Writing Feedback / Taking standardized tests to prove learning progress - Toefl IBT writing essay [6]

Hi,

I'm preparing to take the Toefl IBT test in December 2009, but I feel it's difficult to improve my speaking and writing skills.

Regarding the writing skill, I have tried to write several essays, but no one review them for me. Would you please do me a favor? The following is one of my essays. Please review & let me know all mistakes I made so that I can avoid in the future.

Topic 1: Students should be required to take regular standardized tests to prove that are learning.

In my opinion, the taking regular standardized tests is not really good for students. Because it will make students' studying less efficient.
First, it takes a lot of time of both professors and students to prepare for the tests. Students must focus preparing for the tests not for understanding deeply about the subjects. Also, Professors must edit the test content and review all students' test papers. In Vietnam, one class can contains fifty to one hundreds of students. How long does it take professors' time to check all test papers? I think it's a lot.

Second, If students spend more time for testing then they will loose focus on the research about the subjects. One semester has about forty-five weeks. In one week, professors have about two or three hours for teaching one subject. This is not much time, so professors should use that time for giving students basic concept about the subject with some practices and instruct them how to do more research to get intensive knowledge about the subject.

However, it doesn't mean that tests are not necessary. Students should do about tests in one term. They are midterm and final tests. Besides projects and essays, tests are the normal way to access students. It helps student consolidating their knowledge about the subject.

Conclusion, we should not take a lot of time of students to taking tests. It's very useful when we use that time for practices. But at least, students must be tested twice per semester.

Thanks in advance,

Tuan.

Writing Feedback / it is important to find out if the decision will be popular with others (IBT) [5]

Hi all,

This is my Toefl writing essay, please read thorough, comment or let me know my mistakes in this essay.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Before making a decision, it is important to find out if the decision will be popular with others.

In our life, we must make many decisions. Some of them are important and some of them are not. You can succeed in our life or not depend how good your decisions are. Is it important to check whether your decision is popular or not before making it? I think it is not important. Because each person has their own targets, living conditions and capabilities.

We have our own targets, so we can not make the similar decision as everybody. After graduating secondary school, most of my friends decided to study at Nguyen Hue high school, because it's near their house and good enough for them. Whereas, both my family and I want me to join in the best high school in my town. I tried to pass the entrance examination and I think that is a good decision.

Nevertheless, everybody has different capabilities. We have some strong points as well as weak points. Before making decision, we should analyze yourself to know what we can benefit from that decision, what we can loose or what risk we can meet. For instance, when we decide which major we will study at university, it's more important to assess our capability rather than check whether every body study the same major as us or not.

Additionally, learning from experience is very good, but we just should consider it as reference. We have different living conditions, so we can not resemble the decision of other people. I'm wondering where should I study master program. Most people on many forums told that study in US, Canada and Australia is very good. But I can not afford for the school, food and lodge fee there. Consequently, I choose Sweden just because the school fee is free and this is the most important point for me.

All in all, everybody has different targets, capabilities and living conditions. We can not follow the decision of the popular, but we can refer to it to analyze why they make that decision, what are our strong points, can we make it better. By doing like that, your decisions will be better over the time.

Thanks in advance,

Tuan.

Writing Feedback / Students should be in control of their own education (IBT) [4]

Hi,

I'm preparing for taking Toefl IBT test. Can you please proofread my below essay!

Students, not teachers or administrators, should be in control of their own education.

At university, students should play active role when they take part in any class. Professors or administrators can support students to achieve their aims but can not control their education. Because when students are passively controlled by professors or administrators, they can not get the best result. Only students know exactly what they want and what they need.

I think you will agree with me that when we play an active role, we are easier to get our targets. Students must prepare themselves for everything which relates to their education such as books, notebooks, lessons, materials, projects, essays, and so on. Professors provide students general concepts and directions for student to do more research. Professors play important role to direct students to the correct way, but not control them all of time on the way they choose.

Additionally, no one is responsible for your result. Everyone has his or her own aims, he or she plans and implements to get the target. The result is his or her, not any one else. The better you do, the better the results you get. So, students always control themselves and get advises from professors or administrators when they meet difficulties. Professors are not responsible for your result, but for giving students positive directions.

