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Posts by minhphuccttv [Suspended]
Name: Phuc
Joined: Aug 11, 2017
Last Post: Aug 26, 2017
Threads: 4
Posts: 11  
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From: Viet Nam
School: FPT university

Displayed posts: 15
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minhphuccttv   
Aug 26, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: THE ORIGIN OF SUCCESS [4]

Hello Hùng,

I think:

In your introduction, when you paraphrase, you need to make sure that all aspects of the original are reflect in your version. Therefore, your presentation should have looked like the one below:

How can i success in my life?. People always try to finger out the best solution for this question because success is the most important in life. Therefore, There are different views about factors leading to individual's achievements. While it is believed that the key role of material wealth and appearance, I hold a firm belief that there is no success without diligence and persistence.

In your second paragraph, i think it is very smooth because you showed the importance of money and personal appearance in order so people easy to understand.But in the third paragraph why didn't you present like the second? I think if you do like that it will be better.

I hope it can help you.

Minh Phuc
minhphuccttv   
Aug 24, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Environment and Economy in the success [5]

Hello Đức,

You could write 250-300 words for task 2, but your essay is 407 words.

Your paragraphs do not follow the prompt: The first para, you said For the supporters of the idea of economic development and environment preservation harmony but you didn't write details about bad effects, You just discussed solution.....

In the second para, you said Those who condemn the combination of economic development and environment protection
. But most of your para gave example about the reason of bad effects, why governments can't start this idea?.

I hope it can help you,

Minh Phuc
minhphuccttv   
Aug 24, 2017
Writing Feedback / Don't may a mistake - stick to the one, proper job only. [IELTS Writing task 2] [4]

Hello Quyen,

Your essay is 236 words so you can add one para for your opinion. The conclusion can't give an extra idea.

You have some mistake about spelling and grammar:
- constrast -> contract
- choice : -> choice:
- opportunity -> the opportunity.

I hope it can help you,

Minh Phuc
minhphuccttv   
Aug 24, 2017
Writing Feedback / [IELTS Writing Task 2] The best solution for traffic jam is providing free public transport? [3]

Hello Huệ,

I agree with @Holt, I will give you more details.

The prompt is a solution for traffic jams so you don't need to write Another convincing reason worth mentioning is that using free public transports can help people avoid traffic jams in rush hour.

The example is not related to any reason so you should change it.

In the third para, governments should consider providing more possible solutions to tackle traffic congestion is does not relate to those sentences below. I think you should say This solution is good but it is not enough.

Minh Phuc
minhphuccttv   
Aug 24, 2017
Writing Feedback / [writing task 2]The best way for children to read books. [4]

Hello everyone, can you help me to fix my essay?.

Some people think that it is better for children to read books and other materials that are educational. Other people think that children should be allowed to read whatever they like.

Reading for children



Books, which are saved knowledge, are very important to people, especially with students. Unfortunately, books aren't always useful, so some people believe that it is more advanced for young people read books and other material that is for training. Other people consider that youngsters should be let's read whatever they like.

In the first view, It is more useful for students to read books and other materials that are for informative academic. Educational books are very good for young people but children need to discover which thing they really like, it is more important than just following an educational system. Studying book always be used in school so actually, young people read them every day. It is the reason make bore for studying. Those reasons can harm youngster's dream, it may destroy young people's future.So read educational books is useful but it is not enough.

In other hand, people understand that children should be permitted to read whatever they want. This way is very good for students but has some negative effects.First of all, the content of some books may not appropriate to the age of youngsters. Secondly, a plot may consist of violent and aggressive scenes. As a consequence, such kind of books can damage children's mind and make them cruel.Those effects may damage youngsters' life.So in this opinion, it is very risky to allowed children read whatever they like.

In my opinion, I believe that young people should read whatsoever their parents allowed. Adults have many experiences about life so they knew which books are useful for their sons and daughters. This way is compiled between allowing and preventing so teenagers can read what they interesting but we sure the books are safed. I think that children will develop completely and strongly by this solution.
minhphuccttv   
Aug 23, 2017
Writing Feedback / Writing task 1 (IELTS). Process of coffee manufacturing [6]

Hello giang,

I think you can add the reason for any step :
For example, Coffee beans dried under the sun to preserve
These beans are then roasted to get a good smell,...

I hope it can help you,

Minh Phuc
minhphuccttv   
Aug 22, 2017
Writing Feedback / The best method to decrease the number of traffic jams. [3]

Hello every, Can you help me to fix my essay?

How to improve public transport?



Some people think that the best way to reduce the number of traffic jams is to improve public transport.How could public transport be improved and to what extent do you agree or disagree with those people?

Many people believe that the ultimate solution to minimise the number of traffic jams is to enhance vehicles communally. In my opinion, I agree with that because of many reasons.

Frist and foremost, The spaces of the road are opened by improving public wheels, for example, one bus's size equal six motorbikes size but the bus can take 45 people however the motorbikes just can take 12 people. The amounts of traffic congestions are lessened by expanding blank of the street. Besides that, the society is developed by boost mutual transits due to we will talk more when we are on the buses, trains, and planes.

