Undergraduate / Instilling Christian values - USD essay response [3]

I need help in editing my final college applications response. Any feedback or edit/s will be greatly appreciated!

As a Catholic University committed to building a more inclusive community, USD values students with diverse backgrounds and experiences. Briefly explain how your unique background and interests will contribute to our community. 1400 characters. I'm on 1394.

Studying in a private institution, I have been provided with exemplary degree of academic knowledge. However, growing up in a Christian school at the same time, my young mind has been instilled with Christian values. In today's generation, excelling academically is not the only way to success in life. There are more to it--one of which is being able to generously share your own time and effort.

In my school, I was exposed to the reality that not everyone is blessed with a relaxing life. Working with my fellow Student Council officers in fundraising projects helping the underprivileged and in outreaches to places where no regular governmental support is given, it surely was eye-opening. It didn't matter if I spent my Saturdays in school meetings. What was important was that I was part in helping our deprived countrymen.

After being in this Christian institution, I was able to establish the value of giving and sharing. Today, in this nation where there are more secular schools than spiritual, I will be able to use my faith and values as foundation for theirs. I have also gained a challenge in which influencing others who are spiritually lost and instilling values to them are the goals. I am confident that by entering USD, I can accomplish my challenge and actually find other people who may help me achieve that in a wider, more diverse range of people in the community.

Did I respond to the prompt efficiently? What phrases or sentences do you see can be replaced or removed? Thanks!

Undergraduate / Democracy Camp - Stanford Intellectual Vitality essay [3]

I just finished writing this 10 minutes before 2009 ended... I hope that someone would give feedbacks on this. :/ Thank you in advance!

Prompt: Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

Since second grade, I have represented my class as one of their class officers. I have experienced substituting for our class adviser, acting as the "class police," and even speaking in behalf of my class in a school administrative meeting. In my second year in Student Council (SC), I ran for office in another election. Being voted as the SC Treasurer, I have stepped into a pool of opportunities.

One of those opportunities came on September 2007. I, together with my SC constituents, participated in a Democracy Camp spearheaded by University of Asia and the Pacific's Institute of Political Economy. Student government has interested me since elementary, but not until on that three-day camp when I realized how different it is in the real world of politics. As one of the guest speaker talked about deeper issues facing Philippine democracy, I have been thinking: "Would I be like those politicians in the future-politicians who are corrupt, unrepresentative, and authoritarian?" Throughout the camp, I have talked to students like me who have envisioned themselves in the real world, guiding people in a democratic nation. Since the program gave immersive training to the students, we were able to delve into profound discussions. After the camp, I went home with more insights in the critical roles of the leaders in a nation where political development has been a problem. Since then, the topic of political leadership has sparked in me.

Today, as I am in a new land, I come across different leaders from different backgrounds, each having their own political insights. Because of my experience in the camp, I have now become more aware of the leadership qualities and aspects that I portray. It is from there where I will continue my footsteps towards the world of my own leadership.

Undergraduate / "I knew that was the right major for me." - Stanford [2]

Hi there! I wrote another essay on Stanford's prompt: Tell us what makes Stanford a good place for you.

It may seem similar to the previous one I wrote but this one is more personal in some sense.

I do not know how it sounds to you, the readers. I am in dire need of HELP from anyone. Thank you in advance :)

"Watch me going to Stanford in three years," I utter to my best friends, Dick and Jeff, in the Philippines.

"Well, wait for me to step on Harvard's entrance," Dick states.

Jeff bids: "I'm going to Yale."

It was a conversation where nobody was serious.

Three of us knew we weren't going to those colleges in the future nor neither of us was going to the United States. We were set in going to universities inside of our country.

Being in a private, Christian school for eleven years, each of us grew up having a vision of our own. I envisioned myself in one of the most prominent colleges in the Philippines, Ateneo de Manila University, taking up an honors program, Management Engineering. It has been known that the college only offers the major to students who seek better organizational and analytical skills in a socio-political and economic environment.

I knew that was the right major for me.

