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Posts by vladic007
Joined: Sep 15, 2010
Last Post: Dec 28, 2010
Threads: 9
Posts: 22  

From: Moldova

Displayed posts: 31
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vladic007   
Dec 28, 2010
Undergraduate / "Engineering a Pokémon team" - Yale Supplement [9]

First, if you are applying to Yale engineering, which essay is this? The first or second (engineering only) essay??
Second, basicaly all the essay you are talking about Pokemons. Try to connect it more to yourself (you have some moments in which you are talking about the influence, as an example the last phar., but that's not enough)

Third, maybe it is worth talking more about a specific engineering major.
This is my opinion.
If you have time, can you take a look at my Penn essay.
vladic007   
Dec 28, 2010
Undergraduate / "Penn is a high end computer" - Penn Supplement Essay [4]

Good time of the day dear readers. I need your opinion on how to make my essay better and I kind of need it as soon as possible! Please point out any grammar mistakes!

Considering both the specific undergraduate school or program to which you are applying and the broader University of Pennsylvania community, what academic, research, and/or extracurricular paths do you see yourself exploring at Penn?

"Mother can I have a new computer?" this was the usual question that I have been asking my mother since I was young. At that age, a computer for me was just a source for fun. Growing up I came to realize that a computer could not be only used for amusement, it could be used for far distance communication, graphical design and, the most important, education. Choosing now a computer, I must take into consideration the fast progressing society, so as a result I would like to choose the most powerful and innovative computer ever built, I would like to choose the Penn Computer. Penn will grant me the opportunity of gaining the best education, while in the same time allowing me to communicate, admire high quality graphical pictures and get amused.

As any computer, Penn's entire system is built on its motherboard, in other words its campus. A small territory, 279 acres only, located in near the heart of Philadelphia, home for many national historic sites, a place where I will be able to enjoy different cultural offerings such as Franklin Institute or Philadelphia Museum of Art. A feature of the motherboard is that it has an integrated graphics card, which provides the beauty of Penn's campus. Its green lawns and gothic brick buildings covered with ivy combined with the Locust Walk and College Green build one of the most extraordinary pictures on Penn's monitor.

Another key component of the Penn computer would be its network adapter, a high speed connection device which provides interchangeability between a huge number of people through its extracurricular activities and volunteering opportunities. A place where I will have the opportunity to tutor youth, with the help of Penn's tutoring projects. In plus Penn is an ideal place where I can continue my favorite high school activity and to debate in Penn's Parliamentary Debate Team. A community where I believe I will find a superb source of the further development of my public speaking skills and knowledge in different social and political areas.

Penn, being a high end computer, must contain one of the best central processing units; this can be noticed in Penn's superb academic opportunities. As a world renowned elite educational community and a ground breaking research institution Penn will provide me with the chance to pursue my passion for Computer Engineering. During my research I found out the CE is a fresh major at Penn, as a result I will to do my best, study hard and help the professors in any way needed, for its further development. With Penn's research materials I will have the opportunity to design and build my own computer hardware and in the same time study and research in computer architecture and hardware security of computer networks. My attraction to Penn's engineering made me discover the fact that university offers 29 clubs and organizations for engineers, such as the University of Pennsylvania IEEE Student Branch, a place where I will be able to interact with electrical engineering and computer science and be a part of the world's largest professional association for the advancement in technology. Another engineering club that also attracted me towards Penn is Communitech, a group of students whose main goal is to help the society benefit from technology and ensure that they keep in touch with modern innovation.


Please give any feedback as soon as possible.
Thank you!
vladic007   
Dec 25, 2010
Undergraduate / "Why tufts?", "Child of two cultures", "What?Where?When?" - Tufts Supplement [2]

Good time of the day dear readers!
Here are my full Tufts supplement.
All of them are draft essays.
Which aspects of Tufts' curriculum or undergraduate experience prompt your application? In short: ''Why Tufts?'' (50-100 words)
Diversity, I think is what attracted me mostly towards Tufts. The more different people I will know, the more knowledge in different areas I will gain. In the same time Tufts will provide me with superb academic opportunities, especially in computer engineering. Tufts will be a place where I will have a possibility to research in both communication networks and computer architecture. I believe that 4 years at Tufts will not only expand my horizons, it will prepare me for the diverse world coming after it.

