Writing Feedback / TOEFL -Computers have made it possible for office workers to do their work [6]

Please help me check again my essay. Thank you very much ^^

Computers and modems have made it possible for office workers to do
their work from home instead of working in offices every day. Working
from home should be encouraged for workers and employees as it is
good. Do you agree or dis?
Some people think that working at home brings to workers and employees too much convenience, but i don't. Because the best conditions are sometimes not likely to be good as the expectation of people. Working without pressure and interaction are some examples for these disadvantages.

Pressure is motivation. Each office has its rules that keep workers do their job as effectively as possible. The directors manage employers and give them the deadline of projects. Then again, the workers must try their best to finish the time limit. Doing all jobs at home don't make employees attempt to work like this.

Computers and modems bring works to home but these still have many things distract their mind. Facebook or Yahoo have been the entertaining websites, however, they are the reasons why people cannot concentrate on their job. The dos and don't at office play important role to prevent these things from workers. In condition, doing all jobs alone makes employees fall asleep easily. As a result, the project cannot being done. The best condition might not be good for people.

Interaction has been an advantage for workers at offices. Discussing and debating Projects together increase working ability because all we know that the target can be reached fast thanks to working of many people. Besides, interaction help employees improve their communicational skills, therefore, they will have more and more friends and relationships. Interaction is a factor increasing working quality.

There will have many disadvantages if the workers work at home. Mitigating process, no interaction and pressure are these things people should examine when they want to work at home.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Going in vacation or buying a car?? [4]

Hi everybody. Hope you will give me opinions ^^. Thank you too much. :D

Topic 177: A friend of yours has received some money and plans use all of it either to go on vacation or to buy a car. Your friend has asked you for advice. Compare your friend's choices and explain one you think your friend should choose.

Go on vacation
There is much discussion above that "should my friend buy the car?" Buying the car is one way to spend that much money, however, from my point of view; my friend should use money on going on vacation.

A car could bring some benefits to its owner. It takes you to work every morning and carries his family to go anywhere instead of renting others one with high cost rental or transports sundry items to home. Besides, a car, in my country is the symbol of luxury. It means that my friend's society rise. As the result, he may get much more respectable than he is now.

Although I agree, there are two or more advantages for my friend to buy a car. However, I insist that the advantages of shopping overweigh him. Not only gas cost increasing but also expensive maintenance fees are the serious problems that influence his family's finance. He should examine these things before he gives his decide whether he buys a car or not. If my friend spent much money on going on vacation, he would discover many interesting things out there but his home and his office. He also relaxes after tired works and enjoys many kinds of entertainments or lives under the natural life.

The vacation is the change for my friend to accumulate new things. He would get many experiences from this trip such as learning new things and getting more skills in his life. Moreover, he would make more friends after the travel and expand his relationship.

In conclusion, my advice is that my friend should spend much money on going on vacation because it gives him more benefits than his other choice. Going on vacation is more sensible than buying a car.

Writing Feedback / Should we trust someone in the first impression or not? [NEW]

Hi everybody, please give me some your comments for my essay. Thank you very much :)

Some people trust their first impressions about a person's character because they believe their judgments are generally correct. Other people do not judge person's character quickly because they believe first impressions are often wrong. Compare these two attitudes. Which attitude do you agree with?

Some people think that their evaluation in first impression about stranger is right. Other people, however, argue that, that evaluation is wrong. To me, I prefer the former to the older that we should not trust a stranger based on the first time meeting.

Why do the people trust other in the earliest stage? For one thing, they believe their intuitions. They believe that those feeling help them don't waste time to understand a person. HR staffs are one example. If they shake hand an employee, they would know his attitude toward his job. If they make conversation with a job's candidate, they will get partly candidate's personality. Besides, when people trust other, they can share anything without reluctance. Therefore, they can easily make more friends and expand their relationship.

Although I agree that there maybe one or two advantages for trusting people in the first time meeting, for all intent and purposes, I think we should not hope to get those advantages in the first time meeting. In the first place, not all people have the same art criticism as the HR members who interact with many different people just in a day. Most people usually communicate with most people around them. In addition, when people put their trust in the first impression, they could lose many good friends. People say, "A friend in need is a friend in deed", so only getting along with the time, we would be having good friends.

