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Posts by TC3
Joined: Dec 29, 2009
Last Post: Dec 31, 2009
Threads: 4
Posts: 37  


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TC3   
Dec 31, 2009
Undergraduate / A HAPPY ESSAY =) (my unique common app essay) [16]

you guys make me all very happy! thank you so much! can anyone help shorten this essay though? i need to shorten like 200 words in 3 hours!

(and anymore grammar checks would be good too)

to morris- i will read yours!
to cheetah- where is yours?
TC3   
Dec 31, 2009
Undergraduate / Yale Supplement "Remembering to be patient, Exchanging Experiences" [3]

hi! first, thank you so much for grammar checking my essay! that was really helpful! (=

okay as for your essay, i think it would be better if you wrote about an anecdote (story) about adrian rather than just saying that adrian was difficult. that way it could grab the readers attention in the beginning of the essay. also your first paragraph had a lot of repeating of the same words like adrian. try varying your sentence lengths too. i like your ending tho! and your grammar is flawless! to me, at least)

hope i helped! (=

btw, can you please grammar check my other essay: a happy essay? i also need to figure out a way to shorten it more... thank you so much!!
TC3   
Dec 31, 2009
Undergraduate / "The impact of foreign media on me" - Cornell AEM essay [3]

first, thank you for reading my essay!
as for your essay, it may be just me but i think you should mention what college you want more in the beginning rather than at the very end and explain more about it and what you want to do in the program.

hope i helped! (=
TC3   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / A HAPPY ESSAY =) (my unique common app essay) [16]

morris7692: can you elaborate on how you think my essay does not have enough structure?
and thank you everyone for helping with my essay, i really appreciate it (=
TC3   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / "My Mantra" - Common Application Essay [6]

hello kimberly!

first, thank you sooo much with your helpful comments! (=

as for your essay, i suggest you start with the quote rather than say that. since i got a little annoyed having to read what u had to say before telling me what the quote was. suspensful? yes. but it sortof made me skim the first two sentences and not pay attention on what you are writing about.

i also agree with the previious comment though, and that its a bit too long. you could defintitely shorten. i like your essay though! very well-written, and you seem to have a great personality (=
TC3   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / NYU - Summer Experience & Famous New Yorker [10]

i think you should be a little more creative with your summer paragraph like talk about a short story while at the your work in nonprofit? i know you dont have a lot of characters to write that but right now, its not very interesting to me to read.

also would you read my happy essay?
TC3   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / Common app essay : embarrasing time (Do I answer the prompt? feedback) crit back [15]

wow i like how you are so conversational in your writing! i love it!
i must say though, the whoopi paragraph does sound like your talking to yourself. i have see other people do it your way though, so i guess it works.

also in your summer paragraph, i think you repeat the word job too much. use a thesaurus and look up another word to use.

and thank you so much for reading my essay!! (=
TC3   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / A HAPPY ESSAY =) (my unique common app essay) [16]

thank you everyone! i will read all of yours soon.
does any part of my essay sound unneccessary? i need to shorten it..
thank you again!! (=
TC3   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / loss of sight is not the worst part - "blue eyes" - person who has influenced me [6]

hi! thank you for reading my essay (=

for your essay, i think it flows. i like it!

If Ann had ever given in, she wouldn't be who she is today, and neither would I.

maybe give a little of ann's opinion? its good sometimes to give a bit of other peoples opinion aside from your own in your essay. gives it more of what your saying a backing
TC3   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / "I am not legally able to vote yet" - Stanford Essays [28]

hi! first, thank you for reading my essay!
i think your essay is pretty well-written!
one suggestion, your ending needs to be stronger. be creative and think of something other than saying its just a thrilling experience.
TC3   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / Common Application Essay - Topic of your choice - Dreams Deferred [40]