Here is a Quaker saying: ''Let your life speak.'' Describe the environment in which you were raised--your family, home, neighborhood or community--and how it influenced the person you are today. (200-250 words)

I was a child of two cultures since childhood. I was born in Ukraine, my mother's homeland, but our family had to move to Moldova, my father's homeland, because both of my parents' works were there. That period of time was quite hard for the entire Moldova. It was my country's first ever independency, the country did not only face economic difficulties, it started facing cultural problems. In this territory, which was a long time influenced by the USSR in all the cultural and social areas, still remained those people who believed in pure Romanian territory, those who believed in the reunification of Moldova with Romania.

From year to year these people were becoming more influential. For me such cultural views resulted in different types of difficulties. Not only I had to hide my Ukrainian cultural roots, I had to pretend that I support the cultural discrimination. I had to show that I am against the Russian and Ukrainian language, but in the same I spoke only on these languages at home. All these moments of my life made me understand that no one should ever discriminate other people; they have made value both of my cultures despite the conflicts between their people.


For some, it's politics or sports or reading. For others, it may be researching solar power fuel cells or arranging hip-hop mash-ups. What makes you tick? (200-250 words)

"What? Where? When?" is an intellectual game, which gathers all the smartest people in the country. For me this game is the source from which I can study everything I want. Starting from the history of ancient Egyptians and finishing with astronomical discoveries of Stephen Hawking. Having more knowledge always helps me to find a common topic with everyone. In some cases this results in an interchange of cultures or ideas and sometimes in intellectually developing debates. This is what usually happens before the game when everyone is gathered in the rooms, or during breaks. "What? Where? When?" raises the desire in me to gain more knowledge, this resulting in better studies at school. The game helps me practice my leadership qualities when I talk to the team, when I decide that the answer is either Napoleon or Julius Caesar. It makes me closer with my team mates when I try to keep them patient while waiting for the right answer. This game made me a member of a new family, a family of individuals that seek to test their knowledge in different fields and are passionate about the pursuit of knowledge itself.

Please be as critical as you can! Do the essays correctly answer the prompts??? If you have no time reviewing all them at the same time, you can review once at time. Any input will be highly appreciated.

By the way, if you need me reviewing your essays, post the link together with your response!
vladic007   
Dec 24, 2010
Undergraduate / "Teaching math to secondary school kids; volunteering" - extracurricular activities [4]

"To organize the teaching process and to choose a method,I had to find out where each student's discomfort with math began."

"This non-traditional method brought a better understanding of children's thinking" - rephrase this part

"Not all of them became excellent mathematicians, but, I believe lots could keep up with their more accomplished classmates, while I felt to have helped someone to understand and enjoy math." - This ending is quite ackward! Try something like this

"Not all of them became excellent mathematicians, but the majority could keep up with their more accomplished classmates. This activity made me feel to have helped someone to understand and enjoy math."
vladic007   
Dec 24, 2010
Undergraduate / "my father bought me a Rubik cube; Math Team" - U Michigan Essay [10]

Change to "Rubik's Cube"

Quite confusing sentence: "Personally, Math Team has turned me from a little boy's Rubik Cube into a National Silver Medalist." Rephrase it somehow.

Make it shorter. 230-250 words.

By the way my personal record of solving the cube is 1:50 (I'm a beginner)
vladic007   
Dec 23, 2010
Undergraduate / Academic opportunities; near the best cultural city - "Why Swarthmore?" [5]

Good time of the day dear readers.
This is my Swarthmore supplement essay:

Why Swarthmore?

This summer I had an opportunity to visit several universities in Europe. Some of them had such a big campus that I just got lost; others in general didn't have a campus. Some universities had thousands of students; other only several hundreds. I think that Swarthmore would be the golden mean of the European Universities. Having only one thousand and five hundred students, which in fact provides a really good student-faculty ratio, will give me a chance to not only...

After review:

"Best Campus in Europe!", "Best student community in the country!"; these were the usual phrases that I heard while visiting several universities in Europe. Some of them had such a big campus that I just felt lost on it; other universities in general didn't have a campus. Some had thousands of students; other only several hundreds. I think that Swarthmore would be the golden mean of the European Universities. Having only one thousand and five hundred students, which in fact provides a really good student-faculty ratio, will give me a chance to not only know a great number of students, it will provide me with the possibility of meeting new people each day. Even though I never visited Swarthmore, looking at its pictures I believe that the college has an ideal campus. Not big, but neither small, only 400 acres; a territory filled with different sort of student clubs and organizations, a place that I would like to call my home for 4 years. And of course for instance, Swarthmore is just 11 miles distance for Philadelphia, one of the best cultural cities in US. A city to which, if studying at Swarthmore, I will have an easy access.