In the second place, people will give consideration for the stranger in the friendship days. If a girl thinks deliberately to choose a boy as her boyfriend, she might be not broken her heart because that boy is not suitable with her. If a person examines stranger in the initial stage, he may not regret because that good friend actually is a bad guide.

In conclusion, trusting people's character in the first impression could make more disadvantages than advantages. People are not the artist in distinguishing many different people and they need more time to get to know those strangers deliberately. They should be based on their mind, not based on intuition.

Writing Feedback / Education about diet is an essential feature of a country's health- care program [5]

Topic: Education about diet is the most essential feature of a country's health- care program" is this justified assumption?

Health care program can be described as increasing health, preventing disease and injury. Thus, it needs to have a nuclear basis which always goes along with people every day. Therefore, I agree with the assumption "education about diet is the most essential feature of a country's health-care program because it always appears in our life day by day, it affects our health, even it changes our style.

In the busy society today, people are no longer taking care of their diet as before. Thus, it's certainly that the quality of meals more and more decreases. Unconsciously, the body of men is impacted badly on many aspects. In addition, as an essential feature in health care program, well-being education about diet can be spread out rapidly thanks to positive senses of participants themselves who will transfer their experience to their friends and relations.

The diet impacts greatly on our health. Substances in meal almost decide the desired amount of nutrient entered human's stomach. For examples, too much vegetable will not supply enough protein to people; it leads to disease of insufficient blood in our body. In addition, as the say that "prevention is better than cure", carefully preparing a meal helps defense against the risks of many diseases such as cancer or heart attack. Therefore, the more knowledge that you get in diet, the less troubles that you encounter in the future.

Education about diet also changes participants' of life style. Actually, once they know how to prepare the meal sensibly, they treat their family with caution instead of drowning in the stressful and busy jobs. They understand that what they do will influence other persons' health in family. In turn, all members can close to each other gradually thanks to great meals day by day. As the results, education about diet brings happy to lots of families.

In short, putting education about diet as important aspect in health care program is right action. People not only are increased their health but also can change their life style in this busy world.

Writing Feedback / Discuss the question of death penalty in general- IETLS [7]

Please give me some suggests to improve my writing skill :). Thank you. :D

"Why do we kill people to show that killing people is wrong?" As human, we all have a right to live, and if there is a course for that, only God know whether we should die or not. Therefore, I strongly oppose the appearance of death penalty in law of any country in the world.

Capital punishment has never deterred offenders in our society. It's highest action that aimed at punishing criminals due to their mistakes. However, It means that they only exchange their life to delete their offense. And I believe that they will not be afraid to repeat it. Because they know "death ends all". In addition, there are many reasons of their acts such as poor or revenge. Hence, government should find the ways to solve the inceptions, not the results that they caused.

The alternative- life without parole- will better for all parties very much. If death penalty is executed, what could we do? Gangsters will continue revenge the victims because the police cannot protect for their safety minute by minute. Wise Gandhi once said "an eye for an eye, the world is blind". Therefore, capital punishment is not the good way to piece our society. Besides, money saved from execution could go to victims to compensate partly for their losses, although it's only a bit little thing.

Last but not least, a derailed judgment can get many lives away. Frankly, justice still has humanity as well as his decides. In many cases, criminals have to die due to unpleasantness of justice. Moreover, It has one dangerous hidden power in which some persons take advantages of death penalty to do dirty things. The murders consciously use their power and money to kill innocent people without the look of society.

In short, Giving up capital punishment is right action that people totally agree. The alternative can help find the way out of many troubles such as revenge. It also avoid the problems that taking power and money to do bad things.

Student Talk / Should go to language center or not? [3]

Hi guys, i have a problem. i want to ask some advices from you.
The question is "should i learn at E language center or not?"
I'm a last-year student in a tecnical university. Now I'm working for a project in order to graduate from my university. As you know, this time is so busy and i only have free time at night. In addition, i work from 7am to 6pm. Therefore, i always get tired and wanna go to bed early.

