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Posts by Katthew Kim
Name: Mattew
Joined: Aug 3, 2017
Last Post: Aug 21, 2017
Threads: 6
Posts: 12  
Likes: 6
From: Korea, Republic of
School: University of Seoul

Displayed posts: 18
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Katthew Kim   
Aug 21, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2; some people think that social networking sites have a damaging effect [4]

Good essay but recommend you to write at least 2- 3 sentence at the conclusion.

At second paragraph, I don't think that it is a great idea to start from on the one hand. Rather than this, 'First reason for my opinion is that~' would be nice at least to me.

->effects of Facebook, other social networking sites on each individual person, and aggregate of people

2. This is my personal opinion. If you can describe each content in detail, that would articulate your point. Since you compared both sides and do not support either pros or cons of social media, you had better describe how much severe the social media devesate the relationship in modern era and how much it endanger private issue.

On the other hand, you also can articulate what kinds of value it can bring to our daily lives in detail, which could persuade readers to understand your point.
Katthew Kim   
Aug 17, 2017
Writing Feedback / [Toefl] Buying a new technological device right away is better than waiting until many people... [4]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Buying a new technological device right away is better than waiting until many people have purchased it.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your explanation.


Buying new gadgets isn't worthy



Recently, general awareness about whether it is wiser to buy new technology device right away than waiting until many people have purchased it has aroused heated arguments. People, nevertheless, have conflicting ideas; while some people say that it brings many benefits to buy the device later, others deem otherwise. From my point of view, I am in agreement with former stand and my view can be greatly substantiated by the reasons addressed below.

The first reason for my opinion that can be seen by every person is that it is too much expensive to purchase the technological device early. This is because there are few demands to buy the newly launched device in the beginning. According to the one of the most fundamental economic theory, supply and demand curves, price would be high when it comes to low demand given constant supply. In addition, one of the well-known reasearch lab at Seoul National University revealed the relationship between price and period of purchase. In fact, the reasearch team revealed the fact that the earlier clients buy the technology commodities, the more they should pay.

Another equally important reason is that new technology device can malfuntion more often than other devices which already has been used by many people. To put it again, new device is not testified by the public as much as other devices which are verified by the public. For instance, Samsung Note 7 was recalled within few days after launching this new product because there were some malfunction cases. As more and more people use this new phone, it is revealed that the product has a severe functional flaw that can even endanger people. Like this case, newly launched device has an enormous risk of malfunction.

The third and most noteworthy reason is that clients should invest a lot hours to learn how to use the device. That is to say, what client only can do is to spend lots of time to read whole manual, which is quite boring. Since no one are familiar with using the new device, it is hard to find others who can help you to teach this. In reality, according to the article posted on the Korea Times, many clients have a tendency to prefer to ask their friends or family about how to use the device rather than reading the manual by themselves.

To wrap up all statements above, buying a new technological device is not reasonable option in terms of price, malfunction and learning curb. In particular, the high price, risk of malfunction and tedious work to read a manual would hinder clients to buy a newly released product. That is why I agree with the opinion that it is more sagacious to wait until many people have purchased this.
Katthew Kim   
Aug 17, 2017
Scholarship / Losing my mother put me into the position of the leader in my family. Chevening essay [3]

Hello, this is Minseok Kim.

Although you did not articulate what prompt is for this essay, I just guess that it is relevant with leadership essay. You had a variety of experience and I wish it would be a great asset for your application. You mentions your leadership skills focusing on responsibility when you were young, learning from others in the first career, interactive feedback in your job, and woman leadership. Those are good component of leadership, but at least for me it gave me an impression your point is scattered. If you say what is your main thought about leadership like value such as communication, love, or sort of. You can associate with each your experience with this value, which eventually make more coherent essay.

Hope this advice would be helpful.
Katthew Kim   
Aug 17, 2017
Scholarship / A small group of people may influence many [3]

Hello,

Your essay seems like a biography, which means that it does not have compelling message. You had better what kinds of message you want to deliver and match it with your experiences or thought. In addition, as Holt pointed out, you should find whether the scholarship foundation require you specific topic like leadership essay or just broad question(Statement of purpose).

If you set up your main message and then begin to illustrate your motivation and some experiences which can qualify you are such a great candidate to achieve your goal.

Hope you will prepare well for application.