Another reason why I want to attend Swarthmore is its superb academic opportunities. Being at heart a liberal arts college combined with engineering, the college will grant me a chance to not only major in Computer Engineering, but in same time I will have the possibility to receive a minor in Political Science or Peace and Conflict Studies or maybe both. The computer engineering at Swarthmore will not only give me the opportunity to study mobile robotics and physical electronics, it will help me to advance deeper in the principles of computer architecture and design.

The last reason why I think Swarthmore is the best choice for me is its student life. Browsing its webpage I see the diversity of the extracurricular activities at Swarthmore. I imagine myself being painted as a soccer team fan or participating in any sort of social action happening on the campus. I see myself reading a book on networking design in the Cornell Library of Science and Engineering or simply sitting in a class and talking with a professor. Another part of my student life at Swarthmore would be Amos J. Peaslee Debate Society, a club where I believe I will not only develop further my debating skills, but also make really good friends. I know this because I always remain friends with a lot of people at any sort of debating activity.

Becoming a student at Swarthmore I will do my best to continue the tradition of supporting others, of singing Simon & Garfunkel's "Sound of Silence" at the showing of the movie "The Graduate", of studying hard, of being a student, of being a Swattie.

Give me your opinion on the essay! Please be critical.
By the way, if you need me reviewing your essays, post the link together with your response!
vladic007   
Dec 23, 2010
Undergraduate / "my interests in Biomedical Engineering" - Pennsylvania Supplement: Paths at Upenn [7]

First, you write about a half of your essay talking about your interesent in biomed eng. (childhood and stuff). Then you write only this:
"I hope to further this vision and apply it through a multitude of undergraduate research opportunities at UPenn; being exposed to different research sectors within Biomedical engineering will help me find the topics I am interested in such as tissue engineering, prosthetics, or cancer/viral detection methods. But in the field of engineering, I do not want to stop there. Joining Engineers without Borders at UPenn would have me apply practical engineering skills and concepts to real life-situations and make a positive difference for developing communities in Guatemala or South Africa."

2 phrases (yes, 2 long phrases).
This is not enough! Try to be even more specific why biomed at Penn. Read some research articles. Try to imput more in the idea why biomed at Penn.

The second part is quite good. (comedy)

Try working more on the first part, and it will be ideal!

Good luck!
vladic007   
Dec 23, 2010
Undergraduate / "Life is to be lived" + "If I founded my college" - Lehigh supplement essays [NEW]

Good time of the day dear readers.
This is my Lehigh university supplement:

Why is Lehigh a good match for you? What contributions will you make to the academic experience and to campus life? (As a guideline, your response should be between 150-250 words.)

"Life is to be lived, friends are to be made and University is to be chosen". My university choice felt on Lehigh. Being ranked as one of the best research universities and having one of the best engineering programs, Lehigh is a perfect place where I can major in Computer Engineering, a place where I will have the opportunity to design and build my own hardware and research in the network area. Also what I admire in Lehigh is its cultural diversity. I have always been interested in meeting new people all over the world; at Lehigh my dream can come true with its international activities such as the International Bazaar, which will help me interact with diverse cultural backgrounds and bring diversity with Romanian and Ukrainian cultural backgrounds. At Lehigh I would like to continue my favorite high school activity and debate in the Lehigh Scholars Debate Club. I will try to contribute with any free time I will have to the debate club, but in the same time I will try to participate in different clubs and activities on the campus. I am not only convinced that Lehigh will give me the high quality education I am looking for, but also that I will become a part of Lehigh and Lehigh will become a part of me.

If you founded your own college or university, what topic of study would you make mandatory for all students to study and why? What would be the values and priorities of your institution and why?

