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Posts by DesiGirl
Joined: Dec 13, 2011
Last Post: Dec 28, 2011
Threads: 9
Posts: 46  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 55 / page 1 of 2
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DesiGirl   
Dec 17, 2011
Undergraduate / 'The Nerds' - USC Engineering Supplement [5]

The nerd stumbled from one class to the next, head buried in a physics textbook, glasses balanced at the brim of his nose, and face plagued with acne. Awkward, shy, unattractive: these tend to be adjectives used to describe the nerd. Calculus, electricity, DNA: initially controversial and gradually revolutionary, yet each was discovered by a nerd who fit none of the modern stereotypes. Labeled an "enginerd" by my classmates, I have always embraced my title not for its stereotypical definitions, but for its indication of curiosity, intellect, and focus. A nerd is nothing but someone who is dedicated to the pursuit of knowledge. An "enginerd" is someone who solves problems through scientific innovation. My success is attributed to taking criticisms positively, not allowing them to discourage me. Though previously connoting social ineptitude, "nerdiness" is considered desirable, suggesting less social ostracism and more academic enthusiasm. For where would the world be if we weren't proud to be nerds?
DesiGirl   
Dec 18, 2011
Undergraduate / 'UCLA's renowned Feigon Lab' - Common App. Work Experience Essay [NEW]

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences.

In order to further my passion for scientific research, I became the first high school intern at UCLA's renowned Feigon Lab, working under the guidance of Dr. Feigon, National Academy of Sciences member, Dr. Miracco, and Anooj Patel. In addition to performing standard lab duties, I focused on the labeling and purification of Telomerase, an enzyme that, when involved in certain cancers, facilitates unregulated cell division. Having never taken higher-level biology before, I experienced some frustration as I hunched over my laptop for hours, making sense of an exorbitant number of research papers. With practice, however, I became fluent in the previously unintelligible language of science. Tuesday group meetings were something to look forward to, both to hear the latest findings of a colleague and to present my own work. After my colleagues observed me conducting my own projects, reading scientific journals, and participating in group meetings, they were able to entrust me with setting up their experiments. I have always known science as theoretical, filled with rules and equations. During my time in the lab, however, I discovered a new outlook. Initially starting out as a place to work, the lab became my second home--filled with comfort, satisfaction, and companionship.
DesiGirl   
Dec 18, 2011
Undergraduate / 'The Nerds' - USC Engineering Supplement [5]

Engineers have sometimes been stereotyped as "nerds" or "geeks." Do you embrace or reject that stereotype? Why?

Thank you, Cupnoodle!! Of course :)
DesiGirl   
Dec 20, 2011
Undergraduate / 'relationships between science and art' - USC Supplement [6]

Describe your academic interests and how you plan to pursue them at USC. Please feel free to address your first- and second-choice major selections.

My life has been built upon the relationships between science and art. USC encourages this perception and fosters students to think creatively, specifically through the Renaissance scholars program. Looking at science with an artistic and creative lens, while addressing dance with a scientific and mathematical viewpoint, I hope to pursue biochemical engineering and Indian cultural dance, bringing both intellectual passion and diversity to USC. My interest in biology hadn't begun until I began training for my arangetram, a two and a half hour solo debut in the Indian classical dance, bharatanatyam. During my training, I looked at dance geometrically and analyzed the biochemical processes of movement based on certain food and drink consumed. I began practicing alternative treatments such as acupressure and Nambudripad's Allergy Elimination Technique (NAET). I became attuned to the human body, researching how to strengthen muscles and enhance my stamina through yoga. My experiences have inspired me to revolutionize medical practices by bridging the gap between Eastern and Western treatments. It took art and science, creativity and structure, to truly enhance my understanding of the world. USC values nontraditional links, a quality that has strengthened the engineering department tremendously. "Fight on." The motto itself encourages students to not only pursue their endeavors, but also overcome obstacles and struggle for what they are passionate about, emerging victorious in the end.
DesiGirl   
Dec 20, 2011
Undergraduate / Life is a Game - Common App Essay (Stanford, Harvard, Columbia) [7]

I found it helpful to find synonyms and cut down 1 or 2 words at a time. My common app. was used to be 700 something words; it took a while but I finally got it down to 499. I can take a look and help you cut yours down.