Furthermore, students are mature enough to control their education. They will be the important people in the near future of the society. We can not put government leadership to the passive people.

Finally, the more active students are the easier students can achieve the aims. What they did in the past or doing now are what they will get in the future. They must control themselves with the supports of professors or administrators at appropriate time.

Thanks,

Tuan.

Writing Feedback / IBT essay - Study for free at the university [6]

The followings are my topic and essay. Please review it for me! Can I earn 3/5 mark for this essay?

Thanks for reading it & have a good day,

Tuan.

A university education should be provided free of charge to all interested scholars.

The university education plays a very important role for a country. It educates and trains work forces for the near future of a country. So, the policy of university education is always attracted interests of the society. I think interested scholars should be charged for their education, because it's very difficult to improve and develop the university education with money from the government.

We need a lot of money to maintain and develop the university education for buildings, equipments, salary and many others. But the government's budget can not afford for many universities of a country. Therefore, they must self control their finance. The school fee is the main income of the universities; they need it to improve education quality.

Furthermore, the salary of professors is rather low. This is the reason why education can't attract many talented people. In my country, professors' salary is from two hundred to three hundred dollars a month. It's not enough to spend for many essential things of their life. The school fee can be used to increase their salary and to recruit good people for education.

However, the government should have the support to students who want to study at the university but can't afford for it. Students can loan money for their food and lodge and they will pay back after graduating several years. By this way, everybody has opportunity to enjoy university education; also, the universities have money to make their system more and more efficient.

In conclusion, the university should charge the school fee so that they can provide the high quality education environment for the society. With the school fee and government's support, the education system will be improved over the time.

Writing Feedback / Toefl iBT writing - Integrated task: Global warming [12]

Hi,

This is my integrated essay about the global warming phenomenon. I can't post the reading passage as well as the lecture. I feel it's very difficult to combine the reading & the lecture. Please proof-read it & give me some tips to improve!

Thanks in advance,

Tuan.

The reading passage makes several points about the global warming phenomenon. Cutting forests and burning fossil fuels produce more and more green house gases. These causes Earth's temperature to increase, the weather to change and they create many negative effects for our life. Plus, the lecture provides some data which make the reading passage more convincible.

First, the reading passage states that scientists discovered the relationship between rising temperatures and rising levels of carbon dioxide. Most of this gas emits from industrial activity and vehicles.

Second, following the reading, in twentieth century, the average temperature of Earth increased 1.5 F and it continues to increase; the weather already begun to change. To support this point, the lecture says that the winter has been become warmer and the snow fall has been reduced recently years. And the snow fall will reduces twenty-five to fifty percent in the next years.

Finally, the reading shows that the weather changes will affect directly to the environment and the economy. Some plants and animals species may extinct; agricultural and transportation sectors are impacted strongly, so the economy can slump. The lecturer uses skiing industry as an example, the income of this business decreases because the snowy days reduces, the warmer winter make people feel unattractive. Also, hotels, restaurants and shops are unmarketable.

Writing Feedback / College or univeristy's benefits [8]

Hi,

Please proofread & give me your ideas about this essay. It's very useful if you give me some tips to improve it.

Thanks & have a nice day,

Tuan.

People attend college or university for many different reasons(for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

After finishing the high school program, most of students prepare for the university entrance. Many people can choose the appropriate college or university which educates and trains them so that they can obtain their expected jobs. Unfortunately, many people can not take part in the university education because of financial, living conditions or capability reasons. I think the university education is very important because it provides us deep knowledge, working skills and certificates.

In high school, we learn basic and general knowledge of many subjects. But in university, we will learn and research deeply about the stream which you will work with in the future. For instance, I plan to become a software engineer, so I go to the University Technology and study in the information technology department. I will research about programming language, system analyze and design, computer architecture, database management system and so on. With deep knowledge about these subjects, I can start my career as a software engineer after graduating.

Furthermore, the university provides many essential working skills through seminars, projects or theses. We should have good communication, presentation, team working and problem solving skills to work in the professional environment. When I was in the university, I did many seminars, projects and presented them after finishing. These are opportunities for me to practice. During these processes, I have met many problems; I must solve them myself first, when I can not I will ask professors to give me some directions or tips. By this way, I can improve my problem solving skill.

