Writing Feedback / Essay about TOEFL question 'Having time alone is the most ideal way to relax and relieve stress' [3]

Hello, this is Matthew Minseok Kim from South Korea. It is a really awesome place to get critic about my essay. As a non-native speaker, I have sought the opportunity to improve my writing. I have no doubts that this web site would be a great asset for me to do that. It would be my pleasure to get your feedback about my logic as well as grammar. I hope you guys have a nice day. Thanks!

This is the writing for the Toefl Test and the question is that Having time alone is the most ideal way to relax and relieve stress

And I was asked the question 'Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.'

the way people relax today

It has been controversial for a long time about how people can relax and relieve their stress. Some people believe having time with others have more advantages than being alone since we are a social being who prefer to interact with one another. I partially agree with the opinion in terms of several benefits it can bring us, but I believe that the most ideal way to relax and relieve stress is having time alone since all kinds of stress eventually stem from our mind.

Having time with others is meaningful activities to refresh ourselves by sharing our concerns and communicating with others. In general, people have common instinct desiring to talk or listen to someone so that it would be effective to have a relaxing time. Nonetheless this advantage, it also stresses people. According to a research, what stresses people in a house and job is a relationship with others. In other words, most of the people get stress as well as help from others. That is why it cannot be the ideal way to relax.

Having time alone will help you manage your mind. In contrast having time with others, having time alone will be helpful to control your mind since it will locate you separated from outer situation or concerns. It is really difficult to change an environment which you are facing with, however, you can change your mind easily. According to Viktor Frankl, who was a famous psychologist and imprisoned in Auschwitz, mentions that he did not have any physical freedom in prison but could totally control his mind by himself. As he emphasizes the importance of mind, only our mind determine if it would be stress or not.

Having time alone will change people fundamentally. There are some types of people who always complain whatever they do. Regardless of the result or process, they are accustomed to doing it. Although they just complain about this habit to others, it shortly releases their stress but it will not last for a long time. However, if the person has an enough time to reflect himself/herself by having time alone, they can change their mind. Changing their mind is not easy but it is possible by their own decision. Most of the people experience to do that while having time alone.

To sum up, having time alone is the ideal way to release and relax time rather than being with others because it is useful to manage your mind as well as change people fundamentally. In this regard, I think that being alone is the best option of relaxation

Writing Feedback / Toefl Writing, Television should be used to instruct people rather than to entertain them [4]

It would be my pleasure to get your feedback about my logic as well as grammar. I hope you guys have a nice day. Thanks!

This is the writing for the Toefl Test and the question is that Television should be used to instruct people rather than to entertain them

And I was asked the question 'Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.'

what kind of content in TV?

Recently, whether TV should instruct people or entertain people has been debated fiercely and some people claim that TV should be the educational channel to inform valuable knowledge to the public. While it can deliver few advantages, this function is not as effective as the function to provide entertaining contents to the public.

To begin with, TV is one of the most effective channels to lead people to feel happy. Most of the people nowadays find something to relax and relieve their stress because they are usually pressured by their work, study or relation. TV is the most common electronics in an ordinary family house and provides a wide range of contents including drama, music, sport, and even movie. For instance, my mom usually works in a hotel to clean several rooms, which requires a lot of physical work. In particular, this sometimes makes my mom exhausted. At that time TV helps my mom forget the stress she got from the work and recharge herself. Like my mom's case, I believe many people also have a relaxing time by watching TV to relieve stress from their daily life.

Furthermore, TV broadcast should deliver what people want to watch, entertaining contents. Basically, it is necessary for TV broadcasters to attract more and more people to watch their channel to maintain their business, and therefore, they should show what people want. If we think what kinds of channel attract most of the people on TV, we can easily guess what kinds of contents people want. According to a credential research in South Korea, most popular TV shows include sport, movie, and drama, which can make people happy.

To wrap up my main messages, TV should broadcast contents that can grant fun to the public because it will not only give the benefit to people, but also help TV broadcasters to maintain their business. Especially, it is expected to satisfy both sides of audiences and TV broadcasting company.

Writing Feedback / Toefl Essay- Which of the following is the kind of friend you would prefer to have? [4]

Which of the following is the kind of friend you would prefer to have?

- smart
- cheerful
- considerate

Use specific reasons and examples to support your explanation.

choosing a best friend

Some people think that smart friends are able to give us a valuable advice for our life, and other people also regard a cheerful friend as a motivator for us. However, I personally prefer considerate friends rather than other friends who are smart or cheerful. These are the main reasons why I have a preference to considerate peers.

To begin with, considerate friends always try to listen to my stories, which makes me feel comfortable to be along with friends. For instance, I sometimes am under pressure about assignments in my campus and have a conflict with others. At that time, I really want to share my concerns and wish someone to carefully pay attention to what I worry. Fortunately, my generous friends are happy to share their time to take care of my concern by kindly talking with me, which eventually leads me to relieve my stress. Although they did not give any comment or advice, that is enough for me just to keep their attention to my stories, which gives me huge condolence.

Next, considerate friends deeply impress me a lot with their kindness. When I got a bad cold, I felt warm from my friend who voluntarily took care of me although he was supposed to take a significant exam. Whenever I am sick, there is no way except having enough resting time by myself to feel better since my family cannot come to my university which is pretty distant. Not only did cold but also loneliness tortured me a lot. At that time, a friend of mine came to my house with some food and spent his time with me even if he is very busy for his supposed examination. I got impressed by his considerate action and still appreciate it.