If you could look at my USC Supplement regarding the one or two majors, that would be amazing :)
DesiGirl   
Dec 20, 2011
Undergraduate / 'I am a Romantic' - Stanford Letter to Future Roommate [13]

Wow, your essay was great! I feel like you touched lightly upon the more interesting and subtle aspects of your life that the reader may not fully get by reading your resume. Definitely well written and infused with humor :)
DesiGirl   
Dec 20, 2011
Undergraduate / The value of "nothing" (your latest discovery) [12]

I absolutely love all your philosophical revelations and you phrased everything so eloquently. What you're missing is the LINK between the whole nothing/something idea and your biology major. Yes, the prompt says what do you want to do next, but how does that revelation lead you to becoming a doctor. You want to explore life but I think you need to build on that and establish a link. Because as I was reading your essay, you built up so much insight and I felt it came down with the ending. That's just how I felt as a reader but otherwise I LOVED the ideas you discovered and how you proved it.
DesiGirl   
Dec 20, 2011
Undergraduate / 'hope you have a relaxing year ahead' - Stanford- Future Roommate [13]

Dear Future Roomie,

I would like to offer my congratulations and express my excitement for getting to know you. Now, I could tell you about my academic endeavors, such as why I chose my major or what jobs I'm interested in, or I could tell you about my avid fascination for everything Brown.

If you haven't already guessed from my name, I'm from southern India. My friends have many nicknames for me but I'm usually known as Nishu, or Desi Ladki (Indian girl). Though I was born in Los Angeles, I have a deep connection to my heritage and find as many ways as possible to keep it alive, whether it be learning an additional Indian language, dancing my heart out to either Bollywood tunes or traditional Carnatic music, or lighting the deepams (oil lamps) in the evening.

In my happiness, I often catch myself fantasizing of snow-capped mountains, singing and dancing, swathed in a maroon chiffon sari. You'll understand what I mean when we have our late night, Bollywood movie sessions--after completing our homework, of course--when I'll tell you all about celebrities such as Shahid Kapoor and Deepika Padukone.

Though I have a slight obsessive-compulsive disorder when it comes to cleanliness, and perfectionism sometimes seems to be my middle name, I'm very compliant and open-minded. I must warn you, however, not to be alarmed if you come across chai brewing in a beaker on a hot plate or a half finished, mini robot with a program yet to be written. I like to identify myself as an "enginerd," but in addition to my quirky self, I'm very social and enjoy interacting with others. I hope you enjoy Brown jokes in my Indian accent-because you may be hearing a lot of it!

Let me conclude with my favorite Bollywood song, Kal Ho Na Ho: Har ghadi badal rahi hai roop zindagi. Chaav hai kahhi. Kabhi hai dhoop zidnagi. Har pal yahan jee bhar jiyo. (Life is changing every moment. Life is now shade. Life is now sunshine. Every moment on Earth, live life to the fullest).

Looking forward to meeting you, but in the meantime, I hope you have a relaxing year ahead, knowing that our lives as future scholars of Stanford are imminent.

Sincerely,
Nishu
DesiGirl   
Dec 20, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Bhajagovindam'- Stanford Supplement- Randomness essay [11]

Loved it :) You had a lot of insight and I felt it flowed very smoothly. I like the way you connected the beginning and the end, so it seemed like your essay came in a full circle. Nicely done!
DesiGirl   
Dec 20, 2011
Undergraduate / 'a responsibility towards my society' - Common app personal [6]

^ The comments above cover grammar. I think it's highly insightful and the fact that you didn't just write about AN issue, but an issue that you directly had partaken in, is just fascinating. And the ending is very powerful. Definitely established your pathos well throughout the essay XD Good job!
DesiGirl   
Dec 21, 2011
Undergraduate / 'hope you have a relaxing year ahead' - Stanford- Future Roommate [13]

One of my friends told me to link it as well, so thank you for that :) About all the random Indian things...I showed a couple counselors and they said it wouldn't detract and they'd act us details to add an interesting aspect to the essay, so I think I'll keep them and find something else to add. Thanks!!
DesiGirl   
Dec 23, 2011
Undergraduate / "Two heads are better than one" USC- Engineering leader Supp. [2]