If I founded my own college or university, I would introduce and make mandatory for all students the topic "Debate". A lot of students who are applying and who are enrolled in different universities are afraid to express their thoughts, to state that what they are saying is right and even to speak or argue with someone on any known topics. They are afraid to speak, because they are afraid to express their values, beliefs, or feelings. How will a student receive a work after university if he or she doesn't know how to prove to the CEO of the company that he or she is the best candidate for the place? Debates not only raise self-confidence, but also show that they have a voice. "What we say is what we are" and if we say it correctly and with confidence this makes us stronger and gives more certainty in our actions. Making "Debate" mandatory not only will change the way students think, it will grant them a lot of new knowledge in all the domains of the human society, because debating is everywhere: one can debate with one's friend about the Stephen Hawkins's astronomical theories, about Obama's political policy with one's father, and about how to organize the Christmas party with one's spouse. And when the CEO would accept the student that graduated my college and ask where he or she learned how to speak so clearly and convincingly, he or she would say that from the debating classes at my college.

Give me your opinion on the essays!
By the way, if you need me reviewing your essays, post the link together with your response!
vladic007   
Dec 16, 2010
Undergraduate / "Biology is beautiful; biology is deadly." - Johns Hopkins - Why Biology [9]

First of all, I think that it is quite short. Less than 250 words. This is UPenn, not some ordinary college, so try to expand more on your ideas and thoughts.

You focus more than half of your essay using a lot of medical terminology. I think for an admissions officer it would be quite boring.

You see the topic shortly asks you "why UPenn?". Try to study more about the program at Penn. How could it be ideal for you. And why should they accept you!

There is still a lot of work on the essay.
Good luck in your application.
vladic007   
Dec 16, 2010
Graduate / SOP for Electrical and Computer Emgineering specializing in communications [4]

Overall a good essay.

Why don't you try focusing more on "why specifically that university". Try to read some articles from their professor or read the department specific research projects.

your prestigious institution

I think you should change this. Do not say that it is prestigious or not, because it looks like you are trying to honey them.
vladic007   
Nov 5, 2010
Student Talk / International students - where are you applying? [11]

Hi simba!
I am applying mostly to US! (Yale, Lehigh, Macalester, Swarthmore, etc.) Although I have some options in Europe, but they are if I do not get accepted to US.

Where are you applying?
Have you passed toefl/sat? What are your scores?
vladic007   
Oct 27, 2010
Undergraduate / "The necessary knowledge and research" - Why Yale plus short answers. [5]

The thing is that Yale is my top priority university. I am applying to MIT the same. But Yale for me is like the best place where to study. My cousing graduated Yale, and all those years of college he lets say brainwashed me. :-)
vladic007   
Oct 26, 2010
Undergraduate / "The necessary knowledge and research" - Why Yale plus short answers. [5]

I would like to add one more essay. The last one from the supplement.

If you selected one of the engineering majors, please write a brief third essay telling us what has led you to an interest in this field of study, what experiences (if any) you have had in engineering, and what it is about Yale's engineering program that appeals to you.

I remember the day when my mother first bought a computer. She used the computer only for work; because of this I had little access to it. But when the time would come for me to sit at the computer, I would explore it in any way I could. I was so interested it the computer that I just kept asking everyone questions about it, just like Einstein when he was a little boy and his father showed him a pocket compass and he got interested why the needle was moving despite the apparent "empty space", but I couldn't receive the answers from any one. During the following years I tried to read as much as I can about computers. Every day I read new reviews of different motherboards, CPUs and hard disk drives. With years my interest overflew to other electrical devices. I passed the Cisco Networking Associate course in order to know the structure and the hardware of the local area network. I worked at a computer selling center, repairing and building new computers. I have tried to do different experiments with any type of hardware I could find. The only thing I haven't done is designed and built my own hardware. This is the reason why I want to apply for electrical engineering. I want to work with electronics, microelectronics and to research in nanotechnologies. Yale's electrical engineering program provides me a chance to study in each of these fields and fulfill my interest.

Hoping for critical thoughts and ideas.
Anticipated "Thank you!".
vladic007   
Oct 25, 2010
Undergraduate / "The necessary knowledge and research" - Why Yale plus short answers. [5]

Good time of the day dear readers.
What in particular about Yale has influenced your decision to apply? Please limit your response to the space provided.(500 Characters max.)

I choose Yale because it provides all the necessary knowledge and research opportunities in order to major in electrical engineering. In plus at Yale I can receive a minor in political sciences and, since politics and debates are tight together, debate in Yale's Debating Association. I see Yale as a multicultural mix, where I will have the possibility of meeting people from different corners of the world, who the same will have the appetite of finding out something new about other cultures.

1) What would you do with a free afternoon tomorrow?
I would go to the swimming pool in order to exercise and in the same time to relax while swimming through the clear blue water.

