Writing Feedback / [ IELTS Task 2] the standard of living in country benefits cities rather than rural areas [8]

A rise in the standard of living in a country often only seems to benefits cities rather than rural areas
What problems might this difference causes ? How might these problems be reduced ?

Please give some feedback to improve my writing skill for IELTS. Thanks in advance !

The rapid economic growth in many countries has led to a widening gap between cities and rural areas. This also causes a corresponding increase in the number of problems that need to be tackled, as now will be discussed.

To begin with, the imbalance between the standard of living in cities and that of countryside poses a variety of repercussions. Firstly, it is clear that when the quality of life of city dwellers is improved, many people in rural areas tend to move to the cities to seek a better life with higher level of amenity. Consequently, the cities are not adequate space to cover a great number of people to live in, which results in the deterioration in the standard of living, for example, the services of health care are affected due to the annually overloaded hospitals. Furthermore, this problematic issue lays strain on the environment. Because of the proliferation of population in the cities, an enormous amount of waste are dumped into the environment everyday that leads to the heavy pollution. Last but not least, that the standard of living in cities outpaces that in the countryside gives rise to the discontent and social unrest. It inevitably widens the gap between the rich and the poor in society. For example, the underprivileged in remote regions are deprived of access to basic entertainment like theater or farmers in rural areas have to make ends meet everyday, however, rare still stuck in the vicious cycle of poverty.

Nevertheless, many initiatives are efficiently taken to ameliorate the problem. A right policy and an investment program should be implemented in rural areas to foster the local economy and manufacturing. For instance, if the Government creates more jobs for rural residents after their harvest time or provide subsidy for farmer to plant crops and raise livestock, the matter will be fixed. Another measure can be upgrading infrastructure in the countryside such as electricity system, amusement centers, schools, medical clinics. As a result, it definitely bridge the gap in the standard of living between the urban and the rural areas.

In conclusion, there are a wide range of options available to handle the problems described above to stimulate the development of the whole country. I hold a firm belief that the Government will have a proper approach to take the standard of living in both regions to the equilibrium.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Human's dependence in the modern world - about coherence, academic style [7]

Some people think that in the modern world we have become more dependent on each other, while others think that people are now more independent.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In the present day, whether human are independent or dependent on each other has sparked great concerns. Some people hold their view that they are increasingly dependent while others claim that they are becoming more and more self-reliant. My writing will critically analyze both sides of this issue based on some reasons below.

To begin with, it is natural human instinct for people to help each other so this characteristic should be harnessed for the betterment of mankind. Admittedly, a lot of people frankly express that they find the happiness and the feeling of being a good person in doing help for the others. In time of hardship and natural calamities like earthquakes and floods, people from different parts of the world pull together to ameliorate the problem. For example, a variety of countries worldwide donated and sent volunteers to remedy the disaster's consequences after the earthquake happened in Japan in 2011.

Additionally, a further more subtle point I take into consideration is that nowadays, as the world becomes smaller and smaller, it is important for different countries to live peacefully and work together. The dependence on trade, co-operation program, environment protection will probably foster the diplomatic relations and ease the international tension. Furthermore, In the globally strong integration, we should work together to share experiences and create network loops which effectively assists our careers.

Nevertheless, the negative side of the material life adversely affect people's lives, which leads them to live independently. Obviously, due to some advances in technology like smart phone, there are fewer face-to-face conversations and weekend gatherings with friends. Some people are busy with their own business and surrounded by modern devices such as calculators, PCs that causes the interaction lose with their colleagues. Another example for the independence in the fast-paced world can be seen in the nuclear family. Seldom we may see parent and their children sit together to enjoy a cozy dinner as they used to in the past. They live separately in their own room, doing private things. As a result, it will harm the family attachment.