Sincerely,

Minseok Kim
Katthew Kim   
Aug 14, 2017
Writing Feedback / [Toefl] It is crucial for youngsters to have the planning and organizing skills. [4]

prompt:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Because modern life is very complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


two important skills for a young person



The more complex modern life would be, the more skills are required. Among several skills, it is one of the most important ability to plan and organize works. Some people does not believe that it is necessary for children to equip with this skill, but I disagree with this opinion. These are the reasons why I agree with the argument it is not essential for young generation to have the ability to plan and organize.

To begin with, children need to manage their various roles effectively and this skill is expected to teach young people to manage their diverse responsibilities. To be specific, they play some roles in each different situation. For instance, they are a son or daughter in their house, a friend with their classmates, and a student in front of their teacher. To manage their a wide range of roles successfully, children have to learn the ability to plan and organize their tasks.

In addition, it is the best time to train these skills because young people are likely to learn fast and form their habit. As modern society has been filled with complicated issues, it is required for all people to have strong management skills. But, the problem is that this kind of capabilities cannot nurtured for one day, but should be trained for a long time. On the other hands, children have a tendency to learn something quickly and absorb the genuine skills faster than adult because they have few stereotypes about learning something new. Furthermore, childhood is the period that they form their own habits, children can easily use this time to develop their management skills.

To wrap up, I support the opinion it is essential for young people to have ability to plan and organize because children also need to manage their various roles and it is good timing to train them to gain these abilities. In other words, the skills for management will be beneficial to children and childhood could be used to build their own habits. That is why I agree with the opinion that it is necessary for young people to nurture that skills.
Katthew Kim   
Aug 14, 2017
Scholarship / One interest that makes me different from other students [5]

Hello, Martin.

I like to read your essay which is filled with varied stories.

Just one idea. Rather than saying the best time to work in the company, you can illustrate specific example which intrigued your interest if you can share your experience.

Above all, the essay is well constructed well.
Katthew Kim   
Aug 14, 2017
Writing Feedback / Modern Technology brought more comforts than simple Technology [4]

Hello, waseem.

I am glad to put my comments here. These are my thoughts about your short writing and whether you will apply my advice or not is up to you since it is just my idea.

Firstly, I think you had better use conjunction to make your writing smoother. For instance, you can put 'In particular' in front of secondary sentence and 'in addition' before third sentence.

In addition, if you think about how modern technology is different from simple technology, your content will be plentiful because I don't gain any information about the difference between these two concept.

You had better practice to describe what you want exactly even though there would be some grammatical errors. Since I am also not a native speaker, I know very well how tough it is to learn English writing. However, I cannot fully understand your main point unless you will give me more details.

Hope this advice will be beneficial for you.
Katthew Kim   
Aug 10, 2017
Writing Feedback / [Toefl] Compared to when our grandparents were young, life is more comfortable and easier these days [3]

we live more comfortable life today



As many shifts have been going on quickly in many fields nowadays, there has been strong debates whether life is more comfortable or easier these days compared to when our grandparents were young. Some people mention that modern society has several disadvantages such as air pollution, increasing crime, and etc. However, I disagree with this argument because life became better and more convenient these days rather than when grandparents were in childhood.

To begin with, our generation has high accessibility to information, which leads us to gain any kind of information easily. To be specific, with the advent of the internet, most people nowadays can search whatever they wonder. In addition, the process to find the source is really convenient since we can access any information with few clicks on smartphone or PC. On the other hands, our grandparents had only a few sources to get information. There were few opportunities to gain knowledge since those people rely on limited libraries or books. In terms of accessibility to knowledge, our life is much easier and more comfortable than the past.

In addition, there have been innovative devices which replace boring or hard works like laundry, cleaning, or complicated tasks. For instance, we do not spend lots of time washing our cloth since laundry machine serve entire laundry service. Also, a robot for cleaning operates to clean whole house while we are outside of a house. And, no one needs to be under stress to calculate complicated budget planning due to a computer. Those changes are not too far future but realistic in our generation, therefore, we do not have to waste our time doing troublesome works. Instead, we can concentrate on what matters to our life. On the contrary, our grandparent's generation usually spent lots of time doing these chores. Considering benefit we have in a modern era, our life is much more comfortable than the past.

To wrap up, advanced accessibility effectively leads our lives easier to gain information and advents of useful devices reduce unnecessary working time and provide us with a lot comfort. In other words, our generation people are accessible to any kind of information easier than the last generation and gain many benefits from advanced technologies resulting in more comfortable life rather than previous life by reducing boring works. These are the mains reasons why I support the argument that our life is more comfortable and easier these days compared to the time grandparents lived in.
Katthew Kim   
Aug 10, 2017
Writing Feedback / [Toefl] an effective leader should try to make others part of the decision making process [13]

Good introduction, but as the former reviewer points out I am not sure if you promptly think about this maxim in the testing place.