2) Recall a compliment you received that you especially value. What was it? From whom did it come?
"Vlad I always knew that you are from another planet, but now I am 100% sure that you are from another galaxy!" Came from my best friend, after one of my jokes.

3)If you could witness one moment in history, what would it be and why?
I would visit the moment when Caesar crossed the Rubicone in order to witness how a person makes the biggest decision in his life and which will inscribe him in the history.

4) What do you wish you were better at being or doing?
I wish I was better at dancing waltz and other classical dances.

5) If you were choosing students to form a Yale class, what question would you ask here that we have not?
What is the best way to relax after school, university of work?

Basically this is it.
Any suggestions, ideas, errors? Anything?
Please respond.

P.S. I would appreciate if after reading this you would read some other threads of mine.
If there will be a necessity to read your essay please, put the link in the same message with the review.
vladic007   
Oct 18, 2010
Undergraduate / "globalization should not open gap between rich and poor" - (an issue of importance) [6]

I really enjoyed reading your essay.
You must try to be less critical towards the "westerners". If you are planing to apply to a university with this essay, it could sound quite wrong.

The structure and the grammar are at a high level. Just some minor mistakes, but they aren't noticeable.
Overall it's a really good essay.

p.s. try to lower the tone of the essay.
vladic007   
Oct 18, 2010
Undergraduate / "Debate" as mandatory topic - Lehigh supplement essay [NEW]

Good time of the day dear readers.
This is my Lehigh university supplement on the following topic:

If you founded your own college or university, what topic of study would you make mandatory for all students to study and why? What would be the values and priorities of your institution and why?

If I founded my own college or university, I would introduce and make mandatory for all students the topic "Debate". A lot of students who are applying and who are enrolled in different universities are afraid to express their thoughts, to state that what they are saying is right and even to speak or argue with someone on any known topics. They are afraid to speak, because they don't know how to do it. How will a student apply to a good work after university if he or she doesn't know how to prove the CEO of the company that he or she is the best candidate for the work? Debating is one of the best ways solving this problem. Debates not only raise the self confidence in a person, they change the person in a better way. "What we say is what we are" and if we say it correctly and with confidence this makes us stronger and gives more certainty in our actions. Making "Debate" mandatory not only will change the way students think, it will grant them a lot of new knowledge in all the domains of the human society, because debating is everywhere: one can debate with one's friend about the Stephen Hawkins's astronomical theories, about Obama's political policy with one's father, about how to organize the Christmas party with one's spouse. Debating will not only help students achieve higher goals in their lives, it will help them in every activity that they had the desire to do. And when the CEO will accept the student that graduated my college and ask where he or she learned how to speak so clearly and convincingly, he or she would say that from the debating course in my college.

Word count is 290.
I had to answer in 150-250 words. So what should I cut off.
Give me all the critics you can.
By the way, if you need me reviewing your essays, post the link together with your response!
vladic007   
Oct 18, 2010
Undergraduate / "To the World" Why Stanford? Supplement [9]

I've grown up in a community and school located one hour away from a major city and fifteen minutes from the beach.

I want out though. Though my community...

Overall, the community leans more towards the left but not too much.

Rephrase these parts, because they just don't sound right.

And so, that's why I find the idea funny, that I want to go to a place whose physical traits almost perfectly mirrors my hometown.

What attracts me so much to Stanford are the opportunities that the school offers me in my pursuit of a worldly perspective.

where I will be offered local and international opportunities to experience firsthand not just the national and global problems that exist , but also the dispositions of those intertwined with those troubles.

an amalgam of cultures and lifestyles and undoubtedly a perfect place for me to explore

To explore what? Expand more on this thought.

Stanford's top nationally ranked departments will challenge with courses like "The Marriage Plot" and "Vector Space Optimization." I will gain new knowledge and also critically revaluate previous beliefs and assumptions. Foundations on campus like the Center for Entrepreneurial Studies and the Freeman Spogli Institute for International Studies will then provide me with the ultimate opportunities to utilize my newfound perspectives and learning.

Try not to mention everything you like in Stanford and explain this attraction in a sentence. Try to be more specific about something, and write about it in more details.

Though one could assume that Stanford would be just an exact continuation of my current life because of parallels in surroundings

You are assuming in this phrase that you are already ,lets say, in the university. Instead of this try to explain how will the university change you, in a better way of course.