However, just months later, all those thoughts and plans started to falter as I migrated to the United States. I didn't know anything about the country I was about to enter. I knew, however, I had time to research about prospective colleges. When I talked to one of my teachers about my previous plans, he told me about Stanford's Management Science and Engineering. It just sounded much like what I had planned to take in the Philippines. What sparked me is that both programs provide the students training in facing the scientific aspects of problem solving and decision making. That strengthened my guts that it was the best choice for me to push through after high school.

I became more prepared in taking on the challenges Stanford has to offer me-to further unleash my inner abilities in facing the real world. Now, I can look back and say that the conversation I had with my friends can actually come true.

Undergraduate / Why Stanford is good for me -- any suggestions very welcomed. [4]

This is the first time I wrote my response to this prompt.
It needs TONS of editing, I know.
I do not know if I responded to the prompt accurately or if my response has potential.
Any feedbacks, suggestions, edits.. will be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Tell us what makes Stanford a good place for you.

Growing up with a ready-to-wear clothing business owned by my family, I always question myself: "What type of business would I want?"

When I was in third grade, I went with the salesmen to see how a small store is run. This started to give interest to me of running my own business in the future. I rented my own small stall in a community festival where I sold different sorts of things. I applied my entrepreneurial skills I learned from my Introduction to Entrepreneurship class in fifth grade. As I stepped to my second year in high school in the Philippines, I planned in entering Ateneo de Manila University, a prestigious university that offers Management Engineering (ME). I had my mind set that I would major on it because I knew it would make me a better business person in the future.

All those thoughts and plans started to falter as I migrated to the United States. I didn't know anything about the country I was about to enter. What more about universities? I knew, however, I had time to research about prospective colleges. When I talked to a teacher of mine and told him about my plans, he specifically told me about Stanford's Management Science and Engineering undergraduate program. From that day, I researched about the program and I found out about a specific forum: the Stanford Global Supply Chain Management Forum. Looking back to my entrepreneurship class and my personal experiences, I remember when we talked about supply chain and me wondering how my family's business plays a huge role in the economy. Those topics interest me until now. I knew it learning more about them was the best for me because of what I have experienced. Because I know by going to a research-based institution where students get rigidly trained, I would be able succeed in my field of study and I can lead my own company to unending success.

Undergraduate / "R-r-rrrrring!" - Common App prompt [12]

I need MAJOR help for editing my common application prompt response
Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

"R-r-rrrrring!" 5 o'clock in the morning is when my alarm clock rang on November 22, 2007. That was first day my mom was in the United States and I was left with my grandmother and my sister in the Philippines. As soon as I got up that day, I prepared hot cocoa and cooked instant noodles for my sister. I woke her up to get ready since the school service would pick us up at six. It was the start of another adventure in my life, but like other things, I didn't know what to expect.

Before my mother left, we discussed the monthly payments that we needed to make while she was gone. She gave us 10,000 pesos enough to buy food, pay tabs, and rent a small space in a holiday village market. That stall in the community bazaar was actually the one that gave me, my grandmother, and my sister the temporary support for our daily needs. Since there was no one to man the booth, I called my aunties and uncles for help. "Just wake up at eight in the morning, get the van ready, set up the booth and we'll be fine," were the words of instruction I gave them. On the way home, I asked our school bus driver to drop me off at the bazaar to check on the sales. I did my homework whenever there were no customers, and as I jotted down my response to a chemistry assignment, it suddenly hit me how my life had started to change. I used to enter my house, watch "Deal or No Deal" while eating, and then do my homework. However, as I did the inventories on a weekly basis, I gained more knowledge on how I should prepare to face the real world. From there, I feel I had the responsibility of maintaining good business and seeing sales getting slow made me think of other things that could provide us with extra cash. An oven toaster, some pre-bought pan pizza, tomato sauce, cheese and pepperoni might give us the boost. While it didn't give us spare money, it helped cover payments for the water and electricity bills. Not until then when I realized the huge responsibility I had for my family.