"Two heads are better than one." As cliché as this phrase is, it does ring true and directly pertains to my desire in furthering my engineering education. As a result of my being driven to think creatively, ponder innovation, and cooperate with a team in high school robotics, I would like to continue as a robotics club member at USC. And just as USC is dedicated to fostering growth in interdisciplinary subjects, I would like to gain a foundation in the classroom in order to promote this program through outside research. Whether it is in a classroom or a lab, I enjoy keeping myself busy and am driven by intellectual stimulation. Through collaboration in both settings, I hope to gain a wide range of perspective in areas of study to broaden my insight, for the future of health sciences deals with integrating many disciplines. My core interests involve the biophysical nature of tumors--as it encompasses both engineering and biology--which I would like to explore through an internship, hopefully, leading others toward this path of exploration as well.
DesiGirl   
Dec 23, 2011
Undergraduate / "You can invent anything?" - Yale Essay [4]

You have a few problems in grammar, syntax, and sentence structure. You also need a conclusion because the ending you have is very abrupt.
DesiGirl   
Dec 23, 2011
Undergraduate / 'my identification badge' - Stanford Supp. [8]

What matters to you and why?

I pull my maroon polo over my head and bend down to the tie the laces on my spotless white shoes. Clipping my identification badge onto my pocket, I glance at myself in the mirror to make sure no strands of hair had escaped my ponytail. Once arriving at my destination, I step through the automatic doors of the Los Robles Hospital and Medical Center and take the elevators to the oncology unit. With a box of holiday cards, made by La Reina High School's Future Scientists Club, tucked under my arm, I approach the first door to my left. "Volunteer," I declared, knocking on the frame. I entered a dimly lit room and went to the patient's bedside, wishing him a happy holiday season and handing him a card. As I was about to leave, he stopped me and motioned me toward the armchair in the corner. I took a seat as he whispered, "I don't get many people to talk to." Though my conversation with him lasted no more than ten minutes, he had thanked me for brightening his day with my words of kindness. I routinely made my way around the floor and conversed with patients, watching their faces light up at the Christmas cards I had brought them. Working with these patients weekly, I have connected with them on a personal level, hearing stories of survival and stories of pain. It is these tales that motivate me further to pursuing cancer research, so that I may, one day, further touch the lives of cancer stricken individuals. It is these smiles that push me to help others-to see their joy that, as a result, brings me happiness.
DesiGirl   
Dec 23, 2011
Undergraduate / 'my identification badge' - Stanford Supp. [8]

Okay I'll try clarifying that more :) The idea that it was supposed to convey was that all those factors contribute to my desire of helping others, since that's what matters to me the most.

Hahaha that would be pretty great XD Good luck to you!!
DesiGirl   
Dec 23, 2011
Undergraduate / 'my identification badge' - Stanford Supp. [8]

I do have to fix the tenses to keep the narration all in the present and I'll figure out how to address "what" more clearly :) Thank you so much!!
DesiGirl   
Dec 23, 2011
Undergraduate / "You're Lucky"-Stanford Roommate Letter-Is it too vague? [16]

For this sentence: "you may see for a maximum of 6-7 hours, and thats only if you're watching me sleep."

If I were an admissions officer reading it, I may be a little wary because yes, I understand that you keep yourself busy but it sounds a little like you're abandoning your roommate XD So it's like you're saying your roommate's barely going to see you because you'll be out doing other things. That was the only sentence that stood out to me as something to consider changing.
DesiGirl   
Dec 23, 2011
Undergraduate / 'I developed scoliosis, kyphosis, and lordosis' - Stanford- Intellectual Experience [12]

1983: Nambudripad's Allergy Elimination Technique is founded. NAET states that allergies arise due to energy blockages and can be tested by applied kinesiology. According to the viscerosomatic relationship, every organ weakness corresponds to a specific muscle weakness, and every substance can stimulate a spindle cell response when contracted. Treatment involves performing acupressure along the spine as the patient holds the allergen, keeping contact with the substance for twenty minutes, then desensitizing the patient by staying away from the substance for twenty four hours. Allergy cured.

During childhood, I developed scoliosis, kyphosis, and lordosis. As I aged, my spinal problems became the source of other health complications. I was forced to wear the back brace, a constricting contraption that not only spurred the onset of breathing problems, but also did nothing to align my spine. My nutrition intake was poor, as I was allergic to nearly every food, and I had adverse reactions to nearly all medication.

I developed an interest for biology when I began training for my Arangetram. During my training, I developed patellar-femoral syndrome and was urged to quit by my physical therapist. I quit physical therapy. I began practicing acupressure and NAET on myself, successfully healing my conditions. I became attuned to the human body, researching how to strengthen muscles and enhance my stamina through yoga. I looked at dance geometrically and analyzed the biochemical processes of movement based on certain food and drink consumed.