Hope this helped. You should work on your use of english. Good luck in your applications.
vladic007   
Oct 18, 2010
Undergraduate / The values of knowledge and leadership - Yale supplement essay [7]

Another good time of the day dear readers!
Kevin, I have modified a the name of the essay and a bit it's content, in order to make it more personal. As Simbarashe said I tried to reveal more about my human side.

word count is 500/500

Should I make any more changes? Maybe any mistakes? Is the message of the topic fully revealed?
vladic007   
Oct 16, 2010
Undergraduate / "I am an anticarcinogen" - MIT undergrad [14]

Jason,
I personally loved the idea of laughter as a way to prevent cancer.
But as Steve said it could bring a false impression to one at the admissions office.

I suppose this is partly a side effect of my inability to handle serious situations;

Try to rephrase this idea. I sounds a bit wrong, because applying to an university is already a serious situation. You then add that you are talking about conversations, so try to combine somehow these two parts.

Generally spoken, I really enjoyed reading your essay. Hope you'll get in. Best wishes.
By the way, I'm applying to MIT too. :)
vladic007   
Oct 14, 2010
Undergraduate / The values of knowledge and leadership - Yale supplement essay [7]

Simbarashe, thank you for directing me the right way! This was just an idea to write, and I wrote the entire essay in 10 minutes. I'll think more about what to write and then I'll post the new restructured essay!
vladic007   
Oct 14, 2010
Undergraduate / The values of knowledge and leadership - Yale supplement essay [7]

Good time of the day dear readers!
This is a fast sketch of the essay. I need opinions and ideas on what to add or change. Is the entire idea good? Looking forward for a critical reading!

You have already told us about yourself in the Common Application, with its list of activities, Short Answer, and Personal Essay. In this required second essay, tell us something that you would like us to know about you that we might not get from the rest of your application - or something that you would like a chance to say more about.

What? Where? When?
"You have one minute to answer." is what each team hears after a question has been read. The questions are the core of the intellectual game "What? Where? When?". This game gathers all the smartest people in the country, where each can test his or her knowledge in different domains by answering different types of questions. As an example of a question we can take "Name two people who both received during their life the honorary citizenship of the United States and the Nobel Prize, but in different domains.". The answer to this question is "Winston Churchill and Mother Teresa". This question can be answered by a single person, but another core characteristic of the game is team work. A team must consist of minimum 3 members and maximum 6, one of who must be the captain. There are no real prizes for those who answer correctly and win the round while competing with another team. The only prize one gets is knowledge.

I decided to play this game a year ago. After registering myself as a team captain, I built up a team. Each team member has knowledge in different arts and science areas. I for example specialize in technologies, politics and mythology, another team member in sports and history and another one in literature and music. As the team captain I must choose each member carefully in order to accustom each one with the criteria of team work, creativity, retentiveness and consistency in his or her answers. Together we form a team with a wide spectrum of knowledge. The hardest part is, after the question has been announced and the ideas from each member given, for me to decide which idea best fits as an answer to the question. This requires a great belief in one's team members and in the same time confidence in choosing the right answers. The right answers are morally supportive, the wrong ones are intellectually challenging.

For me personally this game is the source from which I can study everything I want. Starting from the history of ancient Egyptians and finishing with astronomical discoveries of Stephen Hawking. Having more knowledge always helps me to find a common topic with everyone. In some cases this results in an interchange of cultures or ideas and sometimes in intellectually developing debates. This is what usually happens before the game when everyone is gathered in the rooms, or during breaks. "What? Where? When?" raises the desire in me to gain more knowledge, this resulting in better studies at school. The game helps me practice my leadership qualities when I talk to the team, when I decide that the answer is either Hitler or Julius Caesar. It makes me tighter with my team mates when I try to keep them patient while waiting for the right answer. This game made me a member of a new family, a family of individuals that seek to test their knowledge in different domains and seek for knowledge itself.

vladic007   
Oct 14, 2010
Undergraduate / "Interest in Brown because I love hills" short anwer. [4]

Katherine,

Brown is a school where, through the Open Curriculum, every hill is freely chosen. Like intersecting mountain bike tracks, Brown students pursue their own vistas while being inspired by the paths of their peers.

interesting comparation.

you have desribed here more about the influence that directed you towards Brown, try to describe a bit more why does Brown appeal to you as a college option?.
vladic007   
Oct 13, 2010
Undergraduate / The older generations cannot pursue the new technologies -Extracurricular activity [6]

Thank you Dinesh for reviewing my essay. I took in account your advice to work on better on the message of the essay and as a result I have changed approximately everything.