In conclusion, each individual has his own viewpoint about human's dependence today and this matter is still open to debate. I personally incline to the notion that we are totally or at least partly reliant on each other

Writing Feedback / IELTS essay : people prefer to live in a house OR to live in an apartment [NEW]

Some people prefer to live in a house, while others think that there are more advantages living in an apartment. Are there more advantages than disadvantages to living in a house rather than in an apartment

Nowadays, many people confront with dilemma when they buy their own home. Some people are greatly in favor of living in a house, while others contend that an apartment is more beneficial. I personally agree with notion that the advantages of living in a house outweigh the disadvantages.

First of all, it cannot be denied that the principal benefit of living in a house is the issue of privacy. Typically, if people live in a house, they will have more opportunity for peace and quiet that is always good for relaxation. Furthermore, it would be an ideal place for family to live in, especially a detached house with gardens, so that children can children can have a safe environment to play in instead of playing outside the pavement if they live in a tower block. It is often the case that numerous related- apartment accidents occurred, for example child dropped out of the window, due to the negligence of parent or the unsafe window's design. Another remarkable advantage of living in a house is that it offer ample space for every member in the family to do things for personal enjoyment such as workroom for father or kitchen for mother.Indeed, It obviously brings about the comfort and freedom for each individuals.

On the other hand, there can be no doubt that living in a house has negative aspects. The main drawback might be that the costs to purchase and maintain a house as well as amenities are so exorbitant. As a result, a majority of people choose to live in apartments because they cannot afford mortgage to buy their own house. More notably, it is sometimes suggested that if you love urban lifestyle, living in a house would not be a wise choice. Because of the rapid industrialization and burgeoning population in cities, there are fewer houses in cities than the countryside. Therefore, living in a house in a rural area would be extremely boring if you are young and fascinated by the modern lives. For example, enjoying Manhattan's lives by night from a high view in a skyscraper will be an amazing experience.

In conclusion, among a variety of options, whether to live in a cottage in the countryside or in a duplex in the city depends on people's interest and financial circumstances. Much as living in a house sometimes poses drawbacks, I still find its advantages are far greater than the disadvantages

Writing Feedback / IELTS essay about Multitasking, problems and solutions [6]

In the modern world, many people tend to multitask. What problems might this cause ? Suggest some ways to overcome it.

Multitasking is sometimes hailed by most people as a welcome skill. However, performing several tasks at once can lead to many problems. In this essay, I will discuss some of these problems and recommend remedial helps to overcome it.

To begin with, it is often argued that working on several tasks simultaneously adversely affect young people's performance at university and in the workplace. Clearly when people are juggling a large array of gadgets as they study, while surfing the net, sending emails or listening to music, they might lose the concentration required to adequately complete one item. As a result, they are not able to perform well their work, for example, making mistakes in the business report. Another serious implication of being able to multitask is that it could possibly take a toll on the way the families themselves function. Since young adults nowadays are too self-absorbed and wrapped up in their isolated world with electrical devices, they hardly interact with other family members or eat at the family table. Indeed, this may harm the family attachment.

Nevertheless, there are some sufficient measures to tackle this issue. First of all, making a list-to-do jobs then prioritizing them will enable you to accomplish all the tasks with productivity and avoid missing any items. It also prevents you from excessive stimulation that bombards you on a daily basis. Furthermore, people should take control over technology, which means they should refrain modern gadgets like Ipad and checking emails all the time while they are studying and working.

In conclusion, multitasking might pose many negative effects that impair people's lives. I firmly believe that, among various solutions, each individuals will have their own approaches to resolve this issue.

Writing Feedback / IELTS essay : Replace art, sport, music by IT ? [3]

Subjects such as art, sport, music are being dropped from school curriculum for subject such as IT. Many children suffer as a result of these changes. To what extent do you support or reject ?

In the modern world, some subjects such as art, sport and music are eliminated from the school program for subject like IT. It is often the case that these changes have a negative impact on children. Personally, I partly advocate this notion.

To begin, there is a school of thought that the purpose of schools is to prepare the children for a working life. Learning IT helps children get acquainted with MS office skills such as : Microsoft Word, Excel, PowerPoint, which effectively supports children in their future career. Furthermore, it is important that having a good command of IT will probably brighten students' CV and impress the employers as well. As a result, it can ensure the students a well-paid job in the increasingly fierce labor market.

