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Posts by silentspring [Suspended]
Joined: Dec 24, 2011
Last Post: Jan 7, 2012
Threads: 12
Posts: 58  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 70 / page 1 of 2
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silentspring   
Dec 25, 2011
Undergraduate / 'anatomy and physiology' - Columbia favorite class [3]

Three in the afternoon, my sister called me and asked whether I could go to the family physician with her afterschool.
"Are you feeling better?" I asked.
"Kind of, but I have been coughing since this morning."
"I learned from my Anatomy teacher that coughing means you are getting better from the cold. It is the body's way of getting toxins and waste from your lungs. So let's wait till tomorrow. Don't forget to drink lots of fluid!"

"Thanks. I have a lot of homework today anyway."
The next day, I received a thank you note in my room.

I like anatomy and physiology not only because I can apply to help my family, but also that I can truly understand and remember the human organs and structure through dissections. When we were studying the anatomy of the body, I had trouble identifying parts of the arm. But, after touching and seeing how the muscles interact with the bones during the chicken wing dissection, I was able to clearly visualize structure of the human arm. What's more, I understood how the biceps and triceps muscle affects the movement of the arm.

Because the class involves a copious amount of memorization and note taking, our teacher, Ms. Key endeavored to make the class intriguing by sharing her past experience as a nurse and linking her stories to the content that she was teaching. Every month, Ms. Key would have us sit in a circle. Then, she would give the symptoms of a number of patient and ask us to diagnose his or her disease. Such a seminar did not only make me feel like a medical doctor, but also remind me of the practical value of anatomy and physiology.
silentspring   
Dec 25, 2011
Undergraduate / 'algebra II and trigonometry' - Common app- Elaborate on an activity [22]

When I was in 10th grade, I applied to the Macaulay Summer Scholars Academy to take Algebra II so that I could skip it in my junior year. In the first day of the program, I was assigned to a class of 12 people, most of whose math background are 1 to 2 years ahead of mine. In the morning, the instructor lectured us on trigonometry and shifted to college algebra in the afternoon. His mouthful of mathematical terms such as scalar, vector, delta, and theta made me yawn and frown throughout the lecture. When he asked me a question the next day, my mouth could not utter a single word.

Since then, everyday when I got home from the program, I would watch lecture videos to teach myself the basics of algebra II and trigonometry until 10 at night. While catching up, during lunch time, I begged other students to explain the topics covered in class.

Two weeks later, I was finally able to understand what the instructor taught in class. And for the first time, I looked up to the teacher and raised my hand high to answer his question.

Please help edit or provide comments. Thank You in advance!!!
Good Luck on your applications!!!
silentspring   
Dec 25, 2011
Undergraduate / "The Core Curriculum": my Why Columbia essay [3]

I agree with the above- comment. You are a stronger writer. I am sure Columbia will like your insight about their CORE.
Can you please help with mine if you have time?
silentspring   
Dec 26, 2011
Undergraduate / 'a letter from the Posse Foundation' - how and why you learn about Vassar? [7]

How do you learn about Vassar and what you find appealing about Vassar?

On Friday, December 9th , I came home early and I checked the mailbox. Surprisingly, I found a letter from the Posse Foundation. I calmly opened the letter, and laid my eyes on the thin slip of paper. As I was reading it, my eyes froze at the word "unfortunately." How could this be?

"It is okay. George. There are lots of great schools out there." My friend said to me the next day.
"It might be too late now." I moaned.
"It is still not too late. I got one school you must like.
"What is it?"
"Vassar, it is not only a school, it is a community. It is insanely beautiful!"
At night, I went online and researched Vassar for two hours. My friend was right. The campus is indeed gorgeous. I regretted myself for not knowing the school earlier on. Upon laying my eyes on the realistic pictures of Vassar' natural surrounding and its grandiose structures such as the library, I could imagine myself lingering in the school during holidays and not wanting to go home.

During my research, I also came across the Vassar Farm. Growing up in rural China, I had been fond of biology. In the summers, my father would bring me to the fields while he helped my relatives plant rice seedlings. I would trot around the muddy paddle fields, trying to catch the small jumping frogs. I would put the captured ones in a bottle continued to catch some more. When I see crabs crawling lazily, I would pick them up along the way. When I got home, I would question myself why do the frogs jump so well and why do crabs make bubbles on their mouths? Gradually, my expose to nature and my curiosity toward living animals had lead me to develop my interest in biology. With the Vassar Farm and the school's experimental and in-depth biological studies, I am confident that I will receive many hands-on research opportunities and that I will be fully prepared in my field post-graduation.

In addition, the impressive student-faculty ratio (8:1) will undoubtedly promise me invaluable attention. From my college counselor and Vassar undergraduates, I learned that students at Vassar are very amiable, helpful, and open-minded. Such a quality of Vassar will not only enable me to communicate with everyone and find friends at ease, but also give me the sense of home and community.

Thank you for your edits or comments!
silentspring   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / "Let's Play Ball!" - Harvard Supplemental Essay [6]

You are such a strong writer. You describe the game in very vivid details. You passion for throw-ball is brilliantly shown. Sorry, I can't really pickup any errors.

I would highly appreciate it if you can help with mine.
silentspring   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / 'my grandparents' village' - Supplement--creative thoughts [9]

Please share an example of an instance when you feel creative thought really did matter. (Feel free to draw upon history or your own experience.)