Blurred supporting messages. You want to say it is effective to make others participate in the decision making. Because it results in a wise decision and it is also helpful to consider diverse opinions. I think that the level of both two supporting message is conflicting. Rather than different reasons, former supporting rely on second supporting message.

This is what you want to say.
'This is good because it will result in a wise decision. Why? we can take account for various points of views. '

Since you basically rely on one coherent logic, you don't need to separate two paragraph. Instead, you can put another reason why you support this. You can say it motivates all members to take responsibility and then result in good outcome.
Katthew Kim   
Aug 8, 2017
Writing Feedback / Toefl Essay- Which of the following is the kind of friend you would prefer to have? [4]

Which of the following is the kind of friend you would prefer to have?

- smart
- cheerful
- considerate

Use specific reasons and examples to support your explanation.

choosing a best friend



Some people think that smart friends are able to give us a valuable advice for our life, and other people also regard a cheerful friend as a motivator for us. However, I personally prefer considerate friends rather than other friends who are smart or cheerful. These are the main reasons why I have a preference to considerate peers.

To begin with, considerate friends always try to listen to my stories, which makes me feel comfortable to be along with friends. For instance, I sometimes am under pressure about assignments in my campus and have a conflict with others. At that time, I really want to share my concerns and wish someone to carefully pay attention to what I worry. Fortunately, my generous friends are happy to share their time to take care of my concern by kindly talking with me, which eventually leads me to relieve my stress. Although they did not give any comment or advice, that is enough for me just to keep their attention to my stories, which gives me huge condolence.

Next, considerate friends deeply impress me a lot with their kindness. When I got a bad cold, I felt warm from my friend who voluntarily took care of me although he was supposed to take a significant exam. Whenever I am sick, there is no way except having enough resting time by myself to feel better since my family cannot come to my university which is pretty distant. Not only did cold but also loneliness tortured me a lot. At that time, a friend of mine came to my house with some food and spent his time with me even if he is very busy for his supposed examination. I got impressed by his considerate action and still appreciate it.

To wrap up, I prefer considerate friends rather than other types of friends based on my own experiences. In other words, their ability to listen carefully helps me feel better when I was stuck by some problems. Also, their considerate care was a great comfort to me while I got a sick. This is why I like considerate friends among other three types of friends.
Katthew Kim   
Aug 8, 2017
Writing Feedback / Ielts task 2 : technology provides opportunities as much as damages [4]

Hello, I want to share some thoughts about your essay.

At the first paragraph, I think you don't need to say that The debate~ since the question requires you to answer if it affects positively or negatively.

I am not sure to pick up some grammarian errors in your essay, but I cannot understand the meaning of predominant facilities.

At the third paragraph, you don't need to say the debate will be continued. Rather than this, I think what kinds of aspect will affect positively and negatively.
Katthew Kim   
Aug 8, 2017
Graduate / Personal Statement for JHU Master of applied Econ program [4]

Hello, I think it is pretty organized but still need some works to sharpen your point

About arrangement of your essay, I think you had better reorganize this essay following this logic. First, begin why you want to study this master, and then say how and what you have done. Here, you said that you are interested in several jobs like Data scientists or financial forecasters and etc, but why? What intrigues you to pursue those kinds of jobs? Do you have any experience, met someone, or read some article? You could articulate your experience about this and I think those would be more compelling to make an eye-catching essay.

Good luck for your application.
Katthew Kim   
Aug 4, 2017
Writing Feedback / Toefl Writing, Television should be used to instruct people rather than to entertain them [4]

It would be my pleasure to get your feedback about my logic as well as grammar. I hope you guys have a nice day. Thanks!

This is the writing for the Toefl Test and the question is that Television should be used to instruct people rather than to entertain them

And I was asked the question 'Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.'

what kind of content in TV?



Recently, whether TV should instruct people or entertain people has been debated fiercely and some people claim that TV should be the educational channel to inform valuable knowledge to the public. While it can deliver few advantages, this function is not as effective as the function to provide entertaining contents to the public.