I LOVE YOUR FIRST PARAGRAPH. its perfect dont change it. and it shows character! i have to say that after reading your awesome first paragraph though, i got bored with the middle part of your essay. amp it upa bit? make it more interesting i guess. also i dont think your ending is very strong.

hope that helped, your essay was really great!

can you read my happy essay?
TC3   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / Academic and social communities in the University of Pennsylvania [11]

hi pablo! first, thank you for reading my essay and sorry this took so long!
as for your essay, i think its very well-written! i liked the beginning. i have one suggestion though. at the end, when you talk about diversity. your argument is a bit weak, since a lot of universities think they have diversity. so upenn is really diverse unless you have like facts or something to back it you know? i think you should write something else besides about diversity, like something specific (like your climbig wall one) i like that. no one would write something about that i think! hope i helped (=
TC3   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / A HAPPY ESSAY =) (my unique common app essay) [16]

Hi everyone! So this is my common app essay. im thinking about putting it under topic of choice maybe? im not sure if it fits the other prompts though. what do you guys think? i just wrote it too so i need grammar check and a way to shorten it please thank you!

Hello! I want you to be happy.
My mother told me that when I was born, I did not scream and cry in pain like all those babies do on television, I was a peaceful baby who cried smiling. So I guess that means I was born happy right?

When I was small, I took delight in drawing smiley faces all over my walls. I was completely frightened of those "evil" sad faces, and always cried when my mom or dad gave me a dirty look or when my baby brothers mutilated my cheerful faces to sad faces on my walls. Whenever I cried or felt dejected, I would avoid looking at myself in the mirror because I would be terrified to see myself in despair. Since childhood, I cherished smiles and laughter. My favorite Disney song was "Everybody has a Laughing Place" and my favorite place was of course, the Happiest Place on Earth, Disneyland. I often had nightmares about the grouchy Scrooge finding me in the blissful theme park.

My penchant for happiness further developed as I grew older. While I was able to experience more blissful moments like friendly social gatherings, I also learned to brave and understand those vestiges of unhappiness that sometimes plague my peers. As a child, I assumed those frowns and tears on people's faces were poison to humanity, but now I understand that in some situations (funerals) frowns and tears are necessary to relieve negative, self-inflicting emotions. But at the same time, I do not believe too much anguish and detrimental perturbations are desirable for mankind. To help minimize and prevent an expansion of these undesirables locally (I will work my way up to universally), I commenced, not too long ago, a "Be Happy" campaign. Similar to the Free Hug Campaign where participants hold up signs offering "Free Hugs," I hold up signs (usually my school folders) that encourage people to "Be Happy." Some may fancy the idea childish, but all I care is that it helps me fulfill my mission: encouraging people to smile and feel that someone in the world wants them to be happy.

It all started in high school, freshmen year. With my ever-present smile, I was walking down a hallway when I saw a girl weeping behind a classroom door. Curious and taken aback, I approached her.

"What's wrong?" I amiably asked, still wearing my unfaltering smile. I loved talking to strangers.
The girl looked up, surprised I was addressing her. "I failed a Pre-Calculus test! I have no chance of getting into college now."

"Aww I'm sure it was not that bad! Do you want to talk about it? I have a few minutes before my class starts." She nodded. As I sat down next to her, I noticed on the floor a lonely white board with a dry-erase marker, as if the two were waiting for someone to use them. Suddenly I thought of an idea. With the marker in hand, I drew a happy face and wrote "Be Happy" on the white board. Yes I know, that was a random thing to do, but I am a random person sometimes. What mattered was that it made her smile.

"Aww that's cute," she laughed, and then we talked about my spontaneity. When I had to get to class she was beaming and said, "Thank you Chan Chuan! I feel happy now."

After that successful outcome, every time I come across a person crying in the hallways over a test or a sour relationship, I draw them a happy picture: a smiley face, a cartoon, a Christmas tree, even a Pokémon. I wrote my message to "Be Happy" on a piece of paper, a tissue, a folder, a hand, a paper lunch bag, even an apple once! Some thought I was crazy, but I did not care. So far, I always got what I wanted - their smiles and laughter.