To wrap up, I prefer considerate friends rather than other types of friends based on my own experiences. In other words, their ability to listen carefully helps me feel better when I was stuck by some problems. Also, their considerate care was a great comfort to me while I got a sick. This is why I like considerate friends among other three types of friends.

Writing Feedback / [Toefl] Compared to when our grandparents were young, life is more comfortable and easier these days [3]

we live more comfortable life today

As many shifts have been going on quickly in many fields nowadays, there has been strong debates whether life is more comfortable or easier these days compared to when our grandparents were young. Some people mention that modern society has several disadvantages such as air pollution, increasing crime, and etc. However, I disagree with this argument because life became better and more convenient these days rather than when grandparents were in childhood.

To begin with, our generation has high accessibility to information, which leads us to gain any kind of information easily. To be specific, with the advent of the internet, most people nowadays can search whatever they wonder. In addition, the process to find the source is really convenient since we can access any information with few clicks on smartphone or PC. On the other hands, our grandparents had only a few sources to get information. There were few opportunities to gain knowledge since those people rely on limited libraries or books. In terms of accessibility to knowledge, our life is much easier and more comfortable than the past.

In addition, there have been innovative devices which replace boring or hard works like laundry, cleaning, or complicated tasks. For instance, we do not spend lots of time washing our cloth since laundry machine serve entire laundry service. Also, a robot for cleaning operates to clean whole house while we are outside of a house. And, no one needs to be under stress to calculate complicated budget planning due to a computer. Those changes are not too far future but realistic in our generation, therefore, we do not have to waste our time doing troublesome works. Instead, we can concentrate on what matters to our life. On the contrary, our grandparent's generation usually spent lots of time doing these chores. Considering benefit we have in a modern era, our life is much more comfortable than the past.

To wrap up, advanced accessibility effectively leads our lives easier to gain information and advents of useful devices reduce unnecessary working time and provide us with a lot comfort. In other words, our generation people are accessible to any kind of information easier than the last generation and gain many benefits from advanced technologies resulting in more comfortable life rather than previous life by reducing boring works. These are the mains reasons why I support the argument that our life is more comfortable and easier these days compared to the time grandparents lived in.

Writing Feedback / [Toefl] It is crucial for youngsters to have the planning and organizing skills. [4]

prompt:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Because modern life is very complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

two important skills for a young person

The more complex modern life would be, the more skills are required. Among several skills, it is one of the most important ability to plan and organize works. Some people does not believe that it is necessary for children to equip with this skill, but I disagree with this opinion. These are the reasons why I agree with the argument it is not essential for young generation to have the ability to plan and organize.

To begin with, children need to manage their various roles effectively and this skill is expected to teach young people to manage their diverse responsibilities. To be specific, they play some roles in each different situation. For instance, they are a son or daughter in their house, a friend with their classmates, and a student in front of their teacher. To manage their a wide range of roles successfully, children have to learn the ability to plan and organize their tasks.

In addition, it is the best time to train these skills because young people are likely to learn fast and form their habit. As modern society has been filled with complicated issues, it is required for all people to have strong management skills. But, the problem is that this kind of capabilities cannot nurtured for one day, but should be trained for a long time. On the other hands, children have a tendency to learn something quickly and absorb the genuine skills faster than adult because they have few stereotypes about learning something new. Furthermore, childhood is the period that they form their own habits, children can easily use this time to develop their management skills.

To wrap up, I support the opinion it is essential for young people to have ability to plan and organize because children also need to manage their various roles and it is good timing to train them to gain these abilities. In other words, the skills for management will be beneficial to children and childhood could be used to build their own habits. That is why I agree with the opinion that it is necessary for young people to nurture that skills.

Writing Feedback / [Toefl] Buying a new technological device right away is better than waiting until many people... [4]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Buying a new technological device right away is better than waiting until many people have purchased it.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your explanation.

Buying new gadgets isn't worthy

Recently, general awareness about whether it is wiser to buy new technology device right away than waiting until many people have purchased it has aroused heated arguments. People, nevertheless, have conflicting ideas; while some people say that it brings many benefits to buy the device later, others deem otherwise. From my point of view, I am in agreement with former stand and my view can be greatly substantiated by the reasons addressed below.

The first reason for my opinion that can be seen by every person is that it is too much expensive to purchase the technological device early. This is because there are few demands to buy the newly launched device in the beginning. According to the one of the most fundamental economic theory, supply and demand curves, price would be high when it comes to low demand given constant supply. In addition, one of the well-known reasearch lab at Seoul National University revealed the relationship between price and period of purchase. In fact, the reasearch team revealed the fact that the earlier clients buy the technology commodities, the more they should pay.

Another equally important reason is that new technology device can malfuntion more often than other devices which already has been used by many people. To put it again, new device is not testified by the public as much as other devices which are verified by the public. For instance, Samsung Note 7 was recalled within few days after launching this new product because there were some malfunction cases. As more and more people use this new phone, it is revealed that the product has a severe functional flaw that can even endanger people. Like this case, newly launched device has an enormous risk of malfunction.

The third and most noteworthy reason is that clients should invest a lot hours to learn how to use the device. That is to say, what client only can do is to spend lots of time to read whole manual, which is quite boring. Since no one are familiar with using the new device, it is hard to find others who can help you to teach this. In reality, according to the article posted on the Korea Times, many clients have a tendency to prefer to ask their friends or family about how to use the device rather than reading the manual by themselves.

To wrap up all statements above, buying a new technological device is not reasonable option in terms of price, malfunction and learning curb. In particular, the high price, risk of malfunction and tedious work to read a manual would hinder clients to buy a newly released product. That is why I agree with the opinion that it is more sagacious to wait until many people have purchased this.