Nevertheless, I could argue that replacing these subjects in the school curriculum by IT take a toll on children. Obviously, children go to school to be developed an all-round education not only academic one. Accordingly, studying subjects such as : art, sport, music is good for children's mental and physical health, for example, stave off stress and relax. It is also worth pointing out that learning art, sport, music facilitates other academic subjects like math, literature in terms of thinking stimulation. For example, playing piano helps children think creatively and solve problems flexibly. Indeed, without these subjects in the program, children may be less successful at school of suffer from pressure.

In conclusion, that several subjects like art, sport, music are changed for subject like IT would probably pose detrimental effects on children. Therefore my point is that we should retain these traditional subjects in line with modern subject in the school curriculum to fulfill the children's potentiality to the fullest

Writing Feedback / IELTS essay youth criminals should be punished in the same way as adults ? [4]

young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. Do you agree or disagree ?

That juvenile delinquency is on the rise at an alarming rate has drawn much social concern. Some people suggest that a same punishment as that for adults should be imposed on young offenders who commit serious crimes. Personally, I do not completely agree with this notion.

To begin, it is particularly significant that punishment acts as a deterrent to young wrongdoers against re-offending. For example, a teenaged murderer would not feel guilty or feared the criminal justice system and would be likely to continue his misdeed if he was not given a severe retribution. As a result, this will be, of course, dangerous to the whole society. Without doubt, punishment should be equally inflicted regardless of ages.

Nevertheless, it is often argued that punishing juvenile offenders in the same way as adults could possibly have many drawbacks. First of all, young criminals are more likely to suffer from psychological problems than adults do. It is obvious that they are still in adolescence and immature, so they can be fully unaware of all the wrongdoings they make. If they are sentenced to imprisonment in a same way as adults, they might suffer from shock or even mental disorders, which sometimes is the hindrance to them when they come back to normal life after being in prison. Furthermore, facing the heavy sentence may lead them to adopt negative behaviors that are the norm in the hostile prison environment, for example, assault and sexual abuse since their identity are still developing.

In conclusion, although teenagers commit serious crimes, in my view, they should be more focused on rehabilitation rather than severe punishment as for adults in order to produce a positive transformation.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Reduce air travel to protect the environment. Agree or Disagree ? [2]

some people believe that for environment protection we should reduce air travel. Do you agree or disagree ?

There has been considerable debate on the environmental impact of aviation. It is sometimes suggested that air travel should be reduced in order to protect the environment. In my opinion, despite some advantages it brings about, I somewhat advocate this suggestion.

To begin with, it goes without saying that air travel holds a numbers of benefits over car, train, ship travel. For long hauls such as transoceanic flight, air travel is unquestionably the fastest way to get to your destination. Whereas, travelling by ship might take one week in comparison with hours offered by plane, which means this costs you more time and poses some drawbacks especially in business. Another benefit is that passengers often feel more comfortable when they use services offered by airlines rather than other alternatives. For example, they can stretch their legs during the trip or can be provided free beverage, which makes the travel more enjoyable.

Nevertheless, there should be no doubt that air travelling is one of the biggest contributions to environment pollution. Since aircraft engines emit a huge amount of carbon dioxide, noise, greenhouse gases into the Earth's atmosphere, they inevitably result in the acceleration of global warming. In addition to gases released from combustion engines, gases emissions from ground airport activities, for example, the manufacture of aircraft or the construction of airport infrastructure, also lead to global warming that mainly causes the climate change these days. If people fly less, the environment will be protected.

In conclusion, aviation obviously provide much comfort for the passengers when they travel, however, it also adversely affect our environment. Therefore until an eco-friendly air transportation options are available, I recommend we should cut back on air travel in order to protect our planet

Scholarship / Essay about Personal importance to you -"Stay hungry.Stay foolish" [5]

Write a short essay on a subject of personal importance to you ( 300- 500 words ). You may choose any topic. Examples include : an event which has influenced you, why you want to choose an Engineering career, or a family member/friend/person who had a significant influence on you

"Stay hungry. Stay foolish"

Steve Jobs had said that to all seniors in 2005 Stanford Commencement. That saying has significant influence on the way I pursue my passion and step out of my comfort zone, fueled my eagerness to live to the fullest and sacrifice my time and effort in order to contribute to my community.