As January of the following year came, we had to face huge mortgage payments. I didn't know where to get the money. I called my mother and asked when she would send the money. "Soon," she would say, a reply that gave me the uneasiness of not making the payment on time. When she sent the transaction number, I rode the public transportation and went to the remittance center to claim the money, and then I went to the bank immediately to make a deposit. This recurring job was what triggered me to realize how it would be different when I face the real world. "What if I'm in my mother's situation? Would I survive?," questions I kept on asking myself. More credit card statements come along. When I heard my mother's voice over the phone, I knew she wasn't at her best. She had no work which meant she had no money to send. I had to move on and find a way. I knew I couldn't sit and wait for the next call from my mother. I knew what I had to do. When my mother's sister agreed to provide us with meat products, my sister and I handily went door-to-door to offer them to our neighborhood. Needing to earn more money, I asked my grandmother if she could sell snacks midday. At that moment, I wasn't thinking about myself anymore. I realized how my mother had to leave the country for us, for the survival of the family. And I believe that it is very important for me to have the same sense of responsibility to be able to further stabilize our family. In a way, that is what's important anyway-having your family with you because in the end they will be the ones who are there to support your path to success.

After almost a year of sleepless nights, I woke up to a beautiful sunrise. Unlike before, I knew what to expect in the comings of my life. My mother had to be picked up at the airport and I was ready to tell her that I had done it and that I was cable of overcoming any barriers placed in front of me. Showing something I learned overtime, I proudly served my whole family home-cooked spaghetti. I have proven myself that I am not the abandoned teenager who depended on instant noodles; instead, I have become a responsible young adult who is ready to face any challenges that may come and to step forward to advance in life. I am not going to sit down and relax and see other people do the work for me. I know that I had to move and learn something for myself. Furthermore, (this experience has shaped my life and it has proven my ability to maintain a household, run a business and confront any barriers that may come my way. It has helped me, demostrate to my family and specially my mother that I have become an independent individual, ready for the real world.) what the ultimate important thing in this experience is that it has enabled me to show more of myself-being able to accommodate multi-tasks at once and excel in each one of them, dutifully take adult jobs and problems, and be a business-minded, independent individual. After this experience, I have shown to my family, especially to my mother, that I am ready to face the real world. But more to that, I have given myself the courage I need to face other barriers that may come my way. And I believe that's why this experience is truly important to me.

I think the experience perfectly demonstrates your transcition from a child to an adult. However, you jump unexpectedly from one thing to another on the first paragraphs, try making it so it flows a little more. I like your introduction though. I fixed some present-past tense errors and your conclusion.I am sorry i did not highlight them, my red doesn't seem to be working. Good luck on the college application process. I hope this helped.

Please check my post and comment on it. Thank you.

Undergraduate / "Nerd, outgoing, with a strong Filipino accent" - Stanford: Roommate prompt [5]

I do not have ANYONE to edit my essay on the prompt:
Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your future roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your future roommate -- and us -- know you better.

If someone could please, edit my essay... I would TRULY appreciate it!

I lived in the Philippines the first fifteen years of my life. What can you expect from a guy who lived there that long and suddenly moved to the United States? Yes, a strong Filipino accent. Although I speak the English language well enough to have interesting conversations, I mumble some Filipino words. It is difficult not to because we speak "Taglish" in the Philippines; Taglish is the infusion of Filipino with American English.

One reason I wouldn't have a problem living with a roommate is that I have shared a room with my younger sister and my mother for most of my life. When I'm in a room with someone else, I speak a lot. I will talk about whatever my roommate wants to talk about-from classification of human beings, to derivations of calculus concepts, to how to get a better score in karaoke. Rest assured, my roommate and I are going to have a great time. Great time just like what I've had with my friends from the Philippines who called me "kuya," a Filipino term for big brother. Although I'm usually the youngest amongst my crew, I usually take charge of where we're going or how we're going to do things. I like organizing things that's why sometimes I think I have OCD. I have to arrange my things in the room a certain way. There shouldn't be a surprise if one day there will be containers to organize just about everything in our room. I can justify I will always be a "kuya" by having the will to aid anyone who needs me.

If my roommate has a "kuya" who is quiet, this is something that may or may not annoy him-I sing a lot. I've played the lead role in a high school spring musical. Even though my voice had cracked, I have been singing a lot from then on-in karaokes, in acapellas, in showers.

Nerd, outgoing, with a strong Filipino accent-three things you should remember in case you forget who I am.

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I do not know if I responded to the prompt properly. I also do not know if how I approached the prompt is appropriate. Thank you!