Finally, the university will grant us a certificate which is really needed for starting a new career. Some people think that certificate is not important, but I think it's important as well. If we graduate from the famous school and have excellent result, we can get a good job easier compare with people who have not got it.

In conclusion, the university time is the necessary and important period. It prepares for us knowledge, skills and certificate which play important roles to start a new career as well as to take a good job.

Writing Feedback / Parents are best teachers. They follow us and help us to develop our talent. [5]

Topic 2 (AD) Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

I've written this essay for 50 minutes. I will fail the Toefl iBT test. Please review the essay for me and give me some tips so that I can write quicker enough to finish the independent task in 30 minutes.

Thanks in advance,

Tuan.

During the time before going to school, parents have taught us many concepts about surrounding world. When we grow up, parents give us useful advices as well as directions so that we can develop ourselves. I agree that the best teachers are parent.

Parent share a lot of time of their life with the kids, so they can help their children whenever their children need. Babies who are very new with their surroundings always make a lot of why questions for their parent. By this way, they can discover interesting things of life. Parents play a very important role to help their kids develop brainpower and personality.

Furthermore, parents are people who most understand the kids. They will know the personality, the strong points and weak points of their kids. No one can understand kids more than parent. When we meet difficulties in our life, parent snot only encourage us, but also give us appropriate advices and necessary directions. Sometimes, parents are considered as friends to share view with children.

Lastly, parents are figures which are very easy to affect children. Working very hard to bring up the kids, parent will receive respect from children. They will try to study hard to become a useful person of the society. In addition, children will learn good manners of their parent.

In conclusion, parent always teach us many important things in our life. They follow us and help us to develop our talent, show us mistakes and provide advices to avoid doing bad things.

Writing Feedback / Food has become easier to prepare now , do you agree or not? [13]

Please read through this essay and give me your comments.

Thanks,

Tuan.

Topic 3 EX: Nowadays food has become easier to prepare. Has this change improved the way people live? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

In modern life, people must work very hard to get a good job and to achieve a higher position in their company or their organization. They don't have enough time to prepare complex, traditional meals everyday. The way to prepare meals becomes simpler, quicker and easier. This change brings a better life for busy people.

People have more time to work when they only use a little bit time to prepare food. People can not spend much time on the meal preparation, if they must work at least eight hours per day. In Vietnam, officers often work from forty to forty four hours per week, so they don't have time to make the meal. They often have lunch at restaurant and have simple dinner at home. If they want to make the life more interesting, they will organize some small events in the weekends.

In addition, women are released from their household working. Normally, women are responsible for the meals preparation. They spend less time to make meals depend on kitchen machines as well as the way to cook is simpler and easier. It means that they have opportunity to do more important things for their career. Really, nowadays women have more successful, they play important role in many big companies and corporations.

Finally, young people have more time to enjoy the time. In stead of spending more time for meals, they can use their time to do social activities, to go to the cinema, to read interesting books, to play sports. When people can do what they prefer, they will feel happy. Indeed, they have a more plentiful and better life than the previous generations.

To summarize, people simplify the way to prepare food so that they can have more time for other activities. They can do more useful and more interesting things, it improves their life.

Writing Feedback / Toefl iBT, integrated task: Invasive plants are a growing problem. [3]

Hi everybody,

Please review & show me errors I made in this essay.

Thanks,

The author warns that invasive plants harm both native plants and animals, and the speaker asserts negative effects of garlic mustard which is an invasive species.

The author states that invasive plants are becoming problem for native species; gardeners brought nonnative plants from other places and planted them for food and medicine because of their hardy, drought-resistent properties, and their beauty. They grow aggressively and widly when living in a nappropriate environment. Consequently, they thrust out native species by shading, competing with vines, or depleting nutrients. Native plants and animals are decrease significantly and ecological system may be destroyed.

The speaker supports the reading passage by describing garlic mustand's threating to native spring-blooming plants as well as animal. Garlic mustard spreads strongly and strangles light, nutrients and space. In addition, white butterfly is affected due to its food sources are reduced and garlic mustard produces chemical toxic to its eggs. In nineteenth centery, they appeared in Long Island; now they spread over easten and mid-western of Amecica.