To begin with, TV is one of the most effective channels to lead people to feel happy. Most of the people nowadays find something to relax and relieve their stress because they are usually pressured by their work, study or relation. TV is the most common electronics in an ordinary family house and provides a wide range of contents including drama, music, sport, and even movie. For instance, my mom usually works in a hotel to clean several rooms, which requires a lot of physical work. In particular, this sometimes makes my mom exhausted. At that time TV helps my mom forget the stress she got from the work and recharge herself. Like my mom's case, I believe many people also have a relaxing time by watching TV to relieve stress from their daily life.

Furthermore, TV broadcast should deliver what people want to watch, entertaining contents. Basically, it is necessary for TV broadcasters to attract more and more people to watch their channel to maintain their business, and therefore, they should show what people want. If we think what kinds of channel attract most of the people on TV, we can easily guess what kinds of contents people want. According to a credential research in South Korea, most popular TV shows include sport, movie, and drama, which can make people happy.

To wrap up my main messages, TV should broadcast contents that can grant fun to the public because it will not only give the benefit to people, but also help TV broadcasters to maintain their business. Especially, it is expected to satisfy both sides of audiences and TV broadcasting company.
Katthew Kim   
Aug 4, 2017
Scholarship / If you could know the answer to anyone question in the world, what would it be? Why? [3]

Pretty good essay!
This is my thought. To be honest, I don't know what kind of impression you want to show them. What I think during reading yours is that continuous questions and the conclusion that you want to be a better person. But why? My suggestion is that it would be nice to start your own experience by describing the moment you asked yourself 'What is the purpose of life' and you should persuade readers why it matters to you and readers(You don't need to persuade them but attract their attention to read yours). Depending on the message you want to deliver to readers, I think it would be nice to reorganize the contents to match with your main point.
Katthew Kim   
Aug 4, 2017
Scholarship / What is one value you have that cannot be compromised? [5]

I think this essay is pretty well organized. But if I should put some comments about your essay, my suggestion is to align the ending conclusion with the main content. You want to emphasize the fact that your inquisitiveness will help you acquire more information, analyze it, and thus broaden your intellectual luggage. I think main contents are too blurred so you had better describe one specific example to show how your inquisitiveness benefited you so much. I think this approach will attract the reader's attention.

Thanks.
Katthew Kim   
Aug 3, 2017
Writing Feedback / Essay about TOEFL question 'Having time alone is the most ideal way to relax and relieve stress' [3]

Hello, this is Matthew Minseok Kim from South Korea. It is a really awesome place to get critic about my essay. As a non-native speaker, I have sought the opportunity to improve my writing. I have no doubts that this web site would be a great asset for me to do that. It would be my pleasure to get your feedback about my logic as well as grammar. I hope you guys have a nice day. Thanks!

This is the writing for the Toefl Test and the question is that Having time alone is the most ideal way to relax and relieve stress

And I was asked the question 'Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.'

the way people relax today



It has been controversial for a long time about how people can relax and relieve their stress. Some people believe having time with others have more advantages than being alone since we are a social being who prefer to interact with one another. I partially agree with the opinion in terms of several benefits it can bring us, but I believe that the most ideal way to relax and relieve stress is having time alone since all kinds of stress eventually stem from our mind.

Having time with others is meaningful activities to refresh ourselves by sharing our concerns and communicating with others. In general, people have common instinct desiring to talk or listen to someone so that it would be effective to have a relaxing time. Nonetheless this advantage, it also stresses people. According to a research, what stresses people in a house and job is a relationship with others. In other words, most of the people get stress as well as help from others. That is why it cannot be the ideal way to relax.

Having time alone will help you manage your mind. In contrast having time with others, having time alone will be helpful to control your mind since it will locate you separated from outer situation or concerns. It is really difficult to change an environment which you are facing with, however, you can change your mind easily. According to Viktor Frankl, who was a famous psychologist and imprisoned in Auschwitz, mentions that he did not have any physical freedom in prison but could totally control his mind by himself. As he emphasizes the importance of mind, only our mind determine if it would be stress or not.

Having time alone will change people fundamentally. There are some types of people who always complain whatever they do. Regardless of the result or process, they are accustomed to doing it. Although they just complain about this habit to others, it shortly releases their stress but it will not last for a long time. However, if the person has an enough time to reflect himself/herself by having time alone, they can change their mind. Changing their mind is not easy but it is possible by their own decision. Most of the people experience to do that while having time alone.

To sum up, having time alone is the ideal way to release and relax time rather than being with others because it is useful to manage your mind as well as change people fundamentally. In this regard, I think that being alone is the best option of relaxation