology, people are using their gadget to do daily activities more often such as gaming, listening music, ordering food, and buying something through social media, this condition produce individualistic people who do not want to talk each other even though they meet everyday. For example, people would rather spend lunchtime-break on their phone and eat their meals in the cubical room than gather and talk with friends in the canteen.

Beside that, open plan design gives good impact for environment. If a building used it, air circulation would flow well, which means using air conditioner is not necessary anymore. since it has been considered as one of cause of ozone layer damage, usage of AC highly unrecommended. in the future, if open plan design is applied for all building in the world, negative effect of global warming can be reduced.

to sum up, open plan design will lead positive development because people would be interact with each other more often, and it makes usage of air conditioner is not necessary anymore, which means it can be reducing of risk of global warming.

Scholarship / STUDY IN THE UK for the Sustainability Development in the Indonesia [2]

Study in The UK (Chevening Essay)

It is an old issue that development of Indonesia is imbalance. In fact, the development is focused on the western of Indonesia only. It is proved that there are price disparity and an imbalance in the percentage value of Gross Regional Domestic Product (GRDP) between the eastern and western part of Indonesia. According to Statistic Indonesia, GRDP of Java and Bali reached 58.87% and Sumatra GRDP is 23.77%. This amount differs considerably when compared to GRDP in eastern Indonesia. On the other hand, the GRDP Sulawesi is 4.74%, Papua and West Papua only reached 1.80%.

Commitment of Indonesian Government is to make infrastructure development as one of the national investment. It should be appreciated because it is considered as catalyst of economic equity and reduce economic imbalance among provinces. However, the encouragement of infrastructure development does not mean this problem disappear immediately. Moreover, new problems may arise because Indonesia development issues are faced with specific conditions such as geography, geology, social culture, environment, and risk of natural disasters varying from region to region. This is understandable because Indonesia is lack of the practitioners and academics in the field of development studies, it makes authorities get less input.

Facing this enormous challenge, I am motivated to learn more about development studies. Development studies is a study of how leaders, institutions, civil society, and governments see the Regions and their problems, and solve them. Also, Development studies learn about the mutual relationships between people and their environment in order to meet their needs to achieve their prosperity. Studying this discipline can provide more comprehensive perspective in solving problems related to the relationship between landscape phenomenon of a region (land, climate, morphology, land use) and its economic activities. Furthermore, these disciplines will be very beneficial for the Indonesia that has a diversity of natural and cultural resources.

Thus, I choose three courses from different universities. They are MSc International Development: Environment and Development (University of Manchester), MSc International Planning and Development (Cardiff University) and MSc Global Development (University of Leeds). My experiences related to development issues started during my bachelor degree. Some modules were about relation between regional development and environment issues where it was discussed from geographical point of view. It continued when I worked in financial institution, some projects which dealt with agricultural and industrial research. That background gave me an overview of the field which sparked my interest and lead me to choose the proposed courses.

I believe I will get new skills through them that will allow me to get practical experience by doing field work. In addition, to complement my formation, I plan to take a part time internship at an organization or at university to conduct research related to development studies and learn how to implement real life solutions. I believe that my time in the UK will greatly impact my skill and allow me to become an expert on these issues. Moreover, the course I proposed is becoming the Chevening Indonesia priority which is Sustainability Development.