In contrast, I will join the IELTS test in the end of this year. I know how hard it is and i'm learning as possible as i can by myself, of course, at night. However, i also think, if i can learn at E laguage center, there are many advantages thing i will get.

Please give me some comments for my scenario. Thank you very much my fellow friends :D

Writing Feedback / Describe the heart lung machine -IELTS [6]

Hi guys, this is my essay about heart lung machine at least 150 words, i dont have diagram because it is in book. It's a picture of heart lung machine which includes oxygenator, pump, temprature adjuster and filter. Hope you guys will help me check my essay. Thank you very much :D

As a class assignment, your tutor has asked you to write about a heart-lung machine. Using the diagram below, write three or four paragraphs describing the circulation of the blood on bypass through a heart-lung machine.

The heart lung machine is used for open heart surgery. It helps carefully stop the heart while still maintaining the blood circulation for the surgery. The heart will be stop slowly and the blood from machine will gradually replace the natural blood.

The heart lung machine consists of five main parts. They are oxygenator, pump, temperature controller and filter and tubes. The oxygenator functions as the lung and the pump is operated as the function of the heart. The tubes is connected to machine

The machine work as follows: firstly, poor blood from the plastic tubes goes to oxygenator where supplies oxygen for blood. Next, blood transfers directly to the pump. The pump turning with sensible velocity pushes the oxygenated blood to adjuster. Temperature in blood is changed to adapt to the body. After that, blood is filtered for bubbles and other harmful substances. Finally, blood is returned to patient's arterial system. Following the preparation for heart, the heart is restarted and the heart lung machine is removed gradually.

The heart lung machine is very important in open heart surgery. It helps not only save many lives but also do many other experiments.

Writing Feedback / Report - production of colored paper clips. [4]

Hi guys!
This is the first time I practice to write a report for IELTS preparing. And I have tried to follow the rules in my writing book.

1. Terms of reference (what you have been asked to find out)
2. Procedure ( how you found out the information)
3. Findings (what you found out)
4. Conclusions
5. Recommendations.
I hope you guys will give me some comments. I really appreciate your kindness :D.
Here is the topic.
The diagram below illustrates some of the processes in the production of colored paper clips at a small factory. As a member of the Quality Control, you have been asked to comment on the process and to consider whether any changes are necessary.

Here is the diagram: thamtunhatnguyet.com/upanh/server/php/tmp_files/Checking_plastic_paper_clip_NeSj1_20130419154431.png
My essay:
As the QC member, I'm asked for checking the process of producing the color paper clips. The system has operated as well as possible, but I also suggest some recommendations aimed at reaching better productivity.

The process works as follows: to begin with, the molten plastics flow into separate color channels which are red, blue and yellow to transform plastic's original color for each product. These grooves lead plastic to molds to sharp their forms. After that, uncompleted products are involves in testing carefully by 2 tools which are machine check and plastic strength. If they have adaptations these requirements, they pass to next period. Otherwise, they are rejected to the inception. Then, the moldings are sorted deliberately by hand to divide into 2 parts which are mixed colors and single colors. Next, the QC exhibits final test to check whether the products have enough conditions namely color checking to release or not. If they are not meet to demand, then they turn back to the "sort by hand" part. Finally, the products are packed and dispatch to the customers.

Although the system is still good as before, I have an idea that we will replace the "sort by hand" stage by sort by identified machines. It will reduce the labors and remove the color checking period because these machines will take over it for us.

Writing Feedback / "Foreign students need to be patient"- Report on adjustments for overseas students [3]

Hi guys.
This is second report. However, I dont know whether that it digresses or not. Because I have not been familiar with the way to write report.

Therefore, for your consideration, please tell me "is it a report for my below topic, or not?", I appreciate you kindness :D
Here is the topic report:
You have been asked to write a report for a scholarship committee on the adjustments that overseas students need to make.
Task:
Describe the most important adjustments to learning and writing styles you feel overseas students are likely to need to make and give advice on how they should do this

Going abroad is the important decision that we all want to do in our life. However, overseas students also face with many problems when they study in the other nation. As the consultant, I intend to make some recommendations aimed at enhancing the current state of overseas students.