Second of all, the air pollution is decreased by update communal transport by cause of reducing exhaust gas. We will have a better life because we can breathe in fresh air. Many people, who don't have enough money to buy personal transportation, are helped by modern public transport, which will be improved. We will be safer by using urban vehicles because they run slower and more careful.

Finally, The way some country update their communal transport is not good, for example, in Viet Nam, we decided to build the subway in HCM city to solve traffic jams but I don't think it can help us because it so late to develop subway system in 21 century. We have to update our public transport by the right way because it will waste a lot of money to build something can't be used for all.

To sum up, I think to improve public transport is the best way to solve traffic jams because we have more blank in roads, the better society, and the better emotionally.
minhphuccttv   
Aug 22, 2017
Writing Feedback / (IELTS TASK 2) The public should be encouraged to use public transportation more. Give your opinio [7]

Hello

I think you should change something:
... industry, are getting more and more cheaper every day.

Protect to nature is so important for our children's future I think it not suitable. l the atmosphere will be huge..
... kids will live in peace better future.

...to commute than using cars vehicles because it is ...
The traffic problems are the huge issue .., the traffic problems will be solved. Another [R]sad[/R] problem is accidents .

Of course, these mistakes will be solved with self-driving automobiles future.

I hope it can help you.

Minh Phuc
minhphuccttv   
Aug 18, 2017
Writing Feedback / Working from home: Effects? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? [5]

Hello Giang,

Here is my view on your essay:

modern employees => recent employees,
conventional => general,
one one hand => on the one hand
its own pitfalls => its pitfalls,

repetitive words:

employees => workers,
greatly => significantly,
main = > central,
their own boss => their boss.

I hope it can help you

Minh Phuc
minhphuccttv   
Aug 15, 2017
Writing Feedback / Ban for fast food adverts? [WRITING TASK 2]The best way to prevent obesity in children! [3]

Hello everyone, Can you help me fit it?

Ban for promoting fast foods



A number of the population believe that the optimal solution to stop children getting fat is to cancel advertisements of fast food and other bad cuisines. In my opinion, this method is not the best way.

Parents ban the advertising of unhealthy products is help their children to stop approach toxic food by visible ways. The images display very interestingly so it super attractive. Thế audios are amusing and easy to remember. The products always are brand-new, so they stimulate the appetite of kids. Charming ideas connected factors in videos or papers. Other ways of advertisement are trial foods, gifts, games which are also very powerful to put children become obesity. By stopping news we stop a lot of reasons to help children become more healthy especially remove obesity.

Ban infomercial harmful products are not the best way because the main reasons are related to children metal. So mothers and fathers should teach their children what is bad from eating unhealthy foods. Children need have more activity outside for relax and explore than play games in the house because they will have a better physical to help them have positive thinking about life included their diet. Children should have less homework for they can have more time to care their metal. A family should eat together as frequently as possible. Determine what food is offered and when, and let the child decide whether and how much to eat. Mental is very important to help children avoid obesity especially overcome it.

To sum up, I think that the best way to prevent obesity in children is to compile ways especially metal ways don't just only extremely focus on one participate way.

Thanks,
Minh Phuc
minhphuccttv   
Aug 15, 2017
Writing Feedback / The benefits of teaching art, music or ports subjects at schools [4]

Hello Hang,

In your essay have some mistakes such as:

1. Entirely the students' growth => the students' growth entirely
2. While I totally agree that => In my opinion
3. .. to play a sport like ...
4. Next lessons that is a necessary ... => are

I hope it can help you.

Minh Phuc
minhphuccttv   
Aug 11, 2017
Writing Feedback / Should a city try to preserve its old buildings or replace them with modern buildings? [4]

Can you help me to fix my essay, Thanks

TOPIC: Should a city try to preserve its old, historic buildings or demolish them and replace them with modern buildings?

conservation of historical buildings



Some people belive architecure that we should destroy traditional .How ever, I think we need to protect them.

First of all, the old buildings where have historic value. They saved culture, beutiful of live, value of people during centurys. Especially, some countrys seen been during wars where people to commerate the soldiers as heros was pass away for independently, so the old building remind humans about memory value of history. For example, In Viet Nam, On April 30, 1975, the 390th tank of the liberation army was pounded at the palace of the reunification Palace. President Duong Van Minh's cabinet surrenderd unconditionally. The pupet goverment(South Vietnam) officially collapsed.

Second, by preseving historical buildings a city can attract many travellers. Welcoming tourists a ity get many benefis including money, which can be spent on preserving historical buildings as well as on improving roads and facilites. Every city has its own tradition and history which is refected through the art and creation of the building mostly. Destroying those heritage means destroying the old value and history.

Also, Old buildings are real examples for educational young people to help them understand more value, culture, lifestyles of previous generation to give them more motivation to live a good life.

To sum up, i belive that preserving old, historical buildings can bring only benefits to a city and all humankind.
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