Right now, my campaign may have only affected a small amount of unhappy people, but I am determined to expand. Now, I carry my hand-made "Be Happy" folders around wherever I go, and show it to homeless people, unhappy businessmen, crying children, stressed mothers, and basically everybody who wears a frown. Who knows, maybe one day I will garner the same kind of attention as Juan Mann, the man who launched the Free Hug Campaign, and have my campaign in a music video seen by the whole world. Or maybe I can think of my own creative way to increase awareness for my campaign. As for now I'm working on it one person at a time, so I hope my essay inspires you to feel joyful too. If not, "Be Happy" and smile.
TC3   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / Stanford Essay - Intellectually Challenging Experience [3]

hello! your essay is very interesting and i like the topic, but i think you spend too much time talking about what you saw. you need to talk more about yourself. so i think i would suggest cutting out some of the detail (though i love some of your details! ) and adding more about yourself.

hope this helps and would you look at mine?
TC3   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / UPenn Life Science and Management Essay-----------Why I love biology and finance [3]

hello!!
first, thank you so much for reading my essay!

as for your essay, i think its very well-written! i love how straight-forward you are, but i think that the introduction could use a bit of amping up. like can you start with a story or anecdote? capture your reader from the very beginning!

i also wrote a upenn essay, can you take a look at it?

thank you so much! (=
TC3   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / "going to enojoy my ups" - UPENN supplimentary. [17]

very nice subject and well-written! and yeah i agree the last sentence should be taken out. specific tho and you get your ideas across

can you read my upenn essay?
TC3   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / GRANDMOMMY UPENN ESSAY - one day you would share the same dreams that I had [24]

This is for the UPenn prompt, im not sure if this works. tell me your opinion please. I was going for originality. thank you!

ps: and i would read yours if you read mine =)

Benjamin Franklin established the Union Fire Company, the Library Company of Philadelphia, the American Philosophical Society, Pennsylvania Hospital, and, of course, the charity school that evolved into the University of Pennsylvania. As they served the larger community of Philadelphia, each institution in turn formed its own community.

Which of the academic communities and social communities that now comprise the University of Pennsylvania is most interesting to you and how will you contribute to them and to the larger Penn community? (do not exceed one page)


CRASH.
"What happened?" I screamed, rushing into the room to see what had happened. Four year old Lola was standing next to an overturned book shelf and was about to grab a colorful pack of Skittles now lying on the floor next to a thick leather photo album titled "University of Pennsylvania: the center of Asian-American Love." "Grandchild, you found my college photo album!"

Lola, dumbfounded, looked at her grandmother gleaming at the black book and squeaked, "College? Is that stories?"
Opening the heavy book on a big sofa chair, I laughed. "Yes honey, college is full of great stories. Let me show you."

"Yay," Lola squealed and came over to her grandmother's lap.
I pointed to the first photo. It captured a Frisbee hitting a young woman in the head and a woman next to her like they were dominoes. I pointed at the photo and described to Lola, "This was in the Quad - the center of underclassmen social life and where you could find many flying Frisbees and footballs. I'm this girl wearing the University of Pennsylvania sweater, and this is my Alpha Kappa Delta Phi sorority sister Jenna. As you know, I have an interest for Asian-Americans and the sorority was one of Asian-American interest."

I glanced at Lola lining the skittles on the sofa couch. She wasn't listening. I continued to another photo. "This one had me standing in front of the Crest Room, a room used for film screening that day, next to a Taiwanese woman. The film was going to be a documentary about her narrating her life in San Francisco and how she struggled to maintain and define her Taiwanese culture and identity in midst of the city's multicultural society. I remembered I went to the screening since I was intrigued by a protagonist that sounded so much like myself, and my professor in my Asian-American and Popular Culture course highly suggested that I should attend."

