Undergraduate / Yale Supplement "Remembering to be patient, Exchanging Experiences" [3]

Please tell me what you think and I will happily return the favor!

You have already told us about yourself in the Common Application, with its list of activities, the Short Answer, and the Personal Essay. While we leave the topic of your second essay entirely up to you, try telling us something about yourself that you believe we cannot learn elsewhere in your application. Please limit yourself to fewer than 500 words.

I was warned beforehand that Adrian had considerable difficulty retaining what he learns and completing his weekly homework assignments. Despite what I was told, I felt confident that, as his tutor, I could easily propel Adrian to the top of his fourth grade English class. I was in for a rude awakening.

At every session, Adrian tried to remember what he had previously learned but to no avail. Whenever I quizzed him, he would start pounding his fist against his head, thinking hard about what I thought were simple questions. After a while, I started to unconsciously show my own frustration by shaking my head and letting out sighs.

It dawned upon me when I started raising my voice to him. As red marks filled the pages of his workbook, Adrian emanated this frustration, this feeling that I knew-oh too well. I was reminded of my own rough beginnings. Adrian was struggling with English as I had struggled to get a grasp of the language when I moved to America at the age of five. Most teachers found my slow learning pace an annoyance. My insensitive behavior was no better than the impatience of those teachers. I knew I had to change not only my methods, but also my attitude.

I came to recall my ESL teacher in elementary school. Never did she complain to my parents about my slow progress or my inherent shyness. Through creative approaches, she guided me on my path to fluency. Soon, I was able to read independently. By the second grade, I became fluent enough to translate for students who had recently emigrated from China. I resolved to pass on the care and attention that she had given me.

With a spark of innovation, I was able to offer a guiding hand with my own experiences from happy memories to embarrassing accidents. For the new weekly assignment that I assigned, I told Adrian to write down his thoughts, dreams, and experiences as narratives, letters, dialogues, or other forms of the written word. The goal was to have an exchange of stories. I purposefully wrote my entries to reveal some of my vulnerabilities. Although my intentions were orchestrated, my stories were genuine. I wanted them to inspire Adrian to let go of his fear of disappointment and failure.

It took some time and coaxing before Adrian shared his writings with me. Eventually, he opened up. As time passed, the assignment evolved into a game of sorts. Challenging him to implement the lessons he learned in class into his writing, I supplemented Adrian's journal assignments with personally-designed worksheets and study guides. His writing improved drastically. When I first started tutoring Adrian, he couldn't even differentiate between nouns and adjectives. He had trouble remembering the purpose of commas months earlier, much less using them in his writings. All of this-was in the past.

Adrian told me he used to be intimidated by my presence. Now he sees me as a mentor, a confidant, a friend.

word count: 500

Undergraduate / "Journal of the History of Medicine" Why Yale Supplement [4]

What in particular about Yale has influenced your decision to apply? (500 characters available)

Ever since I perused volumes of the Journal of the History of Medicine and Allied Sciences, I became captivated by this area of academic inquiry. Reading about the therapeutic revolution and other histories led to my discovery of Yale's History of Science and Medicine program, which, in turn, ignited my interest in Yale itself. Vicariously, I have engaged in the intense yet collaborative intellectual climate, the student initiatives supported by Dwight Hall, and all that makes Yale unique.

characters count: 494

Undergraduate / UPenn Academic and Social Communities Supplement [4]

Which of the academic communities and social communities that now comprise the University of Pennsylvania are the most interesting to you and how will you contribute to them and to the larger Penn community?

Any suggestions for improvement?
Please help me with wording the parts in bold and any other problem areas. Much thanks!
I will be happy to return the favor if you wish!

(At the moment, my essay is two sentences over the one page limit.)
Connected to specific communities at UPenn, my greatest interests are rooted in health, service, and heritage. My interest in health and human wellness has led me to the discovery of Penn's Health and Societies program, a program through which I can give back to society. As a national leader in service learning and service research, Penn is the place where I can carry on my activism in the local community. Given the opportunity, I will be eager to effect change with my engagement and dedication. With my unique Chinese upbringing and deep interest in Asian cultures, I believe I can be a unique addition to Penn's cultural environment.