Since I was in secondary school, I took a keen interest in social issues, which seems to be considered boring and beyond most of my peer's concern. Watching diplomats representing their countries of NGOs in conference to discuss and then develop solutions to world problems had kindled my aspiration to be like them in the future. However, not everything lived up to my own expectations. When I shared this wish to some of my classmates, they made fun of me and told me that my expectation was totally unrealistic and impossible. Worse still, they insisted on teasing about my accent when I spoke English and also imagined how ridiculous I would be if I stood in front of hundreds of people giving speech or express my ideas. Having been bombarded by bitter criticisms, needless to say, I felt hurt and very discouraged. I realized that limitations in my ability to use English fluently might be a hindrance for me to achieve that goal. I used to think of myself as an incompetent and that the door of hope seemed to slam in front of me, but eventually my ceaseless effort told a different story.

I always bear in mind that the only way to improve is through hard work and dogged perseverance. At that time, with wholehearted support from my parents, I myself set a challenge to learn English diligently, particularly speaking skill, so that I could be eloquent in English. Practicing as much as I can in front of a mirror on a daily basis and reading many articles in English not only helped me build better vocabulary but also broaden my knowledge about international affairs in which I greatly interested. All my efforts have been rewarded when I passed the gifted high school entrance exam in order to study in specialized English class. Three years as being the vice-president of school's debate club and got some academic merits in English competitions has proved that I could do things what people ever said that I could not before.

"Curiosity leads us new paths, we keep moving forward, opening new doors and doing new things" ( Walt Disney) so I always push myself trying new things, grasping my chances in order to turn my dream into reality. This summer was such a memorable summer for me when I was selected as one of 36 participants in U.S Embassy Hanoi Model East Asia Summit. I was assigned to be Delegate of Singapore Committee, together with other students discussing the management of Mekong River. I could not express how happy I was because this was the first time I participated in a big youth forum, having chance to utilize critical thinking skills and practice public speaking skills to debate regional issues. Indeed, I have stepped out of my comfort zone to follow my passion.

No matter what, I think I will pursue my major in Art and Social Science when I start my college in order to realize my dream in the future. Knowing what I want to do, be passionate about it and determined, I believe I will be successful.

This is my scholarship essay. Please revise it for me ( ideas, grammatical errors, vocabulary, paragraph ). It seems to be a bit long ( over 500 words ), so could you tell me what is unnecessary that i could cut ? Thanks a lot

Writing Feedback / IELTS essay : Young people move to cities [4]

Topic : in many countries, young people leave rural areas to study or work in cities. What do you think are reason of this? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

These days, there are increasing numbers of young people from the countryside moving to cities in search of jobs and educational opportunities. Personally, I think it has some drawbacks that will be discussed in this essay together with some reasons about this.

To begin with, the major cause that leads to urban migration of young adults is that cities often offer more well-paid jobs and study chances compared to rural areas. Obviously, many large companies and universities often locate in cities which are hailed as promising lands to develop their career. Therefore they move to big cities to pursue academic career and find jobs in order to have a higher standard of living. For example, if a gradate stays in the city after leaving his college and seeks a job with good salary instead of returning his village to do farm work, he could perhaps buy a house or his own car after a short time.

However, this phenomenon sometimes poses several negative consequences. There can be no doubt that the burgeoning number of young adults from the countryside flocking to cities gives rise to overpopulation in cities. As a result, cities cannot provide adequate space for thousands of dwellers that might lead to poor housing conditions and sanitation. Additionally, it might put strain on the environment. If there are more people in the cities, there would be large numbers of vehicles on the road, which causes air pollution.

In conclusion, young people tend to study or work in urban areas since these provide them many educational opportunities and career potentials. In my opinion, however, I do not approve of this trend due to negative effects such as low quality of life and affecting the environment.