It was mid-autumn and I was 9. In my grandparents' village, on top on a hill, dozens of kites were soaring high in the blue sky. "This is not fair." I grumbled under my breath as I standing at the bottom of the hill, in awe of the altitude of the kites. A horde of dragonflies whirled in the air and suddenly I was enlightened. Using a net, I caught a dragonfly and I tied a thin string around its waist. Just like any other kids, I ran to the top of the hill and proudly sent it flying in the sky. Though my first "kite" did not fly high, it was the most unique and others offered to trade with me. Since then, I learned that creative thoughts really matter.

Any suggestions or edits on how to make it stronger?
silentspring   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Fibonacci in Nature'- Harvard Supp't [8]

Your essay is very unique!!! You have very strong writing skills. For your intro, You can make it more leading by stating "what happened" rather than stating that "I am not a brilliant mathematician, so please don't expect any Gauss-level equations on this paper. "

Can you take a look at mine?
silentspring   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / 'The origin of us' - Johns Hopkins Supplemental [10]

Great Essay. I am in awe of your knowledge about anthropology. "hoe" should be "hope" lol. I am not sure if periods come before or after quotation mark.

You have some time to help with mine?
silentspring   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / 'my grandparents' village' - Supplement--creative thoughts [9]

Thanks a lot !

Revised: It was mid-autumn and I was nine. On top of the hill, dozens of kites were soaring high in the blue sky. "This is not fair," I grumbled under my breath for my cousins not teaching me how to make a kite. A horde of dragonflies whirled in the air and suddenly I was enlightened. Using a net, I caught a dragonfly and I tied a thin string around its tail. Just like any other kid, I ran to the top of the hill and proudly sent my "kite" flying in the sky. Though my first "kite" did not fly high, it was the most unique and others offered to trade with me.

word limit 700 characters. now 540
silentspring   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / 'the family physician' - Favorite class essay [6]

Prompt What's favorite class and why?

Three in the afternoon, my sister called me and asked whether I could go to the family physician with her after school.
"Are you feeling better?" I asked.
"Kind of, but I have been coughing since this morning."
"I learned from my Anatomy teacher that coughing means you are getting better from the cold. It is the body's way of getting toxins and waste from your lungs. So let's wait till tomorrow. Don't forget to drink lots of fluid!"

"Ok. I have a lot of homework anyway."

The next day, my sister told me that she stopped coughing and her other symptoms are gone and I was glad that I could apply what I learned to help her.

Because my Anatomy and Physiology class involves a copious amount of memorization and note taking, our teacher, Ms. Key tried to make the class intriguing by sharing her past experience as a nurse. Often, she linked her stories to the content she was teaching to make the materials more memorable for us.

Every month, Ms. Key would have us sit in a circle. Then, she would give the symptoms of a number of patient and ask us to diagnose his or her disease. During such occasions, I would always feel like a medical doctor, and also be again reminded of the practical value of the knowledge I learned in the class.

Tear it apart if you want!!!
silentspring   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Preparation for diploma and the real world' - UVA personal essay [14]

Your essay is great!

All I could pick out is

When I was a little girl my father would treat my family and I to an occasional trip to the greatest place a little girl could dream of.

CHANGE "I" TO "ME"

Hope that helps.
silentspring   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / Why Northwestern? My first impression [6]

I have been a long advocate of wind power and by attending Northwestern University, I can research on how to improve the technology and use it for clean power around the world.

Put semi colon between "University" and "I can," not comma

"To this day, I can remember the kindness of the Northwestern faculty." delete this b/c you already showed it

Overall, nice essay!!! Good work!!
silentspring   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / The Road book - Columbia essay (write about a book that is meaningful) [18]

The Road, Mc Carthy' --write a book that is meaningful

The meaning of The Road is enriched in Mc Carthy's unconventional writing. By omitting the use of apostrophes and quotation marks, Mc Carthy reflects the post-apocalyptic world where grammar rules are forgotten. Mc Carthy' frequent use of fragments such as "Barren, silent, godless" does not only manifest his spare writing style, but also his intention to provoke reader to read beyond the surface of the text.

The title The Road itself symbolizes the seemingly endless journey of the man and the boy. To the man, survival is meaningless and impossible without the boy. Because of the boy, the man strives to find hope to carry on in the bleak and dying world. Through the portrayal of the man's dedication to protect the boy, McCarthy exemplifies that even in the cruelty of the post-apocalyptic world, the altruism of fatherhood will still exist.

In the book, the man's love for the boy is emotionally shattering. Whenever I read the scenes of the man protecting the boy, my mind automatically reminisces my time with my father: It was six in the morning and the sky was dark. Thick drops of rain poured down from the sky and flooded the road. Though we had two raincoats, one was dilapidated. My father dressed me in the new raincoat and he wore the old one. On the road, as he was driving me in a motorcycle, rain slipped through the creaks of the raincoat and made him shiver. When we arrived at the school, he walked me to the classroom while his clothes were dripping chains of water droplets.

Any comments, edits please, I want to submit it today.
silentspring   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Way to learn / Staten Island / Horrible language' - Tufts Supplements [8]

"how family look out for one another" should be "how family looks out for one another"
Do you prefer YouTube or test tubes,--- very humorous!

I like your tone, it is very serene and smooth.
In some part of the responses (where you have space), try to incorporate some anecdotes. Narrow down a moment. That can make your essay more stand out.
silentspring   
Dec 29, 2011
Faq, Help / Adding a plagiarism filter. [7]

Imminent Question---any thoughts?

Since many of my essays are posted online, I wonder whether colleges will detect my essays as plagiarism?
And what if other people copy mine and turn them into the same college I applied?

Thank You So Much.

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