I flipped to another photo. This time, I was at a table with a huge sign saying "PAACH and Asian Pacific Student Coalition." Addressing my inattentive grandchild I explained, "Lola, this was the NSO Organization Fair. I remembered that day was pretty hectic. The other students who were to help me at the table all had to drop out since they had other club duties or emergencies. Yet, I also had to prepare for the Asian Pacific Student Coalition Welcome Back and Meet & Greet the next day, and I had only signed up for half a shift. I solved the problem though by manning the shift while ordering food for the incoming freshmen with my phone and coming up with the agenda on the back of brochures."

Next photo. In this one, I was smiling next to a big banner reading "Taiwanese Culture Fair." I exclaimed, "Oh Lola, you don't know how satisfied and happy I was the day of that first Taiwanese Culture Fair in University of Pennsylvania! I dreamt for years about organizing such a fair since I started applying to University of Pennsylvania and I finally succeeded pulling it off in senior year! All those school forms I had to fill out in order to clear the space; all those phone calls I make to request Taiwanese musicians, politicians, writers, artists, and students to come and speak; all those sign-up sheets I made to get student volunteers; all those letters written and money paid to get free or cheap propaganda advertising; and all those fundraisers held to get the money; all for the fair - finally paid off!"

In my excitement, I took a side glance at Lola. She was not sharing my excitement. She had dozed off with a smile on her face and her Skittles scattered on the floor. I smiled at my dreaming granddaughter, "Grandchild, one day you would share the same dreams that I had for University of Pennsylvania and watch those dreams come true."
TC3   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / Upenn Supplement: Bioengineering + EWB [12]

okay so i have pretty terrible grammar, so i dont want to mess you up anywhere, but your essay is very well-written! (=

personally though, i did not like so much your beginning and ending. i mean your ending saying that you are a young woman striving for the extroadinary does not really distinguish you from other applicants which is what upenn is looking for.

hope this helps and thank you again for reading my essay! (=
TC3   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App -- "I even eat all of my green vegetables" [6]

wow this essay is so sweet and simple! i like it! i also two little brothers whom i adore to death =)

suggestions: i like your beginning so dont change it. its very clear and straightforward. as for the body paragraphs, could you describe more or write anecdotes (little stories) about your family and friends? that would be much more entertaining (even though what you have now is pretty great already).

hope this helps! thanks for reading my essay too =) if i go to boston university in the future, i would be sure to look out for you! (=
TC3   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / Claremont McKenna "Leaders in the Making" Warren Buffet-Feedback [5]

hmm then in that case i think u should talk more about how warren buffet shape your culture and thought. because you are talking a lot about warren buffet and what he does and not relating him back to yourself and how that makes you leaderlike if you get what i mean
TC3   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / IM A BIG GIRL -Boston university essay [9]

Need to cut down characters/words and MAJOR grammar check! =(

will edit yours if you edit mine thanks!

Essay #1: In an essay of no more than 500 words, please select three words that describe your best and tell us how you will use these qualities/characteristics to contribute fully to the BU community. (character available 4000)

After spending countless nights researching, I have concluded that Boston University and Boston fits my kind of personality which is - if I can say without complimenting myself too much - big, creative, and friendly.

Commanding a height of five foot and ten or eleven inches and smiling on the top row for almost all my class portraits, I think I have a reason to call myself "big." I understand why some ladies consider being called "big" an offense, but I find it one of the greatest words to compliment a person. Not only do I describe myself physically big, but I dream big, think big, and do everything big. Maybe I accumulated this "big" frenzy because I grew up in a big city, attended big schools, and have a big family. I have been accustomed to big things in the past and present, so naturally I expect big things in the future, which is why I look to BU. According to Wikipedia.org, Boston University is "one of the largest private universities in United States." Great. It sounds like a big school like my high school, which means more people to meet, more opportunities to take on, more majors to choose from, and more of everything. Plus, I think every sensible person would describe Boston as a big city, which is great since I am used to the big city world - the restaurants, the traffic, the garbage, the diversity, the energy, and the wealth of culture! Boston and BU seem like a big community with big things waiting for every big person. I am eager to live in this big community (like the enormous 1800-student Warren Towers) and start another big BU family and contribute big to the school in the future.

