minhphuccttv
Aug 26, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: THE ORIGIN OF SUCCESS [4]
Hello Hùng,
I think:
In your introduction, when you paraphrase, you need to make sure that all aspects of the original are reflect in your version. Therefore, your presentation should have looked like the one below:
How can i success in my life?. People always try to finger out the best solution for this question because success is the most important in life. Therefore, There are different views about factors leading to individual's achievements. While it is believed that the key role of material wealth and appearance, I hold a firm belief that there is no success without diligence and persistence.
In your second paragraph, i think it is very smooth because you showed the importance of money and personal appearance in order so people easy to understand.But in the third paragraph why didn't you present like the second? I think if you do like that it will be better.
I hope it can help you.
Minh Phuc
Hello Hùng,
I think:
In your introduction, when you paraphrase, you need to make sure that all aspects of the original are reflect in your version. Therefore, your presentation should have looked like the one below:
How can i success in my life?. People always try to finger out the best solution for this question because success is the most important in life. Therefore, There are different views about factors leading to individual's achievements. While it is believed that the key role of material wealth and appearance, I hold a firm belief that there is no success without diligence and persistence.
In your second paragraph, i think it is very smooth because you showed the importance of money and personal appearance in order so people easy to understand.But in the third paragraph why didn't you present like the second? I think if you do like that it will be better.
I hope it can help you.
Minh Phuc