Committed to use what I learn to do good for others, I find the applicability of the Health and Societies major exciting. Health has become more than a matter of lifestyle; it has become an area of academic inquiry I want to dedicate my time and effort towards exploring. Such interest comes from my late grandmother, who became paralyzed by an unforeseen cerebral aneurysm, after years of being healthy. To examine debilitating health circumstances of this kind, I will have to look at perspectives besides those of the sciences. Hence, I am interested in the Health and Societies major. This major brings together social sciences, humanities and medicine, which holds relevance to complex, contemporary health issues that are best addressed by multidisciplinary solutions. This area of study fits my initiatives to study human wellbeing and to prevent maladies like the one that had befallen my grandmother. To this community, I can lend my creative thinking skills and my dedication to improve the wellbeing of others.

The joy I find in service work has sparked my interest in Penn's Civic House and its commitment to volunteerism. At this hub for community service and social advocacy, I can delve into service work that I am familiar with and extend my involvement to those I am unfamiliar with. Having worked as a tutor and a teacher's assistant for four years, I would enjoy being a part of the group of students who work with local public students as a part of academic coursework in various disciplines and as a way of giving back to the Philadelphia community. Perhaps, I could tutor Algebra one-on-one with students through the West Philadelphia Tutoring Project or utilize my experience as an English tutor to help local students with their reading and writing skills through the pen pal program Pennvelopes. With my background as a hospital volunteer in high school and a Red Cross volunteer in middle school, I can also take my experience to the public health service organizations at Penn. I aspire to become a global citizen who reaches out to her community and to the greater community at large.

As a proud student of color, I am drawn to the groups, within the Pan-Asian American Community House, where I can discover new insights into my own culture and other Asian cultures. In particular, I am interested in the Chinese Students' Association. I can offer my skills as a Chinese chef and my experience as an Asian-American. My mom has passed down to me family recipes that are continually perfected and augmented from spicy sautéed eggplants to braised layered-pork with Chinese preserved vegetables. As an avid fan of stories, I have knowledge in classic Chinese literature such as my favorite The Dream of Red Chamber. My devotion to Chinese culture extends to other Asian cultures as well. I have immersed myself in Asian culture, whether it is cinema, cuisine, music, or literature. My background and enthusiasm in these areas of interest can be of value to PAACH and the cultural community.

Within the Penn communities, I can carry out my intellectual endeavors, cultivate current interests, discover new experiences, and give back to society. What I can offer to these communities is my sense of determination and pride in what I do. My contribution can also come in the form of experience, experience as a volunteer and as a Chinese-American. As the University of Pennsylvania will be able to facilitate my efforts so I will thrive to be an active member of the University community.

Undergraduate / "the pleasures of exploring" - Interest in Brown Supplement [9]

Please tell us more about your interest in Brown: Why does Brown appeal to you as a college option? Who or what has influenced your decision to apply? (1,000 characters available)

With academic freedom granted by the Brown Curriculum, from the S/NC grading system to independent studies, I believe I can discover the pleasures of exploring. Even though I am committed to the interdisciplinary health-related concentrations, I want to immerse myself in my other interests, like film, and come across new ones. Ever since I entered school, I have had supportive mentors, from my devoted ESL teacher to my dynamic senior English teacher. Interacting with mentors has always enabled me to reach new levels of learning. As an underclassman, I will have a greater chance to work with leading professors at Brown than at many major universities. Throughout high school, I have enjoyed being involved within my local community as a hospital volunteer and a tutor. With support from Swearer, I can continue my involvement in service and discover new projects as I strive to be an active citizen. At Brown, I would be able to embrace this comprehensive, invaluable undergraduate experience.

characters count: 1,000

thanks!

Undergraduate / Human Biology and Community Health, Brown Academic Fields Supplement [2]

Please help me with revisions. I will gladly return the favor!

Why are you drawn to the academic fields you indicated in Question #6? (1000 characters limit)

Indicated academic fields: Human Biology and Community Health

I'm already over the character count! What can I get rid of?
Should I elaborate more on the academic fields?
How can I fix the ending?

I come from a background in which the utmost importance is placed on health and diet. Health has become more than a matter of lifestyle; it has become something I want to know more about, something I want to dedicate my time and effort towards exploring. What I am most interested in studying is how aspects of lifestyle, culture, and healthcare can influence risks in health problems and chronic disease. The impetus behind this interest of mine comes from my grandmother, who became paralyzed by an unforeseen cerebral aneurysm, after years of being healthy. To examine a debilitating health circumstance of this kind, I will have to look at perspectives besides those of the sciences. That is why I am interested in the Human Biology concentration, particularly the Health and Disease program track, and the Community Health concentration. The former concentration integrates the social sciences and humanities with a foundation in biological sciences, which holds relevance to complex, contemporary health issues that are best addressed by multidisciplinary solutions. The latter concentration considers health and healthcare on a much larger scale. Both areas of study fit my initiatives to study human wellbeing.