I remember when my middle school English teacher told me that I was as creative as Leonardo DaVinci, and everyone in my class agreed. One day last summer, I visited this English middle school teacher to help her with her bulletin board. I always thought her bulletin board was really plain-looking and needed more color. Before I "remodeled" it, the board was just a tan piece of paper messily stapled to the wall. After I "remodeled" it, I decorated it with a colorful border, alternated the colors of strips of paper, and cut out cherry-looking shapes to paste over the board. After I showed my work to my English teacher, she announced that she had such a good-looking bulletin board that she knows her co-workers would be jealous of ad that she will not want to paste any of students' work over it for awhile. I like doing everything as creative as possible. I like creative art, creative writing, creative thought, creative clothing, creative music, creative things. I think the BU community can support my strong creative vibe. From what I read and heard, BU has a very creative community especially being around the Allston neighborhood. I have always dreamed to go to the "Allston Rock City" and a chance to meet all the artists and musicians there. As a BU student, I will channel my creative energy to enriching the community's culture and ways like thinking up new school events and having revolutionary ideas.

My favorite day of school is always the first day of school. At the closing of every summer, I look forward to the day when everyone would be like "Hello! My name is blank. What's yours?" I love meeting and getting to know new people. Even when I am in a rush, I would always try to stop and have a chat with someone, so my friends have often termed me as "the friendly person." I love conversation, and I try not to exclude people from any discussions. I believe my bubbly character would help contribute the BU community because it would help the community be more tightly connected. I always like to make sure everyone I am talking to knows each others' names, and I love introducing my friends to as many people I know.

So for a big girl like me with big dreams and big creative outlet for my future big family at BU, I am eager to meet everyone in the big BU community and make our big dreams come true!
TC3   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / Claremont McKenna "Leaders in the Making" Warren Buffet-Feedback [5]

first, thank you so much for reading my essay!

wellbeing --> well-being

multi-faceted

is there no hyphens here?

i think this is a pretty well-written nathan! sometimes i feel though that you jump fromexample toexample too hastily tho. maybe focuson one specific example on warren buffet? then again, i dont know the prompt.

also your essay seems like just a bunch of facts found on the internet about buffet.maybe be more analytical and compare him tourself?

sorry i didnt want to try to correct any grammar since i know mine is horrible!
TC3   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / USC Essay + NYU Short answers critique [12]

"Disease. Loneliness. Triumph. The world [my real name] lives "

i thinkthere is punctuation problems with that

otherwise, i loved your poem! it was beautiful and i liked your use of semicolons and rhythm (=
TC3   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / the FARTING ESSAY: my original common app essay [11]

yeah ithought this essay would be real risky but my other option would be an essay aboutmy culture, which i found real cliche.

do people get my point of the essay that i want to be a leader and helper of people to be more like their true selves? i was trying to get to that point...
TC3   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / the FARTING ESSAY: my original common app essay [11]

to theresa- so do you think i should try to minimize the offending and say that people should fart, rather than have to?

and am i talking anough about myself in this essay?

to starlight- im trying to say that i want to help people be themselves (and that i want to be a leader sort of)

thank you all!
TC3   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / Idealist and guard - Notre Dame Supplement the difference in the world [4]

first, thank you forreading my essay!

i thoughtyour essay was pretty well-written and the beginnning def is a quick way to tellmore about urself and your personality. i got confused in the end though. what other self-realizations did you experience besides knowing thatyou dont have to be perfect? i would also say that u doa little too much telling and need more showing

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