It is because of my past experiences that I have shaped my intellect and formed my goals, deciding to dedicate myself to individuals who, such as myself, do not react well to conventional forms of treatment. Though many dismiss Eastern practices, as they believe it refutes the established laws of science, I hope to bridge the gap between Eastern and Western medical practices through scientific validity. I hope to promote Easter diagnostic methods to garner a patient's response to certain therapies--including cancer remedies--beforehand, and if necessary, assess alternative forms of treatment. The benefits: save time; save a life.
DesiGirl   
Dec 23, 2011
Undergraduate / 'I developed scoliosis, kyphosis, and lordosis' - Stanford- Intellectual Experience [12]

The intro. is background information for what I reference in a later paragraph...So it's really necessary but I don't know how to change it then...

I've begun doing it so it's not just words. And admissions will understand that through my application but yeah it is a big statement but definitely true haha :)
DesiGirl   
Dec 23, 2011
Undergraduate / Stanford Significant Exp: Elderly Center + Church [6]

I know it's a quote but desire FROM God isn't correct idiomatic usage...I'd say God's desire instead. Otherwise, the corrections above are pretty much it. :)
DesiGirl   
Dec 24, 2011
Undergraduate / What I did for just plain fun - Pomona Supplement [5]

You have a few sentences that you could delete as they don't pertain to the prompt. I don't think you should use "near-death experience" because roller coaster's aren't and that's what you're tying it too. Plus near-death experiences aren't usually considered "fun." It was only the thrill you got from the adrenaline rush.
DesiGirl   
Dec 24, 2011
Undergraduate / "Attack Life"-Stanford Intellectual Vitality Essay [4]

I like the realization a lot but when you're talking about school and college and projects, it sounds like you're complaining about it so I would change the tone. When you talk about "attacking" life, from there on, it's great but has no connection with your complaints. It would, however, if you worded the string of life's events better. Otherwise, it's perfect :D !!
DesiGirl   
Dec 24, 2011
Undergraduate / 'my identification badge' - Stanford Supp. [8]

I'm unsure how to do that. Because I feel like I'd just be repetitive because of what I say at the end...Do you have an example? Thank you :)
DesiGirl   
Dec 24, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Drawing is my guilty pleasure' - Johns Hopkins [11]

That's really good if it's not related to engineering. That way it showcases your wide range of interests, not just pure math and science. GREAT JOB :D Can you look at my Stanford essays? Thank you :)
DesiGirl   
Dec 24, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Scars become scabs' -Commonapp Main Essay [6]

Try to add a little bit more connecting the scab idea to your final conclusion. Otherwise, it's great how you could take a little idea like a scab and form it into something larger. Those are always the unique essays :) Could you take a look at my Stanford Intellectual vitality one? Thanks :)
DesiGirl   
Dec 24, 2011
Undergraduate / 'anatomy, yoga, and nutritional chemistry books' - Johns Hopkins [13]

Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. On this application, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If you are undecided, why didn't you choose?

Curled up in a sofa at the library, I sat among stacks of anatomy, yoga, and nutritional chemistry books, and researched. I was three months into my Arangetram training and already, things had become difficult: my spine affected my form, my anemia caused low endurance, and my intolerance toward sugars made me weak.

During childhood, I developed scoliosis, kyphosis, and lordosis--problems that became the source of other health complications. I was forced to wear a back brace, a constricting contraption that spurred the onset of breathing problems and did nothing to align my spine. Allergic to nearly every food, my nutrition intake was poor, and I had adverse reactions to most medication.

During my Arangetram training, however, I began studying Eastern treatments and began integrating them with Nambudripad's Allergy Elimination Technique (NAET). Highly attuned to the human body, I was able to analyze the biochemical processes of movement based on certain food and drink consumed, and target specific organs or muscles to strengthen them through acupressure or yoga. By practicing these methods, I successfully treated my physical hindrances and allergies, further strengthening myself with proper nutrition.

My experiences have motivated me to bridge the gap between Eastern and Western medical practices through scientific validity. I hope to conduct research in either chemical and biomolecular engineering, or biophysics, in the hopes that I may dedicate my work to those individuals who, such as myself, do not react well to conventional treatment.

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