So here is my new restructured essay.

Will this essay combine good with it's topic "Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer)."? Because in a way I'm talking more about a way I decided to take in order to solve a problem, and this way is through one of mine extracurricular activities.
vladic007   
Oct 11, 2010
Undergraduate / The older generations cannot pursue the new technologies -Extracurricular activity [6]

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer).

The older generations cannot pursue the new technologies. The reason senior citizens often have difficulty learning about technology is that technology was not taught when they were going to school. This issue has always been circling in my head. Since technologies and especially computers have always been my passion, I decided to contribute something to the solution of the problem and so I volunteered at school to teach other students the basics of the computer structure. I'm now sharing with others my knowledge and experience. Looking at the desire of these students to receive knowledge in this area, I tend to provide them with more details of how for example to increase the performance of the CPU without any harm to the computer. This activity also instills in me a belief that these young generations will not experience the same problems with the upcoming technologies as the older generations do.

How is this essay? Do I need to make some changes?
Please take a verify the grammar! Notify me if there is a need to change something.
vladic007   
Oct 11, 2010
Scholarship / Engineering Academic Scholarship - international student's essay [5]

First what I noticed that your essay is basicly about getting money after university. Try to modify that. Make it sound not so self-centered.

Another idea is that try to write about a specific reason why you choose engineering, the chemical one in your case. One that will cover the blank points.

By the way, isn't this the 3rd essay for the Yale university?
vladic007   
Sep 15, 2010
Undergraduate / "A Blind Grade" - Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you. [4]

Good time of the day dear readers. I need your opinions on how to make my essay better. Please be honest!!

Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

A Blind Grade



Ali was the least desired debater in the team for me. I met Ali at the IDEA Youth Forum 2010, which was held in the Netherlands, a forum where everyone could debate, make friends, and have fun. During the forum we had two tournaments. The first one was the Karl Popper Debate Championship, in which national teams participated. The second was the Mixed Team Tournament, where team members were randomly chosen. Ali was assigned with me in a mixed team.

After the KPDC, when the winners were announced and the organizers were making lists of the teams for the MTT, everyone had just one desire - to get into a team with one of the top 10 speakers. I was one of those who thought that if I had a strong debater in my team, we could win the tournament. While I was discussing the upcoming tournament with other debaters, two boys passed by. One was walking really slowly, dressed in strange clothes, and the other one was holding his hand and talking to him. The friend to whom I was talking said that the first boy was blind. I was quite shocked to find out that there was a blind debater at the forum. At that moment, I thought how unlucky it would be to get in one team with such a debater at the MTT.

When the mixed teams and the labs where the teams were to prepare for the debate were announced, everyone went fast to see their teammates and trainers, and so did I. When I came into the classroom, I saw one of my teammates, Gerda, a girl from Lithuania. When it was time to begin our preparation, my third teammate was missing, and I thought that he or she must be a lazy and irresponsible person. At that moment, the door opened and those two boys whom I saw earlier, the blind boy and the volunteer who helped him, entered the classroom. They asked us to excuse them for being late and sat down at the table opposite to me and Gerda.

I had different thoughts running through my head. I was thinking how unlucky I was to have the least desired debater into a team with me. What could be worse? However, at the same time, I felt compassion for him. I thought how bad it was to be blind, only to hear and speak. Speak... The word raised a desire in me, a desire that I didn't thought of in the first place, a desire to hear that boy speaking. When we were presenting ourselves in the lab, our interests, and our plans, and it was the boy's turn to speak, he stood up and said loud: "My name is Ali and I am a debater." He said it with such confidence that everybody who was in the room, including me, became silent. He held a pause and then continued. He presented himself very well and at that moment I started changing my mind about him.

During my life, I have never seen such strength of will in a person that I saw in Ali during the lab meetings and debates. His actions made me understand that every person is capable of achieving his or her goal despite all the difficulties and obstacles that come with it. I understood that we should always respect the physically challenged because they face many more difficulties than we do and manage to overcome those and show the strength of their spirit. We should never judge a person by his or her external appearance, but by what is inside him or her.

In the end, we did not win the championship, but it did not matter anymore. What mattered was that I met Ali who helped me to broaden my horizons, to become more mature, to become a better person.