character count (no spaces): 1,028

Undergraduate / Cornell College of Human Ecology Supplement-- [4]

What do you value about the College of Human Ecology perspective as you consider your academic goals and plans for the future? Reflect on our majors that interest you as you respond. (word limit: 500)

What entices me about the College of Human Ecology is the fact that it offers an education which puts emphasis on the breadth of disciplines and the multitude of perspectives inherent in the study of health issues. Learning from interdisciplinary perspectives would enable me to obtain a fuller understanding and appreciation of the field of health and medicine, a field that I became interested in ever since I read about the fascinating history of medicine, in particular, the therapeutic revolution of the early twentieth century. I also come from a background in which utmost importance is placed on health and nutrition. Over the years, I have developed a passion for healthy eating and fitness. When I read the news online, I have found that health and medical articles are the ones I take the most interest in. Health has become more than a matter of lifestyle; it has become something I want to know more about, something I want to dedicate my time and effort towards exploring.

Among the majors in the College, I believe the Human Biology, Health, and Society (HBHS) undergraduate program would be the best grounds for me to develop and extend my interest in health issues in relation to overall human wellness. The thought of studying health issues that are best addressed by multidisciplinary solutions is exhilarating because this approach nurtures creativity and innovation. With the advancements in health management and health risk reduction, it is not enough to be a specialist. Knowing that health issues are multi-dimensional, I hope to become more than an expert in one field. I would look forward to integrating a strong foundation in human biology with psychology, nutrition, statistics, writing, and other exciting courses.

What can I take out and/or put in?
How can I make this personal? I am at a loss of what to do with regards to this part.
Thanks in advance!!

Undergraduate / University of Washington "Describe an experience of cultural difference" prompt [5]

Describe an experience of cultural difference, positive or negative, you have had or observed. What did you learn from it?

There is a rising cultural phenomenon in China. The young women and men, born in the 80s, are entering into the workforce. They are ready for marriage. Before they could get married, they insist on buying new houses. New houses are in high demand because ...

Happiness is based on owning a house. Results from a poll in China showed that 70 percent of the young adults surveyed agreed with this notion. Does that mean that without a house one cannot achieve happiness? Young Chinese women and men, born in the 80s, who are now entering into the workforce, insist on buying new houses before they get married. New housing is in high demand because so many young people are willing to pay exorbitant prices, even though they cannot afford such prices. Without the money, graduates turn to their parents for financial support. Parents give up their own hard-earned lifesavings for the down payment of these ridiculously expensive houses, for the material pursuits of their children.

These so-called adults would, in a sense, cheat their parents out of what little savings they have to buy new houses rather than rent houses for far less money; such inconsideration and impracticality is astounding to me. This rising cultural phenomenon in China propelled me to reflect on my parent's own humble beginnings. It reaffirmed my commitment to never take more than what I need. The young Chinese adults of this generation have become thoroughly dependent on their parents. At an age when they are supposed to take charge of their own lives, the young people of today in China do not know what it means to be independent. My parents did not rely on my grandparents to get to where they are today. They definitely did not feel the need to buy a house in order to get married. Truth be told, they were still living in their college dorms. For most of our years in China and America, my family has lived in apartments. Not owning a house has never kept my parents from being happy. In fact, they were happy being out of debt and relying on their own abilities. My mom and dad eventually decided to buy a house, after sixteen years of marriage, after they felt financially secure. What matters more to my parents is family and passion for what they do. As their daughter, I don't want to add to their burden. I don't want to become a spoiled adult that takes advantage of her parent's goodwill. Hearing about these young adults who take money from their parents for their own unnecessary gain has made me become more conscious of what I take for granted. It makes me appreciate what my parents have done for me.

Any criticism is welcomed!
Please tell me what you think!

Undergraduate / COMMON APP SHORT ANSWER ~ Hospital volunteer [4]

You can find me on Sundays at Evergreen Healthcare as an information desk volunteer, doing what I have grown to love-working with people. I am honored to assist the staff members for I hope to work in the health field. I find a thrill in performing errands, no matter how small the task, because I know that the staff places responsibility in my hands, giving me the chance to show my worth. Having become increasingly comfortable speaking with patients, some of whom have gone back and forth from the hospital, I have initiated conversations by bringing up topics such as the hospital's extensive art gallery. The positive attitudes of the patients inspire me to endure when life gets hard. As new volunteers come along, not only do I relay the knowledge that I have attained, but I also pass along my greater sense of responsibility and passion for people.

How is it? Should it be more focused? Please give me your honest opinion.