Firstly, foreign students need to be patient. It takes a long time as few months for the process of adaptation environment such as our routine or ways to learn. For example, in my country, people have been familiar with self-study to encounter their targets. As the result, international students from our country first will practice teamwork confusedly. However, as we all known that teamwork is the best way to gain much more knowledge from a group. Hence, students should accumulate team-work experiences gradually in the out campus activities namely the volunteer campaign. In addition, according to the recent survey, almost students are usually timorous in the new environment. Therefore, it's essential for them to build on their supports such as new friends or new school. It helps change their learning style as well as their life rapidly.

Secondly, international students need to change the way they are writing to adapt to new school. Following the mother language, novices usually get hand writing as their thoughts. However, sometimes it is informal with many professors in new university. Besides, in the future, It's undoubted that they will do many things referring to writing due to their jobs. If they do not prepare writing styles from now on, disregard of this problem usually causes many unexpected results suddenly. Therefore, overseas students should still broaden more and more academic vocabularies to ensure their score satisfactorily in new school and guarantee their career stably in the future.

Finally, go-abroad students need to take advantages of campus resources in their university. Although its responsibility is that helping new students to get best fit with new environment in all respects, many freshmen don't contact directly to them to get fully instructions. Of course, they forfeit an important helping sponsor regretfully. So that, overseas students should lean on the supports from their university as much as possible. It'll certainly adjust learning and writing style to be better as soon as possible.

In order to be go-abroad students, may people must do hard work to reach their target. However, they only need a little more change about learning and writing style to adapt to new environment.

Writing Feedback / Report on the likely effects of Global warming on the capital city of my country [3]

Hi guys, this is my third report. I tried to give sensibe specific example for this topic. Please check it for me :D. Thanks in advance :D

Scientists generally agree that the world is facing the prospect of substantial global warming unless countermeasures are taken immediately.
Task: As a university assignment, write a report on the likely effects of global warming on the capital city of your country. Include what you consider to be the priority recommendations to counter these effects.

Global warming has affected profoundly many countries around the world. The capital city of my country is no exception. As an urban citizen, I realize that the global warming is influencing gradually on some main aspects as below.

Global warming is directly impacting on people, who are staying in their living land. The scorching days intimidate everyone. People usually hide under the air condition to do well their works. How about no-air-condition places? No one can work with these places. Hence, they spend more time on extricating the hot and less in the tasks. This may cause them decreasing their working productivity and slow down the development of their company. Moreover, high temperature causes many diseases. People easily get the food poisoning because hot weather is the ideal milieu for virus developing in the food. People also usually get the sunstroke which makes them fell in the fait suddenly. Global warming impacts on our daily routine and health very much.

Global warming is the main point affecting municipal scenery. In the one hand, many rivers traversing the city now remain the layer of hard rock in the summer. High temperature made water from rivers evaporate into the atmosphere. The rivers are not beautiful as they were before. In the other hand, the drought in rivers leads to the insufficiency of water which is used for plants in the city. Many trees in the both sides of streets are died away.

The environment is also changed due to global warming. The weather is not warm as before. Instead of that, the winter is frigid and the summer is scorching. Days are lengthier than nights. This may lead to the imbalance of internal clock of humans and animals living in the city. In addition, due to high temperature, many species surrounding the city are moving away. Therefore, plants are directly influenced because of the symbiotic relationship between plants and animals.

To counter these effect of global warming. I strongly believe that we should solve from the original problems. As we all know, the main cause of global warming is the superfluous carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. Therefore, the priority recommendation is that we must cut down the current rate of carbon dioxide which is emitted from vehicles, factories, etc. We should limit the carbon dioxide emission at the international standard and control the car as well as motorbike users. The leaders should appeal citizens to use more the public transportation and give a day as the "Green Day" in month which helps people aware of the effects of global warming.

Global warming is impacting on our lives through many aspects which are the people's health, environment and scenery. Therefore, we must work together against its worse effects.